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The World Ends With You
The World Ends With You (moar liek The World Ends With JEW, amirite?) is a fun and exciting game from the creators of such masterpieces as Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy VII. So you already know it's gonna make you want to write angry LiveJournal entries. It gained a shitload of popularity fast, because the wapanese like the fact that it takes place in their Promised Land. The game itself is really fucked up, and many fans will actually admit it. After you beat it, you unlock Bizzarro World, kinda like the Reverse/Rebirth level of that game with the key. Only all you do is play some crappy Beyblade copy.
You pay forty dollars for this. Did we mention how original it is? Even its artwork and style is original!
Gameplay
- Scribble on touch screen
- Mash d-pad in all directions (or the A, B, X, and Y buttons if you're a left handed fag)
- ...
(There's no profit to be found in this game.)PINS!
Square Enix based video game off a sex tourist
In it's glory days 2ch conducted a raid on a Tokyo sex tourist's website in 2003. The raid as wide-spread as it was, brought every last Japanese netizens including game developers over at Square Enix, before the website crashed and Japanese BBS were filled with plans to capture the webmaster Joshua Sehrer. Years followed, through a series of so zetta wapanese sex journals, videos and sex photos a few heads got together at Square Enix and came up with a game to match.
.
- The skull player pin's design seen in the introduction of the game, on The World Ends With You OST cover, on the TWEWY Nintendo DS, is of the tattoo on Josh Sehrer's left wrist. The joke on Square Enix was that Josh's tattoo was from this scene in the movie Predator starring Arnold Schwarzenegger where the Predator repeats, "any time."
- "The game was officially announced on September 13, 2006 by Square Enix," Source. Joshua Sehrer's birthday is September 13th. Source
- A lot of the video game's missions match up almost exactly to Joshua's sleazy tales of buttsecks with Japanese girls. The Pac Man sign in Dogenzaka from his 2001, 104 from 2004, Hachiko experience from 2005, journal.
- Noise/Reapers were based off this photo as there was talk online of the original photo enlarged revealing a cloaked skeleton in front of the statue at Shibuya 109 Josh was humping the shit out of.
The Story, in all its horror
You awake in some street as an angst ridden fuck named Neku Sakuraba, a pro-ana who apparently just got pwnt. He runs into a slut named Shiki, with a skirt about the length of your penis (since this is Neku himself we're talking about, it's not very long at all). They form a pact, and this gives them the power to summon powerful forces. Later on, he realizes he got killed (due to amnesia), and becomes even moar emo than before. He realizes he has to play a game to get his life back. Because it would be totally normal if he came back from the dead after three weeks of being worm food. After Shiki gets to go back to earth (and back to being a fugly cunt, apparently, since she borrowed her friend's body to go to the game), he meets Joshua.
Then you realize what you got yourself into.
This guy can fire beams from the sky, and is worshiped in the fandom as Jesus because of this. Christ totally had laser beams in the Bible. Neku learns that this fag who's been watching his ass over the course of the second week killed him. Unfortunately, a Lion Mathematician kills the homo before he gets to strangle him. What a pity.
By the third week, if you still care, you team up with some wigger with a retarded Japanese name people use to make him cry. No one gives a shit about him, because the dumbass can't add zero and zero. It starts to get good when Neku meets all his bitches again, and they go to fight the Big Bad.
Unfortunately, Neku loses his shootout with Joshua, the guy behind all this. Yup, some faggot was watching you piss and eat cake for three weeks. How epic. Some big dragon battle happens, and everyone comes back to life.
Then you go to Bizzaro World. But if you're sane, you'll burn the cartridge before you even see the end credits.
Characters
Neku Sakuraba – This is possibly the most stoic vidya game character since Solid Snake, except without the guns and the testicles. He just hates people, and tries to block them out with headphones. But he shops at the Apple store, so God knows they project the volume of a dying mouse. You can make him wear women's clothing if you make Joshua shove enough hot dogs down his throat, but only yaoi fangirls and bored players do that. He has the figure of an hourglass, and runs a successful MySpace blog, where he shits his pants on a weekly basis about how his shorts aren't baggy enough, or how his cock is too tiny because of the Asian. He hates people and has no friends so it is likely that he did his fair share of trolling the internets pre-game.
Shiki Misaki – This anorexic bitch is basically Kairi with long hair and a cat that does all the fighting for it is master, further proving that Shiki is incapable of doing shit. She makes Neku take his pants off in public. No lie. Unfortunately, this does not lead to an early rape scene, making the game all the more boring. She's utterly useless, and is jealous of her friend because she has more talent at whatever they do.
