Angry Video Game Nerd

Because calling a 26-year-old video game that no one gives a shit about anymore a piece of "monkey-fuck" supplies insta-lulz.

The Angry Video Game Nerd (aka James Rolfe) is a basement dwelling, ADD-ridden, nerdraged, coprophiliac, furry who creates long-winded, monotone Gametrailers.com videos where he "reviews" bad video games and, extending to his YouTube account, films. Instead of actually reviewing the games like a professional slapstick author (video game reviewing is serious business), he just yells infantile cusswords (about at a 12-year-old's level) at his television screen. You, the viewer, find this hilarious. Most of them roughly consist of off-key utterances from some shit-eating whacked out autistic chug, e.g. "What the fuck!" "What the fuckin' fuck!!" "What a piece of fuck!".

At the end of a review, he repeatedly talks about topics surrounding shit, such as how he longs for the game to be over so he could milk a bull's asshole (or his own) inside out, take a shit on a game, or simply talk about shit itself. Because really, nothing is funnier than doing the same joke over and over again.

He also takes a swig of a beer bottle every three seconds in his videos to prove to people that he's a man, when really he's only trying to wash out the taste of cum from his mouth.

What kind of a complete anti-social, perma-virgin would actually wear this shit?

Angry Nintendo Nerd has officially changed his named to Angry Video Game Nerd (AVaGiNa) so he wouldn't get sued by Nintendo for making shitty shirts with his catchphrases on them, thereby associating "Nintendo" with this schizoid, liberal bullfuck phenomenon. In reality, AVGN never mentions politics, so it's best to conclude that a butthurt conservative would label him liberal. In all possibility, this inflammation of said conservative's asshole probably originate in the Mecha-Christ 2000 character from AVGN. Don't mess with the precious Jeebus man. It should be noted that regardless of this legal genius, he still has an IQ dwarfed by that of the average 4chan user's left testicle.

However, despite the explosion of "Angry Internet Reviewers" that shat out all over YouTube after his generating fame in 2006, James has maintained a meek, friendly, and down-to-earth visage when interacting with his fans through vlogs or conventions (unlike other reviewers and conglomerates whose egos have inflated to a size comparable to Girlvinyl's total body mass), to this day. However, it is speculated that under this guise of a shy and soft-spoken Internet celebrity, James, deep down, is most likely a homicidal maniac who'll slash a bitch's throat the first moment his temper is tested.

Reviews

AVGN Angry Video Game Nerd Ash Ketchum Gothzilla James Rolfe Nintendo Pokemon tram pararam.jpg

AVGN is watching you masturbate.

A typical episode.

The Angry Nintendo Nerd's Buttfucker.

Confirmed victim of Wacko Jacko.

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Although it is true that most of the games he reviews are complete and utter horseshit, his reasons for hating them mainly boil down to him sucking capital ass at video games. It appears the Angry Nintendo Nerd (read: Fugly Famicom Faggot) has reviewed every old game that you've never heard of, and that his shit-related phrase count is well over 9,000 (to the delight of no one).

	“	I WOULDNT TALK WITH YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST FAGGOT IN THE WORLD.	„
	—Official AVGN website - Admitting he only talks to faggots

	“	I wanna nail Roger Rabbit to the fucking cross!	„
	—James Rolfe

	“	You don't know shit about how fucking shitty this fucking shit is!	„
	—James showing off his impressive vocabulary

	“	I'd rather fuckin' 69 a grizzly bear while shoving King Kong up my ass! I'd rather fuckin' stand in the middle of a ring of monkeys as they pelt me to death with their own anal waste!	„
	—We get it, you'd rather fuck shit-covered animals while another animal with stomach problems empties its bowels into your ear than play games.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

It seems to be funny to 99% of the world when someone adds 'fuck' at the end of a word and pretends to suck at video games similar to how the Tourette's Guy pretends to suck at life which is kind of ironic since both him and the ANN talk about having sex with animals.

