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Yiff: Difference between revisions

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Whan that aprill with his shoures soote
{{天|<big><b>Eyerape and soul torture are imminent</b><br>Those who want to masturbate to foxes sucking off cum-stained furries go to [http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Yiff Wikifur].</big><br>We don't like your kind here.|Furfagaskingforit.jpg|150px|red|50%|6px solid black}}
    1
 
The droghte of march hath perced to the roote,
[[Image:ffz.gif|thumb|<s>Fursecution.net</s>]]
    2
[[image:Whencometehyiff.jpg|thumb|right|An [[E621]] [[Luser|admin's]] reaction to a [[troll]] uploading [[WTC|9/11]] photos.]]
And bathed every veyne in swich licour
Yiffing is [[furry]] intercourse, or the sounds made during such an act, modeled after the sound a [[fox]] makes when [[mating]]. Also can be referred to as "'''Diet [[Bestiality]]'''". About 97% is [[cybersex]], the rest is [[mudsex]].
    3
 
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
The [[Paraphilia|deviant]] sexual practice of a [[furry]]. Basically mass-[[fursuit]]-clad [[frottage]].
    4
 
Whan zephirus eek with his sweete breeth
Sometimes it is used adjective to describe things "stimulating" to the particular sensibilities of a [[furry]], often as "yiffy" or even "yifftastic". It's possible to buy furniture that's [http://www.yiffy.com/ especially designed for yiffy action].
    5
 
Inspired hath in every holt and heeth
==What Is Yiffing?==
    6
[[Image:Sirkowski Furry Suit3.jpg|thumb|This is [[bestiality]].]]
Tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne
 
    7
'''Yiffing''' is the stimulating version of sex for the anthropomorhpic [[fetish]] which is known as furries. If you have ever spent a couple of hours near a [[furry]] (Which you might be doing but you'll never know), you would probably hear the word "yiff" after a great deal of time unless they're one of those stereotypical furry sluts that just thrive on sex.
Hath in the ram his halve cours yronne,
[http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/101641 Rejoice! The Yiff Anthem]
    8
 
And smale foweles maken melodye,
==Bullshit furries made up to describe Yiff==
    9
According to [[faggotry|furry tradition]], "yiff" is the noise emitted by foxes while making [[secks|teh secks]] (DISCONFIRMED BY [[Wikipedophiles|TOW]]). This makes the male fox the official absolute slut of the animal kingdom.
That slepen al the nyght with open ye
 
    10
[[Image:i don't yiff.jpg|thumb|lawl, bullshit.]]
(so priketh hem nature in hir corages);
 
    11
[[Over 9,000]] people have, at one point, inquired as to how the furs got the details as to what foxes [[fucking]] sounds like. But since this is precisely the kind of thing a furfag would know first-hand, I'm going to take them at their word ([[secks|irl fockssecks lol]]).
Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages,
 
    12
===The [[Lie|Truth]] [[Gay|comes out]]===
And palmeres for to seken straunge strondes,
 
    13
{{squote|Allow me to [[fuck|clear]] things up before you read this article...
To ferne halwes, kowthe in sondry londes;
[[Tl;dr|the term Yiff was originally made up by a guy named LittleFox, who used the term as a happy greeting, long before all of this sexual Yiff crap started. There was a small "Foxish" language he made up for greetings and things like that. Yiff was the cheeriest greeting, Yerf being a happy, but not fully happy greeting. Followed by Growlth which was a negative or bad greeting. There are other words and phrases, but this was where it originally denominated from.
    14
 
And specially from every shires ende
The common misconception is that the term "yiff" came from the sound Arctic foxes made while mating, but I don't know why anyone would listen to that, but somehow that's where Yiff supposedly came from. However the above paragraph disproves that.
    15
If you wish to read on about the current meaning of the word, go right ahead but the original term is far different.]]|[[liar|Truthbringer]] - Revision as of 04:33, 24 December 2007}}
Of engelond to caunterbury they wende,
 
    16
==IRL Yiffing==
The hooly blisful martir for to seke,
 
    17
Telltale signs of yiffers include:
That hem hath holpen whan that they were seeke.
 
    18
*Wearing or in possession of jizz-stained [[Fursuit]].
Bifil that in that seson on a day,
*Smeared [[Beastpaint]], especially around the mouth and face.
    19
 
In southwerk at the tabard as I lay
The best way is to show them [[Zippocat]] to force them into a butt-hurt paralysis, then promptly blow their fucking faces off with the closest firearm you can find. Be quick though, for they will imitate foxes or some other creature and run away to the forests of furfaggotry in which they dwell, and most likely get [[lol|mauled]] by a [[bear]]. Don't let a bear steal your joy!
    20
 
Redy to wenden on my pilgrymage
It is in fact, illegal to shoot yiffers during Halloween and Christmas due to the chance of shooting an innocent child or sexy lady dressed as a cat; so in the coming year all furries will be [[Something_Awful#The_Lolocaust|required to wear a little yellow star so as to avoid confusion]].
    21
 
To caunterbury with ful devout corage,
All hot chicks who happen to be furries (about three of them) are not to be harmed. After capturing one, simply send her to the nearest Catholic school where she'll be trained to use her perversions for good, and wear a short skirt, like she is supposed to.
    22
 
At nyght was come into that hostelrye
[[Last Thursday]] some furfags [http://www.nj.com/mercer/index.ssf/2012/07/animal-themed_party_at_west_wi.html actually did that] at a meetup [[lol|for charity]]. They ended up getting [[drunk]] and yiffing in public. Not only were furries [[banned|permab&]] from there, but [http://www.nj.com/mercer/index.ssf/2012/08/west_windsor_volunteers_barred.html ironically the charity they were "helping" ended up getting pwnd by the township for hosting yiff orgies.] gg furfags.
    23
 
Wel nyne and twenty in a compaignye,
<youtube>955N2-9G8A8</youtube>
    24
 
Of sondry folk, by aventure yfalle
==Skritching==
    25
 
In felaweshipe, and pilgrimes were they alle,
[[Image:Collegefurry2.jpg|thumb|This is how furries act socially with each other.]]
    26
 
That toward caunterbury wolden ryde.
'''Skritching''' is the act of stimulating various erogenous zones manually, and is similar to gentle scratching. This is an exclusively [[furry]] or [[otherkin]] act, and is often a prelude to a full-blown yiffing.
    27
 
The chambres and the stables weren wyde,
Due to the [[furggotry|well known]] and [[furry|well documented]] intelligence level of furries, the vocabulary to describe foreplay and [[yiff|other drivel]] online suffers atrophy as the [[cancer|infection]] wears on. With the [[joke|dogged]] determination reminiscent of the [[smurf|Smurfs]] to spread [[AIDS]] through words this term, once coined in some dank, sticky, hairy [[Anthrocon|odd-numbered room]], spread like wildfire on the [[interbutts]]. Usually mis-typed (having moar than 3 consonants in a row) in a [[sick fuck|furry cyber-sex]] chatroom to let the other faggot know that fore-play is afoot.
    28
 
And wel we weren esed atte beste.
May also be spelled "scritch".
    29
 
And shortly, whan the sonne was to reste,
 
    30
==Surprise Yiffing==
So hadde I spoken with hem everichon
 
    31
'''Surprise Yiffing''' is the act of, as the name suggests, taking a furfag, especially ones that are new to the fandom, pretending that they have no sexual interest in animals, then getting the poor newfag alone, then, surprise surprise, [[rape|destroy their asshole.]]
That I was of hir felaweshipe anon,
 
    32
This is unfortunately surprisingly common and even more common among [[NORP|non-furries.]]
And made forward erly for to ryse,
 
    33
To prevent this horrible act from happening to [[you]], do one of the following things:
To take oure wey ther as I yow devyse.
 
    34
1. Just never interact with furries.
But nathelees, whil I have tyme and space,
 
    35
2. Just never go to [[Sweden]].
Er that I ferther in this tale pace,
 
    36
3. Always bring a gun when you come within 1km of furfags.
Me thynketh it acordaunt to resoun
 
    37
==Furpile==
To telle yow al the condicioun
 
    38
[[File:MFF2008 Furpile.JPG|thumb|Supposedly, this is a furpile]]
Of ech of hem, so as it semed me,
[[File:Dancers.jpg|thumb|Artist's rendition of an actual furpile]]
    39
A '''furpile''' is a furry [[orgy]], although furries will deny this. They claim that a furpile is a bunch of furries lounging and socializing, but everyone knows the truth. Furpiles can be identified from several hundred yards away by the odor of a cluster of unwashed perverts wearing fursuits stained with feces, semen, and nerd sweat.
And whiche they weren, and of what degree,
 
    40
==Videos==
And eek in what array that they were inne;
 
    41
BE WARNED: these are fairly disturbing.
And at a knyght than wol I first bigynne.
 
    42
 
A knyght ther was, and that a worthy man,
<center>
    43
{{fv|1=councilvids|2=background-color: #COCOCO;|3=font-weight: bold;|
That fro the tyme that he first bigan
4=<youtube>-I3RWYN1SWc</youtube><center>This is a mirror of {{youtube|7jY9fWgrRxA|the original video}}<br />
    44
Someone has to hack this guys channel. Also note the creepy old guy in the back.</center>|
To riden out, he loved chivalrie,
5=<youtube>xzNiv9RPDW4</youtube>|
    45
6=<youtube>dokxH-IaLJE</youtube><center>gross, flag for nudity.</center>}}
Trouthe and honour, fredom and curteisie.
</center>
    46
 
Ful worthy was he in his lordes werre,
==Gallery==
    47
It is a sad and bizarre thought that a site like [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] which is [[fursecution|well-known for it hate of furries]] has so many yiffy pictures:
And therto hadde he riden, no man ferre,
 
    48
 
As wel in cristendom as in hethenesse,
{{cg|The Discovery Channel|yiffgallery|center|<gallery>
    49
File:JollyJacks-crap-vs-the-original-by-SilverFenrir.png|{{dauser|JollyJack}}, u can't fool us.
And evere honoured for his worthynesse.
Image:Wasteofagoodartist_rustehc.jpg|Not even sharks are safe from furry corruption.
    50
Image:DPdildo.jpg|You'll never look at Dr.Pepper the same way again.
At Alisaundre he was whan it was wonne.
Image:DarkNek0gamiSickFuck.jpg|[[Lol Wut|What]]
    51
</gallery>|<gallery>
Ful ofte tyme he hadde the bord bigonne
Image:Where milk comes from.jpg|This is where milk comes from, kids. BE HAPPY.
    52
Image:NintendOrgy.jpg|Needs not description, only full view.
Aboven alle nacions in pruce;
Image:RAPE SPIDER.jpg|[[ED]] User [[User:Sokevinsays|A RAPE SPIDER]] yiffing in his [[fursuit]].
    53
Image:yiff_action.jpg|[[omg]] hot!
In lettow hadde he reysed and in ruce,
Image:Tails.jpg|[[Sonic]] art? OH SHI-
    54
Image:oh lovely.jpg|[[Neopets|Neoporn]]
No cristen man so ofte of his degree.
Image:Furry_portal.jpg|FURRIES FAIL, THE WHOLE BODY WILL MOVE FORWARD
    55
Image:Sootysweepyiff.jpg|Where's your childhood now?
In gernade at the seege eek hadde he be
Image:Yiff_this_furverts.jpg|God Bless our fighting men and women!!1!
    56
Image:Gill_s_Orange_by_gillpanda.jpg|Now, that's just wrong...
Of algezir, and riden in belmarye.
Image:Pikachu57.jpg|[[Pokemon|What the fuck is this?]]
    57
Image:Iguantolikescocks.jpg|[[Lies|It has a gun. That makes it not gay.]]
At lyeys was he and at satalye,
Image:FanartFurry.jpg|Oh, YES. This makes [[insane|PERFECT SENSE]], man!
    58
Image:Dragon-morph my conbadges2.jpg|How do I yiffed in Hell?
Whan they were wonne; and in the grete see
Image:Moonripjimforever.jpg|GTFO, [[sick fuck]]
    59
Image:Foxdick.jpg|You gon get yiffed.
At many a noble armee hadde he be.
File:911 Gay Furry Porn.png
    60
Image:Tiger pig leather3.jpg|[[ZOMG]] IT'S A TRAP!!!
At mortal batailles hadde he been fiftene,
Image:Kryis_New_Look_by_Crystal_for_ever.jpg|This is how vaginas work in the world of Crystal-for-ever.
    61
Image:Dragonsandcars01_top.jpg|Dragon cum can minimize your cars proficiency. Check every day.
And foughten for oure feith at tramyssene
Image:Dragonsandcars02_top.jpg|Dragons are consistent car rapists.
    62
Image:Dragonsandcars05 top.jpg|Okay, what the hell is going on.
In lystes thries, and ay slayn his foo.
Image:Dragonsandcars09_top.jpg|[[Rule 34|Why does this exist?]]
    63
Image:Hyena_dp.jpg|Why Shenzi was the leader of the 3.
This ilke worthy knyght hadde been also
Image:Firefox34.jpg|It morphs.
    64
Image:Analtruck.jpg|An 18-wheeler driving into a dragon's anus.
Somtyme with the lord of palatye
Image:Dragonslam.gif|Dragon dick slam!
    65
Image:Rule_34_in_action.jpg|What ''VG Cats'' fans really want to see.
Agayn another hethen in turkye. Page  18
Image:Pikapr0n.jpg|...
    66
Image:Castle yiff.png|Screenshot from the level "Escape From Castle Yiffenstein" on [[Furcadia]].
And everemoore he hadde a sovereyn prys;
Image:Ash_pikachu.jpg|[[lies|It's not yiff! It's just playing!]]
    67
Image:7e1d7df5fcb0a00a0fbc5f4dbbaf02f3.png|ASKING FOR IT.
And though that he were worthy, he was wys,
Image:Mewtwolucarioplaying.png|[[Lucario]] and [[Mewtwo]] [[sex|playing]] a [[blowjob|friendly game]].
    68
Image:Mewtworenamonplaytime.jpg|[[????]]
And of his port as meeke as is a mayde.
File:Snapchat Furry Porn.jpg
    69
File:Gay Furry Porn.jpg
He nevere yet no vileynye ne sayde
Image:Luchumps.jpg|[[Lucario]] is a [[furfag]].
    70
File:Lewd.gif|lewd~
In al his lyf unto no maner wight.
Image:Auragasm4.jpg|OH, MY FUCKING...
    71
Image:Mudkipshaft.jpg|All this yiff....you wanna become [[An Hero]] yet?
He was a verray, parfit gentil knyght.
Image:Sonicwerewolfnewgameplay.jpg|FAIL
    72
Image:Furryrebuttalwm9.jpg|Typical furfag children at play.
But, for to tellen yow of his array,
Image:Yiff we can obama rita.jpg|[[Obama|Yiff we can!]]
    73
Image:FurryGoreKiss.jpg|A dragon and wolf kissing with food in their mouths.
His hors were goode, but he was nat gay.
Image:Craposlovetoy.jpg|a toy for lonely furfags such as Crapoartworks to yiff.
    74
Image:Furries having sex.jpg|Scary isn't it?
Of fustian he wered a gypon
Image:Jackalporn.jpg|Jackals?
    75
Image:YIFFby-pyrefox_moonsong.jpg|Defies description.
Al bismotered with his habergeon,
Image:Cheese Grater Furry.JPG|[[Furry]] [[guro]].
    76
Image:Furry Pokemon Cockvore.png|''Pokemon'' Cockvore
For he was late ycome from his viage,
Image:FurryPedo Whut.jpg|[[lol wut|WHAT?]]
    77
Image:2-Lucario-Blowjob.jpg|More [[Lucario]] porn.
And wente for to doon his pilgrymage.
Image:Male Furry Tentecle Rape Eggs.jpg|Furry + Tentacle Raep + M-Preg + Man-Eggs = [[lol wut]]?
    78
Image:Umbreon Like Scrotum.png|Umbreon likes [[PINGAS]].
With hym ther was his sone, a yong squier,
Image:Palkia and Dialga Fucking.jpg|Palkia and Dialga fucking.
    79
Image:LucareonAfterSchoolED.jpg|Ready for moar, furries?
A lovyere and a lusty bacheler,
Image:Gary Lucario Pokemon.png|[[Gary Oak|Gary]] was [[homosexuality|here]], Ash is a [[furry|loser]].
    80
Image:Lucario x Bowser.jpg|Lucario x Bowser
With lokkes crulle as they were leyd in presse.
Image:MaleKrystal.jpg|...
    81
Image:MOAR Male Krystal.jpg|Krystal is a faggot.
Of twenty yeer of age he was, I gesse.
Image:Veemonsito porn.png|Cub fags
    82
Image:Rectal Aclholism.jpg|[[an hero|COOL SUICIDE, BRO!]]
Of his stature he was of evene lengthe,
Image:Komariazuul_-_komari's_graduation_gift_-_sdx_panfix.jpg|Final boss of furry porn.
    83
Image:cattaur.jpg|MOAR TITS, MOAR NIGHTMARES
And wonderly delyvere, and of greet strengthe.
File:GERMAN FURRY FAGS Eng.jpg
    84
</gallery>}}
And he hadde been somtyme in chyvachie
 
    85
==See Also==
In flaundres, in artoys, and pycardie,
[[File:Normalvsfurfag.jpg|thumb|right|320px|[[NORP]]'s reaction to furry pr0n.]]
    86
*[[Furry]]
And born hym weel, as of so litel space,
*[[Furry art]]
    87
*[[Fursona]]
In hope to stonden in his lady grace.
*[[Rita]]
    88
*[[Furfag]]
Embrouded was he, as it were a meede
*''[[Softpaw Magazine]]''
    89
*[[Fursuit]]
Al ful of fresshe floures, whyte and reede.
*[[Masturbation]]
    90
*[[Cybersex]]
Syngynge he was, or floytynge, al the day;
*[[Sex]]
    91
*[[Buttsecks]]
He was as fressh as is the month of may.
*[[Gay]]
    92
*[[Bestiality]]
Short was his gowne, with sleves longe and wyde.
*[[Zoophile]]
    93
*[[Zeta Toy]]
Wel koude he sitte on hors and faire ryde.
*[[OwO whats this..?]]
    94
*[[Strategically Placed Hole]]
He koude songes make and wel endite,
*[[Cuddle Party]]
    95
*''[[YIFF! The Musical]]''
Juste and eek daunce, and weel purtreye and write.
*[[Fesazukichan]]
    96
*[[Snapesnogger]]
So hoote he lovede that by nyghtertale.
 
    97
==External Links==
He sleep namoore than dooth a nyghtyngale.
[[File:Yiff derailed.png|thumb|Furries, on a furry board, derailing their own yiff thread. LOGIC!]]
    98
*[http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Yiff On Wikifur]
Curteis he was, lowely, and servysable,
*[http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=yiff Definition on Urbandictionary.com]
    99
*[http://www.pilot.furtopia.org/yiff1.htm A guide to safe Yiffing - be it human or animal]
And carf biforn his fader at the table.
*[http://www.pilot.furtopia.org/Text/YiffyGuide.pdf Another guide to safe yiffing]
    100
*[http://i2.ytimg.com/bg/Qs_LSAh43igDLeXuRAwMyg/116.jpg?app=bg&v=4c27a6ad WTF, JUST WTF (AVP: Yiffy Style)]
A yeman hadde he and servantz namo
*[http://en.wikifur.com/w/images/3/35/YiffyGuideToSaferSex.pdf Guide to have good yiff. OH GOD, IT BURNS!]
    101
 
At that tyme, for hym liste ride so,
{{Sex}}
    102
{{Furfaggotry}}
And he was clad in cote and hood of grene.
 
    103
[[Category: Epithets]]
A sheef of pecok arwes, bright and kene,
[[Category: Furries]]
    104
[[Category:Sex]]
Under his belt he bar ful thriftily,
    105
(wel koude he dresse his takel yemanly:
    106
His arwes drouped noght with fetheres lowe)
    107
And in his hand he baar a myghty bowe.
    108
A not heed hadde he, with a broun visage.
    109
Of wodecraft wel koude he al the usage.
    110
Upon his arm he baar a gay bracer,
    111
And by his syde a swerd and a bokeler,
    112
And on that oother syde a gay daggere
    113
Harneised wel and sharp as point of spere;
    114
A cristopher on his brest of silver sheene.
    115
An horn he bar, the bawdryk was of grene;
    116
A forster was he, soothly, as I gesse.
    117
Ther was also a nonne, a prioresse,
    118
That of hir smylyng was ful symple and coy;
    119
Hire gretteste ooth was but by seinte loy;
    120
And she was cleped madame eglentyne.
    121
Ful weel she soong the service dyvyne,
    122
Entuned in hir nose ful semely,
    123
And frenssh she spak ful faire and fetisly,
    124
After the scole of stratford atte bowe,
    125
For frenssh of parys was to hire unknowe.
    126
At mete wel ytaught was she with alle:
    127
She leet no morsel from hir lippes falle,
    128
Ne wette hir fyngres in hir sauce depe;
    129
Wel koude she carie a morsel and wel kepe
    130
That no drope ne fille upon hire brest.
    131
In curteisie was set ful muchel hir lest.
    132
Hir over-lippe wyped she so clene
    133
That in hir coppe ther was no ferthyng sene
    134
Of grece, whan she dronken hadde hir draughte.
    135
Ful semely after hir mete she raughte.
    136
And sikerly she was of greet desport,
    137
And ful plesaunt, and amyable of port,
    138
And peyned hire to countrefete cheere
    139
Of court, and to been estatlich of manere,
    140
And to ben holden digne of reverence.
    141
But, for to speken of hire conscience,
    142
She was so charitable and so pitous
    143
She wolde wepe, if that she saugh a mous
    144
Kaught in a trappe, if it were deed or bledde.
    145
Of smale houndes hadde she that she fedde
    146
With rosted flessh, or milk and wastel-breed.
    147
But soore wepte she if oon of hem were deed,
    148
Or if men smoot it with a yerde smerte;
    149
And al was conscience and tendre herte.
    150
Ful semyly hir wympul pynched was,
    151
Hir nose tretys, hir eyen greye as glas,
    152
Hir mouth ful smal, and therto softe and reed;
    153
But sikerly she hadde a fair forheed;
    154
It was almoost a spanne brood, I trowe;
    155
For, hardily, she was nat undergrowe.
    156
Ful fetys was hir cloke, as I was war.
    157
Of smal coral aboute hire arm she bar
    158
A peire of bedes, gauded al with grene,
    159
And theron heng a brooch of gold ful sheene,
    160
On which ther was first write a crowned a,
    161
And after amor vincit omnia.
    162
Another nonne with hire hadde she,
    163
That was hir chapeleyne, and preestes thre.
    164
A monk ther was, a fair for the maistrie,
    165
An outridere, that lovede venerie,
    166
A manly man, to been an abbot able.
    167
Ful many a deyntee hors hadde he in stable,
    168
And whan he rood, men myghte his brydel heere
    169
Gynglen in a whistlynge wynd als cleere
    170
And eek as loude as dooth the chapel belle. Page  19
    171
Ther as this lord was kepere of the celle,
    172
The reule of seint maure or of seint beneit,
    173
By cause that it was old and somdel streit
    174
This ilke monk leet olde thynges pace,
    175
And heeld after the newe world the space.
    176
He yaf nat of that text a pulled hen,
    177
That seith that hunters ben nat hooly men,
    178
Ne that a monk, whan he is recchelees,
    179
Is likned til a fissh that is waterlees, --
    180
This is to seyn, a monk out of his cloystre.
    181
But thilke text heeld he nat worth an oystre;
    182
And I seyde his opinion was good.
    183
What sholde he studie and make hymselven wood,
    184
Upon a book in cloystre alwey to poure,
    185
Or swynken with his handes, and laboure,
    186
As austyn bit? how shal the world be served?
    187
Lat austyn have his swynk to hym reserved!
    188
Therfore he was a prikasour aright:
    189
Grehoundes he hadde as swift as fowel in flight;
    190
Of prikyng and of huntyng for the hare
    191
Was al his lust, for no cost wolde he spare.
    192
I seigh his sleves purfiled at the hond
    193
With grys, and that the fyneste of a lond;
    194
And, for to festne his hood under his chyn,
    195
He hadde of gold ywroght a ful curious pyn;
    196
A love-knotte in the gretter ende ther was.
    197
His heed was balled, that shoon as any glas,
    198
And eek his face, as he hadde been enoynt.
    199
He was a lord ful fat and in good poynt;
    200
His eyen stepe, and rollynge in his heed,
    201
That stemed as a forneys of a leed;
    202
His bootes souple, his hors in greet estaat.
    203
Now certeinly he was a fair prelaat;
    204
He was nat pale as a forpyned goost.
    205
A fat swan loved he best of any roost.
    206
His palfrey was as broun as is a berye.
    207
A frere ther was, a wantowne and a merye,
    208
A lymytour, a ful solempne man.
    209
In alle the ordres foure is noon that kan
    210
So muchel of daliaunce and fair langage.
    211
He hadde maad ful many a mariage
    212
Of yonge wommen at his owene cost.
    213
Unto his ordre he was a noble post.
    214
Ful wel biloved and famulier was he
    215
With frankeleyns over al in his contree,
    216
And eek with worthy wommen of the toun;
    217
For he hadde power of confessioun,
    218
As seyde hymself, moore than a curat,
    219
For of his ordre he was licenciat.
    220
Ful swetely herde he confessioun,
    221
And plesaunt was his absolucioun:
    222
He was an esy man to yeve penaunce,
    223
Ther as he wiste to have a good pitaunce.
    224
For unto a povre ordre for to yive
    225
Is signe that a man is wel yshryve;
    226
For if he yaf, he dorste make avaunt,
    227
He wiste that a man was repentaunt;
    228
For many a man so hard is of his herte,
    229
He may nat wepe, althogh hym soore smerte.
    230
Therfore in stede of wepynge and preyeres
    231
Men moote yeve silver to the povre freres.
    232
His typet was ay farsed ful of knyves
    233
And pynnes, for to yeven faire wyves.
    234
And certeinly he hadde a murye note:
    235
Wel koude he synge and pleyen on a rote;
    236
Of yeddynges he baar outrely the pris.
    237
His nekke whit was as the flour-de-lys;
    238
Therto he strong was as a champioun.
    239
He knew the tavernes wel in every toun
    240
And everich hostiler and tappestere
    241
Bet than a lazar or a beggestere;
    242
For unto swich a worthy man as he
    243
Acorded nat, as by his facultee,
    244
To have with sike lazars aqueyntaunce.
    245
It is nat honest, it may nat avaunce,
    246
For to deelen with no swich poraille,
    247
But al with riche and selleres of vitaille.
    248
And over al, ther as profit sholde arise,
    249
Curteis he was and lowely of servyse.
    250
Ther nas no man nowher so vertuous.
    251
He was the beste beggere in his hous;
    252
(and yaf a certeyne ferme for the graunt;
    252.1
Noon of his bretheren cam ther in his haunt;)
    252.2
For thogh a wydwe hadde noght a sho,
    253
So plesaunt was his in principio,
    254
Yet wolde he have a ferthyng, er he wente.
    255
His purchas was wel bettre than his rente.
    256
And rage he koude, as it were right a whelp.
    257
In love-dayes ther koude he muchel help,
    258
For ther he was nat lyk a cloysterer
    259
With a thredbare cope, as is a povre scoler,
    260
But he was lyk a maister or a pope.
    261
Of double worstede was his semycope,
    262
That rounded as a belle out of the presse.
    263
Somwhat he lipsed, for his wantownesse,
    264
To make his englissh sweete upon his tonge;
    265
And in his harpyng, whan that he hadde songe,
    266
His eyen twynkled in his heed aryght,
    267
As doon the sterres in the frosty nyght.
    268
This worthy lymytour was cleped huberd.
    269
A marchant was ther with a forked berd,
    270
In mottelee, and hye on horse he sat;
    271
Upon his heed a flaundryssh bever hat,
    272
His bootes clasped faire and fetisly.
    273
His resons he spak ful solempnely,
    274
Sownynge alwey th' encrees of his wynnyng. Page  20
    275
He wolde the see were kept for any thyng
    276
Bitwixe middelburgh and orewelle.
    277
Wel koude he in eschaunge sheeldes selle.
    278
This worthy man ful wel his wit bisette:
    279
Ther wiste no wight that he was in dette,
    280
So estatly was he of his governaunce
    281
With his bargaynes and with his chevyssaunce.
    282
For sothe he was a worthy man with alle,
    283
But, sooth to seyn, I noot how men hym calle.
    284
A clerk ther was of oxenford also,
    285
That unto logyk hadde longe ygo.
    286
As leene was his hors as is a rake,
    287
And he nas nat right fat, I undertake,
    288
But looked holwe, and therto sobrely.
    289
Ful thredbare was his overeste courtepy;
    290
For he hadde geten hym yet no benefice,
    291
Ne was so worldly for to have office.
    292
For hym was levere have at his beddes heed
    293
Twenty bookes, clad in blak or reed,
    294
Of aristotle and his philosophie,
    295
Than robes riche, or fithele, or gay sautrie.
    296
But al be that he was a philosophre,
    297
Yet hadde he but litel gold in cofre;
    298
But al that he myghte of his freendes hente,
    299
On bookes and on lernynge he it spente,
    300
And bisily gan for the soules preye
    301
Of hem that yaf hym wherwith to scoleye.
    302
Of studie took he moost cure and moost heede,
    303
Noght o word spak he moore than was neede,
    304
And that was seyd in forme and reverence,
    305
And short and quyk and ful of hy sentence;
    306
Sownynge in moral vertu was his speche,
    307
And gladly wolde he lerne and gladly teche.
    308
A sergeant of the lawe, war and wys,
    309
That often hadde been at the parvys,
    310
Ther was also, ful riche of excellence.
    311
Discreet he was and of greet reverence --
    312
He semed swich, his wordes weren so wise.
    313
Justice he was ful often in assise,
    314
By patente and by pleyn commissioun.
    315
For his science and for his heigh renoun,
    316
Of fees and robes hadde he many oon.
    317
So greet a purchasour was nowher noon:
    318
Al was fee symple to hym in effect;
    319
His purchasyng myghte nat been infect.
    320
Nowher so bisy a man as he ther nas,
    321
And yet he semed bisier than he was.
    322
In termes hadde he caas and doomes alle
    323
That from the tyme of kyng william were falle.
    324
Therto he koude endite, and make a thyng,
    325
Ther koude no wight pynche at his writyng;
    326
And every statut koude he pleyn by rote.
    327
He rood but hoomly in a medlee cote.
    328
Girt with a ceint of silk, with barres smale;
    329
Of his array telle I no lenger tale.
    330
A frankeleyn was in his compaignye.
    331
Whit was his berd as is the dayesye;
    332
Of his complexioun he was sangwyn.
    333
Wel loved he by the morwe a sop in wyn;
    334
To lyven in delit was evere his wone,
    335
For he was epicurus owene sone,
    336
That heeld opinioun that pleyn delit
    337
Was verray felicitee parfit.
    338
An housholdere, and that a greet, was he;
    339
Seint julian he was in his contree.
    340
His breed, his ale, was alweys after oon;
    341
A bettre envyned man was nowher noon.
    342
Withoute bake mete was nevere his hous
    343
Of fissh and flessh, and that so plentevous,
    344
It snewed in his hous of mete and drynke,
    345
Of alle deyntees that men koude thynke.
    346
After the sondry sesons of the yeer,
    347
So chaunged he his mete and his soper.
    348
Ful many a fat partrich hadde he in muwe,
    349
And many a breem and many a luce in stuwe.
    350
Wo was his cook but if his sauce were
    351
Poynaunt and sharp, and redy al his geere.
    352
His table dormant in his halle alway
    353
Stood redy covered al the longe day.
    354
At sessiouns ther was he lord and sire;
    355
Ful ofte tyme he was knyght of the shire.
    356
An anlaas and a gipser al of silk
    357
Heeng at his girdel, whit as morne milk.
    358
A shirreve hadde he been, and a contour.
    359
Was nowher swich a worthy vavasour.
    360
An haberdasshere and a carpenter,
    361
A webbe, a dyere, and a tapycer, --
    362
And they were clothed alle in o lyveree
    363
Of a solempne and a greet fraternitee.
    364
Ful fressh and newe hir geere apiked was;
    365
Hir knyves were chaped noght with bras
    366
But al with silver; wroght ful clene and weel
    367
Hire girdles and hir pouches everydeel.
    368
Wel semed ech of hem a fair burgeys
    369
To sitten in a yeldehalle on a deys.
    370
Everich, for the wisdom that he kan,
    371
Was shaply for to been an alderman.
    372
For catel hadde they ynogh and rente,
    373
And eek hir wyves wolde it wel assente;
    374
And elles certeyn were they to blame.
    375
It is ful fair to been ycleped madame,
    376
And goon to vigilies al bifore,
    377
And have a mantel roialliche ybore.
    378
A cook they hadde with hem for the nones
    379
To boille the chiknes with the marybones,
    380
And poudre-marchant tart and galyngale.
    381
Wel koude he knowe a draughte of londoun ale. Page  21
    382
He koude rooste, and sethe, and broille, and frye,
    383
Maken mortreux, and wel bake a pye.
    384
But greet harm was it, as it thoughte me,
    385
That on his shyne a mormal hadde he.
    386
For blankmanger, that made he with the beste.
    387
A shipman was ther, wonynge fer by weste;
    388
For aught I woot, he was of dertemouthe.
    389
He rood upon a rounce, as he kouthe,
    390
In a gowne of faldyng to the knee.
    391
A daggere hangynge on a laas hadde he
    392
Aboute his nekke, under his arm adoun.
    393
The hoote somer hadde maad his hewe al broun;
    394
And certeinly he was a good felawe.
    395
Ful many a draughte of wyn had he ydrawe
    396
Fro burdeux-ward, whil that the chapmen sleep.
    397
Of nyce conscience took he no keep.
    398
If that he faught, and hadde the hyer hond,
    399
By water he sente hem hoom to every lond.
    400
But of his craft to rekene wel his tydes,
    401
His stremes, and his daungers hym bisides,
    402
His herberwe, and his moone, his lodemenage,
    403
Ther nas noon swich from hulle to cartage.
    404
Hardy he was and wys to undertake;
    405
With many a tempest hadde his berd been shake.
    406
He knew alle the havenes, as they were,
    407
Fro gootlond to the cape of fynystere,
    408
And every cryke in britaigne and in spayne.
    409
His barge ycleped was the maudelayne.
    410
With us ther was a doctour of phisik;
    411
In al this world ne was the noon hym lik,
    412
To speke of phisik and of surgerye
    413
For he was grounded in astronomye.
    414
He kepte his pacient a ful greet deel
    415
In houres by his magyk natureel.
    416
Wel koude he fortunen the ascendent
    417
Of his ymages for his pacient.
    418
He knew the cause of everich maladye,
    419
Were it of hoot, or coold, or moyste, or drye,
    420
And where they engendred, and of what humour.
    421
He was a verray, parfit praktisour:
    422
The cause yknowe, and of his harm the roote,
    423
Anon he yaf the sike man his boote.
    424
Ful redy hadde he his apothecaries
    425
To sende hym drogges and his letuaries,
    426
For ech of hem made oother for to wynne --
    427
Hir frendshipe nas nat newe to bigynne.
    428
Wel knew he the olde esculapius,
    429
And deyscorides, and eek rufus,
    430
Olde ypocras, haly, and galyen,
    431
Serapion, razis, and avycen,
    432
Averrois, damascien, and constantyn,
    433
Bernard, and gatesden, and gilbertyn.
    434
Of his diete mesurable was he,
    435
For it was of no superfluitee,
    436
But of greet norissyng and digestible.
    437
His studie was but litel on the bible.
    438
In sangwyn and in pers he clad was al,
    439
Lyned with taffata and with sendal;
    440
And yet he was but esy of dispence;
    441
He kepte that he wan in pestilence.
    442
For gold in phisik is a cordial,
    443
Therefore he lovede gold in special.
    444
A good wif was ther of biside bathe,
    445
But she was somdel deef, and that was scathe.
    446
Of clooth-makyng she hadde swich an haunt,
    447
She passed hem of ypres and of gaunt.
    448
In al the parisshe wif ne was ther noon
    449
That to the offrynge bifore hire sholde goon;
    450
And if ther dide, certeyn so wrooth was she,
    451
That she was out of alle charitee.
    452
Hir coverchiefs ful fyne weren of ground;
    453
I dorste swere they weyeden ten pound
    454
That on a sonday weren upon hir heed.
    455
Hir hosen weren of fyn scarlet reed,
    456
Ful streite yteyd, and shoes ful moyste and newe.
    457
Boold was hir face, and fair, and reed of hewe.
    458
She was a worthy womman al hir lyve:
    459
Housbondes at chirche dore she hadde fyve,
    460
Withouten oother compaignye in youthe, --
    461
But therof nedeth nat to speke as nowthe.
    462
And thries hadde she been at jerusalem;
    463
She hadde passed many a straunge strem;
    464
At rome she hadde been, and at boloigne,
    465
In galice at seint-jame, and at coloigne.
    466
She koude muchel of wandrynge by the weye.
    467
Gat-tothed was she, soothly for to seye.
    468
Upon an amblere esily she sat,
    469
Ywympled wel, and on hir heed an hat
    470
As brood as is a bokeler or a targe;
    471
A foot-mantel aboute hir hipes large,
    472
And on hir feet a paire of spores sharpe.
    473
In felaweshipe wel koude she laughe and carpe.
    474
Of remedies of love she knew per chaunce,
    475
For she koude of that art the olde daunce.
    476
A good man was ther of religioun,
    477
And was a povre persoun of a toun,
    478
But riche he was of hooly thoght and werk.
    479
He was also a lerned man, a clerk,
    480
That cristes gospel trewely wolde preche;
    481
His parisshens devoutly wolde he teche.
    482
Benygne he was, and wonder diligent,
    483
And in adversitee ful pacient, Page  22
    484
And swich he was ypreved ofte sithes.
    485
Ful looth were hym to cursen for his tithes,
    486
But rather wolde he yeven, out of doute,
    487
Unto his povre parisshens aboute
    488
Of his offryng and eek of his substaunce.
    489
He koude in litel thyng have suffisaunce.
    490
Wyd was his parisshe, and houses fer asonder,
    491
But he ne lefte nat, for reyn ne thonder,
    492
In siknesse nor in meschief to visite
    493
The ferreste in his parisshe, muche and lite,
    494
Upon his feet, and in his hand a staf.
    495
This noble ensample to his sheep he yaf,
    496
That first he wroghte, and afterward he taughte.
    497
Out of the gospel he tho wordes caughte,
    498
And this figure he added eek therto,
    499
That if gold ruste, what shal iren do?
    500
For if a preest be foul, on whom we truste,
    501
No wonder is a lewed man to ruste;
    502
And shame it is, if a prest take keep,
    503
A shiten shepherde and a clene sheep.
    504
Wel oghte a preest ensample for to yive,
    505
By his clennesse, how that his sheep sholde lyve.
    506
He sette nat his benefice to hyre
    507
And leet his sheep encombred in the myre
    508
And ran to londoun unto seinte poules
    509
To seken hym a chaunterie for soules,
    510
Or with a bretherhed to been withholde;
    511
But dwelte at hoom, and kepte wel his folde,
    512
So that the wolf ne made it nat myscarie;
    513
He was a shepherde and noght a mercenarie.
    514
And though he hooly were and vertuous,
    515
He was to synful men nat despitous,
    516
Ne of his speche daungerous ne digne,
    517
But in his techyng discreet and benygne.
    518
To drawen folk to hevene by fairnesse,
    519
By good ensample, this was his bisynesse.
    520
But it were any persone obstinat,
    521
What so he were, of heigh or lough estat,
    522
Hym wolde he snybben sharply for the nonys.
    523
A bettre preest I trowe that nowher noon ys.
    524
He waited after no pompe and reverence,
    525
Ne maked him a spiced conscience,
    526
But cristes loore and his apostles twelve
    527
He taughte, but first he folwed it hymselve.
    528
With hym ther was a plowman, was his brother,
    529
That hadde ylad of dong ful many a fother;
    530
A trewe swynkere and a good was he,
    531
Lyvynge in pees and parfit charitee.
    532
God loved he best with al his hoole herte
    533
At alle tymes, thogh him gamed or smerte,
    534
And thanne his neighebor right as hymselve.
    535
He wolde thresshe, and therto dyke and delve,
    536
For cristes sake, for every povre wight,
    537
Withouten hire, if it lay in his myght.
    538
His tithes payde he ful faire and wel,
    539
Bothe of his propre swynk and his catel.
    540
In a tabard he rood upon a mere.
    541
Ther was also a reve, and a millere,
    542
A somnour, and a pardoner also,
    543
A maunciple, and myself -- ther were namo.
    544
The millere was a stout carl for the nones;
    545
Ful byg he was of brawn, and eek of bones.
    546
That proved wel, for over al ther he cam,
    547
At wrastlynge he wolde have alwey the ram.
    548
He was short-sholdred, brood, a thikke knarre;
    549
Ther was no dore that he nolde heve of harre,
    550
Or breke it at a rennyng with his heed.
    551
His berd as any sowe or fox was reed,
    552
And therto brood, as though it were a spade.
    553
Upon the cop right of his nose he hade
    554
A werte, and theron stood a toft of herys,
    555
Reed as the brustles of a sowes erys;
    556
His nosethirles blake were and wyde.
    557
A swerd and bokeler bar he by his syde.
    558
His mouth as greet was as a greet forneys.
    559
He was a janglere and a goliardeys,
    560
And that was moost of synne and harlotries.
    561
Wel koude he stelen corn and tollen thries;
    562
And yet he hadde a thombe of gold, pardee.
    563
A whit cote and a blew hood wered he.
    564
A baggepipe wel koude he blowe and sowne,
    565
And therwithal he broghte us out of towne.
    566
A gentil maunciple was ther of a temple,
    567
Of which achatours myghte take exemple
    568
For to be wise in byynge of vitaille;
    569
For wheither that he payde or took by taille,
    570
Algate he wayted so in his achaat
    571
That he was ay biforn and in good staat.
    572
Now is nat that of God a ful fair grace
    573
That swich a lewed mannes wit shal pace
    574
The wisdom of an heep of lerned men?
    575
Of maistres hadde he mo than thries ten,
    576
That weren of lawe expert and curious,
    577
Of which ther were a duszeyne in that hous
    578
Worthy to been stywardes of rente and lond
    579
Of any lord that is in engelond,
    580
To make hym lyve by his propre good
    581
In honour dettelees (but if he were wood),
    582
Or lyve as scarsly as hym list desire;
    583
And able for to helpen al a shire
    584
In any caas that myghte falle or happe;
    585
And yet this manciple sette hir aller cappe.
    586
The reve was a sclendre colerik man.
    587
His berd was shave as ny as ever he kan;
    588
His heer was by his erys ful round yshorn; Page  23
    589
His top was dokked lyk a preest biforn
    590
Ful longe were his legges and ful lene,
    591
Ylyk a staf, ther was no calf ysene.
    592
Wel koude he kepe a gerner and a bynne;
    593
Ther was noon auditour koude on him wynne.
    594
Wel wiste he by the droghte and by the reyn
    595
The yeldynge of his seed and of his greyn.
    596
His lordes sheep, his neet, his dayerye,
    597
His swyn, his hors, his stoor, and his pultrye
    598
Was hoolly in this reves governynge,
    599
And by his covenant yaf the rekenynge,
    600
Syn that his lord was twenty yeer of age.
    601
Ther koude no man brynge hym in arrerage.
    602
Ther nas baillif, ne hierde, nor oother hyne,
    603
That he ne knew his sleighte and his covyne;
    604
They were adrad of hym as of the deeth.
    605
His wonyng was ful faire upon an heeth;
    606
With grene trees yshadwed was his place.
    607
He koude bettre than his lord purchace.
    608
Ful riche he was astored pryvely:
    609
His lord wel koude he plesen subtilly,
    610
To yeve and lene hym of his owene good,
    611
And have a thank, and yet a cote and hood.
    612
In youthe he hadde lerned a good myster;
    613
He was a wel good wrighte, a carpenter.
    614
This reve sat upon a ful good stot,
    615
That was al pomely grey and highte scot.
    616
A long surcote of pers upon he hade,
    617
And by his syde he baar a rusty blade.
    618
Of northfolk was this reve of which I telle,
    619
Biside a toun men clepen baldeswelle.
    620
Tukked he was as is a frere aboute,
    621
And evere he rood the hyndreste of oure route.
    622
A somonour was ther with us in that place,
    623
That hadde a fyr-reed cherubynnes face,
    624
For saucefleem he was, with eyen narwe.
    625
As hoot he was and lecherous as a sparwe,
    626
With scalled browes blake and piled berd.
    627
Of his visage children were aferd.
    628
Ther nas quyk-silver, lytarge, ne brymstoon,
    629
Boras, ceruce, ne oille of tartre noon;
    630
Ne oynement that wolde clense and byte,
    631
That hym myghte helpen of his whelkes white,
    632
Nor of the knobbes sittynge on his chekes.
    633
Wel loved he garleek, oynons, and eek lekes,
    634
And for to drynken strong wyn, reed as blood;
    635
Thanne wolde he speke and crie as he were wood.
    636
And whan that he wel dronken hadde the wyn,
    637
Thanne wolde he speke no word but latyn.
    638
A fewe termes hadde he, two or thre,
    639
That he had lerned out of som decree --
    640
No wonder is, he herde it al the day;
    641
And eek ye knowen wel how that a jay
    642
Kan clepen watte as wel as kan the pope.
    643
But whoso koude in oother thyng hym grope,
    644
Thanne hadde he spent al his philosophie;
    645
Ay questio quid iuris wolde he crie.
    646
He was a gentil harlot and a kynde;
    647
A bettre felawe sholde men noght fynde.
    648
He wolde suffre for a quart of wyn
    649
A good felawe to have his concubyn
    650
A twelf month, and excuse hym atte fulle;
    651
Ful prively a fynch eek koude he pulle.
    652
And if he foond owher a good felawe,
    653
He wolde techen him to have noon awe
    654
In swich caas of the ercedekenes curs,
    655
But if a mannes soule were in his purs;
    656
For in his purs he sholde ypunysshed be.
    657
Purs is the ercedekenes helle, seyde he.
    658
But wel I woot he lyed right in dede;
    659
Of cursyng oghte ech gilty man him drede,
    660
For curs wol slee right as assoillyng savith,
    661
And also war hym of a significavit.
    662
In daunger hadde he at his owene gise
    663
The yonge girles of the diocise,
    664
And knew hir conseil, and was al hir reed.
    665
A gerland hadde he set upon his heed
    666
As greet as it were for an ale-stake.
    667
A bokeleer hadde he maad hym of a cake.
    668
With hym ther rood a gentil pardoner
    669
Of rouncivale, his freend and his compeer,
    670
That streight was comen fro the court of rome.
    671
Ful loude he soong com hider, love, to me!
    672
This somonour bar to hym a stif burdoun;
    673
Was nevere trompe of half so greet a soun.
    674
This pardoner hadde heer as yelow as wex,
    675
But smothe it heeng as dooth a strike of flex;
    676
By ounces henge his lokkes that he hadde,
    677
And therwith he his shuldres overspradde;
    678
But thynne it lay, by colpons oon and oon.
    679
But hood, for jolitee, wered he noon,
    680
For it was trussed up in his walet.
    681
Hym thoughte he rood al of the newe jet;
    682
Dischevelee, save his cappe, he rood al bare.
    683
Swiche glarynge eyen hadde he as an hare.
    684
A vernycle hadde he sowed upon his cappe.
    685
His walet lay biforn hym in his lappe,
    686
Bretful of pardoun, comen from rome al hoot.
    687
A voys he hadde as smal as hath a goot.
    688
No berd hadde he, ne nevere sholde have;
    689
As smothe it was as it were late shave.
    690
I trowe he were a geldyng or a mare.
    691
But of his craft, fro berwyk into ware,
    692
Ne was ther swich another pardoner
    693
For in his male he hadde a pilwe-beer,
    694
Which that he seyde was oure lady veyl: Page  24
    695
He seyde he hadde a gobet of the seyl
    696
That seint peter hadde, whan that he wente
    697
Upon the see, til jhesu crist hym hente.
    698
He hadde a croys of latoun ful of stones,
    699
And in a glas he hadde pigges bones.
    700
But with thise relikes, whan that he fond
    701
A povre person dwellynge upon lond,
    702
Upon a day he gat hym moore moneye
    703
Than that the person gat in monthes tweye;
    704
And thus, with feyned flaterye and japes,
    705
He made the person and the peple his apes.
    706
But trewely to tellen atte laste,
    707
He was in chirche a noble ecclesiaste.
    708
Wel koude he rede a lessoun or a storie,
    709
But alderbest he song an offertorie;
    710
For wel he wiste, whan that song was songe,
    711
He moste preche and wel affile his tonge
    712
To wynne silver, as he ful wel koude;
    713
Therefore he song the murierly and loude.
    714
Now have I toold you soothly, in a clause,
    715
Th' estaat, th' array, the nombre, and eek the cause
    716
Why that assembled was this compaignye
    717
In southwerk at this gentil hostelrye
    718
That highte the tabard, faste by the belle.
    719
But now is tyme to yow for to telle
    720
How that we baren us that ilke nyght,
    721
Whan we were in that hostelrie alyght;
    722
And after wol I telle of our viage
    723
And al the remenaunt of oure pilgrimage.
    724
But first I pray yow, of youre curteisye,
    725
That ye n' arette it nat my vileynye,
    726
Thogh that I pleynly speke in this mateere,
    727
To telle yow hir wordes and hir cheere,
    728
Ne thogh I speke hir wordes proprely.
    729
For this ye knowen al so wel as I,
    730
Whoso shal telle a tale after a man,
    731
He moot reherce as ny as evere he kan
    732
Everich a word, if it be in his charge,
    733
Al speke he never so rudeliche and large,
    734
Or ellis he moot telle his tale untrewe,
    735
Or feyne thyng, or fynde wordes newe.
    736
He may nat spare, althogh he were his brother;
    737
He moot as wel seye o word as another.
    738
Crist spak hymself ful brode in hooly writ,
    739
And wel ye woot no vileynye is it.
    740
Eek plato seith, whoso that kan hym rede,
    741
The wordes moote be cosyn to the dede.
    742
Also I prey yow to foryeve it me,
    743
Al have I nat set folk in hir degree
    744
Heere in this tale, as that they sholde stonde.
    745
My wit is short, ye may wel understonde.
    746
Greet chiere made oure hoost us everichon,
    747
And to the soper sette he us anon.
    748
He served us with vitaille at the beste;
    749
Strong was the wyn, and wel to drynke us leste.
    750
A semely man oure hooste was withalle
    751
For to han been a marchal in an halle.
    752
A large man he was with eyen stepe --
    753
A fairer burgeys is ther noon in chepe --
    754
Boold of his speche, and wys, and wel ytaught,
    755
And of manhod hym lakkede right naught.
    756
Eek therto he was right a myrie man,
    757
And after soper pleyen he bigan,
    758
And spak of myrthe amonges othere thynges,
    759
Whan that we hadde maad oure rekenynges,
    760
And seyde thus: now, lordynges, trewely,
    761
Ye been to me right welcome, hertely;
    762
For by my trouthe, if that I shal nat lye,
    763
I saugh nat this yeer so myrie a compaignye
    764
Atones in this herberwe as is now.
    765
Fayn wolde I doon yow myrthe, wiste I how.
    766
And of a myrthe I am right now bythoght,
    767
To doon yow ese, and it shal coste noght.
    768
Ye goon to caunterbury -- God yow speede,
    769
The blisful martir quite yow youre meede!
    770
And wel I woot, as ye goon by the weye,
    771
Ye shapen yow to talen and to pleye;
    772
For trewely, confort ne myrthe is noon
    773
To ride by the weye doumb as a stoon;
    774
And therfore wol I maken yow disport,
    775
As I seyde erst, and doon yow som confort.
    776
And if yow liketh alle by oon assent
    777
For to stonden at my juggement,
    778
And for to werken as I shal yow seye,
    779
To-morwe, whan ye riden by the weye,
    780
Now, by my fader soule that is deed,
    781
But ye be myrie, I wol yeve yow myn heed!
    782
Hoold up youre hondes, withouten moore speche.
    783
Oure conseil was nat longe for to seche.
    784
Us thoughte it was noght worth to make it wys,
    785
And graunted hym withouten moore avys,
    786
And bad him seye his voirdit as hym leste.
    787
Lordynges, quod he, now herkneth for the beste;
    788
But taak it nought, I prey yow, in desdeyn.
    789
This is the poynt, to speken short and pleyn,
    790
That ech of yow, to shorte with oure weye,
    791
In this viage shal telle tales tweye
    792
To caunterbury-ward, I mene it so,
    793
And homward he shal tellen othere two,
    794
Of aventures that whilom han bifalle.
    795
And which of yow that bereth hym best of alle,
    796
That is to seyn, that telleth in this caas
    797
Tales of best sentence and moost solaas,
    798
Shal have a soper at oure aller cost
    799
Heere in this place, sittynge by this post, Page  25
    800
Whan that we come agayn fro caunterbury.
    801
And for to make yow the moore mury,
    802
I wol myselven goodly with yow ryde,
    803
Right at myn owene cost, and be youre gyde,
    804
And whoso wole my juggement withseye
    805
Shal paye al that we spenden by the weye.
    806
And if ye vouche sauf that it be so,
    807
Tel me anon, withouten wordes mo,
    808
And I wol erly shape me therfore.
    809
This thyng was graunted, and oure othes swore
    810
With ful glad herte, and preyden hym also
    811
That he wolde vouche sauf for to do so,
    812
And that he wolde been oure governour,
    813
And oure tales juge and reportour,
    814
And sette a soper at a certeyn pris,
    815
And we wol reuled been at his devys
    816
In heigh and lough; and thus by oon assent
    817
We been acorded to his juggement.
    818
And therupon the wyn was fet anon;
    819
We dronken, and to reste wente echon,
    820
Withouten any lenger taryynge.
    821
Amorwe, whan that day bigan to sprynge,
    822
Up roos oure hoost, and was oure aller cok,
    823
And gradrede us togidre alle in a flok,
    824
And forth we riden a litel moore than paas
    825
Unto the wateryng of seint thomas;
    826
And there oure hoost bigan his hors areste
    827
And seyde, lordynges, herkneth, if yow leste.
    828
Ye woot youre foreward, and I it yow recorde.
    829
If even-song and morwe-song accorde,
    830
Lat se now who shal telle the firste tale.
    831
As evere mote I drynke wyn or ale,
    832
Whoso be rebel to my juggement
    833
Shal paye for al that by the wey is spent.
    834
Now draweth cut, er that we ferrer twynne;
    835
He which that hath the shorteste shal bigynne.
    836
Sire knyght, quod he, my mayster and my lord,
    837
Now draweth cut, for that is myn accord.
    838
Cometh neer, quod he, my lady prioresse.
    839
And ye, sire clerk, lat be youre shamefastnesse,
    840
Ne studieth noght; ley hond to, every man!
    841
Anon to drawen every wight bigan,
    842
And shortly for to tellen as it was,
    843
Were it by aventure, or sort, or cas,
    844
The sothe is this, the cut fil to the knyght,
    845
Of which ful blithe and glad was every wyght,
    846
And telle he moste his tale, as was resoun,
    847
By foreward and by composicioun,
    848
As ye han herd; what nedeth wordes mo?
    849
And whan this goode man saugh that it was so,
    850
As he that wys was and obedient
    851
To kepe his foreward by his free assent,
    852
He seyde, syn I shal bigynne the game,
    853
What, welcome be the cut, a goddes name!
    854
Now lat us ryde, and herkneth what I seye.
    855
And with that word we ryden forth oure weye,
    856
And he bigan with right a myrie cheere
    857
His tale anon, and seyde as ye may heere

Latest revision as of 17:29, 25 August 2024

Eyerape and soul torture are imminent
Those who want to masturbate to foxes sucking off cum-stained furries go to Wikifur.
We don't like your kind here.
Fursecution.net
An E621 admin's reaction to a troll uploading 9/11 photos.

Yiffing is furry intercourse, or the sounds made during such an act, modeled after the sound a fox makes when mating. Also can be referred to as "Diet Bestiality". About 97% is cybersex, the rest is mudsex.

The deviant sexual practice of a furry. Basically mass-fursuit-clad frottage.

Sometimes it is used adjective to describe things "stimulating" to the particular sensibilities of a furry, often as "yiffy" or even "yifftastic". It's possible to buy furniture that's especially designed for yiffy action.

What Is Yiffing?

This is bestiality.

Yiffing is the stimulating version of sex for the anthropomorhpic fetish which is known as furries. If you have ever spent a couple of hours near a furry (Which you might be doing but you'll never know), you would probably hear the word "yiff" after a great deal of time unless they're one of those stereotypical furry sluts that just thrive on sex. Rejoice! The Yiff Anthem

Bullshit furries made up to describe Yiff

According to furry tradition, "yiff" is the noise emitted by foxes while making teh secks (DISCONFIRMED BY TOW). This makes the male fox the official absolute slut of the animal kingdom.

lawl, bullshit.

Over 9,000 people have, at one point, inquired as to how the furs got the details as to what foxes fucking sounds like. But since this is precisely the kind of thing a furfag would know first-hand, I'm going to take them at their word (irl fockssecks lol).

The Truth comes out

 
“ 		 
Allow me to clear things up before you read this article...

the term Yiff was originally made up by a guy named LittleFox, who used the term as a happy greeting, long before all of this sexual Yiff crap started. There was a small "Foxish" language he made up for greetings and things like that. Yiff was the cheeriest greeting, Yerf being a happy, but not fully happy greeting. Followed by Growlth which was a negative or bad greeting. There are other words and phrases, but this was where it originally denominated from. The common misconception is that the term "yiff" came from the sound Arctic foxes made while mating, but I don't know why anyone would listen to that, but somehow that's where Yiff supposedly came from. However the above paragraph disproves that. If you wish to read on about the current meaning of the word, go right ahead but the original term is far different.
 

„
 

—Truthbringer - Revision as of 04:33, 24 December 2007

IRL Yiffing

Telltale signs of yiffers include:

  • Wearing or in possession of jizz-stained Fursuit.
  • Smeared Beastpaint, especially around the mouth and face.

The best way is to show them Zippocat to force them into a butt-hurt paralysis, then promptly blow their fucking faces off with the closest firearm you can find. Be quick though, for they will imitate foxes or some other creature and run away to the forests of furfaggotry in which they dwell, and most likely get mauled by a bear. Don't let a bear steal your joy!

It is in fact, illegal to shoot yiffers during Halloween and Christmas due to the chance of shooting an innocent child or sexy lady dressed as a cat; so in the coming year all furries will be required to wear a little yellow star so as to avoid confusion.

All hot chicks who happen to be furries (about three of them) are not to be harmed. After capturing one, simply send her to the nearest Catholic school where she'll be trained to use her perversions for good, and wear a short skirt, like she is supposed to.

Last Thursday some furfags actually did that at a meetup for charity. They ended up getting drunk and yiffing in public. Not only were furries permab& from there, but ironically the charity they were "helping" ended up getting pwnd by the township for hosting yiff orgies. gg furfags.

Skritching

This is how furries act socially with each other.

Skritching is the act of stimulating various erogenous zones manually, and is similar to gentle scratching. This is an exclusively furry or otherkin act, and is often a prelude to a full-blown yiffing.

Due to the well known and well documented intelligence level of furries, the vocabulary to describe foreplay and other drivel online suffers atrophy as the infection wears on. With the dogged determination reminiscent of the Smurfs to spread AIDS through words this term, once coined in some dank, sticky, hairy odd-numbered room, spread like wildfire on the interbutts. Usually mis-typed (having moar than 3 consonants in a row) in a furry cyber-sex chatroom to let the other faggot know that fore-play is afoot.

May also be spelled "scritch".


Surprise Yiffing

Surprise Yiffing is the act of, as the name suggests, taking a furfag, especially ones that are new to the fandom, pretending that they have no sexual interest in animals, then getting the poor newfag alone, then, surprise surprise, destroy their asshole.

This is unfortunately surprisingly common and even more common among non-furries.

To prevent this horrible act from happening to you, do one of the following things:

1. Just never interact with furries.

2. Just never go to Sweden.

3. Always bring a gun when you come within 1km of furfags.

Furpile

Supposedly, this is a furpile
Artist's rendition of an actual furpile

A furpile is a furry orgy, although furries will deny this. They claim that a furpile is a bunch of furries lounging and socializing, but everyone knows the truth. Furpiles can be identified from several hundred yards away by the odor of a cluster of unwashed perverts wearing fursuits stained with feces, semen, and nerd sweat.

Videos

BE WARNED: these are fairly disturbing.


This is a mirror of the original video
Someone has to hack this guys channel. Also note the creepy old guy in the back.
gross, flag for nudity.

Previous Video | Next Video

It is a sad and bizarre thought that a site like Encyclopedia Dramatica which is well-known for it hate of furries has so many yiffy pictures:


The Discovery Channel About missing Pics
  • JollyJack, u can't fool us.
    JollyJack, u can't fool us.
  • Not even sharks are safe from furry corruption.
    Not even sharks are safe from furry corruption.
  • You'll never look at Dr.Pepper the same way again.
    You'll never look at Dr.Pepper the same way again.
  • What
    What
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • This is where milk comes from, kids. BE HAPPY.
    This is where milk comes from, kids. BE HAPPY.
  • Needs not description, only full view.
    Needs not description, only full view.
  • ED User A RAPE SPIDER yiffing in his fursuit.
    ED User A RAPE SPIDER yiffing in his fursuit.
  • omg hot!
    omg hot!
  • Sonic art? OH SHI-
    Sonic art? OH SHI-
  • Neoporn
    Neoporn
  • FURRIES FAIL, THE WHOLE BODY WILL MOVE FORWARD
    FURRIES FAIL, THE WHOLE BODY WILL MOVE FORWARD
  • Where's your childhood now?
    Where's your childhood now?
  • God Bless our fighting men and women!!1!
    God Bless our fighting men and women!!1!
  • Now, that's just wrong...
    Now, that's just wrong...
  • What the fuck is this?
    What the fuck is this?
  • It has a gun. That makes it not gay.
    It has a gun. That makes it not gay.
  • Oh, YES. This makes PERFECT SENSE, man!
    Oh, YES. This makes PERFECT SENSE, man!
  • How do I yiffed in Hell?
    How do I yiffed in Hell?
  • GTFO, sick fuck
    GTFO, sick fuck
  • You gon get yiffed.
    You gon get yiffed.
  • ZOMG IT'S A TRAP!!!
    ZOMG IT'S A TRAP!!!
  • This is how vaginas work in the world of Crystal-for-ever.
    This is how vaginas work in the world of Crystal-for-ever.
  • Dragon cum can minimize your cars proficiency. Check every day.
    Dragon cum can minimize your cars proficiency. Check every day.
  • Dragons are consistent car rapists.
    Dragons are consistent car rapists.
  • Okay, what the hell is going on.
    Okay, what the hell is going on.
  • Why does this exist?
    Why does this exist?
  • Why Shenzi was the leader of the 3.
    Why Shenzi was the leader of the 3.
  • It morphs.
    It morphs.
  • An 18-wheeler driving into a dragon's anus.
    An 18-wheeler driving into a dragon's anus.
  • Dragon dick slam!
    Dragon dick slam!
  • What VG Cats fans really want to see.
    What VG Cats fans really want to see.
  • ...
    ...
  • Screenshot from the level "Escape From Castle Yiffenstein" on Furcadia.
    Screenshot from the level "Escape From Castle Yiffenstein" on Furcadia.
  • It's not yiff! It's just playing!
    It's not yiff! It's just playing!
  • ASKING FOR IT.
    ASKING FOR IT.
  • Lucario and Mewtwo playing a friendly game.
    Lucario and Mewtwo playing a friendly game.
  • ????
    ????
  • Lucario is a furfag.
    Lucario is a furfag.
  • lewd~
    lewd~
  • OH, MY FUCKING...
    OH, MY FUCKING...
  • All this yiff....you wanna become An Hero yet?
    All this yiff....you wanna become An Hero yet?
  • FAIL
    FAIL
  • Typical furfag children at play.
    Typical furfag children at play.
  • Yiff we can!
    Yiff we can!
  • A dragon and wolf kissing with food in their mouths.
    A dragon and wolf kissing with food in their mouths.
  • a toy for lonely furfags such as Crapoartworks to yiff.
    a toy for lonely furfags such as Crapoartworks to yiff.
  • Scary isn't it?
    Scary isn't it?
  • Jackals?
    Jackals?
  • Defies description.
    Defies description.
  • Furry guro.
    Furry guro.
  • Pokemon Cockvore
    Pokemon Cockvore
  • WHAT?
    WHAT?
  • More Lucario porn.
    More Lucario porn.
  • Furry + Tentacle Raep + M-Preg + Man-Eggs = lol wut?
    Furry + Tentacle Raep + M-Preg + Man-Eggs = lol wut?
  • Umbreon likes PINGAS.
    Umbreon likes PINGAS.
  • Palkia and Dialga fucking.
    Palkia and Dialga fucking.
  • Ready for moar, furries?
    Ready for moar, furries?
  • Gary was here, Ash is a loser.
    Gary was here, Ash is a loser.
  • Lucario x Bowser
    Lucario x Bowser
  • ...
    ...
  • Krystal is a faggot.
    Krystal is a faggot.
  • Cub fags
    Cub fags
  • COOL SUICIDE, BRO!
    COOL SUICIDE, BRO!
  • Final boss of furry porn.
    Final boss of furry porn.
  • MOAR TITS, MOAR NIGHTMARES
    MOAR TITS, MOAR NIGHTMARES

See Also

NORP's reaction to furry pr0n.
Furries, on a furry board, derailing their own yiff thread. LOGIC!

Yiff is part of a series on

Sex

Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Yiff is part of a series on

Furfaggotry

Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

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