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Duke Nukem Forever: Difference between revisions

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{{spoiler|Duke Nukem Forever got horrible reviews from every review site! You waited all this time for nothing}}
{{spoiler|Duke Nukem Forever got horrible reviews from every review site! You waited all this time for nothing}}


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[[Image:duke.jpg|thumb|A screenshot of ''Duke Nukem Forever''.]]
[[Image:duke.jpg|thumb|A screenshot of ''Duke Nukem Forever''.]]


'''''Duke Nukem Forever''''' (aka DNF aka vaporware) is a bait and switch scheme perpetrated by 3D Realms on the fans of 1996 [[FPS|fragfest]] ''[[Duke Nukem 3D]]''. The game itself, <s>which does not exist,</s> is about an [[adult baby]] whose job it is to "kick ass and chew bubblegum." Unfortunately, in DN3 he was perpetually [[fail|out of gum]], thus necessitating a sequel. The [[fucktards]] at 3D Realms announced this scam in 1997, and they still insist to this day that they are working on it. In fact, they named it "''Duke Nukem Forever''" because IT TAKES FUCKING FOREVER TO MAKE IT!! Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact these asshats have released several other games including ''Max Payne'', the sequel to ''Max Payne'', an expansion pack for ''Duke Nukem 3D'', a [[Stormfront|racism-perpetrating crapfest]], and a clone-mod called ''Shadow Warrior''. They are currently known to spend all day getting paid to make [[Photoshop]] images of their imaginary fucking game with investors' money.
'''Duke Nukem Forever''', Aka DNF (Did Not Finish), so named because that's how long it took to finish it, was a game released in 2011 after a whopping 15 year development cycle, which only resulted in a abortion of mediocrity of a game. The game was thought to never be released and was the butt of many jokes, and only became a bigger joke when it was actually released to the dismay of the Duke Nukem fanboys who couldn't even defend this crap.


{{quote|You can rest assured that we are moving toward a goal.|Official DNF [[Bullshit|Press Release]], 6 Feb 2008.}}
{{quote|You can rest assured that we are moving toward a goal.|Official DNF [[Bullshit|Press Release]], 6 Feb 2008.}}


== "When it's done" ==  
== "When it's done" ==  
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DNF's Creative Director George Broussard is famous for having mercilessly [[Rape|abused]] the phrase "when it's done". Doing so was a smart move on his part since he never actually intended to release anything other than screenshots of the game. Saying you won't release a game until its "done" implies, in the video game industry, that you won't release it until you are totally happy with the quality of your product and will therefore be a [[GG|good game]]. This stance has earned them a permanent seat in [[interweb]] history as a completely unintentional [[meme]].
DNF's Creative Director George Broussard is famous for having mercilessly [[Rape|abused]] the phrase "when it's done". Doing so was a smart move on his part since he never actually intended to release anything other than screenshots of the game. Saying you won't release a game until its "done" implies, in the video game industry, that you won't release it until you are totally happy with the quality of your product and will therefore be a [[GG|good game]]. This stance has earned them a permanent seat in [[interweb]] history as a completely unintentional [[meme]].


[[Image:WhenItsDone.png|center|[http://www.google.com/search?q=when+it's+done lol]]]
[[Image:WhenItsDone.png|center|[https://encrypted.google.com/#q=when+it's+done lol]]]
 
''Duke Nukem Forever'''s infinitely long development has spawned a completely unintentional Googlebomb. When searching [[The Google]] for the phrase [http://www.google.com/search?q=when+it's+done "when it's done"], Google returns almost entirely ''Duke Nukem Forever'' related results.


== How to Fake a Game: A History of DNF ==
== How to Fake a Game: A History of DNF ==
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=== Step 0: Make up some fake in game footage ===
=== Step 0: Make up some fake in game footage ===
At least 10 years ago, while PC Gaymer's own Coconut Monkey was laboriously working on his magnum opus, Gravy Trader, the fags at 3D Realms tossed them some '[[Screencap|screenshots]]' of what DNF was looking like...which were, of course, [http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=52193 completely fake] - composed entirely of modded ''[[Quake]]'' levels.  
At least 10 years ago, while PC Gaymer's own Coconut Monkey was laboriously working on his magnum opus, Gravy Trader, the fags at 3D Realms tossed them some '[[Screencap|screenshots]]' of what DNF was looking like... which were, of course, [http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=52193 completely fake] - composed entirely of modded ''[[Quake]]'' levels.


{{quote|We didn't get Quake 2 code till Dec 97/Jan 98. We made the mistake of mocking some stuff up in Quake 1 (like a user mod) for PC Gamer...Most of that was stuff we did in spare time, jacking around, as we were finishing Shadow Warrior, and waiting on Quake 2 code. We didn't even have programmers for DNF until late 1999.|George Broussard on the early DNF screenshots, May 2003.}}  
{{quote|We didn't get Quake 2 code till Dec 97/Jan 98. We made the mistake of mocking some stuff up in Quake 1 (like a user mod) for PC Gamer... Most of that was stuff we did in spare time, jacking around, as we were finishing Shadow Warrior, and waiting on Quake 2 code. We didn't even have programmers for DNF until late 1999.|George Broussard on the early DNF screenshots, May 2003.}}  


=== Step 1: Announce it ===
=== Step 1: Announce it ===
The first step in this grand scheme was to [http://web.archive.org/web/19991012010949/www.3drealms.com/press/0428972.html make up] some way for the game to exist in the first place. The idiots at ''PC Gaymer'' were more than ready to take on this task by making this elaborate forgery their cover story.  
The first step in this grand scheme was to [http://web.archive.org/web/19991012010949/www.3drealms.com/press/0428972.html make up] some way for the game to exist in the first place. The idiots at ''PC Gaymer'' were more than ready to take on this task by making this elaborate forgery their cover story.


That's what they get for trusting an inanimate paperweight with a conflict of interest.  
That's what they get for trusting an inanimate paperweight with a conflict of interest.


