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Sephiroth

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This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT Kefka is the best videogame villain of all time, of all time!!!!!1
HAWT!.

Sephiroth (also Sphiroth, 53ph1r07h, and God) is the main villain of Final Fantasy VII. Both the game and its main villain are worshiped by sixteen-year-old girls, thirteen-year-old boys, and Final Fantasy fans alike. As with many obsessively-worshiped objects, Sephiroth is somewhat prone to faggotry. His weapon of choice is that of a seven-foot-long bastardkatana. Either he is suffering from HUGE FUCKING SWORD SYNDROME (a common side effect of having an Itty Bitty Boat), or he is compensating for something he don't got. The only people who don't seem to support him are those damn clown-loving Kefka freaks, thus enabling the never-ending Kefka vs Sephiroth cockfight.

History

Aeris' death.
She was asking for it.
Proof Sephiroth did WTC and therefore; is a Jew.
Aeris' death, complete with a horribly 3D lazar.
Typical Sephiroth fanart. Isn't it amazing?

Sephiroth is a major villain in the video game Final Fantasy VII. Bad writing on behalf of the game designers muddled any backstory this character may have had, while bad design provided him with a weapon three times as tall as himself. Also, for some reason, he is 70% legs.

Fanboys ate this shit up then spewed it back onto the unsuspecting Internets.

Irreparable Damage

Sephiroth (and any equivalent pussy) has done the following:

  • Thoroughly licked his freak-of-nature mother's cunt at every given moment. Please note that Sephiroth's mother has, naturally, eyes for nipples. Use this information as you so choose.
  • In a fit of angst, sets fire to an insignificant country town because, like his mother, he discovers that he too is a freak of nature. Cloud, the equally angsty yet blonde main character of Final Fantasy VII, gets pissy over this but still wants his fudge packed by Sephiroth, as do at least 67% of the other characters. (Note: Every Sephiroth fangirl in existence masturbates to this scene.)
  • Murdered Shinra's evil CEO, a man who destroyed an entire neighborhood just to kill six people (and only managed to get rid of three of them). Considering even the man's own son didn't give a shit when he died, he probably did the world a favor.
  • Killed a certain Mary Sue but only because she got more sex than he did. Honestly, a church-going flower girl? That's definitely a cover up for prostitution, and/or major weapons dealing. Interestingly this was the only moment that could possibly contain lulz in the history of Final Fantasy because it made basement-dwellers cry.
  • Blew up half the solar system just to attack a small group of azns, two furrys, and a nigger only to fail epically.
  • Fails at summoning something called "Meteor" which was supposed to make him into Jesus, endowing him with the ability of insta-pwn. There's probably some lengthy explanation for this mess but it's insignificant compared to the power of the tender crisp bacon cheddar ranch.

Sephiroth was arrested in June but was released on 15,000,000 gil bail at least 100 years ago. He is currently residing in Utah and is wanted for 6 counts of possession of child pornography and the murder of an ancient, although witness reports state that she was in fact asking for it. It is also theorized that Sephiroth was responsible for WTC.

These actions weren't put into any special order since greater acts of villainy could easily be committed by your mom. It's also not that difficult to destroy a town with, like, nine people living there and then spend most of your later time brooding in a hole about your mom.

Fanhorror

The true "One Winged Angel":

The hidden message within as provided by SonicRidder01:

LETS TALK JAPANESE, PETER PAN, NICOTINE-

LETS TALK JAPANESE, PETER PAN, NICOTINE- SET IT OFF!!! SET IT OFF!!! LETS TALK JAPANESE, PETER PAN, NICOTINE- LETS TALK JAPANESE, PETER PAN, NICOTINE- SET IT OFF!!! SET IT OFF!!! Oo-In your face! Ass in your face!! So sick of this!!! Ass in your face!! LETS TALK JAPANESE, PETER PAN, NICOTINE- LETS TALK JAPANESE, PETER PAN, NICOTINE- SET IT OFF!!! SET IT OFF!!!

PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES PANTY PANTY PANTYHOES SET IT OFF!!!

SET IT OFF!!!