For example: "cockadooky bullfuck". Now that was some major lulz, amirite? How about "shitload of fuck"? Not just a load of fuck, but a shitload of it! How does he come up with this stuff?

Accurate examples of his reviews

AVGN - Resistance: Fall of Man

AVGN - Gears of War

AVGN - The Orange Box

AVGN - Zelda: Twilight Princess

I'd rather suck my own dick than watch this shitass video!

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Other shit on the channel

A new and original series that James and Mike came up with called James and Mike Mondays has them playing various games together, although not in the same crude humor that they both usually have. Yep totally original, nothing like this came before it. This is actually less painful to watch than any newer AVGN episode, but since Mike is part of it, it's still never fun to watch.

Downtime

Proof that the Internet is highly educated for making this genius popular.

BRB, not being funny.

Somewhere beginning of April 2007, because the furfag retards TheGameBoys account got all their followers to mark all his videos as inappropriate, YouTube started removing the ANN's videos obviously because he sucks a snails ass at being lulzworthy and rather ends up lookin' like an extremely annoying ADD-ridden 12-year-old who can't figure out how to work a fucking joystick. You know, the ones that come with instructions.

Suspension mk. I

Last week YouTube suspended the AVGN account. No reason was given, but lots of lulz and BAWWing were seen among the AVGN fanboys. This later turned out to be the result of GameTrailers' own incompetence. Apparently, GameTrailers was too stupid to figure out that the one posting the Angry Video Game Nerd videos was, in fact the AVGN himself and made copyright complaints.

Suspension mk. II

On January 8th, 2013, both the JamesNintendoNerd & Cinemassacre channels were terminated for ToS reasons. However, this moment was short-lived, as JamesNintendoNerd's channel was re-instated in half a day. The Cinemassacre channel still remains terminated though took longer but has also finally returned.

Butthurt fanboys then tried to find something to blame, so they decided to blame Sega for what happened. This was due to when Sega made DMCA takedowns on various YouTubers that had Shining Force in their videos (regardless of content). Despite the fact that both channels were taken down for ToS violations and not for copyright infringement, the AVGN fans continue to attack Sega. Plus, WHEN THE FUCK DID JAMES AND MIKE EVER TALK ABOUT SHINING FORCE?

War

When it was announced that the old arthritic bitch (Sylvester Stallone) was making a pile of shit epilogue to the Rambo series, the AVGN joked that the title would possibly be John Rambo. Well, the joke was up his ass when the title was, in fact, John Rambo. Fan faggotry burst like a hymen under a needle and people started lulzing under the irony (even though at the end of the video, he said that he was just fucking around, making the lulz vanish instantly).

Eventually, the AVGN got tired of people who mindlessly loved him (yeah, right), and in his Texas Chainsaw Massacre review, he raeped the community by having his furry Guitar Hero mimic the people. This naturally felt like being penetrated through the ear by Batman, so a portion of the community left his bitch-shackling nature and have taken up the cause of ED. When fans pointed this out on YouTube, Mike Matei blocked them and deleted their comments out of butthurt. And thanks to ED pointing this out, the very same review now requires approval for comments.

Mike Matei

Moar info: Mike Matei.

---

AVGN Nazis

Prisonbreak72020 tries to take on ED.

In the warzone that is the YouTube, Video Game Reviewers and their rivals have spawned many 12-year-old jihadists who would otherwise be vandalizing ED, 4chan or other mean people who make fun of their idols.

• Prisonbreak72020: Vandal and anticipated an hero. Feel free to leave him a message on his latest ED account user:TheWTFHero, or his new YouTube account MAXPAYNEPRODUCTIONS account closed. Ironically is also a Irate Gamer Nazi. Probably not an epic double agent. Thinks he's black, even though the picture of his mug is shown at the top of his own article.

• greatexpectations320: Once a minor fanboy who evolved into the unholy avatar of the lulzkiller and meme smasher.

• Chickenhed61: An AVGN house nigger and pedophilic furfag who enjoys masturbating to videos of kittens and 13-year-old boys.