{{quote|Our goal is to release Duke Nukem Forever no later than mid-1998...|George Broussard, the original DNF 3D Realms Press Release, April 28, 1997.}}
{{quote|Our goal is to release Duke Nukem Forever no later than mid-1998...|George Broussard, the original DNF 3D Realms Press Release, April 28, 1997.}}


Of course, ''Duke Nukem Forever'''s announcement came as no surprise even to the ancient [[interwebs]]. A sequel was eagerly anticipated and ''[[Duke Nukem 3D]]'' was one of the hawtest ''[[Doom]]'' rip-offs that [[Don't Copy That Floppy|nobody actually paid for]].  
Of course, ''Duke Nukem Forever'''s announcement came as no surprise even to the ancient [[interwebs]]. A sequel was eagerly anticipated and ''[[Duke Nukem 3D]]'' was one of the hawtest ''[[Doom]]'' rip-offs that [[Don't Copy That Floppy|nobody actually paid for]].


Evar.  
Evar.


However, the fact that the game was not going to contain [[buttsecks]] with either alien mutated pigs or pixelated wimmenz enraged the [[furfags]] and [[13-year-old boys]]. Everything was going perfectly according to plan.
However, the fact that the game was not going to contain [[buttsecks]] with either alien mutated pigs or pixelated wimmenz enraged the [[furfags]] and [[13-year-old boys]]. Everything was going perfectly according to plan.


=== Step 1.5: '[[Tard]] around. ===
=== Step 1.5: '[[Tard]] around. ===
The next stage of the hoax was to [[bullshit]] the public into believing the game was in development hell. 3D Realms decided to do this [http://www.3drealms.com/press/dnfunreal.html under the pretense of constant engine switches].  
The next stage of the hoax was to [[bullshit]] the public into believing the game was in development hell. 3D Realms decided to do this [http://www.3drealms.com/press/dnfunreal.html under the pretense of constant engine switches].


{{quote|The game should not be significantly delayed...|George Broussard on the switch to the Unreal engine, 3D Realms Press Release, June 15, 1998.}}
{{quote|The game should not be significantly delayed...|George Broussard on the switch to the Unreal engine, 3D Realms Press Release, June 15, 1998.}}
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=== Step 2: [[Goatse]] your publisher ===
=== Step 2: [[Goatse]] your publisher ===
Meanwhile, when Infogamers acquired GT Interactive in 2000, they were actually smart enough to see DNF as the nefarious bait-and-switch scheme that it was. Thus they [http://www.3drealms.com/press/dukefindsgod.html shoveled the rights for the game] onto the poor and naive Gathering of Developers (aka G.O.D.) for good ol' [[PROFIT!|cash/money]]. [[God|GOD]] promptly folded after releasing, like, 2 shit games and managed to pass the buck to Take Two Interactive.  
Meanwhile, when Infogamers acquired GT Interactive in 2000, they were actually smart enough to see DNF as the nefarious bait-and-switch scheme that it was. Thus they [http://www.3drealms.com/press/dukefindsgod.html shoveled the rights for the game] onto the poor and naive Gathering of Developers (aka G.O.D.) for good ol' [[PROFIT!|cash/money]]. [[God|GOD]] promptly folded after releasing, like, 2 shit games and managed to pass the buck to Take Two Interactive.


Being the [[Grand Theft Auto|fun loving]] [http://www.sec.gov/litigation/litreleases/lr19260.htm criminals] they were, Take Two didn't put up with Broussard's bullshit. In their yearly earnings statements from 2002 to 2005 they repeatedly [http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=52193 questioned 3D Realms publicly] about the status of the next batch of screenshots. In a fit of [[Basement-dweller|prepubescent]] rage, Broussard responded by [[Troll|trolling]] 3D Realms' own forums:
Being the [[Grand Theft Auto|fun loving]] [http://www.sec.gov/litigation/litreleases/lr19260.htm criminals] they were, Take Two didn't put up with Broussard's bullshit. In their yearly earnings statements from 2002 to 2005 they repeatedly [http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=52193 questioned 3D Realms publicly] about the status of the next batch of screenshots. In a fit of [[Basement-dweller|prepubescent]] rage, Broussard responded by [[Troll|trolling]] 3D Realms' own forums:
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[[Image:DNF_Bawwww.jpeg|thumb|The fans' reaction]]
[[Image:DNF_Bawwww.jpeg|thumb|The fans' reaction]]


After [[over 9000|12]] years of [[Procrastination|hard work]], and money spent on [[hookers|development]] and [[cocaine|artwork]], 3D Realms has finally announced they are shutting down for good. Duke Nukem Forever will go down as the biggest [[fail|failure]] in video game history. Chances that the game will be released now are pretty much zero, not like anyone ever thought any differently. George Broussard is likely in the process of <s>[[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|deleting all evidence that the game ever existed]]</s> giving [http://www.joystiq.com/2009/05/08/laid-off-3d-realms-staff-show-off-duke-nukem-forever-concept-art/|Sending Concept Art, Screenshots, and the entire plot to every major video game website and magazine in existence]. '''The End.'''
After [[over 9000|12]] years of [[Procrastination|hard work]], and money spent on [[hookers|development]] and [[cocaine|artwork]], 3D Realms has finally announced they are shutting down for good. Duke Nukem Forever will go down as the biggest [[fail|failure]] in video game history. Chances that the game will be released now are pretty much zero, not like anyone ever thought any differently. George Broussard is likely in the process of <s>[[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|deleting all evidence that the game ever existed]]</s> giving [http://www.joystiq.com/2009/05/08/laid-off-3d-realms-staff-show-off-duke-nukem-forever-concept-art/ Sending Concept Art, Screenshots, and the entire plot to every major video game website and magazine in existence]. '''The End.'''


