MetaFilter

THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.

AACCCKKK, SO UGLY

Metafilter is a "group blog" site that was originally started as a "best of the web" compendium, but is now a site where the posts fit a predictable pattern - of cuntiness and precummery.

"History" lol

It was written in crappy ColdFusion (a retarded 90s invention that let anyone who could make a "home page" pretend to program) in 1999 by Matt Haughey, who used to do some stupid shit at Blogspot. Blogspot was sold to Google and Haughey, an ugly and extremely smug nerd with a big head and bad teeth, suddenly became an "online celebrity". He created the site as a place where other people could create content for him while he rimmed blogosphere A-listers and talked about his two passions: professional wrestling and auto-erotic asphyxiation. He will often PM members of the site to boast about how good he is at watching television. Does he have an insufferable blog full of bitchery about petty trivia? Hells yeah!

By 2004 MeFi was so swamped with traffic he had to hire co-moderators. Who were also close "friends", meaning people who sucked his nutsack with extra aggression. And they started running it TOW style: deleting any post they didn't like, for any reason, and tossing people out for "disruption", a term whose meaning changed from case to case. It is, in short, run by pathologically dishonest power-trippers and complete assholes.

The Iron Vagoo eats sliced penis (vegan!)

The first moderator was "Jessamyn West", a librarian from hippyland Vermont. Despite being a very obscure nobody outside of her little world, she's justly proud of her smarmy and completely positive Wikipedia biography, because she wrote it herself, with the assistance of some of her Metafucker assrimmers. And she just loves MeFi, because being a sysop, the denizens suck on her red-hot magic porthole with great vehemence and sloppy depth. The daily rimjob seems to put her dour East Coast iron-cunted lesbian personality into another plane of self-abuse. Not to mention her vanity website, full of useless blathering by her "professional colleagues" about the wonderful world of libraries (something which she and the rest of the Web are slowly putting out of business).

The second mod was Josh "Cortex" Millard, a basement-dwelling hipster from that holy land of assholery, Portland. Josh is even uglier, hairier and more insecure than Haughey. He makes horrible embarrassing "folkie" music, and posts it online so that MeFucks can rave about what a "musical genius" he is. (Jessamyn still breast feeds Cortex with her pendulous, saggy tits, and it is that sweet, sweet milk that gives Cortex his modly powers.) He's also got the inevitable shitty blog where he talks about comic books, Star Trek, and assorted infantile obsessions. And his "fans" kiss his swollen ring of hemorrhoids there, of course. [1] The buttplug recently got his own Wikipedia bio, despite being an utter waste of vacuum. Created by longtime Metahitler user Samuel "Jahaza" Howard, and edited for his protection by Jessamyn, of course!

Haughey hired other moderators, but we won't mention them because they are complete nobodies. He has since managed to get a job, ironically as a content creator at lame-assed "enterprise collaboration" outfit Slack. It is a web IRC system that charges a lot of money for "secure access".

“	I’m an insufferable asshole	„
—Matt Haughey

“	It may sound silly, but Slack is the first company I’ve worked at where everyone is incredible at every level of the company. I’ve never much butted heads with anyone or ever thought I didn’t want to work with someone on something. During holidays, we’d had a few long breaks and I honestly missed my coworkers like I missed family.	„
—he kisses asses at Slack just as hard as he can

And that's only the sysops. Metafilter's luserbase was originally very random and included people all walks of life, and posts were extremely varied. But in 2005, in a pathetic attempt to keep "sockpuppets" who might "cause trouble" off their golden pristine server, they started demanding a $5 payment in return for a new user account. And kicking out people who posted links they didn't think were "of sufficient quality", as defined by their own vague and flaky, PC, leftywefty-Ivy-League-snobbish personal "rules". So the luserbase quickly boiled down to a gang of their friends, acquaintances, camp followers, and people willing to kiss the ample asses of Haughey, Millard and West (which is probably not her real name anyway). These persons are remarkably predictable in their cocksucking and shiteating habits. The site now has a blog where they can pat themselves on the back for their "wonderful compendium of knowledge", without having to acknowledge how petty, unimportant and outdated much of their database is.

