United Constitutional Patriots: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 20:37, 29 December 2021

The United Constitutional Patriots (a.k.a. UCP and Unhinged Cracker Posse) is an American right-wing militia group from Flora Vista,New Mexico, that consists of proud 'Murikan patriots who work hard to uphold the Jewnited States constitution and keep Old Mexico out of New Mexico.

In April of 2019, the UCP began to make the news for doing the U.S. Border Patrol's job and rounding up more than 5,600 asylum seekers who had attempted to enter the U.S. via the New Mexican desert. Naturally, the liberal fake news media, Southern Poverty Lie Center, and gAy.C.L.U. quickly branded this clear-cut case of non-citizen's arrest as "kidnapping" and began to bitch and whine about how these horrible, racist vigilantes were violating the human rights of innocent Mexicunts who had done nothing wrong aside from being caught breaking the law.

After their "Commander" was arrested by the FBI on April 22, 2019, it was quickly alleged by (((the feds))) that members of the UCP organization had been training to assassinate several prominent Antifa supporters including Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and George Soros. The assassinations would have presumably been carried out by marinating some wooden stakes in garlic and holy water and then driving them through their hearts, but, unfortunately. the plans didn't go anywhere, and noone died.

	“	We came down here not as a militia, but as a group of Americans to help protect the border from the crisis going on down here.	„
	—Jim Benvie (archive)

Batshit Begins

The United Constitutional Militia group was founded on Facebook on February 24, 2016, and had its name changed to United Constitutional Patriots a mere three days later after they realized that their acronym of UCM would likely appear as the word "CUM" to their dyslexic and illiterate member base.

The group was founded by a washed-up, 70-year-old Elvis impersonator and convicted felon named Larry Mitchell Hopkins (a.k.a. Larry Mitchell King, Johnny Horton Jr. and Nick Horton) who is known for being completely off his rocker and believing that he's working under direct orders from Dubya.

	“	We are here to uphold the Constitution of The United States of America. We uphold this cause against all enemies both foreign and domestic which shall infringe upon the rights of the citizens given by the Constitution. We are here to serve in time of need at the local and state level and if necessary for our country.	„
	—CUM's mission statement (archive)

The TL;DW Video

	“	United Constitutional Patriots is proud to announce the capture of 278 southern invaders last night in New Mexico.	„
	—MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

Spic & Span About missing Pics

A heartbreaking photo of some Mexican cunt crying after getting caught breaking the law.
Doing (the Christian version of) God's work.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

10 Brazilian commies fleeing from Bolsonaro.
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of 'Murika

Libtards React

	“	We cannot allow racist and armed vigilantes to kidnap and detain people seeking asylum.	„
	—María Martínez Sánchez and Kirsten Greer Love, being stupid liberals. (archive)

	“	These individuals should not attempt to exercise authority reserved for law enforcement.	„
	—New Mexico Attorney General Hector Balderas, being butthurt. (archive)

	“	That migrant families might be menaced or threatened in any way, shape or form when they arrive at our border — often times after an unimaginably arduous journey — is completely unacceptable.	„
	—Michelle Lujan Grisham, crying crocodile tears over people to lazy to just wait to be legalized. (archive)

Libtards Harassing UCP Members

AJ on Facefuck likes sexually harassing women who support the rule of law.

"I'm so glad that your infant daughter was murdered by an illegal." - JR

Citizen's Arrest

	“	It should go without saying that regular citizens have no authority to arrest or detain anyone.	„
	—The Governor of New Mexico, not knowing what a citizen's arrest is. (archive)

	“	New Mexico has no statute on citizen's arrest. Instead, our courts have continued to recognize the Common Law concept, ruling that a private citizen can detain a fellow private citizen when there is at least probable cause to believe that the fellow citizen has committed a felony-level crime or a breach of the peace in his presence.	„
	—New Mexican Law. (archive)