=== Step 6: Take 2 [[lawsuit|suing]] Microsoft===
=== Step 6: Take 2 [[lawsuit|suing]] Microsoft===


Following the closure, and leaks, Take 2 quickly pulled [[over_9000|$30 Million]] Dollars out of their asses in order to bribe George Broussard for the rights to ''Duke Nukem'', whilst there has been rumors Microsoft has bought out 3D Realms after quietly selling off $4 Billion dollars worth of bonds out of the blue, while Take 2 still holds the publishing rights.
Following the closure, and leaks, Take 2 quickly pulled [[over_9000|$30 Million]] Dollars out of their asses in order to bribe George Broussard for the rights to ''Duke Nukem'', while there has been rumors Microsoft has bought out 3D Realms after quietly selling off $4 Billion dollars worth of bonds out of the blue, while Take 2 still holds the publishing rights.


Take 2 has decided to [http://www.shacknews.com/onearticle.x/58642 sue 3D Realms for utterly failing to deliver DNF], which was vaporware from the start.
Take 2 has decided to [http://www.shacknews.com/onearticle.x/58642 sue 3D Realms for utterly failing to deliver DNF], which was vaporware from the start.
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Now that the ''Duke Nukem Forever'' team have been laid off, the truth about some of the [[bullshit|"in game footage"]] came to light on the 3D Realms forums from pissed off ex-employees, although unsuprisingly it was deleted:
Now that the ''Duke Nukem Forever'' team have been laid off, the truth about some of the [[bullshit|"in game footage"]] came to light on the 3D Realms forums from pissed off ex-employees, although unsuprisingly it was deleted:
{{quote|The 2001 trailer was 100% scripted cinematic, and not actual gameplay. They built specific demo maps just to record video from to make a trailer. Everything you see in that trailer was phony.|Anonymous 3D Realms Ex-staff Member. Referenced trailer below.}}
{{quote|The 2001 trailer was 100% scripted cinematic, and not actual gameplay. They built specific demo maps just to record video from to make a trailer. Everything you see in that trailer was phony.|Anonymous 3D Realms Ex-staff Member.}}
 
<center>{{Frame|{{fv|dnfgameplayvids|background-color: #FF9751;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>iPX_y7wP_ko</youtube>
|<youtube>VRnv_tFKStQ</youtube>}}|border=#FF9751|background=#FF9751}}</center>


''Duke Nukem Forever'' gameplay footage released following the closure of 3DRealms in May 2009. This leaked video was to serve as a demo reel for animator Byan Brewer.
''Duke Nukem Forever'' gameplay footage released following the closure of 3DRealms in May 2009. This leaked video was to serve as a demo reel for animator Byan Brewer.
== Fun things to do while you wait Forever ==
[[Image:duke chief.jpg|thumb|An elaborate hoax from day one. Unfunny and stupid,just like the game.]]
For teh [[epic win]]:
#Head over to [http://www.3drealms.com/forums.html 3D Realms' forums].
##Create a multiple accounts.
##Completely disregard all [http://forums.3drealms.com/vb/showthread.php?t=10259 stickies].
##Post the following using all your accounts under all forums:
###"When is DNF coming out?"
###"When will it be done?"
###Draw parallels between DNF development and ''[[Daikatana]]'''s.
###Also note that ''Daikatana'' was actually finished (eventually).
###Further note that it was complete and utter [[shit|crap]].
##"Did you know that DNF has been in development for so long that..." insert amusing fact from [http://duke.a-13.net/ this page] here.
##Log onto your other accounts and respond with the following images, repeatedly:
###[[:Image:Whenitsdone.JPG|Google search "when its done".]]
###[[:Image:Duke Nukem Forever11.jpg|"I said, when its done!"]]
#[mailto:[email protected] Email] George Brussard and repeat above.
#Call your local [http://www.gamestop.com/ GameStop] and ask them when ''Duke Nukem Forever'' is coming out.
##For even more [[lulz]], then ask them if it's going to come with ''[[Battletoads]]''.


== Shit that didn't take Forever ==
== Shit that didn't take Forever ==
{{notice|World War II, the entire [http://www.3drealms.com/dukemp/index.html Manhattan Project] and going to the Moon took less time than DNF's development.}} Source: [http://duke.a-13.net/ look here for more lulz]
{{notice|World War II, the entire [http://www.3drealms.com/dukemp/index.html Manhattan Project] and going to the Moon took less time than DNF's development.}}  
[[Image:Dfforumsdown.jpg|thumb|right|[[Darkfall|Even this shit launched. Come ON.]]]]


A metric shit-ton of stuff has happened ever since 3D Realms announced DNF.
A metric shit-ton of stuff has happened from 3D Realms announced DNF to the shit was released.


=== IRL ===
=== IRL ===
* ''Enron'' went down in flames.
* ''Enron'' went down in flames.
* The ''Euro'' has been introduced.
* The ''Euro'' has been introduced.
* 6 ''space tourists''.
* The preparations for ''[[9-11|nine-fucking-eleven]]'' and the [[Afghanistan|fucking aftermath]] and [[Iraq|then some]], plus [[Hurricane Katrina]], [[London Bombings]], [[Virginia Tech|second coming of Columbine]], [[2008 recession|another depression]], [[Obama|nigger in office]], the list goes on...
* The preparations for ''[[9-11|nine-fucking-eleven]]'' and the [[Afghanistan|fucking aftermath]] and [[Iraq|then some]]...