Some of their favorite neuroses and trigger words are described below.

ME MAKE NOISE NOW, ME MAKE POOPY NOW

time for joy and laughter

Posts about media

Such posts are made by someone who likes a band, TV show or movie. Everyone on the site who dislikes the subject will then go on and on (and on and on) about how much it sucks. [2][3]

Golden shower example: the user called "hippybear", who is as gay as a rainbow horsecock and cannot shut up about 1980s dance music. [4][5]

Their Talk section got a "Posts About Metafilter" sub-section in 2006, which they really loved because it helps to validate their pathetic excuse for a "community". Unfortunate, isn't it, that actual mentions of MeFi elsewhere online are actually kind of scarce?

Political Posts

Metafilter contains many political posts, largely from Rolling Stone and Vanity Fair, and people then express a full range of political opinions about the articles that range from Extreme Pussy Liberal to Shrieking Communist. But sad self-defeating dorkery always overrides political issues. And for vague political reasons, despite being big cartoon fans, they intensely despise Dilbert creator Scott Adams. [6][7] And of course, the mods eventually started deleting anything to do with Adams, partly because he'd been sockpuppeting on their precious site. [8][9][10] Guess he's too "libertarian" for them. Takes a clitoris to know one.

Sexism

Oh shit. There's so much toxic MF squealing about sexists and anti-sexists and transgenderism and dick-holding. It can't all be listed. People post comments, other people scream "BIGOTBIGOTBIGOT", Haughey and friends show up to deliberately stir the pot. These threads on the main site have a strange tendency to get shorter, the more butthurt people get, and then the fallout can be found on the MetaTalk subsection. If you want to see screaming, multithousand post threads on MetaTalk, this is an easy way to generate them.

• Don't bring up Rebecca Watson unless you're looking for real lulz. The whinery spreads to MetaTalk too.
• Same for Chelsea Manning. [11]
• Don't bring up Gamergate or anything related. Anita Sarkeesian, Zoe Quinn and Brianna Wu are ongoing really sore cocks. [12][13][14]
• Anything to do with "men's rights" or "women's rights" or "misogyny" or "misandry" inevitably leads to gigantic threads full of butthurt snivelling, esp. on MetaTalk. [15][16][17][18] It's not a new phenomenon either, we found a 2008 thread about misandry that was Lulz Central.
• Don't even mention peeing standing up. [19][20]

Being offended

Metafilter dedicates a lot of time to finding new ways for liberals to be offended. Metafilter has become a site where someone makes a post, say, on black and white photography and then someone will object as 'black and white' is discriminatory toward people who do not fit into a binary distinction between black and white. A successful thread will then be taken to Metatalk where comments that are deemed offensive can be highlighted and people can be offended that they too were not offended or that they were offended by the person who took offense. Someone has actually posted 'I feel unsafe in this thread' regarding discussion of some topic.

Post something genuinely disturbing, or something about sex (a subject most of them know nothing about), and they will whine like snot-covered little babies.

When not sniveling on Metafilter the membership's favorite pastimes include bulimia and self-harm, but any mention of these things will be instantly deleted unless the same sentence blames them on low-melanin penises.

Any statement about how being gay, obese, homicidal, suicidal, happy, sad is good or otherwise will sometimes trigger a cascade of butthurt offense. It is, however, perfectly acceptable to state how sodomizing any Republican to death would be a good idea. Examples: [21][22] Plus that time Haughey had the bright idea to photoshop dildos onto photos of GOP politicians and everyone commended him for his 'cleverness'. [23] Don't forget Haughey bragging that he lost weight by thinking about Donald Trump!

