The Walking Dead

BREAKING NEWS!!
Rick and Maggie are leaving midway of season 9

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT CARL IS A COMPLETE MORON AND BURNS THE ENTIRE FARM DOWN, SOPHIA WAS IN THE BARN THE WHOLE TIME, DALE DIES, SHANE GOES BATSHIT INSANE AND TRIES TO KILL RICK, CARL KILLS LORI, THE GOVERNOR IS AN ASSHOLE WHO ONLY WANTS ANDREA'S SWEET ASS, MERLE GETS KILLED BY THE GOVERNOR, ANDREA DIES, CAROL MURDERS TWO PEOPLE JUST FOR COUGHING, THE GOVERNOR KILLS HERSHEL AND BLOWS UP THE PRISON, LIZZIE IS A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH AND MURDERS MIKA TO SEE HER TURN INTO A WALKER, CARL ALMOST GETS RAPED, BOB'S LEG GETS EATEN BY CANNIBALS, EUGENE WAS LYING ABOUT THE CURE, BETH GETS KILLED FOR STABBING A COP WITH SCISSORS, TYREESE GETS BITTEN BY A LITTLE NIGGER WALKER, NOAH GETS PWNED BY WALKERS IN A REVOLVING DOOR, GABRIEL BETRAYS THE GROUP, RICK KILLS PETE SO HE CAN FUCK JESSIE ONLY TO HAVE HER DIE RIGHT AFTER, ABRAHAM AND GLENN GET PWNED BY NEGAN, EUGENE SIDES WITH THE SAVIORS AND HELPS SASHA BECOME AN HERO, CARL GETS BITTEN WHILE BRINGING A NIGGER BACK TO ALEXANDRIA, NEGAN KILLS SIMON FOR KILLING THE GARBAGE PEOPLE AND RICK KEEPS NEGAN ALIVE TO IMPRISON AND HAVE BUTT SEX WITH HIM!!! !!!1

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The Walking Dead is a edgy mediocre comic book series and a edgy boring TV show that airs on AMC both of which are sad attempts at exploiting the current craze in zombie related merchandise. They have also released a point-and-click video game which was split into 5 parts followed by the full retail version a month later.

The comics were co-created by Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore. The former, in true business fashion, got Moore to give up his rights to the series with the promise of monies that he never payed.

Dish Network is notable for trolling its users by removing AMC from its channel lineup, causing mass amounts of butthurt (as if anyone would want to use a network that cuts out at least 100 times a day due to weather problems).

Season 1

The series start with Rick and his closet bisexual lover Shane doing what every cop does, arrest niggers and eat donuts. They form a roadblock to stop some methheads from fucking up the econony, but Rick gets shot twice, because he's such a noob to let his guard down without knowing whether there are more /k/ommandos in the car. He falls into a coma and wakes up 4 days later, only to find the JSA pwnt by a zombie apocalypse. (It's actually never told whether other continents have been pwnt by the ZA, there are barely jews in the series, meaning that all the jews fled to Jewrope before the JEWS DID ZA FOR SOME REASON) After a cultured black person and his son told what was g'wan and how the JS army was nothing but a bunch of fat armed fucks.

So after Rick takes a shower with them in police prison, he saddles up his horsey and rides into sunset, determined to have sex with his family. After horsey gets eaten by a bazillion walkers (Zombies are called walkers in order to evade copyright claims from George Romero) behind the corner who were just standing there, Rick finds a group of survivors, and b& Merle for being a faggot. They steal a van but black person just happens to trip and drop the key of Merle's handcuffs in an 1 inch wide pit when the walkers get mad. Merle is Left 4 Dead, but everyone else GTFO. They go to a camp where Rick finally finds his family, and they have lots of buttsecks. Enter Shane, who was fucking Lori all along and discarded like thrash after Rick returned. Darryl, Merle's brother, is butthurt because they left Merle behind, and he can't have sweet southern incest anymore. The bros go back to Atlanta to find Merle, but Merle escaped by cutting his hand off. (Darryl takes the hand with him for handjobs) Back in the camp walkers fuck shit up, so everyone drives to a lab the cultured black person told Rick about. Someone inside who didn't become an hero lets them in and everyone can relax for a while. The doc explains how the virus makes the body tell other organs to fuck off, and only wants to bite on non-infected things. The lab electricity, but the generators becomes an hero when it runs out of fuel because the lab has weaponized versions of AIDS and cancer in it to drop at China/Little China/Russia in case World War Aye Aye Aye happens. Everyone but the negress and the doc escapes because their parents called them for dinner. After the big boom everyone saddles up their cars and ride off into sunset.