Of course dedicating yourself to defend 12-year-old YouTube users with unfunny game reviews from these people makes you one with the AIDS.

AVGN fanboys are well-known for their stunning lack of a sense of irony. Be it the Irate Gamer, Alexander4488 or whomever, they're quick to call anyone who does video game rants or reviews that are even the faintest bit reminiscent of the Nerd's videos a "ripoff" or a "plagiarist". It seems lost on them that the Angry Video Game Nerd does not hold a patent on this style of review, and himself does trite Game Grumps-style videos, yet no one accuses the Nerd of the same because only his fans are such epic retards. If what they were saying was the case, every Let's Play video game reviewer would be a ripoff of the person who created the first video of its kind.

2010: James Rolfe jumps the shit shark while letting slip some diarrhea

Beginning in spring 2010, Rolfe began doing AVGN videos once per month instead of once every two weeks (supposedly to promote his other "nobody-gives-a-shit" series: Boring Lame Board James), and in spite of doubling his per-video production time there was no noticeable improvement in quality. Judging by his reviews of Cheetahmen and Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, along with his piece on game glitches, he is fast approaching the Irate Gamer's trademark variety of lulzlessness. And instead of AVGN videos, James Rolfe is incessantly shitting viewers with photo evidence that he visited the filming locations of B-list horror movies.

As if that weren't enough of a diarrhea dump for his viewers to have to endure, he's been uploading shitty vlogs from E3 and Comic-Con, proving that without a script Rolfe is near-inarticulate. In addition he sporadically uploads video reviews of pre-1990s movies which, conveniently, he has stopped indexing under "Movie Reviews", forcing fans to work backwards through Shittyassacre Cinemassacre blog archives just to figure out what he's done over the past few months.

Other recent highlights on Rolfe's website Cinemassacre indicate that he's going in the same direction as Spoony: becoming increasingly vlog-centric, inconsistent, and self-aggrandizing in his overall content. These highlights include:

• A look-back at all the trash concert ticket stubs he's collected, which basically amounted to Rob Zombie, Korn, Rob Zombie, Tool, Rob Zombie, and other 1990s mainstream emo fag-rock that most people stopped liking as soon as they surpassed the age of 14.
• Appeals to his international audience to spam the online ballot box in a Philadelphia-based videographer competition, in which he is competing against small, local wedding photography studios.
• Indie horror videos in which he plays a character based off of James Rolfe ...poorly.
• Original videos where he dresses up like a 13 year old boy (Boring Lame... er, Board James) and talks about his favorite board games that he used to play by himself growing up.
• A five part video series where he reads some shitty paperback tie-in book for Mega Man II with all the range and emotion of Keanu Reeves.
• Top-ten movie lists of increasingly obscure and smelly subject nature. Top 10 William Shatner movies, anyone?
• His home videos when he was a little boy, that according to him, are part of his "filmography".
• A Christmas 'review' that consisted of him replacing the words to How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and him making fun of Fist of the North Star's name resulted in a significant amount of dislikes from /v/eeaboos. Good job.

He has further confirmed his status as an Internet celebrity on the decline by doing nothing but spewing random shit nobody except asspies cares about at all on his blog to keep his fanbois generating the page clicks needed to keep the ad revenue money rolling in so he and Mike Matei can spend all their time in the basement together having buttsecks instead of producing anything that could be possibly be mistaken as creative.

Last Thursday, a butthurt YouTube "intellect", named Asalieri (Who quite obviously wrote this part of the article, hurf durf) made a valid video deconstructing one of Rolfe's reviews, as a part of his own series, "Reviewing a Reviewer". In the video he compared James's declining quality with a lesser-known, yet up-and-coming, OCD nerd retro game reviewer named Roo. The video was taken down twice (by Mike Matei). Upon this, Asalieri wussed out and called a truce with Matei (because the Internet is such a big SRS FKN BSNS warzone, Jesus fucking Christ almighty). However, due to numerous complaints from subjects of Asalieri's Reviewing a Reviewer show and fanboys of said subjects, YouTube terminated his old account.

