John Campbell

The man himself preparing to suck a dick

John Campbell is an artistic failure who spent a few years drawing shitty webcomics before going insane, stealing a bunch of money and telling his fans to go fuck themselves.

Comics

"Pictures for Sad Children": Suicidal depression explained with stick figures

After years of making shit webcomics no one had has even heard about like "Stevie might be a bear", "x-ninja", "Vegas Dump" and "The Man Who Used to Know", Campbell finally hit the jackpot with PFSC. Which was popular among those who are both retarded and suicidal and couldn't see their favorite comic is a stick-figure turd in black and white that the creator couldn't even bother to update regularly.

"Michael Keaton": Copyright infringement with stick figures

After getting tired of pfsc, Campbell moved to something that was somehow even worse: A webcomic biography about Michal Keaton. Here it became obvious that the stick figures in the previous comic were not some brilliant artistic choice and despite being an artsy faggot this is literally all he could draw.

He seasoned this comic with random licensed footage of Keaton he stole off the web.

"Dimethyltryptamine": Admitting to committing a felony with stick figures

Combining his anti-depressants with hallucinogens turned out to be fertile ground for more awful comics. This one describes his experiences wile high on DTM with more stick figures, drawings that make no sense and, this time, color! Only the colors are so bright you can't really tell what you're looking at and the comic soon loses track of itself and becomes about Campbell's depression and how he hates religion.

Drama

Beefing with Kate Beaton

John had a habit of lashing out at other webcomic artists even though he himself can't draw a straight line. At one point he decided to make a comic mocking Kate Beaton's "Hark! A vagrant!" and bragging on his live journal that he laughed at her in her face.

After a short back and fourth of stupid comics it became apparent that Campbell doesn't know any more about history than he does about anything else when he claimed that Napoleon killed millions. Beaton responded by pointing out that he obviously didn't, thereby making it more clear that she actually studies history while Campbell was too stupid to even read a Wikipedia article.

Pretending to be pretending to be depressed

In a massive, and awfully retarded drama, Campbell wrote an "ironic" post about pretending to be depressed and adding a post on his tumblr with a list of other webcomic artists who he claimed are also only pretending without asking their permission. However, no one got the joke. The entire fanbase went apeshit and he had to write a second post explaining it was only a joke. But, since all his posts are tl;dr, people still didn't understand what the fuck he was talking about and he had to make A THIRD post because all his fans are retarded. On a funny side note, in one of these he reveals that his roommate regularly beats him up.

Pretending to be sponsored by "Long John Silver's"

Proving again how stupid his fans are, he made a joke about his comic being sponsored by "Long John Silver's". Again, no one got the joke.

Campbell calls someone a nigger and quits webcomic forever

After posting a bunch of crap about the drug war and money being a tool of the man to keep him down, he found a post by Joel Watson who makes "Hijinks Ensue" responding to some dad who asked him for advice about his daughter making webcomics. Campbell chimed in with his unconsidered opinion, telling the guy that his daughter will never be successful because webcomics are controlled by the white, male power structure.

Joel later explained that no one asked for Campbell's fucking opinion which doesn't make any fucking sense anyway because anyone, regardless of race or gender can upload whatever the fuck he wants online.

Campbell went apeshit.

He made a post announcing that he is quitting webcomics forever because of this and calling Joel a black women, explaining that since he is now a nigger in his opinion he must finally come to realize how webcomics are controlled by some secret corporation of white people bringing the black man down with privileges.

John has mental breakdown and steals donation money in the name of social justice

Comic burning

Soon after this came his final mental breakdown.

After years of depression, on and off anti-depression medication and taking drugs that don't mix well with either one of those, Campbell began to become unhinged.

After using Kickstarter to collect $51,000 for his proposed book, and despite getting more than six times the money he was asking for, and after two years of not finishing its production and not sending backers what they paid for he announce that he just... Won't.

While explaining that it cost $30,000 to produce the books, with an additional $5,000 in taxes, that would only leave him with a mere $16,000 to actually ship the books to his fans. The only reasonable thing to do was obviously to include a dead wasp in every book for some reason to spend the money he was supposed to handle responsibly for stupid hipster bullshit.

After this, Campbell said he has already spent all of the money he got, and now no longer believes in money. He has already sent 75% of the backers their due and the rest can go fuck themselves. He posted a video of himself burning one of the books and said that he had burnt 127 books, one for each email he got about not delivering what he was paid for, and will continue to burn one book for every additional request he receives.

