Alita: Battle Angel (Movie)

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Alita: Battle Angel is a movie based on the manga Battle Angel Alita, or in the original moon runes 銃夢 Ganmu (aka Gun Dreams), that consists of 80% liberal guilt - throwing such buzzworthy themes such as Capitalism is evil, the Man wants to keep the proletariat down, different cultures and different languages can coexist together peacefully, among many others, and 20% unresolved plots that you know are meant to be followed up in sequels.

Like most eye-candy movies coming out, Alita: Battle Angel follows the George Lucas invention of flashy graphics and chasing after a goal for 2 and a half hours, unfortunately the goal of getting to the sky city of Zalem, that exists as the goal for a majority of the main characters like Hugo, is left unresolved. It is left as a promise, at the end of the movie, that we might get there in the sequel.

So how to describe this movie? It is a bad attempt at trying to marry The Terminator with Rollerball and Blade Runner while forgetting the dystopia in dystopian future.

Plot

If it has one central plot, among the many sub plots it throws at the audience, it is that Alita was a super soldier some 300 years ago that was tasked with the bringing down of Nova, the leader of the floating city of Zalem. Now 300 years later she chooses to pick up where she left off and continue her battle against Zalem, because in L. Ron Hubbard fashion, what an entire Army couldn't do 300 years ago can now be done with 1 girl and a sword because the writer says that it is plausible.

Characters Worth Mentioning

Alita: Your main character that is found in a junkyard as a head and torso and is put back together by Dr. Ido, using the body he built for his murdered daughter. Following her awaking, Ido names her after said murdered daughter because finding and rebuilding a robotic loli found in a junkyard isn't creepy enough. Much to be expected from any female character in movies these days, she is a Mary Sue and is instantly good at everything she attempts, learning the Rollerbal ripoff game of Motorball after only 1 attempt. Her character is a cliche, following the Raymond Chandler style detective story of a man who is thrust in a world with no recollection of himself and has to piece together who he is through clues and memory flash backs. In other words, she is the X-Men's Wolverine that has no clues to her past but knows she is a bad ass warrior because she can use advanced fighting techniques instinctively. The first third or half of the movie is spent with her as a 13 year old girl until, finally relenting because of necessity, Dr. Ido gives her the military body that she had been wanting which ages her, subconsciously, to her late teens. Serves the purpose of showing how creepy looking a human like face with Anime bug eyes would really look in reality.

Dr Ido: Finds Alita while digging through A Steel City Junkyard and in 6 Million Dollar Man fashion rebuilds her because a brain left with no nutrients or food of any kind would still be healthy after 300 years of living under a junk heap. Mostly in the movie to rebuild Alita, throw repairs her way when needed and introduce her to the world. Works as a Hunter/Warrior, a sort of bounty hunter that brings in rogue cyborgs, to support his medical clinic. Built Alita's original body for his paralyzed daughter Alita. It was never used because she was murdered by a motorball athlete that he had been tuning up. This is the event that sets him off to become a Hunter/Warrior because Ido wants revenge for the murder of his daughter. It is also the murder of his daughter that breaks up his marriage with Chiren. Like Chiren, Ido is originally from Zalem and was expelled when They had a disabled child.

Hugo:Alita's boy toy that introduces her to the Rollerball ripoff game of Motorball, after she had seen it on Tv, and to his surprise discovers that she is a natural at it because, after only her second attempt at it, she is able to whip everyone's ass on the court and score. Works secretly jacking parts from cyborgs motorball players for Vector and his team in the Hope's that he will make enough money to be transported to Zalem, even after hector's speech that It is better to rule in Hell and why would anyone want to live at the bottom of Zalem when they could live at the top of Steel City. Because of a pang of conscience he quits jacking parts and is set up, by Vector to make it look like the last jacking victim was murdered by him. Falls to his death trying to climb the tubes into Zalem.

Vector: The evil capitalist of the movie that serves as the corrupting force, offering people the Heaven of Zalem if they serve him. Nova's bottom bitch that does everything that is ordered of him, such as being told to bring Alita to Nova dead. Runs the Motorball games and is not beneath killing or sabotaging players when the betting odds become too favorable for a player. Hires people like Grewishka to murder people for their organs so that he can send them up to Zalem for Nova's experiments.

Chiren: The former wife of Dr Ido and mother of the original Alita. Wants to return to Zalem. Works as the Tuner/Mechanic for Vector's cyborg Motorball team. Makes a deal with Nova to return to Zalem if she can bring him Alita. Expectedly, she has a change of heart and chooses to help her. Ironicly she is murdered by Vector and her brain and eyes are sent to Nova in Zalem.

Nova: Not much is known about him except that he rules Zalem and has been alive for well over 300 years. Most likely will become one of those villains that starts off really Cool but is destroyed with too much dialogue or by trying to humanize him.

Grewishka: Nova's hired muscle that does his killing and harvesting of organs. Ordered by Nova to bring Alita in dead. A Dog hater. Kills a dog that Alita befriended early in the movie causing her to sperg out and go all apeshit on his ass but she is cut up into little parts by him, after his upgrade from Chiren, that leads Dr Ido into installing Alita into the Berzerker body that he earlier refused to. Grewishka is one of the few plot lines that is carried to completion in the movie, ending with his death when Alita cuts him in half.