=== "Popular" Culture ===
=== "Popular" Culture ===
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* ''[[Steve Jobs]]'' was still running [[fail|NeXT]] when ''Duke Nukem Forever'' was announced.
* ''[[Steve Jobs]]'' was still running [[fail|NeXT]] when ''Duke Nukem Forever'' was announced.
* Geeks invented every single known [[P2P|method of stealing from the RIAA]], including [[Napster]].
* Geeks invented every single known [[P2P|method of stealing from the RIAA]], including [[Napster]].
* Some [[Al Gore|jackhole]] invented [[MySpace]] and gave [[/b/]] about a hundred billion new targets and inflicted uncounted [[pedophile|pedos]] and [[furries]] on the [[internets]].
* Some [[Al Gore|jackhole]] invented [[MySpace]] and gave [[B/|/b/]] about a hundred billion new targets and inflicted uncounted [[pedophile|pedos]] and [[furries]] on the [[internets]].
* ''Valve'' releases [[Steam]] and [[pwns]] Vivendi.
* ''Valve'' releases [[Steam]] and [[pwns]] Vivendi.
* ''[[Britney Spears]]'' has starred in [[over 9000|numerous]] [[Max Hardcore|scat films]] and some music videos, too.
* Theater box office totals since the announcement are over $2.62 billion.
* ''Colin Farrell's'' entire movie career has also taken place during development.
* The concept of [[The Matrix|Bullet Time]] has been developed, pioneered, and [[Old meme|completely run in to the ground]].
* The concept of [[The Matrix|Bullet Time]] has been developed, pioneered, and [[Old meme|completely run in to the ground]].
* [[Cell phone]]s ownership has become commonplace, whereas in 1997 they were viewed as luxurious expenditures and drug dealing tools.
* [[Cell phone]]s ownership has become commonplace, whereas in 1997 they were viewed as luxurious expenditures and drug dealing tools.
* The entire cult following of ''[[Family Guy]]''! It has debuted on FOX, been canceled, entered syndication, been released on DVD, redebuted on FOX, and seen the release of a feature film.
* The entire cult following of ''[[Family Guy]]''! It has debuted on FOX, been canceled, entered syndication, been released on DVD, redebuted on FOX, the birth of his sister show ''[[American Dad!]]'', and seen the release of a feature film. Too bad ''[[Family Guy]]'' is tame, but I digress.
* The creation of [[Adult Swim]]
* The entire ''[[Harry Potter]]'' series as well as six movies.
* The entire ''[[Harry Potter]]'' series as well as six movies.
* ''Stephen King'' has written 16 novels.
* After over 200 episodes, ''[[The Simpsons]]'' have not gotten any funnier.
* The birth, death, and rebirth (via feature film, direct to DVD) of ''[[Futurama]]'', a show more worthy of lulz than ''[[The Simpsons]]''.
* Fourteen seasons of ''[[Shit|Survivor]]''.
* The ending of ''[[Star Trek]]'' shows ''Deep Space Nine'', ''Voyager'', and the beginning and ending of ''Enterprise'', plus the films ''First Contact'', ''Insurrection'' and ''Nemesis'' and the reboot of the show with ''Star Trek'' the movie.
* ''Joss Whedon'' showed us that he truly is our master with every ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]'', ''[[Goatse|Angel]]'', and ''[[Firefly]]'' episode. (Oh, and the movie ''[[:Image:Worsethangoatse.jpg|Serenity]]''.)
* ''[[Lost]]'' dragged on for six preposterous seasons before pathetically expiring.
* ''South Park'' has had 12 seasons.
* ''Guns and Roses''' album, [[China|Chinese]] [[Democracy]], which was started in 1993, before DNF was even started, was released in 2008.
* ''Stanley Kubrick'' made one final movie before he passed away (for the last 30 years of his life he made, on average, one movie every five years).
* ''[[Rubber Johnny|Richard D. James]]'' has under various aliases released 21 records (or maybe "only" 20), from studio albums to compilations.
* ''[[Warhammer]]'' had 2 more editions and ''Warhammer 40,000'' had 3 more editions. The franchises has as of 2009, on average, released a new edition every 7.7, respectively 4.4 years.
* [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0586281 ''Takashi Miike''] is as productive as ever.
* ''SG-1'' had 10 seasons and 2 films; ''Stargate Atlantis'' had 5 seasons and at least 1 film is in production; ''Stargate Universe'' <s>is in production</s>, was released and ended. Also: Books and other merchandise.