Old Memes And "Nerd Heroes"

Old memes from 4chan are posted on Metafilter when they have become tame, therefore useless. Dork subjects like the George Lucas Crap Factory or comic books are always popular. [24][25][26][27][28]

Never, ever, ever criticize Steve Jobs on Metafilter. [29][30][31]

And when a person who was famous for writing horrible nerdy books or making nerdy music or being on nerdy TV shows dies, the MetaFuckers throw the most pathetic fits of pseudo-sadness you've ever seen. [32][33][34][35]

Extra-special mention to the thread in 2008 when the suicide of pretentious-hipster-hero writer David Foster Wallace was reported. If you had fans like that, you'd hang yourself too.

BONUS! No one could ever call Elie Wiesel a pussy. When it comes to Hebrews, he was the bad-assiest. But when he died, the MeFucks (very few of whom are Jews, and none of whom are badass) pussied out real good.

Vegetarianism

Arguing about vegetarianism and veganism. Metafilter has a number of vegans, who like vegans everywhere somehow believe that the world wants to hear about what they eat. On MeFag the vegans come up in many vegetarian threads and state calm, reasonable things like 'eating meat kills children'. Productive discussion ensues (lol). [36][37]

Fatness

And despite all that veganism, whenever talk gets around to awesome new junk foods, they go all googoo and slobberish. Thus we conclude the average Metafilterite is over 250 pounds and lies about being on a "socially conscious diet".

Pseudointellectualism

It's a big word, and they're big swollen foreskins who suck it well. Bring up the notorious "Monty Hall problem", and they will cheerfully stick their collective well-educated feet in their mouths for days. And you can't accuse them of being "too intellectual", because there's a powerful undercurrent of spiritual crackpottery just under the surface. [38][39][40] All that uglyass Monty Hall shit didn't teach them anything. When the "Sleeping Beauty rebus" was brought up in 2015, they started arguing again. [41]

Eco-doom

As with all sites that flop in the left wing direction, all technology except for the internet and Apple electronics is described as making the world worse. [42] Al Gore is celebrated as a great wise man. [43][44] And don't ask them about automobiles because they have loads of 'opinions' about cars despite not knowing nuffink about that mechanical stuff. They spent the last 20-30 years praying in front of their digital thrones so an oil change is a mystery. [45]

Would you buy a used website from these assholes?

They hate ED

Some of them, anyway. In case you missed it. Other than occasional links to ED articles about some specific subject, MF had exactly two--TWO--threads about Encyclopedia Dramatica itself. In all of MF's 16 year history, only two mentions. That would be the 2010 thread about idiotic Australia attempting to block ED for running "hate speech". And the 2011 thread about Girlvinyl shutting it down (fail, baby). Such threads include loving commentary such as the items quoth below. Thus it seems a number of MeFites hate ED and would evidently like to see it gone from the web. One must wonder what they think of ED's resurgence. (A few people have tried to start a new MF thread about this, and found themselves banned forever by Haughey.)

• Australia:

	“	Encyclopedia Dramatica sucks. A lot. But the question of censorship should never be left up to questions of merit. Censoring this amplifies a stupid-ass webpage way more than allowing it would have. Just let it the fuck be, and be smarter and funnier if you have to refute it for any reason. Smarter and funnier than ED is the lowest of thresholds as is anyway.	„

	“	People who frequent ED are the worst kind of trolls - and by that I mean they just aren't very good at it. It's where trolls go after they first feel that rush of adrenaline one gets when you make another person on the internet really angry, but before they figure out that shit like "it's over 9000" isn't actually funny.	„

	“	ED also stands for erectile dysfunction. That's when you have difficulty getting a boner.	„

• OHI shutdown:

	“	Good fucking riddance.	„

	“	And nothing of value was lost Truer words were never spoken.	„

	“	I for one will miss the ejaculations of contempt, homophobia, misogyny, antisemitism, general abusiveness, bullying, entry level trolling, and links to internet shock sites that passed for comedy on this site. Because where else are you going to find such wit? It just doesn't exist anywhere else on the web!	„

