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Engineer: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 21:21, 13 September 2012
An engineer is a basement dwelling nerd professionally engaged in the use math and science for the purpose of designing useless crap. Engineers are concerned with making the most possible jewgold while avoiding the solutions to any practical problems. Engineers play a vital role in society, culling the populace through negligent design flaws in items such as bridges, buildings, Sentries, Dispensers, Teleporters and cars.
Manufacture
Engineers are generally formed when nerds first enter college and find out that 4chan is not an available major. Engineering school consist of a lifetime worth of math, science and other useless crap packed into four years. The required math homework precludes all physical activity, causing massive muscle atrophy. Unlike everyone else, engineers have no time to get laid in college and end up spending all their time trying not to fail at Applied Mechanics 1402.
Once out of college, engineers become certified by the NAMBLA and can begin careers designing items as diverse as dildos and Apple computers.
Variants
Electrical
Electrical engineers design items such as servers, the PS3, your toaster and electro-genital stimulators. They tend to be the nerdiest of all flavors of engineer, spending all their time on the /g/ board of 4chan, fapping to pictures of 2N3055 transistors. Work generally consists of useless crap that any electrician could figure out, such as fixing the power supply on 4chan’s server, designing a missile guidance system or figuring out how to kill a furry with a 9V battery.
Mechanical
Mechanical engineers sit around all day bitching about how robots have made their job obsolete spies have been sappin' their sentries. Some argue mechanical engineers are still useful for designing lawn mowers ,toasters, TV antennes, and reclining chairs. Mechanical engineers designed your prosthetic penis.
Chemical
Chemical engineers constitute the intermediary between chemists and products, finding ways of adding highly carcinogenic chemicals to every day products such as baby formula,personal lubricant and children's toys. It's a well known fact that all chemical engineers cook meth and make bombs in their spare time.
Polymer Engineer
Polymer engineers are a special flavor of chemical engineer. Polymer engineers generally try to destroy the environment as fast as possible, while attempting to turn horse shit into plastic. Polymer engineers designed your latex suit, you sick fuck.
Civil
Civil engineers design faulty bridges with the intent of killing as many people as possible, for the lulz. The Minneapolis Bridge Collapse is considered to be the peak of civil engineering throughout history, establishing a high score of 13 for future generations to beat. It has been said that human sexuality was designed by a civil engineer - who else would be stupid enough to put a sewage plant right next the carnival?
Nuclear
Nuclear engineers collect uranium for that sandnigger guy, in an attept to blow up the great jew and cause general middle-eastern lulz. Nuclear engineers are among the smartest, having figured out a fool proof way of storing plutonium dust in file cabinets.
Industrial
Industrial engineers walk around and tell people that they are doing it wrong because they are butthurt about being life long virgins. They live to eat muda because its the only way they can get off. They didn't create the interwebs, they just made it gay.
Software
Software engineers, distinct from programmers, believe that there is more to programming than just writing code. They are obsessed with things called processes instead of doing actual work. Further, software engineers produce software, which means that they are automatically deserving of pain and suffering. It has been said that both software engineers and programmers are working in collusion to spread their suffering worldwide, in an attempt to take over the world.
Audio
Not a real engineer.
Just in! White americans B& from MIT
You want to become an engineer...
—Richer | ||
See Also
Famous Engineers
Useful/Useless Crap Designed by Engineers