=== Games ===
=== Games ===
* The following consoles: ''[[PSP]]'', ''[[Nintendo DS]]'', 3DS , ''[[Gamecube]]'', ''[[Xbox]]'', ''Game Boy Color'', ''[[Game Boy Advance]]'', ''Game Boy Advance SP'', ''Game Boy Micro'', ''[[Playstation 3]]'', ''[[Wii]]'' and ''[[Xbox 360]]''
* Over 75 games based in the ''Megaman'' universe, and 12 games featuring ''Megaman'' universe character cameos.
* Over 75 games based in the ''Megaman'' universe, and 12 games featuring ''Megaman'' universe character cameos.
* Over 50 games based in the ''[[Star Wars]]'' universe.
* Over 50 games based in the ''[[Star Wars]]'' universe.
* ''[[Mario]]'' has appeared in 58 different video games.
* ''[[Mario]]'' has appeared in 58 different video games.
* Every ''[[MMO|Massive Multiplayer Online]]'' game and expansion with the exception of ''Meridian 59''.
* Every ''Call of Duty'' game coming out
* Every ''[[DDR|Dance Dance Revolution]]'' and ''Bemani'' rhythm game
* Every ''Battlefield'' game coming out
* Every ''[[Halo]]'' game coming out
* Every ''[[MMO|Massive Multiplayer Online]]'' game  
* Every ''[[Pokémon]]'' game released outside of Japan.
* Every ''[[Pokémon]]'' game released outside of Japan.
* Every ''[[Unreal]]'', every ''[[Unreal Tournament]]'', and every game that has used any of the Unreal engines.
* Every ''[[Unreal]]'', every ''[[Unreal Tournament]]'', and every game that has used any of the Unreal engines.
* ''[[Quake]] 2'', ''3'', ''4'', and countless games that have used their engines.
* ''[[Quake]] 2'', ''3'', ''4'', and countless games that have used their engines.
* Every ''Tony Hawk'' and extreme sport spin-off game.
* Every ''Tony Hawk'' and extreme sport spin-off game.
* ''[[Daikatana]]'' began development 10 days before ''Duke Nukem Forever'' - Unfortunately no one was made [[John Romero]]'s bitch when it hit retail shelves on May 23rd, 2000.
* 3DRealms and Remedy bring ''Max Payne'' and its sequel from concepts to finished games, porting both to [[Xbox]] and [[PS2]].
* Cendant Publishing buy Sierra On-Line, sell it to Vivendi Universal and then disband.
* Valve released both ''[[Half-Life|Half Life 1]]'' and ''[[Half-Life 2|2]]'', with several expansion packs and countless mods for each. Later they released ''The Orange Box'', which included ''HL2: Episode 2'', ''[[Portal]]'' and ''[[Team Fortress 2]]'' (which was actually considered vaporware itself).
* Valve released both ''[[Half-Life|Half Life 1]]'' and ''[[Half-Life 2|2]]'', with several expansion packs and countless mods for each. Later they released ''The Orange Box'', which included ''HL2: Episode 2'', ''[[Portal]]'' and ''[[Team Fortress 2]]'' (which was actually considered vaporware itself).
* Every version of ''[[Counter-Strike]]'' and ''[[Counter-Strike]]: Source'' were developed.
* Every version of ''[[Counter-Strike]]'' and ''[[Counter-Strike]]: Source'' were developed.
* Every ''Thief'' game and ''System Shock 2''. Also: Fan-remakes of the System Shock-games.
* ''[[Grand Theft Auto|Grand Theft Auto I, II, III, Vice City, San Andreas, Liberty City Stories, Vice City Stories'', ''IV'']] , and innumerable shitty spin-offs.
* ''[[Grand Theft Auto|Grand Theft Auto I, II, III, Vice City, San Andreas, Liberty City Stories, Vice City Stories'', ''IV'']] , and innumerable shitty spin-offs.
* ''[[Fallout|Black Isle]]'' was formed, released seven titles and was shut down.
* ''[[Tomb Raider]]'' sequels dying then rebooting then dying then getting retooled yet again, with Lara Croft's [[breast implants]].
* Every good ''[[Uncharted]]'' game coming out
* ''The Elder Scrolls III: [[Morrowind]]'' and ''IV: Oblivion'', and the entire ''Baldur's Gate'' series.
* ''The Elder Scrolls III: [[Morrowind]]'' and ''IV: Oblivion'', and the entire ''Baldur's Gate'' series.
* ''Wizards of the Coast'' has printed six Core Sets, 30 Expansion Sets of ''[[Magic]]: The Gathering''. If someone bought one of every single card printed since DNF was announced, they would have a collection of approximately 10,742 cards.
* Every installment of ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'' released to date, as well as ''Ghost Babel'' (MGS for the Game Boy), the ''Metal Gear Acid'' series and ''Peace Walker'' for [[PSP]]. Even ''Guns of the Patriots'' was released before DNF.
* Every installment of ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'' released to date, as well as ''Ghost Babel'' (MGS for the Game Boy), the ''Metal Gear Acid'' series and ''Peace Walker'' for [[PSP]]. Even ''Guns of the Patriots'' was released before DNF.
* A garage full of programmers in Croatia (''Croteam'') developed the engine and created the game ''Serious Sam''. Since then, there have been multiple sequels and console ports- all off a fraction of the money 3D Realms has blown on DNF's development.
* Every 3D ''Prince of Persia'' game.
* Aside from ''Wolfenstein 3D'', every single First Person Shooter based during World War II, including the entire ''Medal of Honor'' series.
* Aside from ''Wolfenstein 3D'', every single First Person Shooter based during World War II, including the entire ''Medal of Honor'' series.
* While DNF has been in production, [[Blizzard Entertainment]], another studio famous for delays, has released five full games (''[[Starcraft]]'', ''[[Diablo 2]]'', ''Warcraft 3'', ''[[World of Warcraft]]'' and ''[[Starcraft II]]''), with expansions for all of them.
* While DNF has been in production, [[Blizzard Entertainment]], another studio famous for delays, has released five full games (''[[Starcraft]]'', ''[[Diablo 2]]'', ''Warcraft 3'', ''[[World of Warcraft]]'' and ''[[Starcraft II]]''), with expansions for all of them.
* The ''[[EverQuest]]'' series, and about 300 different expansions for each game.
* Every game but one from ''BioWare'', where among the most known are ''Baldur's Gate'' 1 & 2 with two expansions;  
* Every game but one from ''BioWare'', where among the most known are ''Baldur's Gate'' 1 & 2 with two expansions; ''Neverwinter Nights'' with two expansions; ''Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic''; and ''Jade Empire''. All games are deep, lengthy RPGs that demand multiple playthroughs. Also every game that used engines from ''BioWare''.
* The entire ''[[Halo]]'' trilogy was inflicted on an unsuspecting public.
* The entire ''[[Halo]]'' trilogy was inflicted on an unsuspecting public.
* Every ''Gran Turismo'' game.
* Every ''Gran Turismo'' game.
* The ''Ultima''-series came to a conclusion, ''Origin'' was [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/issues/issue_14/87-The-Conquest-of-Origin emasculated beyond recognition] and Richard Garriot has been involved in a few games. Among these, the most well-known are ''City of Heroes'' and the MMORPG ''[[Tabula Rasa]]'', which was closed on February 28, 2009. Rest in peace, sweet prince.
* ''[[PSP]]'' and ''[[Nintendo DS]]'' in all their various incarnations...
* ''[[Gamecube]]'' and ''[[Xbox]]'' has been released and discontinued.
* Various retrogames made encores for the umpteenth time with the joysticks you just plug in to your tv. (Bye-bye buggy emulators!)
* Every ''[[Resident_Evil_5|Resident Evil]]'' game but one and various spin-offs.
* Every ''[[Resident_Evil_5|Resident Evil]]'' game but one and various spin-offs.
* Every ''[[Silent Hill]]'' game and various spin-offs.
* Every ''[[Silent Hill]]'' game and various spin-offs.
* The ''[[Metroid|Metroid Prime]]'' trilogy, 4 original releases and 5 re-releases. (It should also be noted that the music of ''[[AZN|Kenji Yamamoto]]'' is far better than the butt-smelling cock-rock of ''[[Duke nukem|DN3D]]''.)
* Every ''[[Fallout]]'' game and the [[Cancer|spawning]] of the most [[Scientology|inbred and venomous]] [[Fantard|fan-forums]] known to man.
* Every ''[[Fallout]]'' game and the [[Cancer|spawning]] of the most [[Scientology|inbred and venomous]] [[Fantard|fan-forums]] known to man.
* Every ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' game and various clones.
* Every ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' game and various clones.
* The ''Wing Commander''-series came to an conclusion crowned with the beautiful failure of the Chris Roberts film. It makes some sort of encore in ''Freelancer'' and definitely in ''Wing Commander Arena'' on ''[[Xbox]] Live Arcade''. Also: Fan-remakes of Wing Commander: Privateer.
* The [[heavy metal]] game, ''[[Brutal Legend]]'' with [[Jack Black]].
* The releases of ''[[Playstation 3]]'', ''[[Wii]]'' and ''[[Xbox 360]]''.
* The releases of .
* ''[[Final Fantasy]]'' had 5 more games, spinoffs uncounted.
* ''[[Final Fantasy]]'' had 5 more games, spinoffs uncounted.
* Even friggen' ''[[Darkfall]]''. Yes, we shit you not.
* Two ''Leisure Suit Larry'' sequels are released after its original designer, Al Lowe, retired.
*[[Street Fighter|Street Fighter 4]] waited ten years to be released, and it came out before ''Duke Nukem Forever''.
* Game Boy Color, [[Game Boy Advance]], Game Boy Advance SP and Game Boy Micro has been released and discontinued.
* ''Gizmondo'' has been released and discontinued. (And they tried to release ''Gizmondo 2'', but that was a stillborn fail.)
* The ''Might and Magic''-franchise had 31 more games, add-ons and spin-offs. (Also, some [[Magic|collectible card-games]] and [[book|novels]].)
* [[Doom 3]] and its expansions.
* [[Doom 3]] and its expansions.
* ''Warhammer 40K: Dawn of War'' + three expansion packs and the sequel with, as of now, two expansion packs.
* ...and lest we forget... ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic 06]]''.
* ''Kinect'', it [http://www.altplusf4.com/index.php/200906101983/Xbox-News/natal-doesnt-see-black-people.html doesn't like niggers].
* ''Nintendo 3DS''
 
== Holy Fucking Shit, it's almost done? ==
Apparently, DNF is being developed by Gearbox Studios, of ''[[Borderlands]]'' and ''Brothers in Arms'' fame.  Restock your bubblegum, motherfuckers.


===Release Date===
===Release Date===
 
[[Image:duke chief.jpg|thumb|An elaborate hoax from day one. Unfunny and stupid,just like the game.]]
According to Amazon and Gamestop, the release date has been set for <s>February 1st</s> <s>May 3rd, 2011</s> June 14, 2011. Gearbox has stated that this date is a place holder for now. Only time will tell whether another twelve years will be needed to complete this game.
According to Amazon and Gamestop, the release date has been set for <s>February 1st</s> <s>May 3rd, 2011</s> June 14, 2011. Gearbox has stated that this date is a place holder for now. Only time will tell whether another twelve years will be needed to complete this game.
<center>{{frame|<youtube>1-b78TKZIyw</youtube>|border=#FF9751|background=#FF9751}}</center>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>1-b78TKZIyw</youtube>|border=#FF9751|background=#FF9751}}</center>


== IT LIVES! ==
== IT LIVES! ==
[[File:Duke Nukem Forever Tittyslapping.gif|thumb|[[typical]] gameplay]]
On September 3, 2010, Take Two allowed 150,000 people to play a copy of the game as one of the greatest acts of trolling in history. Consequently, 150,000 people subsequently vanished from the face of the earth, never to be heard from again.
On September 3, 2010, Take Two allowed 150,000 people to play a copy of the game as one of the greatest acts of trolling in history. Consequently, 150,000 people subsequently vanished from the face of the earth, never to be heard from again.
Initial reports from the PAX floor is that the game isn't anything special and is your [[Call of Duty|bogstandard FPS]] with the best bit being Duke's one liners with no strippers. Whether the game will be released in 2011 as said by 2K and Gearbox is yet to be seen. It is more likely the game will be released on [[2012|December 21st, 2012]].
Initial reports from the PAX floor is that the game isn't anything special and is your [[Call of Duty|bogstandard FPS]] with the best bit being Duke's one liners with no strippers. Whether the game will be released in 2011 as said by 2K and Gearbox is yet to be seen. The game was released in 2011 and was a standard run of the miller shooter, which nobody liked.
 
== Boxart (a.k.a. Douche Nukem Forever) ==
[[Image:Douchenukem.jpg|thumb|Douche Nukem.]]
 
{{quote|That is the final cover art|2K Elizabeth}}
 
With the unveiling of a release date for Duke Nukem Forever, the final boxart was also unveiled.  This new boxart immediately [[RAGE|enraged]] Duke Nukem [[oldfags]], who proceeded to broadcast their [[butthurt]] about Duke Nukem looking like a [[douche]] on Gearbox's offical Duke Nukem forums with [http://gbxforums.gearboxsoftware.com/showthread.php?t=116434 two] [http://gbxforums.gearboxsoftware.com/showthread.php?t=116550 threads].  Despite being assured they are being [http://gbxforums.gearboxsoftware.com/showthread.php?p=2193668#post2193668 listened] [http://gbxforums.gearboxsoftware.com/showthread.php?p=2192488#post2192488 to], they were actually told to [[STFU]] by [http://forums.2kgames.com/showthread.php?103408-The-Duke-Nukem-Forever-box-art.&p=1334220#post1334220 2K Games Representative] [[The_Royal_Family|Elizabeth]].  This only resulted in more massive butthurt, which then incited the [[oldfags]] to begin [[shooping]] vastly [[superior]] boxarts.
 
<!--<center><gallery>
File:1687973-dnf_pc_dvd_fob.jpg|The original boxart.
File:saintsduke2.jpg
File:333a.jpg
File:the_power_of_duke_compels_you_by_garysmodx-d37ptup.jpg|It's [[Jesus]], lol
File:dnfboxart2.jpg|
</gallery></center>-->


==IT'S OUT!==
==Gallery==
Duke Nukem Forever came out June 10th internationally, and June 14th in North America, because can. Seriously, you can [http://www.gamestop.com/pc/games/duke-nukem-forever/84188 go out and buy it]. Some think it's a piece of shit, some think it's a piece of crap, but both are wrong, [[Mr. Hands|it's really a piece of horse cock]].
<center> <gallery>
The release of Duke Nukem Forever exposed the seemingly inability for any "real" gaymers to be happy with anything. Duke Nukem was virtually the same exact game re-released with better graphics and still they were unhappy.
File:DukeNukemForever00138.jpg
File:DukeNukemForever00148.jpg
</gallery> </center>


==See also==
==See also==
*''[[Duke Nukem 3D]]'' - the good duke nukem game.
*''[[Doom 4]]'' - the shitty reboot of the [[Doom]] series. DNF 2.0
*''[[Darkfall]]'', the [[MMORPG]] counterpart of DNF
*''[[Daikatana]]''
*''[[Daikatana]]''
*''[[Duke Nukem 3D]]''
*''[[Darkfall]]'', once the [[MMORPG]] counterpart of DNF, except it was released. Kind of.


== External Links ==
== External Links ==
Line 261: Line 186:
* [http://gbxforums.gearboxsoftware.com/ Gearbox Software Forums]
* [http://gbxforums.gearboxsoftware.com/ Gearbox Software Forums]
* [http://forums.2kgames.com/] 2k Games Forums
* [http://forums.2kgames.com/] 2k Games Forums
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke_Nukem_Forever TOW Page]
* {{wikilink|Duke_Nukem_Forever|TOW Page}}
* [http://duke.a-13.net/ The ''Duke Nukem Forever'' List]
* [http://duke.a-13.net/ The ''Duke Nukem Forever'' List]
* [http://videogames.yahoo.com/events/plugged-in/surprise-duke-nukem-forever-uncanceled-playable-at-pax/1409763 Playable at PAX, for those few dozen remaining fans]
* [http://videogames.yahoo.com/events/plugged-in/surprise-duke-nukem-forever-uncanceled-playable-at-pax/1409763 Playable at PAX, for those few dozen remaining fans]
Line 269: Line 194:
{{Gaming}}
{{Gaming}}
{{timeline|Featured article September 4, [[2010]]|[[Jersey Shore]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[William J. Lashua]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article September 4, [[2010]]|[[Jersey Shore]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[William J. Lashua]]}}
{{timeline|Article of the Now May 12 & 13, [[2022]]|[[Rick and Morty]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bitcoin]]}}

Latest revision as of 09:39, 13 May 2022

Lulz machine hard at work This page has potential but it needs a lot of work. It could benefit from updated information. Discuss edits that might add to the lulz on this article's talk page.
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT Duke Nukem Forever got horrible reviews from every review site! You waited all this time for nothing!!!1
DUKE NUKEM FOREVER IS A MAJOR FAILURE! REVIEWS ARE IN!.
A screenshot of Duke Nukem Forever.

Duke Nukem Forever, Aka DNF (Did Not Finish), so named because that's how long it took to finish it, was a game released in 2011 after a whopping 15 year development cycle, which only resulted in a abortion of mediocrity of a game. The game was thought to never be released and was the butt of many jokes, and only became a bigger joke when it was actually released to the dismay of the Duke Nukem fanboys who couldn't even defend this crap.

   
“ 		 
You can rest assured that we are moving toward a goal.
  		„
  		 

—Official DNF Press Release, 6 Feb 2008.


"When it's done"

Doesn't Does actually exist.

DNF's Creative Director George Broussard is famous for having mercilessly abused the phrase "when it's done". Doing so was a smart move on his part since he never actually intended to release anything other than screenshots of the game. Saying you won't release a game until its "done" implies, in the video game industry, that you won't release it until you are totally happy with the quality of your product and will therefore be a good game. This stance has earned them a permanent seat in interweb history as a completely unintentional meme.

lol
lol

How to Fake a Game: A History of DNF

The truth is out there.
Duke fully misunderstands his target demographic.
Duke meets with George Brussard for another "staff meeting".
"Hey, are these fake?"


The real genius behind DNF is that it doesn't really exist at all. It's all been an elaborate hoax from day one. Luckily, 3D Realms was clever enough to realize that the promise of another orgy of boobies and violence is all that it that it takes to stir internets fanbois into a masturbatory frenzy. Thus, the fairy tale of Duke Nukem Forever begins...

Step 0: Make up some fake in game footage

At least 10 years ago, while PC Gaymer's own Coconut Monkey was laboriously working on his magnum opus, Gravy Trader, the fags at 3D Realms tossed them some 'screenshots' of what DNF was looking like... which were, of course, completely fake - composed entirely of modded Quake levels.

   
“ 		 
We didn't get Quake 2 code till Dec 97/Jan 98. We made the mistake of mocking some stuff up in Quake 1 (like a user mod) for PC Gamer... Most of that was stuff we did in spare time, jacking around, as we were finishing Shadow Warrior, and waiting on Quake 2 code. We didn't even have programmers for DNF until late 1999.
  		„
  		 

—George Broussard on the early DNF screenshots, May 2003.

Step 1: Announce it

The first step in this grand scheme was to make up some way for the game to exist in the first place. The idiots at PC Gaymer were more than ready to take on this task by making this elaborate forgery their cover story.

That's what they get for trusting an inanimate paperweight with a conflict of interest.

   
“ 		 
Our goal is to release Duke Nukem Forever no later than mid-1998...
  		„
  		 

—George Broussard, the original DNF 3D Realms Press Release, April 28, 1997.