Ask Metafilter

Ask consists largely of questions about whether it is wise to leave your partner as you have seen them fornicating with two furries, six dwarves, a large dog, or an ax murderer. Also a great place to ask for new names for your cat. In spite of their endless claims of having a "great resource" of "knowledge", it's actually nothing more than Another Online Forum Full of Little Rectum-Biters. Ask about editing Wikidickpedia, and you'll get advice from "Dhartung", one of the Jessamyn buddies who helped "protect" her TOW article for years, rewrote Haughey's biography, and offered his opinions on COI editing of TOW back in 2006. Try looking at their top discussions of all time to see what narcissistic dull pantysniffers they really are. Plus as usual, sexytime is a scary, scary subject. [46] "Ask" also serves as a dumping ground for people who talk about things they don't want to see on the main forum.

Ask Metafilter’s Human Relations tag is dominated by “anonymous” questions from confused souls asking, for example, whether they should be troubled that their husband wants to engage in wife-swapping or their therapist has recommended that they join a vegan sex cult. In all cases expect the recommendation to be more therapy. When the questions aren't from invisible lesbians and insufferable sad sacks whining about how much they, as middle-class Americans, have it worse than starving African AIDS baby rape victims, they're from equally insufferable Nice Guys who want to know how best to get away with date raep. Any known woman caught asking a question about her relationship will rightfully be called a slut over and over, until her post is deleted by Jessamyn, who can't stand the thought that her centipede-infected vagina isn't the only one on MetaFilter.

A totally real and genuine Ask MeFi thread:

	“	Dear Metafilter, I am a 20 year old lesbian who has just moved to a new town, and I'm too young for the bar scene. How should I meet other gay women? -anonymous Dear anonymous, Sometimes relationships can go seriously wrong. What if the other woman is not really gay? You definitely need to lawyer up. -ParisianSnowflake Dear anonymous, I'm a straight guy, but I'm sure I can answer your question. You see, blah blah blah friendzone blah blah ladder theory blah blah George Sodini was right blah blah blah. -AwsumDood39 Dear anonymous, Have you considered therapy? -SelfSatisfiedAndIntellectuallyLazy Dear anonymous, You need to find Jesus! -Konolia	„

MetaTalk

Of course they have a place to "unwind". Where they actually generate abuse and lulz against each other. In the wake of particularly traumatic front page posts, huge swaths of comments on the sub-section MetaTalk are devoted to working out just how offended people are. One recent enormous MetaTalk thread, for example, devolved into a tedious and arcane discussion of how offended feminist theorists should be if transsexuals show up at women’s rights meetings. Afterwards most of the participants logged off MetaFilter and headed over to /b/ to fap to delicious lolis, all the while congratulating themselves for being smarter than your average /b/tards.

MeFites are famous for lauding themselves for "pulling together as a community". “Oh my God you guys are so amazing,” someone will post after a death results in a chain of “.” symbols, and then the mod will post it to the front page. Everyone will be amazed by themselves for honoring the dead person with a mass of astute punctuation marks, demonstrating the good sense of being on Metafilter instead of 4chan.

For numerous hot stinking examples, consult the "Sexism" list given above. Or look at their "Etiquette/Policy" section, where threads with hundreds of name-calling posts are almost a daily occurrence. Complaints about the moderators are also routine, and always followed with smug personal attacks. [47][48][49] Being quoted in "mainstream news media" makes for hardened clits. [50]

In 2011 the constipated neebs gave themselves a stroke over how they busted up a white-slavery ring. Of course, like most of their good deeds, it exists only in their retarded imaginations. (The blog post by "Miconian" that blew the whistle was disappeared, along with the rest of his blog. Probably because Haughey and company threatened him. Luckily it's still on archive.org.)

Not to mention the 2012 suicide hoax. User "holdkris99" had an account created for his "wife", who proceeded to bullshit at much length that he'd killed himself. Even Haughey fell for it.

“	I'm so sorry mrs holdkris99. His name seemed really familiar and I searched my email and realized I emailed with him the day before (possibly just hours before) his death, when he asked me to edit his last Willie Nelson post which sounded like an obit until we trimmed the first sentence to make it a proper new album announcement. He sounds like an amazing person that went through a lot and I have fond memories of the things he posted here. He will be missed.	„
—--idiot

Eventually Cortex realized they'd been trolled:

“	I'm closing this up; it turns out that this death announcement was bullshit and Marc is very much alive. There is a new Metatalk post here.	„
—--Cortex finally showing some brain tissue, lol

Metafilter user Conspire's face, seen here, exhibits the classic symptoms of acute onset of Asian butthurt

In 2016, a handful of high-strung faggy Asian SJWs got butthurt over the existence of something called Rage Yoga in the basement of a bar in Canada, and were outraged that not every MeFite agreed that "Rage Yoga" was an evil example of "cultural appropriation." This led to a festival of butthurt whining and nastiness from the Asian crybully Mefites and their limp-wristed white enablers. Small-dicked Oriental Mefites like Errant, Conspire (who is an epic whinger), and 23Skidoo flew into rage about this adoption of colored people's culture, perhaps not appreciating the irony of Asians, who basically are only good at copying shit that other people invent, being pissed about their culture being ripped off. Metafilter mods, defending against the accusation that they had not tried hard enough to find a person of color during their last moderator hiring (when they hired a white soccer mom and attorney), claimed that they had a binder full of people of color but that the binder got lost in Jessamyn's armpit hair and the moderator team was "stretched too thin" to conduct an expedition into that jungle to retrieve the binder.

In the course of the debate about Metafilter's lack of moderator diversity, it was mistakenly claimed that Metafilter lacks a transgender mod. This is not true, Metafilter has a CAFAB moderator that is transgender. Its name is Jeremy. (June 2016 update: Metafilter added a new sexually confused he/she transfag as a tech person, an Austrian transgender named "frimble," a username that stands for "free, nimble rim jobs" that frimble is known for.)

Extremely Lulzy Threads

The awesomest ones tend to appear on MetaTalk because putting the shit on the front page would be bad. Also note that the Talk threads invariably attract snide putdowns from Haughey, West or Cortex. Narcissistic fuckheads always must have the last word. Despite claiming publicly to be a place to express open opinions, Metafilter's various subsections are actually places for hatred, abuse and personal attacks.

• Something something Christian "There are enough people pretending to be Christian that I hardly think one more is going to hurt anything."
• Overmoderation? "Hi there, mods. Yes, you. Mathowie, jessamyn and cortex. Please stop closing MeTa threads so early and so often. I think you're forgetting the "community" part."
• From 2009, someone brings up the 1989 massacre at École Polytechnique in Montreal, and it degenerates into sexist namecalling. From both sides.
• The above led to this which has something to do with this.
• "I really wish people could post comments as anonymous sometimes. Because by percentages alone, YOU KNOW that there are people reading this thread who are, indeed, serial flashers or public masterbators. There HAVE to be. You know, I can take a bit of sexism, but this is really overboard." Original thread deleted by Haughey, because.
• "A post about how women experience street harassment has been deleted."
• More MRA/feminist japing
• From 2007: "please erase this MeFi user from my brain" which led to the deletion of the front-page thread and the eventual bannination of the user. As usual.

Examples Of Cortex Having His Ample Ass Kissed

He's an expert on asses

• [51]
• [52]
• [53]
• [54]
• [55]
• [56]
• [57]
• [58]
• [59]
• [60]
• [61]
• [62]
• [63]

Butthurt videos

My iPhone is broken. Matt gives a smug speech at XOXO, just before their Alexa rank craters. If you don't hate Jessamyn yet, you will after watching this. Previous Video | Next Video

External links

• http://www.metafilter.com/
• You don't have to worry about MetaFucker for much longer. Their Alexa rank has been dropping like a rock for the past several years, and Haughey recently resigned as Glorious Dear Leader. Of course, he blamed Metafilter's decline on a "change in Google's algorithm". They had to lay off workers, too. Yes, that's correct, MeFi was just another Google AdWords moneymaking scheme, posing as a "free and open community". No fun anymore, maaan. Of course Haughey went on MetaTalk and tried to smooth it all over with his usual half-assed dick snorkley nonsense.
• "Metafilter’s downfall is the perfect metaphor for the way we Internet now", gasp! You mean things aren't wonderful in MeFlop Land?
• There's a subreddit on Reddit about Metafilter. Cleverly made to look like Metafilter's front page....moderated by Jessamyn and Cortex....and almost dead. A few posts per month.
• The same day this article ran as AOTN, this post appeared on MetaTalk. And was dismissed and attacked. The top-voted comment: "As exemplified by restless_nomad's incredibly patient comment in this thread, given the tone of the post and personal insult directed at her, I will once again go on record as saying I think the moderators on Metafilter are not only some of the best moderators anywhere, but some of the best, most patent people on the face of the planet. Most of the rest of us would probably have just told you to cram it."
• One of their most popular users, "The Whelk", writes awful fan fiction about TV shows.

MetaFilter is part of a series on Sites Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.

	MetaFilter is part of a series on Taking Down ED [Retreat!Do It Faggot]
Distinguished Individuals 03bgood • 2cash • abigblueworld • Adezero • aediot • Aeverine Nieves • Akai Dalia • Angel Locsin • A Man in Black • Argent009 • Asalieri • Aush0k • Bill9929 • Brian Martin • Chris-chan • Chrissie Barmore • CircaRigel • Clayranger89 • Daniel Brandt • DivineAngel • Donald Buffkin/Tablecow • Donny Long • drp1zza • ED Singers • Elizabeth Minami Wyvill • Erin Anthony • Feltcho • Flardox • Girlvinyl • Grace Saunders • Hayakain • Icewillow9 • Intellectual Checkmate • Ilovemydoodle • JDubs • Jim Profit • Keegan Salisbury • Kevin Martin • Libertarian Fox • Linkaton Furaito • Love Shy • Lulz in hell Trollfags • Ljupco Steriev • Marjan Siklic • Meowbark • Mike Sandy • moot • Nate Spidgewood • Oliver D. Smith • Onideus • Pacificoceanasia • Paul Fetch • PixelBeeProductions • Preachingthegospel• Prince Jeremy • PrinceDumuzi • Purelily • Robert Wayne Stiles • Rootbrian • Rusty Ray • Sceptre • SheWolf • Sirius Orionis • SpleeNfat • Steve Hodder-Watt • Sue Basko • Tom Newton • VampiricSpektor • VideoGamePhenom • Vordrak • Wwwarea • YandereDev • Zenny Noble Internet Entities Anontalk • Anti-Encyclopedia Dramatica.com • Conservapedia • DeviantART • encyclopediadramatica.wiki • Failcyclopedia • Josephevers.blogspot.com • Metafilter • MyAdopts • Namecheap • OhInternet • RationalWiki • Ripoff Report • Ultraviolet News Network • Uncyclopedia • VidLii • WikiFur • Wikipedia Glorious Civilizations Aborigines • Australia • Canada • China • France • Malaysia • Philippines • Tunisia Related Subjects and Methods Censorship • DDoS • Free Speech • Get a Lawyer • Hacking • Make a Petition • Notify the FBI • Serious Business • SOPA • The Græt Niggercide of Old ED • Writing an article for Uncyclopedia • You vs. ED

Featured article August 29 & 30, 2015
Preceded by Vester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan II	MetaFilter	Succeeded by TBD