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Doug Walker
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Did You Know: This article was left partially vandalized for several years and nobody noticed.
That's how little people care about Doug nowadays. |
—Said when NC reviews anything, ever | ||
| Doug Walker | |
|---|---|
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| Powerword: | Douglas Darrien Walker |
| Nationality: | Italian-American |
| Gender: | Male |
| Occupation: | Actor, comedian, YouTuber, filmmaker, writer |
| Years active: | 2007-present |
| Website: | Manchildcave JewTube channel |
Douglas Darrien Walker (a.k.a. The Nostalgia Critic) is a self-proclaimed actor, comedian, YouTuber, writer, and filmmaker who became a minor lolcow due to his stunning incompetence at doing what he calls a career. While he is the most popular contributor to his website, That Guy With The Glasses, his videos are no better than what you'd find on YouTube back in 2008 and aren't even the best TGWTG.com has to offer. In recent years Doug has been involved in several embarrassing incidents, usually the result of him trying to move beyond entertaining 14-year-olds on an increasingly irrelevant website and failing miserably.
He is also said to produce the most annoying sound known to man.
Origins and Fallout with YouTube
Before co-founding TGWTG.com, Doug was either an illustrator or janitor who made a self-explanatory series of videos on Youtube called "5 Second Movies", allegedly based off of some in-joke he and his friends had about some movie. Hilarious. Eventually one of these videos was taken down due to a copyright claim, which Doug dealt with by deleting his Youtube videos and teaming up with Circuit City employee-turned entrepreneur Mike Michaud and a couple of other nobodies to make his own website.
Doug eventually became successful enough to quit his day job and focus on his work. This is not uncommon for people who make money off of posting videos on The Web, but Doug decided to put on a big show when he quit for the lulz. Of course any potential employer who sees the video he posted probably won't be laughing, so Doug's probably going to be stuck with making videos for TGWTG.com for a long, long time.
The Nostalgia Critic
Critic's voice sample about you
The Nostalgia Critic became Doug's main routine after his fallout with Youtube. Originally, he reviewed films and television shows from or around his childhood (even if he never watched it himself), but nowadays he'll just review whatever he thinks people will like watching (Including movies not yet on home video just to get that sweet trending add revenue). His "reviews" would be more accurately described as synopses interlaced with occasional criticism and jokes that he spends way too much time on. The videos also last an average of 30 minutes, which is more than twice as long as they need to be. Because he is by far the most popular contributor on the site, Doug is tasked with promoting his co-contributors when they're not doing well; this is done by having them make an unwanted cameo appearance in his newest video where they waste even more of everyone's time. Also, enjoy the ads that he puts in the middle of his videos for extra Blip monies. That aforementioned "occasional criticism", by the way, is rendered completely useless by wildly inconsistent standards and minimal background research. It doesn't help that a lot of his criticism is thinly disguised humor with no regard for anything he's said prior. His obvious prioritization of comedy doesn't even make the videos more funny, since his best jokes are the ones he spends the least amount of time on, and you'd probably be able to get those same jokes in a 10-minute review by any of the 750 other "funny" critics out there.
How to Make a Nostalgia Critic Review
- Find a movie that everybody knows about and have already critiqued the hell out of. (ex. Batman & Robin)
- Make sure that your review encompasses and completely spoils the entire plot of said movie; after all, since the movie I'm reviewing sucks, it means we have to make sure EVERYBODY knows what happens to they don't watch it!
- Add a 5-10 minute skit at the beginning of your "review". Don't forget to add a laugh track for comedic effect!
- Nitpick the hell out of said movie. Don't focus on the structure of the writing or development of characters, just bitch about how a character talks or the name of the town they live in!
- Be entirely biased and negative throughout. When a film displays any positive qualities, ignore them and continue to nitpick the hell out of the set design or the way the characters dress up.
- Add 3-minute skit intermissions between your review. Your skit should be laced with overacting and overly-dramatic music.
- ???
- PROFIT!!!!
Other Routines
Doug has also performed a number of other routines. Most of them were thankfully one-offs but a few stuck around.
- Ask That Guy - Doug wears a bathrobe and pretends to be a douchebag named That Guy With the Glasses, answering dumb questions from fans in the most offensive way he can think of. Confusingly, Doug also uses "That Guy With the Glasses" as a pseudonym and as the name of his website. He must not be very good with names.