AVGN: The e-beggar

I think I need just a bit moar money. For the cats you see.

James' face after spending all of the $75,000+ to buy a new house, car and three dildos. Screw the movie!

A fan has the audacity to question James' movie, which causes a butthurt response from the manchild himself.

Mike's reaction to the e-begging saga.

After seeing Yahtzee's hilarious attempt to cash in from his drooling fans and failing to do so due to Internet backlash, James thought to himself "Hmm. I'm gonna make a movie about my iconic & not at all tiring AVGN persona very soon. But I don't feel like spending cash directly from my own wallet or the thousands I already make from Blip, Cinemassacre, YouTube, GameTrailers and ScrewAttack. Shit fuck, what the hell? I'll ask my shee- err AVGN fans for some quick cash! Sweet cowabunga dogshit I'm a genius!"

Which he did. And asked for the grand total of $75,000, despite now being part of the JewTube partnership, has already gotten donations from his fanboys before and is backed up financially from both ScrewAttack and SpikeTv.com. It goes without saying that James is really squeezing out all that he can gain from his beloved AVGN sheep without any regrets and will keep on doing so until the very last cent.

Oh James, how the mighty have fallen.

Because signing autographs is serious business.

Here guys let me sell you all of my junk!

Previous Video | Next Video

It's time to pay your investors in full Nerd.

It was unsure whether James would either collect all the moneyz and make a run for it without delivering any form of movie whatsoever or deliver a movie so bad, it would make you want to see the Fred movie and actually enjoy it, despite it being a messed up e-fame fuelled piece of junk that nobody cared about the second it was released. No matter how bad it was, at least Fred didn't e-beg his fantards in order to make it. Although the AVGN fanboys surprised the Internet by actually reaching the $75,000 goal in less than 10 days for a movie that's not even in production yet, James wasn't satisfied with the results. He wanted even moar than the requested $75,000 in order to have a backup plan in case the AVGN movie is successful enough to have a sequel. In the end, he collected over $300,000 with lots of fans bawwing about them not being able to donate anymore, despite James receiving 4x the amount requested. Delicious e-drama coming from both AVGN apologists and former Nerd fans should fuel the Internet with lulz soon enough.

The fund raiser didn't officially end at $75,000 because James wanted the AVGN movie to be a fan funded movie, so then he wouldn't have to pay those pesky investors whom would risk their hard earned money by investing in an obscure indie movie project that's got higher chances of flopping than succeeding. He was so happy that he had promised all of his donating fans that they would receive an individual "thank you for the money, is nice" vid for all of their efforts. They still haven't received this special video to this day, but AVGN fans are very forgiving.

Barely a couple of hours later, the AVGN's crew posted this thank you vid involving James shitting all over a children's N64 game called ██████████████████. The "review" was so shitty that it made Alexander4488 look like a competent reviewer.

All of the drama in a nutshell:

“	i don’t get it he was supposed to get 75k. now he has a more than 200k yet ppl keep donating. why it’s not like he’s going to put all that money to use. and he still says the donation is going to end in a few days. damn what a jew	„
—A Jewtuber

Those six people who donated for the special movie cameo reward are so fucked.

AVGN plushies

Plushies for all the fanboys to jerk off to.

With his donation drive coming to an end, James decided that $325,000 just isn't enough for him, so as a last ditch effort he decides to sell plushies of him and his side-character Shit Pickle for $18 each, further capitalizing off his success. It's pretty obvious that his fanboys are going to buy these by the hundreds. What's next, Shit Pickle dildos?

Also, I wonder where he got the money to supply those plushes?

Cheetahmen II

Again, in before Mike disables likes/dislikes.

After deleting multiple comments and blocking fans, Mike suddenly comes out to say he never approved of the project. And then promptly deleted these comments too. Fucking prick.