“   I shipped about 75% of kickstarter rewards to backers. I will not be shipping any more. I will not be issuing any refunds. For every message I receive about this book through e-mail, social media or any other means, I will burn another book.   „

As if someone should be intimidated by him burning his own property which he already promised not to send to anyone anymore. To anyone who DOES want a refund he explained how exactly they should go fuck themselves.

“   If you would like a refund, please contact a fan of my work directly for your money. This is where the money would come from anyway. I am cutting out the middle man.   „

To anyone who doesn't want to read his tl;dr bullshit or plans on making an article about this like I am right now, he said:

“   If you have been skimming this to get the “gist” of it, it is not going to work in my opinion. If you are reading this to summarize it for someone else, please fuck yourself instead if possible.   „     —fuck you right back, buddy.

He also explained that he is currently looking for people who will be willing to financially support him in exchange for nothing.

“   All right: I want direct funding for my living necessities. I want to establish relationships with a group of people who can pay for my baseline needs like food and rent. I am looking for people who do not feel they need to see any “return” on their “investment.” I am looking for people who understand that money is a bad joke we use to hurt each other. I’m looking for people who like me were born with a lot of privileges but who have had the awareness and emotional stability to keep their bucket under the faucet when the money comes out. I am not looking for the support of anyone who wants a book, or wants to see me put stick figure comics on the internet. I do not need the support of anyone who thinks that I will deserve to eat and sleep only after I have fulfilled some standard they’ve chosen to hold me to. I am looking for people who believe that if you spend your life in a small room thinking, you deserve to live and breathe the same amount as someone who spends their life doing intense physical or mental labor, or who has money that “makes money."   „

And then went on to explain that he doesn't plan on paying his landlord rent anymore.

“   I have stopped paying rent. I have stopped paying most things. I am keeping my phone plan for now which is $50/month. I cook all my meals at home and spend very little money. The space I live in is falling apart, did not cost much to rent anyway, and is run by a landlord who chose not to help in any way when a roommate who refused to move out threatened me repeatedly with violence. In part because that roommate followed through with his threats, and because I have spent sleepless nights managing the leaking roof he refuses to repair, I don’t mind taking this time to show my landlord that money is not a discrete, discernible object but an expression of the values present in human relationships. I am interested to see how my life progresses in the next few months.   „

After telling everyone again how he is a pussy who gets smacked around by his roommate, he continued with an explanation as to why he believes this idea will work out.

“   He might make a noise with his mouth that sounds like “debt." He might be forced to change his life a little, make some sacrifices, he might have to do the thing that he asks me to do when he asks me to pay the rent. It helps that the building is not a legal place of residence and I have never signed a lease, so he will have a hard time getting the law involved.   „

This is obviously stupid so he will soon be homeless as well as jobless and pennyless.

After deleting all his comics and blogs from the internet (but not his online store) he left this final message to people who intend to contact him for the sake of trolling him of getting their money back:

“   I stopped reading my kickstarter messages in January. I may not log into kickstarter again, I don’t know if I’ll read the comments on this post. If I get a lot of emails I will delete my email address. I’m not sure where I’ll post next or when or what I’ll say or what will have happened, but I look forward to it.   „

This was all preceded by months of him posting blank pictures on his tumblr and followed up by him deleting fucking everything, including demanding several websites that mentioned or interviewed him remove the content.

As a further "fuck you" to every one of his fans who still had the tiniest amount of respect for him after being screwed over, he declared in a backers-only update on his Kickstarter that he now identifies as a woman. Instead of finally realizing they are dealing with a batshit insane failed artist who could snap at any moment his fans responded by changing all the pronouns in the Wikipedia article of his webcomic, reinforcing his delusion.

Since he is a known depressive we all await his impending suicide.

Gallery

• 
  As the comic is only funny out of context, single panels make very good reaction images.

See Also

• hipster
• depression
• privilege

Links

•  His Twitter
• Kickstarter
• His tumblr
• Wiki article about his comic - Had to be locked.
• His current email
• His old email
• Download everything he deleted here.
• Archived Livejournal
• His store - Unsurprisingly, the hypocrite didn't delete this account.

[Boring. Move on.Read me!] John Campbell is part of a series on Webcomics

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