TL;DR: Cop gets shot and wakes up in hospital to find out world is fucked up now. He then goes to a city to find his family only to find a group of random people. After they escape the city he finds his family outside the city in a survivor camp. He leaves later to rescue a redneck they left behind earlier but he's gone. Later the camp gets fucked by zombies and so they leave the city to find a lab that later gets blown up.

Season 2

This is an extremely long and boring season, and probably the worst, so do not expect much of this section.

Everyone drives to an army camp which is supposed to be safe, but they drove on rush hour, so the whole road was blocked with empty cars. Then a Walker horde decides to take a stroll for teh lulz, and everybody hides under a truck. Sophia gets chased by a Walker because she doesn't know how to play hide 'n seek. Rick and Darryl go after her, but she gets lost and Carol is veeeeeeeeery saaaaaad. Some days later when the group was still searching Sophia, since everyone is too stupid to realize that a 10-year old kid cannot survive in a zombie-infested forest, Carl finds a deer and wants to touch it, but then a bullet from a redneck goes through the deer right in Carls stomach. He takes him to his farm where the veterinary Hershel lives, where he can fix Carl, but Shane has to go with his redneck buddy to a school with more zombies, to get a rebreather! Shane gets the rebreather, but he breaks his leg while falling out of a window. Just as Walkers are about to get Shane and the redneck buddy, Shane shoots him in the leg, because even a man with a broken leg can walk faster than a fat american. Carl gets saved, and Shane starts becoming more butthurt by the day since he can't fuck Lori. After more boring shit, Glenn and Maggie find some condoms and promptly have sex on the spot, Hershel wants the group gone when they find Sophia, and Glenn gets to know that they keep Walkers in the shed because they seriously believe that they are still normal humans and that god will find a way to cure anything. If God wasn't enjoying heavenly boy ass, that is. Everyone finds out about the shed eventually, and angry Shane opens the shed and starts killing all the Walkers in there as if it were a school shooting. But OMG, an infected Sophia hobbles out of the shed, and Rick kills her! Lori also confesses that she is pregnant, and that she doesn't know how to used condoms, meaning that the baby could be from Shane too! After more bullshit, Rick and Glenn find Hershel drinking all his emotions away, but then 2 other guys walk into the bar, talking about gay buttsecks, so Rick kills them. Then the group where the 2 other guys belonged start searching them, Rick says he did it for teh lulz, but the other group is too butthurt, so they start shooting Rick. More dead zombies and niggers later, the other group escapes, leaving a guy who accidentally impaled his leg on a fence behind, Rick for some reason takes him to the group, and nobody even knows what to do with him. More moralfaggotry later, Dale walks away into the field and gets bitten by a Walker, which Carl could have killed before. Shane says "fuck it", and takes the captured guy into the woods where he kills him, and self-mutilates himself so he can get everyone into the woods. Shane takes Rick somewhere else, and whines about how Rick won't love him and that Lori is a bitch, so Rick kills him. Carl comes there a while later, and Shane became a Walker for no reason, so Carl shoots him too. Except this time the Walkers heard the shot, and over 9000 walkers assault the farm. Hershel sees that Walkers are stepping on his lawn, so he grabs his infinte ammo shotgun, and him and the group start shooting the Walkers, some background characters die, everyone except Andrea escape on their cars, because wimminz can't drive. Later Rick tells everyone that the Doc told him that everyone had the AIDS anyways, so even dying turns you into a Walker. Oh, and Andrea gets saved by a samurai.

TL;DR: Soap opera with a few zombies mixed in. The farm later gets fucked up by zombies and so they leave to a prison.

Season 3

TL;DW: If you're still watching this show at this point you are a faggot.

TV Characters

Rick Grimes: Also known as Chief Redneck Edgelord Gary Stu (note that this takes place in the south). Was the former sheriff of his local town before it got pwned by a horde of Mexican zombies. Basically what happened was he got injured on a crime scene and was in a coma during the zombie outbreak and had to receive help from a cultured colored person and his son. Becomes increasingly edgy and unlikable as the series goes on. LOL DEAD. Becomes An_Hero after he thought he was building for the future, and not for the Negan guy that causes lulz everywhere. NO WAIT, Some scavenger bitch saves his life hoping to gobble his cock because she won't have black cock anymore, due to aids, and he's a priest who loves god. And they happy merrily fuck off into the sunset in a BBC helicopter.