Joshua – A simplistic little gay boy, who is also Jesus. He's constantly spouting innuendo, and all sixteen fans of this game either hate his fucking guts or want to take it up the ass from him. He uses his cell phone to attack. The best thing he ever did was shoot Neku in the face just because he felt like it. Also enjoys giggling like a little girl, and has a voice that sounds just like a woman's, making him all the more creepy.
Daisukenojo "Beat" Bito – A cracker who uses enough slang to make an army of Grammar Nazis pass out in utter shock. He is essentially retarded and is not afraid to admit this several times on a daily basis. He can not and will not ever read. He was killed when he was hit by a car protecting his sister, Rhyme, but I guess it works out since he ends up killing her a second time a day later. Good job, Daisukenojo.
Raimu "Rhyme" Bito – The fanbase says she's so clever, but she got killed twice anyway in a week.
Sho Minamimoto – In essence a Sephiroth clone, a furry who likes math more than anything. He uses the word "zetta" in front of FUCKING EVERYTHING, so we're sure he'll be a new Rozen Maiden character soon enough. Is supposed to have been killed at the end of Week 2, but somehow, like a cockroach, survives and comes back in a zombie form that nobody mentions, even though he no longer wears a shirt and is covered in goth tattoos. Is pwnt again, this time flattened by a soda machine, courtesy of Joshua. It is obvious enough though he is still alive. Expect The World Ends With You Again to appear on shelves in the near future.
Mr. H – Has some name that nobody remembers because they are too caught up in how much of a pedophile he is. Mr. Honeycomb is also known as the "ultimate enemy" even though his noise is a shit recolor of Minamimoto and some random bitch's noise. Also turns out he's an angel and Joshua's partner in crime. Mr. H works a cafe because he says he likes beans. In the end, he and Joshua go back in heaven to get chewed out by God for nearly fucking up a Japanese shopping district noone knew about until this game came out.
Shuto Dan and Itaru Yokoyamada – Also known as "Shooter" and "Yammer", respectively. Two shota butt buddies designed for the LittleCloud circuit of fans. They play Tin Pin Slammer all day long. In spite of being ten years old, Shooter is some how teh champz. His friend, however, is basically that guy on the Game Show network who is always losing by negative points, no matter how many times he screams "NO WHAMMIES!"
Mitsuki Konishi – Obligatory whore, outside of Shiki anyways. Title holder in the game for the largest titties. Go figure.
Uzuki Yashiro and Koki Kariya – Also recognized as "Pinky" and "Lollipop," respectively, they consist of a prostitute and Axel's second cousin. They mostly just sit on the sidelines and fill in plotholes with more plotholes. Despite their meager roles as the local fuckwits who no one takes seriously, they know shit. Unfortunately for you, they prefer to sit around and eat Weeaboo Crunch than help stuff make sense.
Another Day
Someone took a really bad fanfiction and turned it into a bonus day for after you beat the game. In case you've forgotten, The Game is supposed to last a week, but Neku had to do it three times already, so LET'S MAKE HIM DO IT SOME MORE AS A BONUS! The deadies will LOVE that!
In short, concerning the important characters:
- Joshua is openly gay and spends the entire day trying to rape Neku and raving about how much he loves rainbows. I’m dead serious.
- Shiki reveals herself as a yaoi fetishist and as a fangirl over the Prince, a man known as the Faggoty Fop of Shibuya. Her and a rival gang of stalker-Princefappers get into snitty catfights over who is Prince fanclub reigns supreme. It turns out Lollipop’s tiny-shorts wearing partner runs the bad-guy stalker brigade known as the ”Black Diablos” or something goffik like that..
- Daysuekenodesubakane Beano (Beat) is an unfunny stand up comic with his sister but blows it off to play Tin Pin and eat curry. He has a curry fetish now possibly because he has finally realized how, despite living in Japan, he looks like the common western wigger and is therefore fails at life in more ways than he ever could have imagined.
- Minamimoto is known as Doctor Pin. When he isn't flirting with Joshua, he's selling the little prepubescent posse dubbed the Crayon Warriors bogus Pokémon cards for the lulz.