On August 6, 2012 the Nerd uploads a video advertising some old fuck's Kickstarter to help patch some shitty NES game called Cheetahmen II to actually make it beatable and make reproduction cartridges of it, requiring $65,000 in donations. While the idea was bad enough, the video in question was probably one of the worst things ever produced on James's channel, it being very unfunny, forced, and basically showing how much of an e-begger James is. One reason why this idea horrible is the fact that there already existed ROM hacks that would patch the game which were released years ago, for free no less. For donating $60 for God knows what reason, you get your own copy of a patched Cheetahmen II reproduction cart, whoopee fuckin' do.

But in all seriousness, who the fuck cares about Cheetahmen II? No one wanted to play this game, until all of the sudden AVGN started liking the game for whatever reason, then a lot of the fanboys decided to like it too, many of them actually donating to this worthless cause, it already receiving over $20,000 with just twenty-nine days to go. However, not all AVGN fans were fooled, and could quickly see that the Kickstarter as being a scam and are disliking the video and leaving negative comments, like calling James a sellout/e-begger or calling the whole thing a scam.

While the video still has more likes (barely), it has had probably the most dislikes than any video that was ever uploaded on James's channel. Strangely, Mike hasn't reacted at all yet. As expected, the cowardly Mike at first tried using damage control, until ultimately just disabled comments and ratings. Because of this huge display of butthurt, many videos were made to fuel this drama, and you know that you've fucked up royally when even the fucking Irate Gamer is poking fun at you.

The Cheetahmen II video that was censored to hell still has the Kickstarter link in its description, but since there are no dislikes/comments around to show how much of a scam it is, any blind fantard won't see any problem in giving their money away. And if that isn't bad enough, there are also Cheetahmen II ads plastered all over the Cinemassacre homepage, and possibly various other sites as well (a known one being OCRemix).

UPDATE: The Kickstarter has finally come to an end. Being funded with a grand total of $94,270!

And he's asking for more money via PayPal til the end of September!

So much hype for a game that already sucks.

The Kickstarter video in question (comments & ratings disabled) An unlisted video which is an update on the Kickstarter (still comments & ratings disabled) Cheetahmen II speedrun, there saved you $60 TheArchfag basically earning his few hours of fame by going after AVGN like everyone else The amount of money actually needed to reproduce fixed Cheetahmen II cartridges Wow, you know you really fucked up when even The Irate Gamer is making fun of you. Previous Video | Next Video

Greg Paybitch

The old fart that is running the Kickstarter. The fact that it is hard to obtain information on him makes him more shady than he already is. But from the gathered information, Greg Pabich is very obsessed with The Cheetahmen, and is a very rich man living in a high class house. He claims that he is famous, yet no one in the world knew who he fucking was until he got involved with the Nerd. And from places like his Facebook and The Cheetahmen website you can see that he's been planning this whole Kickstarter for a long time. One of Greg's goals in life is to make Cheetahmen the next Angry Birds. The website alone contains overpriced Cheetahmen merchandise, and you may have noticed that the Cheetahmen II Kickstarter description is in ALL CAPS, but in the comments section he types like he forgot where the caps lock key is. In the Hall of Fame/Shame section of the site they even wrote Mike Magay's name wrong (MIKE MATAEI), proving just how much they care about their business partners.

Upon further research on Greg, it was found out that he had a [history of fraud before and that he was sued for over 3 million dollars for fraud. Unfortunately, he wasn't convicted due to lack of evidence.

SERIOUS UPDATE: Greg doesn't even own the The Cheetahmen copyright, he only owns the right to make Cheetahmen games "software".

Conclusion

So after all the drama that's been going on, after all those tons of donations way beyond the goal, what is the end result of all this? An even more broken piece of shit game than it was before. See for yourself:

95k well spent. This dumbass can't even get past the first level and he still says he's proud of owning this piece of shit. An AVGN ripoff unboxes a copy of this game. He doesn't even play the game but still says it's well worth the price. Previous Video | Next Video

The AVGN movie

Mrs.Nerd, a retarded SJW cunt.