Shane Walsh: He thought Rick was going to die in the zombie apocalypse so he cockblocked the zombies and military from his room. later on you find out that he's banging Rick's wife claiming that he thought Rick was dead, Shane is also known to be an arrogant irl tough guy who got butthurt because Rick never agrees with him. He also let the zombies eat his fat redneck buddy for the lulz. Gets killed by Rick at end of season 2, and Carl shoots him again as a walker. (Causing a giant wave of zombies)

Lori Grimes: Dumb cunt who left her husband for his police deputy, due to Shane lying about him being dead (even though he was only in a coma). Gets pregnant halfway through season two, dies from c-section in season 3 because the only thing that could penetrate her ass was Shane's 1-inch cock.

Carl Grimes: A thirteen year old boy. Who was killed off to try to get some views to care about this show and this edgy little shit.

Andrea: Whore who will sleep with anyone she meets. This is evidenced with how quickly she and the governor slept with each other. She was saved my Michonne with her katanas. Is a bitch in the comics.

Carol: A older looking woman who becomes increasingly psychotic as the series goes on, yet her being a crazy bitch is overlooked (especially by the hacks of the talk show Talking Dead AKA: The Walking Dead’s weekly blowjob and shameless self-promotion) and is instead called a “strong woman”

Dale: Old man who lives in an RV. Andrea's love interest in the comics. Gets pwnt by zombies towards end of 2nd season.

Glenn: Stereotypical Asian who manages to hit it off with a white woman. Too bad he gets his head smashed in by the king of Lulz.

Merle Dixon: Stereotypical redneck. Loses hand in first season because a black guy. dropped key down a pipe. Cuts off his hand and replaces it with a big-ass knife.

Daryl Dixon: Stereotypical hunter/redneck. Main food gatherer because the other survivors are to lazy to do it. Goes on pointless quest to finds Sophia. Later splits from the group with Merle to have incest because nobody likes Merle. It is proven he might of been having ghey sex with Aaron in the bushes.

Maggie Greene: Farmer's daughter who falls for the gook, helps Lori give birth, and gets kidnapped by governor then rescued by the gook. Is butthurt that Rick spared Negan's life for the lulz.

Michonne: Jamaican woman. Has two pet walkers and katanas and had lesbian relationship with Andrea. Gets butthurt when Andrea chooses to stay with governor instead of go with her to the prison. Rick needed some big ass booty, so they got together.

Hershel Greene: Epic old guy who basically just fucks around for the second season and doesn't do much until the very end, when he tells Dale to go fuck himself. In the premier of Season 3, he gets BITTEN! by a walker that seemed to be dead but was just fooling around. Rick comes and saves the day by cutting Hershel's leg off. Conviniently Hershel survives and now he walks about on a shitty set of crutches made out of two dildoes.

Beth Greene: Shitty filler tween character and also a bimbo. Had a boyfriend in Season 2 but he got raeped.

The Governor/Philip Blake: Badass tall dude with a decent ass who runs some boring-ass town in the middle of nowhere. His daughter got fucked by walkers so he kept her alive so they could have sweet, loving father-daughter time, but then nigger lady kills her and stabs him in the eye.

Video Game Characters by Telltale Games

Season 1

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT YOU MEET HERSHEL AND GLENN FROM THE TV SERIES! YOU CAN CHOOSE TO SAVE EITHER CARLEY OR DOUG AT THE END OF THE FIRST EPISODE! THE ST JOHNS FAMILY ARE ACTUALLY CANNIBALS AND CHOPPED MARK'S LEGS OFF TO FEED TO THE GROUP! LARRY DIES AT THE MEAT LOCKER! BEN MADE A DEAL WITH THE BANDITS WITH FOOD! THE BANDITS GOT BUTTHURT WHEN THEY DIDN'T GET THEIR PACK AND ATTACKED! LILLY IS A FUCKING MORON AND SHOOTS CARLEY OR DOUG FOR NO REASON! DUCK GETS BIT AND DIES IN THE MIDDLE OF EPISODE 3! KATJAA COMMITS SUICIDE!! THE GROUP MEETS CHUCK BY THE TRAIN! THE TRAIN STARTS WORKING AND THE GROUP MEETS TWO NEW PEOPLE NAMED CHRISTA AND OMID! BEN IS A FUCKING IDIOT AND PUSSIES OUT WHEN HIM AND CLEMENTINE WERE SURROUNDED BY WALKERS! MOLLY IS A SLUT AND FUCKED A DOCTOR AT CRAWFORD CLAIMING HE HAD MEDS FOR HER SISTER WHEN WE ALL KNOW SHE JUST NEEDED TO BE PLEASURED! YOU CAN CHOOSE TO DROP BEN DOWN THE BELL TOWER TO GET FUCKED BY WALKERS OR PULL HIM UP! THE STRANGER KIDNAPS CLEMENTINE, LEE GETS BIT AT THE END OF EPISODE 4 AND DIES IN THE LAST EPISODE! BEN FALLS AND LANDS ON A GIANT DILDO AND GETS SHOT BY KENNY! KENNY'S LUCKY TO SURVIVE HIS OWN FUCKING DEATH FOR SEASON 2! LEE PLAYS THE HERO AND KILLS THE STRANGER AND SAVES CLEMENTINE! CLEMENTINE MEETS UP WITH CHRISTA AND OMID AT THE END OF THE GAME!!!!!!1