The Alt-Right: Alita vs Captain Marvel

Afraid of girls with attitudes and dicks possibly bigger than theirs, Alt-Right fans of Alita claim that she is the overall better female character than Captain Marvel, as her more feminine and approachable attitude means she will hop out of bed to make you a sandwich with a beer soon after having sex with her.

	“	The human race has finally crafted the most likeable female protagonist, one that doesn’t talk down to the fans, one that is believably powerful, one that is attractive without being overly sexualised. [She is] the perfect wife, the perfect daughter and the perfect friend.	„
	——Vlogger favoring Alita

They claim that Captain Marvel disenfranchised them early in the movie war because Brie Larson was too political, choosing to make a super hero movie all about women's rights, hating white males, and inclusion in journalism but mostly because her character will make you get her the beer and being afraid of women with authority they prefer the one that doesn't hide behind what they are calling SJW crap.

An interview of Rosa Salazar, Alita's actress, proves she actually has a brain and doesn't involve herself in pissing off fans, unlike Brie Larson's interviews where it's mostly about ending the white male race, shitting on the fans, and being a delusional bitch that she's better than everyone. This is indeed a rare sight of celebrity interviews. But let's see what Rosa has to quote.

	“	As a little girl, I would look up to the female heroes in movies, but not just them. I think it's fine to look up to male heroes too. It doesn't matter who you are; the hero is admirable to everyone in different ways.	„
	——Rosa Salazar

As the quote earlier suggests, the alt-right believes they have found what they consider a female lead character that doesn't fall to the trappings of the Mary Sue despite Alita being super strong, a badass fighter, good at sports, and pretty much better than everyone in the movie in every way.

What Alita represents to the Alt-right is something scarier than a Realdoll come to life. She represents a slave in every sense of the word, willing to give up her entire being for her loved ones.

This is what they want. This is why Alita is preferred over Captain Marvel, not for sexiness but because Alita is a servant rather than Captain Marvel grabbing you by the hair and saying that you will fuck her now.

It comes down to who is less intimidating to a basement dweller whose only interaction with women is with their mother and as an authority figure. It's no wonder they want the slave.

Alita Army

The #AlitaArmy is a loosely joined group of Fanboya and girls that want to save the Dying franchise of Alita: Battle Angel.

Their idea is that if they can rack up Blu-Ray sales that the sequel, they are wetting their beds for, will be made despite Alita: Battle Angel failing as a theatrical release.

What they do is go around Twatter posting their lame ass hashtag in the Hope's of getting people who wouldn't go out and see the movie to buy the Blu-Ray release through their viral marketing or that buying mass copies of the movie, in the Hope's of inflating sales, will make a possible franchise look profitable.

Petitions For A Second Alita Movie While the Alita Army neckbeards fandom grow stronger in numbers, they made petitions around social media for a second Alita: Battle Angel movie with over 121,000 signatures and counting. Surprisingly it worked to get the attention of producer Jon Ladau on the Alita Army's petition for a second Alita: Battle Angel movie. He advised the fans to keep it up. That's if Disney's smart enough to aprrove and not focus on woke movies that don't deserve sequels now that FOX and Disney merged.

	“	What I think the Alita Army should do is keep peppering our family now at Disney and let them know how important it is to have another Alita movie and hopefully we'll venture there one day.	„
	—Jon Ladau on Disney's merge with FOX.

But how long would a second Alita: Battle Angel movie would take without rushing it to be shit? Jon Ladau has the answer.

	“	I think when you can talk about any movie, and I won’t talk specifically about Alita, but your first step is writing a script. You've got to assume that's going to take you 12 to 18 months to write a script. Assuming that script is great, you then have a six to 10 month pre-production. You then have a six month shoot. You then have a year of post-production and that's just any movie of this ilk.	„
	—Jon Ladau on how long movies takes.

As Jon Ladau continues to rant, he noted his team there will be more stories to tell in the Alita: Battle Angel universe.

“ When James Cameron was going to direct us, which he was at point, in his mind he had plotted out two additional stories of where we would go very specifically.

	„
	 

—Jon Ladau on expanding the Alita story.

And with Disney+ unleashed for streaming while draining people's money for jew golds, Jon Ladau was questioned if they consider streaming it on Disney+.

“ Well, I won't speak specifically about Alita. I would just tell you that I think James Cameron and I love the opportunities that streaming and these other avenues of distribution are offering people today. And you know, we would love to get into those playgrounds and play in them, no matter what the title is.

	„
	 

—Jon Ladau on Disney+.

And there you have it, Alita Army of the Neckbeards. Now remember it's way too early for any plans on Alita: Battle Angel 2 and it should never be rushed to be a shit movie anyway. However, the cast like director Robert Rodriguez and actor Rosa Salazar confirm they would love to return for Alita: Battle Angel 2. So tuck your e-peens in and keep your pants up. Your wet dreams for a second Alita movie will come true someday.

Digital Spy - Alita: Battle Angel producer wants fans to help make the sequel happen Cinema Blend - Alita: Battle Angel's Producer Reveals How Fans Can Help Make Alita 2 Happen

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