On September 2nd, 2014, the AVGN movie was finally released for all his adoring fans to rent on Vimeo. It's actually worse than the trailer made it out to be. Most of the special effect scenes are either cheaply done digital effects or practical effects that look like they came out of a 60s Godzilla movie. It's about an hour longer than it should have been, and the plot is caustically unfunny shit. It is a 2 hour ego dickstroking exercise where everybody praises James' talent as the AVGN. The greenscreen effects are worse than any YouTube video you'll ever see, so amateur even Irate Gamer would call them cowapieceofdogshit. The acting is beyond bad and that is from actors who did better in shit like Birdemic. Yes, Birdemic had better acting than this self-fellatio of James Rolfe. The plot was written by ADHD sperg hyped on LSD and sugar, while fapping to AVGN episodes, and it makes absolutely no sense. The pacing is all over the place. One of the reason why this movie sucks ass is because it has SJW shit. That's right, James' horse face SJW ruined the movie by add an extra nigger and a cum-dumpster. You might wanna ask how does that ruin the movie, when it is already a piece of shit? Well the thing is that everybody on the Internet, not just gamer had it with these SJW shit about racial equality and respect female bullshit. But James' wife just had to made it step further by promoting this type of shit, especially when the movie is suppose to be about video game. There is also a scene where the nigger had a wedding with a white wimmin. It is speculated that this was added because of James' fetish for cuckoldry and watching his wife getting huge black cocks jammed in her orifices.
Of course fanboys are rushing to defend this garbage as being intentionally bad, which of course would bite James in the ass, as one could easily say that about the games that he has "reviewed" thereby making him more pointless than he already is. Another defense of theirs is that the movie was intentionally bad, which begs the question what the fuck James spent the remainder of the 300,000 dollars on. Obviously he didn't need that extra cash, if he was just going to make a movie that was as bad as possibly could be. So either James shows his failure as a movie maker or he just chose to piss on the fan and tell them it is raining while he ran away with the money.

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AVGN: The game

To highlight the fact that Steam users are absolute idiots, they have greenlit Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures. A game where you play as the Nerd, while shooting, and oddly enough not shitting on, enemies, in the best retro style, complete with 8-bit graphics ripped off from famous NES games.

Random AVGN hate videos

Since there's quite a trend of AVGN hate going on as of late, of course there are going to be plenty of videos speaking out the truth against James and Mike's charades, just to get their fifteen seconds of infamy. The following contains such videos, as well as some of those following the Bores defense trend. Expect plenty of AVGN fanboy butthurt in the comments of these videos.

Coming from a Canadian called "WrestlingJesus". Sums up AVGN's fanboys One of the random channels Irate Gamer plugged for defending him. Well, at least he has a kickass afro. Another channel Bores plugged, even though he's made hateful videos of him in the past. Makes you wonder who he was describing near the end of the video. Previous Video | Next Video

Angry Video Game (you are not the) Father

James Rolfe, his wife April, their new baby and her potential daddies on their way to Maury Povich.

A couple of weeks before the announcement on May 12th, 2013, James Rolfe became something that no actual video game nerd has any hope to becoming, a father. From the blog post (archive), there appears to have been complications during the pregnancy; The child ended up coming out black, confirming the cuck was cuckolded by his wife April Chmura Rolfe and Tyrone.

A special message from Chris Bores

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See also

• Alexander4488 - The biggest disgrace to dudes and game reviewers.
• Angry Internet Guy
• False flaggot
• Game Grumps
• Internet DVD
• Irate Gamer
• MonkeyGameGuides
• PissedOffVideoGamer
• ScrewAttack
• Spax3
• That Guy With The Glasses
• /v/
• Video game reviewers
• X-Play

External links

• Template:Youtube2
• A video of him reviewing Simon's Shitty Quest
• His website
• The Furious Famicom Faggot
• Ebeeto
• An example of retardation
• THE MOST FUCKING RETARDED SHIT THAT HAS EVER BEEN SPEWED OUT OF JAMES ROFLE'S ASSHOLE
• Fuck he's almost done.

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