Sephiroth, like the typical pseudo-intellectual 16-year-old boy he is, takes-out his teen angst on Cloud in a barrage of wrong astrophysics equations. This is also his ultimate attack which, despite taking two straight minutes to complete and blowing up most of the solar system, can't actually kill you.
A man's true sexuality is revealed

Sephiroth has played a role in every type of fanfiction, fanart, Japanese fancomic, pr0n, and top secret document. You'll see him in Mary Sue oriented stories, in the midst of all-male orgies, on the receiving end of bukkake, pregnant, and with shitting dick nipples.

The Terrible Taste of Fangirls

Listen carefully and you can hear the fangirls fapping to this!

Sephiroth, like any other lame villain, is easily differentiated from better villains simply by the gawthik way he dresses. Callow, brainless fangirls love him for his looks and his uncanny similarity to themselves.

The most notable of his attire includes his Mary Sue-like prematurely grayed hair and highlighter green eyes, his taste in homoerotic leather that includes one of the angst-filled trenchcoats worn at Columbine, and combat boots purchased at Hot Topic for $250 plus tax.

The Cult of Sephiroth

A fangirl in the Cult of Sephiroth

Each and every one of Sephiroth's fangirls have dreams of marrying him someday. Until then, they offer sacrifices to their well guarded Sephiroth altars, all of which are covered in Sephiroth fanart and fanfiction. Depending on the type of fangirl they are, they either cosplay as Sephiroth themselves or take a buddy to cosplay as Sephiroth while they cosplay as Aeris or another bothersome Mary Sue. If the latter occurs, the fangirl will doubtlessly drool into "Sephiroth"'s mouth and never brush their teeth again.

Mention you hate Sephiroth to one of these obsessive fangirls and a flame war will begin. If you can wade through the eye-rotting fifty page essays of why these fangirls think Sephiroth is so great, then you'll find hours of lulz inside. Tell your friends!

Some of the most lulzworthy fangirls include Summoner Yuna and Sephirothslave.

The Sephiroth Invasion

After Final Fantasy VII's release in the United States, roleplayers in chat rooms all across the internet adopted the Sephiroth identity as their own. Sephiroth was a particularly popular role to take on in any Dungeons and Dragons chat room with avatars enabled. Fat, ugly and anthropophobic people could disguise their shortcomings behind this image of a dark and mysterious figure. Single girls with no knowledge of the video game were often enamored by the ruse while other male roleplayers would fight over who was the real Sephiroth. See: Velcro's Law.

Soon Sephiroth spread outward from his basement-dwelling roots. Irc chats, social lounges, message boards, and even cybersex sites were filled past capacity by socially and mentally disabled teenagers. Within days the Sephiroths numbered so many that imaginative surnames and decorations had to be added to each Sephiroth's screen name.

Sephiroth was ultimately and unceremoniously ousted by the character Neo from The Matrix. However, the recent release of a Direct-to-Video Final Fantasy movie has breathed new life to this phenomena.

Lasting Effects

To this day, variants of the name Sephiroth remain an effective means of trolling without saying a single word. Adding AOL-friendly decorations, leetspeak substitutions, or any cool sounding word to the name can instantly raise alarm in any online community. Examples include xxoSEPHIROTHoxx, S3phir0th, and Sephiroth_Prime respectively.

Baby falls victim to a weeaboo Sephiroth fangirl/teenage mother

2008, Shawna Murphy(A weeaboo, druggie,Fangirl.) Also part of some weeaboo cult called a cosplay gathering) gave birth to a son at the age of 19. She named the child Sephiroth, on his birth certificate as the childs legal binding name, dooming this child to be ridiculed in life. To call the woman a crazy bitch wouldnt even be the half of it. Not to mention she doesn't even know who the real father is.

Sephiroth, a child born from the disease known as weeaboo, could be the first of many of these kinds of children born within the next generation. Hopefully this one won't treat his mother like the fictional one does his own.

http://www.facebook.com/SephysMom Dead Link

http://www.facebook.com/LezKitten there ya go!

For further Lulz, troll

DO IT FAGGOT

Potentially Better Villains

Sephiroth is part of a series on

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Featured article February 1, 2017
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Final Fantasy VII 		Sephiroth Succeeded by
Alexandre Bissonnette
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