Lee Everett: A black man who is also a criminal. A great leap forward for videogames as art and black people in general, his character depicts black people as sympathetic murderers. He couldn't stop himself killing his wife's transsexual lover, Chastity Bono, because he has Maori WARRIOR GENES. (Despite being African-American.)

Clementine: Loli added to convince the sick Japanese perverts who control the videogame industry to greenlight the game. Modders have uncovered evidence of an abandoned QTE where you tap her sweet ass.

Kenny: A redneck with a wife and child to look after. He may be an asshole who doesn't think straight and have different opinions, but he is your only best friend through the entire season.

B. Everett: Another black person. This game considers black people so important, they get to stay cool and mysterious by either remaining unnamed, or getting initials. All the white people have to suck it up and get full names.

Irene: Christfag character who shoots herself when she discovers that zombieness is coursing through her veins. Proving that token Christians are the new token gays.

Larry Caul: Redneck with a heart of gold. Needs his viagra, so you get it for him. But he still can't get it up, so he punches you and leaves you to die.

Chet: Fat guy who somehow got lost while delivering cake to the Hardy Boys.

Hershel Greene: Farmer dude. Gets all angry and junk when his son gets eaten. If he'd been growing weed on his farm, he could have smoked a joint and chilled the fuck out.

Lilly: A crazy grumpy cunt. Enough said.

Season 2

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT OMID DIES AT THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE 1 AND KENNY IS NOT DEAD! YOU CAN CHOOSE TO CONVINCE WALTER TO SAVE NICK OR LET HIM DIE! YOU CAN GET ALVIN KILLED IN EPISODE 2! THE GROUP GETS KIDNAPPED BY CARVER AND HIS CREW! CARVER PUSHES REGGIE OFF THE ROOF! THE GROUP MEETS JANE AND MIKE! ALVIN GETS SHOT BY A MEMBER OF CARVER'S GROUP! KENNY BEATS CARVER TO DEATH! CARLOS GETS PWNED BY WALKERS AT THE END OF EPISODE 3! SARITA GETS BIT AT THE END OF THE EPISODE AND DIES IN EPISODE 4! NICK IS TURNS INTO A ZOMBIE AND GETS AXED BY CLEMENTINE! SARAH GETS RAPED BY WALKERS REGARDLESS OF YOUR CHOICE! TROLLTALE MUCH? REBECCA'S BABY IS BORN! JANE LEAVES THE GROUP! REBECCA DIES AT THE END OF EPISODE 4! JANE COMES BACK TO SAVE THE GROUP FROM THE RUSSIANS! KENNY GOES BATSHIT INSANE AT THAT RUSSIAN KID ARVO WHO YOU MET AT SEASON 4 A FEW TIMES! LUKE DROWNS IN FROZEN ICE WATER BY A WALKER AND DIES! CLEMENTINE FOUND OUT MIKE AND BONNIE ARE ESCAPING WITH ARVO AND THE SUPPLIES BECAUSE OF KENNY'S ATTITUDE! ARVO SHOT CLEMENTINE! CLEMENTINE WAKES UP WITH LEE THAT TAKES PLACE IN A VAN IN SEASON 1 EPISODE 3, THEN SHE WAKES UP AGAIN IN A TRUCK WITH KENNY AND JANE! KENNY AND JANE GO BATSHIT INSANE AT EACH OTHER AND FIGHT TO THE DEATH AFTER HEARING THE BABY AJ DIED (BUT DIDN'T LATER). AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE A MULTIPLE ENDING DECISION BULLSHIT TO KILL KENNY, KILL JANE, OR GO BY YOURSELF!!!!1

Clementine: The main and returning character you play as in Season 2 of The Walking Dead. Edgy as fuck.

Kenny: OMFG he's alive! Fans rejoice!

Bonnie: Whore who attempted to have Luke's cock in her mouth in episode 5. She is known for blaming other people for her own bullshit. Don't believe me? Keep reading. "ITS AL UR FAULT LUKES DED EVEN THO IM THE DUMBASS THAT GOT TEH ICE TO BREAK AND GET LUKE KILLED! I JUST LIKE BLAMING PPL LOL FUK U!!1". This pretty much describes her. Don't worry, you can get this ho to drown in the water.