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[[File:In case of fire, break glass.jpg|thumb|right|Practical application.]]
[[File:In case of fire, break glass.jpg|thumb|right|Practical application.]]
'''Fire''' is what happens when nature decides to show off and have some fun. Fire has existed for [[at least 100]] years, but was little known and rarely used until popularized by some ''Cheetohs{{tm}}'' marketing campaign. Since then, civilization has carried the scars of fire to a no good extent of animal-cruelty, [[Tesla|Tesla-coil]]s and whatnot. Fire is something that you can never have enough of - if you can't solve a problem with fire you are either not trying hard enough or not committed enough to fixing the problem.
'''Fire''' is what happens when nature decides to show off and have some fun. Fire has existed for [[at least 100]] years, but was little known and rarely used until popularized by some ''Cheetos{{tm}}'' marketing campaign. Since then, civilization has carried the scars of fire to a no good extent of animal-cruelty, [[Tesla|Tesla-coil]]s and whatnot. Fire is something that you can never have enough of - if you can't solve a problem with fire you are either not trying hard enough or not committed enough to fixing the problem.


==Uses of Fire==
==Uses of Fire==
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* Having your woman use it to make you a delicious steak on the grill and if she isn't using natural charcoal or cooked it past medium rare, go straight to her face.
* Having your woman use it to make you a delicious steak on the grill and if she isn't using natural charcoal or cooked it past medium rare, go straight to her face.
* [[Jessica Brooks|Getting rid of lice infestation in the hair]]
* [[Jessica Brooks|Getting rid of lice infestation in the hair]]
[[Image:Pfloyd111.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here album jacket.]]
[[Image:Rage111.jpg|thumb|right|300px]]
* It's because of fire that we have one of the coolest Inside Jackets to an Album.  Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here.
* Not forgetting Rage Against the Machine's first album cover.
* [[9/11|Burning two towers filled with fat Americans]]
* [[9/11|Burning two towers filled with fat Americans]]
*[[WW2|Use it in the form of 2 really big bombs named FATASSED FANBOY and LOLI GIRL to get back at an Asian country for not being decent enough before bombing the shit out of a Hawaiian Naval Base to declare war like real civilized people.]]
*[[WW2|Use it in the form of 2 really big bombs named FATASSED FANBOY and LOLI GIRL to get back at an Asian country for not being decent enough before bombing the shit out of a Hawaiian Naval Base to declare war like real civilized people.]]
*[[Doctor Who|Time Travel]], going back in time and convincing Randy Stair's mom to use it as a means of abortion consiting of a [[douche]] filled with lamp oil and a lighter.
* Burning a tower in [[London]] full of [[Muslims]] as biased revenge for [[ISIS]] attacks.
* Burning a tower in [[London]] full of [[Muslims]] as biased revenge for [[ISIS]] attacks.
* Burning books
* Burning books
* Being a Buddhist Priest and using it along with gasoline to [[suicide|an hero]] and protest [[Vietnam.]]
* Being a Buddhist Priest and using it along with gasoline to [[suicide|an hero]] and protest [[Vietnam]]
* [[an hero|ending your life]] at [[Die in a fire|the behest of others]]
* [[an hero|ending your life]] at [[Die in a fire|the behest of others]]
* [[Tony Eveready|Dramatic entrances]]
* [[Tony Eveready|Dramatic entrances]]
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* Solving the [[homeless]] problem
* Solving the [[homeless]] problem
* Solving the [[whore]] problem
* Solving the [[whore]] problem
* Burning hotels that cannot be demolished.
* In the form of Napalm use it on an [[Azn|Asian]] country of your choice.
* In the form of Napalm use it on an [[Azn|Asian]] country of your choice.
* Solving the witch problem
* Solving the witch problem
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* Clearing Large rooms of people, generally resulting in [[Lulz]] and a stampede.
* Clearing Large rooms of people, generally resulting in [[Lulz]] and a stampede.
* Pwning the [[Australia|Australians]]
* Pwning the [[Australia|Australians]]
* Use it to kill a guitarist from a has been, one hit band like Great White and 100 people who would still pay to see that band.
*[[Kyoto Animation|Getting rid of a shitty anime studio.]]
* Getting revenge on that bully who picked on you in elementary school.


==A Warning That Should Come With Fire==
==A Warning That Should Come With Fire==
[[Image:firewarm111.jpg|thumb|left|300px|This will only keep happening so long as men make fire.  Once women learn, society as we know will collapse.]]


Fire is pretty nice when your [[woman]] is using it to make you a nice hot sammich, or in your case, your Mom, but it should come with a warning.<br>
Fire is pretty nice when your [[woman]] is using it to make you a nice hot sammich, or in your case, your Mom, but it should come with a warning.<br>
Never, ever teach the [[bitch]] how to make fire on her own because once she doesn't need you to make a fire to heat up your dinner, she will be making her own fire to heat up someone elses meals.  Even worse, because they can build fire, a woman might think she's equal to a man and use that fire, when her superior is asleep, as a tool for murder because she got uppity and didn't like how her better was correcting her.<br>
Never, ever teach the [[bitch]] how to make fire on her own because once she doesn't need you to make a fire to heat up your dinner, she will be making her own fire to heat up someone elses meals.  Even worse, because they can build fire, a woman might think she's equal to a man and use that fire, when her superior is asleep, as a tool for murder because she got uppity and didn't like how her better was correcting her.<br>
For some of you [[ugly|fugs]], once a woman knows hiw to make fire you won't seem so attractive and will have to invent [[money|comerce and trade]] or start [[gay|designing shoes]] to get back in the game because your Dad was right when he said that if a girl has a choice, she'd rather go [[lesbian|dike]] than have your sweaty ass on top of her grunting away because you taught her to make fire and now you have no leverage when it comes to freezing to death at night.
For some of you [[ugly|fugs]], once a woman knows hiw to make fire you won't seem so attractive and will have to invent [[money|comerce and trade]] or start [[gay|designing shoes]] to get back in the game because your Dad was right when he said that if a girl has a choice, she'd rather go [[lesbian|dike]] than have your sweaty ass on top of her grunting away because you taught her to make fire and now you have no leverage when it comes to freezing to death at night.<br>
A wiman should not be taught to make fire, even those cute and obediant Asian ones because it will start a long decline of civilization where a woman thinks she is entitled to half of a man's cave and furs and the squirrelly male types will give it to her because they think it will one day lead to them getting laid.
 
 
==Some Advice==
 
[[File:Station fire great white.jpg|thumb|right|250px]]
 
If you belong to a has been band from the 80's or any band for that matter, be smart and don't put your road manager in charge of the pyrotechnics and have the forsight to hire someone with experience.  If you want to be responsable for the deaths of your band members, the audiance and get involved in a [[money|$176 million dollar]] wrongful death lawsuit against over educated mama's boys that only got into the game for the 1/3 take and so they could use the title [[Jew|Esquire]] after their name, then go right ahead, let just any idiot be in charge of your pyrotechnics.<br>
If you choose to ignore this advice and want to up it a notch and look like an insensitive fuck wit [[Douche|Jack Russell]] then make sure to always go on about summer touring plans everytime you're  questioned about the fire, especially when you're being interviewed at the fire and it's still raging behind you.  [[Unwarranted self importance|Tell everyone how hard it has been on you]] and never apologize for your involvement. Most importantly, see this tragedy as a way to boost your sagging carreer.
 


===Having sex with fire===
===Having sex with fire===


Although it's much easier to have sex with ice, since ice forms convenient dildo shapes and thrusting your pecker into a tube of crushed ice is the closest you'll ever get to fucking a hot [[vampire]], you can have sexy fun times with fire. If you're careful.
[[Image:Finnfire111.jpg|thumb|left|350px|Just get in there already.  Sex ain't no fun when you take precautions.]]
 
Although it's much easier to have sex with ice, since ice forms convenient dildo shapes and thrusting your pecker into a tube of crushed ice is the closest you'll ever get to fucking a hot [[vampire]], or reliving that time you lost your virginity in a morgue you can still have sexy fun times with fire. If you're careful.


Protection is important. A single latex condom may not provide enough protection. Consider wearing three or four.
Protection is important. A single latex condom may not provide enough protection. Consider wearing three or four.
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Image:Rocket crotch.gif
Image:Rocket crotch.gif
Image:Flammable-Whore.gif|When [[Man]] discovered fire, he likely did not realize that his discovery would be used to set street-bums and gutter-whores aflame. If he had, he would have discovered it earlier.
Image:Flammable-Whore.gif|When [[Man]] discovered fire, he likely did not realize that his discovery would be used to set street-bums and gutter-whores aflame. If he had, he would have discovered it earlier.
Image:Cchanfire111.jpg|Fire, you realy [[fail]]ed us here.
Image:Firefail.gif
Image:Firefail.gif
Image:Animation7.gif|[[Doing it right]].
Image:Animation7.gif|[[Doing it right]].
Image:Firestick juggling.gif
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Flammable smoke.gif
Image:Flammable smoke.gif
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Image:Fire_-_Match_Strike.jpg
Image:Fire_-_Match_Strike.jpg
Image:Bag_Head_Fire.jpg
Image:Bag_Head_Fire.jpg
Image:Firestick juggling.gif
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}


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|<youtube>lSMTVZ58fvc</youtube>'''Playing Firemen'''
|<youtube>lSMTVZ58fvc</youtube>'''Playing Firemen'''
|<youtube>YkenclqpYBM</youtube>'''At least the dead were told by God who made the fire, hint: female [[Satan|devil]] that kissed [[over 9000]] adults
|<youtube>YkenclqpYBM</youtube>'''At least the dead were told by God who made the fire, hint: female [[Satan|devil]] that kissed [[over 9000]] adults
|<youtube>en1uwIzI3SE</youtube>'''I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE'''
}}</center>
}}</center>


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*[[Flame wars]]
*[[Flame wars]]
*[[Flamer]]
*[[Flamer]]
*[[Pittsburgh Paint Job]]
*[[Pyro]]
*[[Pyro]]
*[[Pyromania]]
*[[KILL IT WITH FIRE]]
*[[KILL IT WITH FIRE]]
*[[Fire's Forum]]
*[[Fire's Forum]]


{{trolls}}
{{science}}
{{science}}
{{trolls}}
 
{{timeline|Featured article June 17 & 18, [[2017]]|[[Bernie Sanders]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bill Cosby]]}}
{{stub}}
{{stub}}
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]

Latest revision as of 23:24, 20 May 2023

Practical application.

Fire is what happens when nature decides to show off and have some fun. Fire has existed for at least 100 years, but was little known and rarely used until popularized by some Cheetos™ marketing campaign. Since then, civilization has carried the scars of fire to a no good extent of animal-cruelty, Tesla-coils and whatnot. Fire is something that you can never have enough of - if you can't solve a problem with fire you are either not trying hard enough or not committed enough to fixing the problem.

Uses of Fire

Fire has a variety of uses, including, but not limited to:

Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here album jacket.

A Warning That Should Come With Fire

This will only keep happening so long as men make fire. Once women learn, society as we know will collapse.

Fire is pretty nice when your woman is using it to make you a nice hot sammich, or in your case, your Mom, but it should come with a warning.
Never, ever teach the bitch how to make fire on her own because once she doesn't need you to make a fire to heat up your dinner, she will be making her own fire to heat up someone elses meals. Even worse, because they can build fire, a woman might think she's equal to a man and use that fire, when her superior is asleep, as a tool for murder because she got uppity and didn't like how her better was correcting her.
For some of you fugs, once a woman knows hiw to make fire you won't seem so attractive and will have to invent comerce and trade or start designing shoes to get back in the game because your Dad was right when he said that if a girl has a choice, she'd rather go dike than have your sweaty ass on top of her grunting away because you taught her to make fire and now you have no leverage when it comes to freezing to death at night.
A wiman should not be taught to make fire, even those cute and obediant Asian ones because it will start a long decline of civilization where a woman thinks she is entitled to half of a man's cave and furs and the squirrelly male types will give it to her because they think it will one day lead to them getting laid.


Some Advice

If you belong to a has been band from the 80's or any band for that matter, be smart and don't put your road manager in charge of the pyrotechnics and have the forsight to hire someone with experience. If you want to be responsable for the deaths of your band members, the audiance and get involved in a $176 million dollar wrongful death lawsuit against over educated mama's boys that only got into the game for the 1/3 take and so they could use the title Esquire after their name, then go right ahead, let just any idiot be in charge of your pyrotechnics.
If you choose to ignore this advice and want to up it a notch and look like an insensitive fuck wit Jack Russell then make sure to always go on about summer touring plans everytime you're questioned about the fire, especially when you're being interviewed at the fire and it's still raging behind you. Tell everyone how hard it has been on you and never apologize for your involvement. Most importantly, see this tragedy as a way to boost your sagging carreer.


Having sex with fire

Just get in there already. Sex ain't no fun when you take precautions.

Although it's much easier to have sex with ice, since ice forms convenient dildo shapes and thrusting your pecker into a tube of crushed ice is the closest you'll ever get to fucking a hot vampire, or reliving that time you lost your virginity in a morgue you can still have sexy fun times with fire. If you're careful.

Protection is important. A single latex condom may not provide enough protection. Consider wearing three or four.

Talk first. Sex is about mutual respect and trust. Ask the fire about its favorite hobbies, dreams, wishes, or ambitions. Make sure the fire is comfortable before you turn up the heat.

Thrust slowly into the flames. Sex is a mutual act, so be sure to watch the fire's response. If it isn't responding, try thrusting faster, followed by alternating fast-slow movemements.

If at any point your penis feels uncomfortable, or falls off, consult a health care professional.

Dispose of condoms thoughtfully.

Trolling Fires

  • Show them a bottle of water.
  • Remind it how badly it failed when it came to Chris Chan.
  • Call them Oil-Dependent.
  • Be anal about their blue and orange color.
  • Constantly make jokes about getting fired.
  • Ask them if it burns.
  • Ask them to write their name and number on a piece of paper.
  • Use particular phrases like "Must be off" and "How did you get on with it?"
  • Tell them electricity works better.

Gallery

  • When Man discovered fire, he likely did not realize that his discovery would be used to set street-bums and gutter-whores aflame. If he had, he would have discovered it earlier.
    When Man discovered fire, he likely did not realize that his discovery would be used to set street-bums and gutter-whores aflame. If he had, he would have discovered it earlier.
  • Fire, you realy failed us here.
    Fire, you realy failed us here.
  • Doing it right.
    Doing it right.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Effective fire fighting.
    Effective fire fighting.
  • Porkchop Sandwiches.
    Porkchop Sandwiches.
  • Fire knows no fear.
    Fire knows no fear.
  • Fire stole my bike
    Fire stole my bike
  • Fire! Fire! Fire! Heh heh heh.... FIRE!
    Fire! Fire! Fire! Heh heh heh.... FIRE!
  • Also for killing it
    Also for killing it
  • Nintendo fully sanctions killing it with fire
    Nintendo fully sanctions killing it with fire
  • So do the Simpsons.
    So do the Simpsons.
  • Whoever started me, it was most definitely not Billy Joel.
    Whoever started me, it was most definitely not Billy Joel.
  • The use of fire has spread like wildfire
    The use of fire has spread like wildfire
  • Also useful for witches.
    Also useful for witches.
  • Jacqueline Saburido did it for the lulz.
    Jacqueline Saburido did it for the lulz.
  • A German on fire
    A German on fire
  • Niggers; cheaper than firewood and often burn for twice as long.
    Niggers; cheaper than firewood and often burn for twice as long.

Videos


We Didn't Start The Fire. This faggot did.

Even Brits are similar to their degenerates in Australia in terms of being SJWs

As long as you respect others privacy

That's quite pricy repair, it will still smell even if you apply at least 100 layers of prime on walls

Playing Firemen

At least the dead were told by God who made the fire, hint: female devil that kissed over 9000 adults

I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE

Previous Video | Next Video

See Also

Fire is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Fire is part of a series on

SCIENCE!

[FizzlePop]

Featured article June 17 & 18, 2017
Preceded by
Bernie Sanders 		Fire Succeeded by
Bill Cosby
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