Of course, Duke Nukem Forever's announcement came as no surprise even to the ancient interwebs. A sequel was eagerly anticipated and Duke Nukem 3D was one of the hawtest Doom rip-offs that nobody actually paid for.

Evar.

However, the fact that the game was not going to contain buttsecks with either alien mutated pigs or pixelated wimmenz enraged the furfags and 13-year-old boys. Everything was going perfectly according to plan.

Step 1.5: 'Tard around.

The next stage of the hoax was to bullshit the public into believing the game was in development hell. 3D Realms decided to do this under the pretense of constant engine switches.

   
“ 		 
The game should not be significantly delayed...
  		„
  		 

—George Broussard on the switch to the Unreal engine, 3D Realms Press Release, June 15, 1998.

Thus, after making up screenshots styled after Quake, they switched to making screenshots for Quake II. Afterward, they decided they were bored making screenshots with Quake II and decided to make them with Unreal instead. After a short "adjustment period" they released their next batch of bogus screens to a starved public. Fans were dismayed to find that there were no polygonal boobies featured in this latest round of fakes. The charade would continue for three years:

   
“ 		 
A bottle of Jack and a young warm belly
Awaited Duke like pink nubile jelly.
And I heard him exclaim saying 'Never say never,
A good year's to come with Duke Nukem Forever!'
  		„
  		 

—3D Realms 1999 Christmas card.

   
“ 		 
Duke Nukem Forever
Coming 'when it's done' in 2001
  		„
  		 

—3D Realms 2000 Christmas Card.

Step 2: Goatse your publisher

Meanwhile, when Infogamers acquired GT Interactive in 2000, they were actually smart enough to see DNF as the nefarious bait-and-switch scheme that it was. Thus they shoveled the rights for the game onto the poor and naive Gathering of Developers (aka G.O.D.) for good ol' cash/money. GOD promptly folded after releasing, like, 2 shit games and managed to pass the buck to Take Two Interactive.

Being the fun loving criminals they were, Take Two didn't put up with Broussard's bullshit. In their yearly earnings statements from 2002 to 2005 they repeatedly questioned 3D Realms publicly about the status of the next batch of screenshots. In a fit of prepubescent rage, Broussard responded by trolling 3D Realms' own forums:

   
“ 		 
Take Two needs to STFU IMO.
  		„
  		 

—George Broussard on Take Two Interactive in an actual forum post, May 2003.

Step 3: ????

No one really knows what happened over at 3D Realms from 2004 to 2007. Some argue that 3D Realms had actually closed up shop entirely. Then they came out with Prey, a crap FPS about some prairie nigger who gets kidnapped by Xenu. However, it turns out that they were, in between alternate bouts of buttsecks and trolling, in fact working on their most convincing fake yet.

Step 4: PROFIT!

Note how that meme is also used in the demo

   
“ 		 
We've spent years bukkaking in our offices and all we got to show for it is this stupid video.
  		„
  		 

—George Broussard's T-shirt, December 19, 2007.

Whether any of this footage is actually taken from actual gameplay remains to be seen. However, if DNF's history is any indication, this is just another in a lucrative series of bogus videos thrust into the limelight over the years. At this point, if the game ever actually does come out, it will most likely be a tremendous pile of dog shit like its brother in hell, Daikatana.

Step 5: Or maybe not

The fans' reaction

After 12 years of hard work, and money spent on development and artwork, 3D Realms has finally announced they are shutting down for good. Duke Nukem Forever will go down as the biggest failure in video game history. Chances that the game will be released now are pretty much zero, not like anyone ever thought any differently. George Broussard is likely in the process of deleting all evidence that the game ever existed giving Sending Concept Art, Screenshots, and the entire plot to every major video game website and magazine in existence. The End.

Step 6: Take 2 suing Microsoft

Following the closure, and leaks, Take 2 quickly pulled $30 Million Dollars out of their asses in order to bribe George Broussard for the rights to Duke Nukem, while there has been rumors Microsoft has bought out 3D Realms after quietly selling off $4 Billion dollars worth of bonds out of the blue, while Take 2 still holds the publishing rights.

Take 2 has decided to sue 3D Realms for utterly failing to deliver DNF, which was vaporware from the start.

Step 7: The Truth Comes Out

Now that the Duke Nukem Forever team have been laid off, the truth about some of the "in game footage" came to light on the 3D Realms forums from pissed off ex-employees, although unsuprisingly it was deleted:

   
“ 		 
The 2001 trailer was 100% scripted cinematic, and not actual gameplay. They built specific demo maps just to record video from to make a trailer. Everything you see in that trailer was phony.
  		„
  		 

—Anonymous 3D Realms Ex-staff Member.

Duke Nukem Forever gameplay footage released following the closure of 3DRealms in May 2009. This leaked video was to serve as a demo reel for animator Byan Brewer.

Shit that didn't take Forever

World War II, the entire Manhattan Project and going to the Moon took less time than DNF's development.


A metric shit-ton of stuff has happened from 3D Realms announced DNF to the shit was released.

IRL

"Popular" Culture

Games

Release Date

An elaborate hoax from day one. Unfunny and stupid,just like the game.

According to Amazon and Gamestop, the release date has been set for February 1st May 3rd, 2011 June 14, 2011. Gearbox has stated that this date is a place holder for now. Only time will tell whether another twelve years will be needed to complete this game.

IT LIVES!

typical gameplay

On September 3, 2010, Take Two allowed 150,000 people to play a copy of the game as one of the greatest acts of trolling in history. Consequently, 150,000 people subsequently vanished from the face of the earth, never to be heard from again. Initial reports from the PAX floor is that the game isn't anything special and is your bogstandard FPS with the best bit being Duke's one liners with no strippers. Whether the game will be released in 2011 as said by 2K and Gearbox is yet to be seen. The game was released in 2011 and was a standard run of the miller shooter, which nobody liked.

Gallery

See also

External Links

Duke Nukem Forever is part of a series on

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