- Neku decides to try to be less emo by following his new passion, Tin Pin Slammer, wait, no. “Another Day” is as fucked up as the rest of this game, so you can either follow the people above around and have lulzy fantastical misadventures in happy fappy fanfic land or go for Plan B: Stalk the coffee pedo and muse about some kid you iced. Oh, did we forget to mention? The emo is a murderer irl now. Sorry. Or is it irl? Aw, screw it, nobody cares anymore amirite?
- Mr. Honey-bunches-of-oats is all holed up on top of a building. You have to fight through
thirteenway too many floors to get to him, each with a different multicolored piggy and a red-hooded wall reaper who offers you a different kind of food, vitamin, or sometimes some scary-ass drink made of, according to the description, a viper that was drowned in flaming alcohol. Anyway, after you beat all this he’s at the top of the building, where he babbles like a retard and decides to fling himself at you like a spider monkey, exposing the fact that one of the halves of his Noise form is a recolor of a girl’s noise.
So, basically, it’s the same as the rest of the game, no?
The Fanbase
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The fanbase of this game is, mostly in entirety, mentally challenged. They start to act as if they are, in fact, a part of this bustling city of dumbshits, and start to take on the character's habits. There is even a religion in the works for that has been created in honor of the Furry Math-lover (see below). Already, they are debating the usual things they whipped out when they liked Pokémon, which was last Thursday. The animutards are already dressing up like them. But fear not, for once Square Enix releases their new SUPER ULTRA HYPER FUN ANIMU game about angsty teens dealing with the man, they'll drop this fucker like a rock and start chatting about how awesome it is, and how it totally outdoes this game. Don't be fooled, because the same thing happened to Kingdom Hearts when this game in particular was released.
Unfortunately, this game was released in the US and Europe mere months ago at least 100 days ago, and is barely even at its peak of popularity yet. So for a while, the world will be filled with little girls and boys squealing in pure glee about how cool Neku is.
It is highly recommended that, should you see one of these people in the street, you punch them in the face. If they develop some common sense, you have done your job.
Minamimotoism
One day, on some gay Phoenix Wright forum, a bunch of fangirls (and a few fanboys) got together in the video game section of the forum to discuss this epitomizing of the amazing and illustrious culture of modern-day Japan. They soon all discovered they had a major fetish for the furry Math Teacher.
And so it became: Minamimotoism.
As if there weren't enough retarded religions out there, they had to add wood to the fire. They made up a set of commandments, and several images promoting the belief. Jew could do it, and so could they, right?. Now, if you go on the forum, you will no longer see waves of signatures advertising their passion for their OTPs and their shitty fanfiction about Phoenix and Iris, you will see over 9000 signatures of them sucking Minamimoto's furry, pixelated dick.
Some argue that this disease will spread to other places.
Raptor Jesus help us all should this occur.
We've been routed out gaise
UPDATE: They found out about this article, and are all extremely butthurt over it. They are bashing the *chans, because they totally did this, and it's all some big interweb conspiracy to ruin their precious video game. Awww, someone give them a hug, we're insulting their personal Jesus who doesn't even exist. They are now commencing with clever little retorts about how OMG THIS ARTICLE WUSNT FUNNEH I CUD HAVE DONE SO MUCH BETTER THEY'RE JUST BASHIN THE GAME CUZ THEY'RE JELUZ AND HAV NEVAR PLAYED IT. NONE OF IT MAKES SENSE CUZ THIS ARTICLE IS TOTALLY SUPPOSED TO BE SERIOUS AND INFORMATIVE, DAHURRHURRHURR.
Really now.
X is garbage! CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap!
Despite the arguments of fanfags that claim that the game is highly based upon The Internets, this is only exemplified by Jupiter's Square Enix's resort to utter newfaggotry and cancerism by trying to create a meme. Verily, observe one Sho Minamimoto and one of his seeming catchphrases. In its basic structure, one is to take an item or some subject and identify it very plainly as shit. Afterwards, the newfag must proceed to crush the object/subject in his or her palm (quite problematic if it is indeed faeces). In conclusion, the newfag will thus complete their utterance by discarding this thing, regarding its worthlessness so.
Viable Stupid examples of this meme in action:
- Lurking is garbage! CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap!
- Mudkips are garbage! CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap!
Anonymous is garbage! CRUNCH! I'll add them to the heap!HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
The meme also has the potential to be virtually used as a substitute for a NO U.
- Your face/mom/argument is garbage! CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap!
Links
- The game's official webpage I don't get what it means either
- The webpage if you're a Eurofag
- The Rip-off DeviantArd contest that made a bunch of people from Quebec shit bricks
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The World Ends With You is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |