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Latest revision as of 05:55, 29 September 2017
The King Of The Nerds or as most people refer to him publicly as Erotic Joe is the one true Sovereign Lord of all Nerds that will rise up during the darkest hours of nerdom and will lead his brethren Geeks, Nerds, Spazzes and Losers to the mystical plains of Big Booby Island, hidden well away on Jupiter's water moon of Europa, that is populated solely by hot, big titted easy women that get turned on by gamers and like making sammiches for them as was prophesized in the Dead Sea Scrolls over 2,000 years ago.
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All Hail The King
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Before we begin, it should be noted that King Of The Nerds is a positive title and one that is respected by all that he rules. Even the sworn enemies of the nerd, the Great Jock Army and The Stoner Brigade, all have been seen taking a knee in respect upon hearing the words King Of The Nerds uttered. On the other hand, Lord Of The O-Rings is the antithesis of the title King Of The Nerds and the one any and all should dread being named because much like being named as that guy in High School that shits his pants or gets caught jerking off in the rest room, it is a name that no one ever lives down.
King Of The Nerds is more of a prophesy that is fulfilled rather than a title that is given. As it is written in the Dead Sea Scrolls there are a series of events that must come to pass before the one Great Nerd will be named and code-writers, gamers and Sci-Fi fans will be whisked away to the promised land of Big Booby Island.
The first of these prophesies state that this future king must be French or born in a French land and make being French look cool.
The second great requirement states that the foretold must overcome the disability of living in a Canadian Providence and get laid.
A third, and possibly the greatest quest to be completed states that the King Of The Nerds will be the one hero who is capable of drawing the Quaking Sword Of Plastic from GirlVinyl's ass and use it in leadership to defeat the Socialist Republic of Canada in the name of Quebec.
When all of these things have come to pass every nerd will be lifted into the sky and taken to their promised land hidden away on the seas of the Moon of Europa.
Erotic Joe: The Crowned King Of The Nerds
The best and favored way to describe Erotic Joe is with the same idea Ancient Egyptians held about their Pharaohs and to relate him with the concept of a living god sent to Earth by the Great Creator Spirit BakaRed that has even had Kim Jong Un's own ministry of propaganda borrowing from Erotic Joe's life to make Kim Jong Un seem more impressive and godly.
Some who would describe Erotic Joe's life as a perfect male fantasy fail to realize the truth. Erotic Joe is a guru of love whose place it is to bring everyone on Earth together in the sacred ecstasy of coitus.
When Erotic Joe was 10, he first preached the hypocrisy of religion in that it wants everyone to love everyone else but forbids the expression of this love in bed. Sex, Erotic Joe teaches, builds bonds and strengthens the group dynamic as a whole, the further outward we extend this, the more we unite and allow others into the group.
It was when he was 14 that Erotic Joe showed himself for the leader he is when the The Socialist Republic of Canada looked to ignore Quebec's sovereignty and impose new taxes on cigarettes, coffee beans, red wine and bread, the four great things the French can not live without. With The Socialist Republic Of Canada's tank waiting outside his city - there to enforce acceptance of this new tax, Erotic Joe mounted an offensive. Riding only on horseback, and having only a slingshot as a weapon, Erotic Joe defeated the whole of The Socialist Republic of Canada's tank corp consisting of one jeep with the top pulled up.
These achievements are only secondary to what he is best known for being, an internet celebrity that can get laid regularly and doesn't need to E-Whore for money to pay the rent or so he can eat. Nor does he sell bad art online with Patreon accounts. Even more amazing is the fact that as an E-Celebrity he, unlike so many others is a college graduate, can hold down a job, is married and even has children. All Erotic Joe does is dispense wisdom on sites like Shinra Online, showing others the path. In humility, Erotic Joe has said that he is merely the die from which others will be cast and it is his role to give when so many take.
If his resume hasn't impressed you so far, know that he can beat the original NES Mike Tyson's Punch Out blind folded, can turn water into beer by boiling it with grains and allowing it to ferment, turn grape juice into wine, has brought back the dead using CPR and and a defibrillator, through the use of a conducter, magnetic field and relative motion created electricity, has kept water in all its 3 states in a single glass, can make ice that sinks in water, disproved spontanious generation with a piece of cheese cloth and an S Necked Bottle and he can even speak a dead language, French, fluently.
He has completed the first two prophecies for all to see. Nerds wait breathless or rather asmatic for the third and final prophesy to be fulfilled.
Big Booby Island
Big Booby Island, not to be confused with Loli island which is a trap designed by Erotic Joe to lure in child molesters with robotic children and destroy them, in an act of kindness, with one Atomic strike after garbage disposals hidden in their vaginas, asses and mouths have done away with their genitalia.
Big Booby Island is best described as a heaven for Nerds where the one great god, or that big programmer in the sky has designed women to be more natural in appearance to the nerd. They all look like they were designed by Anime artists with legs up to their shoulders, melon heavy breasts that never need to be supported by bras and having asses that you can bounce a quarter off of. Even when they age, their breasts or asses never sag and even pregnant, they never show. Even at their most pregnant these girls will always weigh 105 pounds and never have a waist greater than 24 inches.
How else can you describe a place where you can be playing Call of Duty online and a Big Breasted, jiggling juggernaut will bring you a sammich, a beer and ask if you want a blow job? How else would you describe a magical land of women that will order the salad when you get a steak and even cut it up and feed it to you? The closest description you could arrive at would be Valhalla but it would have to be without all the Nazis.
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Admit it, when you heard Sailor Moon was on Big Booby Island you started calling yourself a nerd.
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The skin on your palms is already peeling
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They even have Elf Girls for the freaks
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Even Tecmo wants in on Big Booby Island
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The Nerd fantasy fullfilled
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No furries. Mermaids are as close as you can get
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All this can be yours when the prophesy has been fulfilled
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On Big Booby Island girls like this will talk to you
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She likes it when you stare
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Now we have you with your favorite nerd poker girls
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you're just about to convert
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Just incase you still like the idea of girls kicking your ass
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Just like home, tge stuck up girls won't let you see anything til they have a ring
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and you're a member just like that
See Also
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King Of The Nerds is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
| King Of The Nerds is part of a series on Obscure Religions  |
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