- Bum Reviews - Doug wears a Stan Marsh hat and pretends to be a homeless drug addict named Chester A. Bum, then bounces around giving a barely comprehensible synopsis of some movie he recently saw with a very brief statement at the time about whether he actually liked the movie or not. Still not actually reviewing.
- Video Game Confessions - Doug dresses up as a bartender named Dominic and tells stories about various video game characters coming to his imaginary bar and doing embarrassing things while Doug draws rather bland pictures of them. Canon is usually disregarded completely.
Doug's Inner Circle
Most of the people under the TGWTG banner have content of their own (although nobody watches them). These guys, however, have somehow achieved notoriety on the site just by helping Doug make his videos.
Rob Walker
a.k.a. The Other Guy With the Glasses. Doug's older Brother. Helps Doug write the scripts for his videos and occasionally appears as a throwaway character for one of Doug's unnecessarily long jokes. Seems to be an even bigger asshole than Doug and according to one eyewitness account they fight constantly, raising the question of how these two ever manage to get anything done.
Bhargav Dronamraju
a.k.a. M. Night Shyamalan. Doug's ex-special effects guy and formerly a co-owner of TGWTG.com. It should be noted that many of Doug's less popular co-contributors had significantly better special effects before Doug started collecting money for his glorious return, so the Walker brothers aren't alone in being lazy. Bhargav is arguably better known for playing the Ma-Ti character in videos made by Doug and for whatever reason several other reviewers, where he repeats that old joke about heart being a dumb power that you've heard a million times. Some time after Doug's fourth web movie, To Boldly Flee, Bhargav disappeared from TGWTG.com completely for some unknown reason.
Malcolm Ray
a.k.a The Shuffle Man. Malcolm is one of the "actors" who started appearing in Doug's videos (As well as Demo Reel, Doug's failed attempt at escaping internet mediocrity) after Doug started putting bigger sketches into them. The only reason anyone gives a fuck about him as opposed to the various other actors is because of his contribution to the only non-forced meme ever to come out of Doug's creations: A scene in Demo Reel features him shouting "WE'RE NOT DOING THE SUPERVILLAIN SHUFFLE!" just before an awful music video that is likely to get a similar reaction from the viewer. He's also a massive furfag.
Running Gags
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| ALERT: THESE ARE FORCED MEMES |
| Doug Walker's Running Gags will be posted by the same unfunny newfag until you like it. |
Doug reuses his jokes. A lot. Whether this is the product of unoriginality or Doug wrongfully assuming that he is a walking meme factory isn't entirely clear, but using these jokes are a surefire way to entertain Doug's fans... and nobody else:
- "Of Course!" - One of Doug's oldest and most well known running gags. Doug shows a clip of M. Bison from the Street Fighter movie saying "Of course!" whenever he reviews a movie where the villain seeks world domination. Very frequently used by other TGWTG.com contributors as well as youtubers who wish they could post videos there.
- Big Lipped Alligator Moment - A term Doug coined to describe out-of-place scenes that have nothing to do with the rest of the movie. The name comes from a scene in All Dogs go to Heaven but strangely was first used in a review of Ferngully. People on TvTropes LOVE to use this term, by the way. This joke also tends to be used by ThatGuyWithTheGlasses wannabes.
- Doug's Gun - A prop that Doug used in his review of Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue! that inexplicably became part of the Nostalgia Critic's image. Even Doug himself isn't really sure how this happened. It's appearances are usually accompanied by lots of screaming and bad special effects.
- Santa Christ - Christian meme combining. Rob Walker wears a Santa hat and beard and puts a blanket on his shoulders and does... Santa things. Doug made him up for one of his Christmas episodes and continued using him afterward, but the character never contributed to anything, making him completely pointless.
- "I Was Frozen Today!" - A quote from Christopher Lloyd in some Hulk Hogan movie that Doug took a liking to. Has no other point, Doug just thought it was funny.
- Chuck Norris Revival - Doug reviewed a movie that starred Chuck Norris and used Chuck Norris jokes as source material, either unaware or uncaring of the years of work that people put into killing this awful meme. Thankfully the revival did not spread outside TGWTG.com and TvTropes.
- Frying The Coke - Another term coined by Doug, used when someone makes something that's allegedly so dumb it's awesome. While more forced than the Big Lipped Alligator moment, it's much less popular.
- Bat Credit Card - A trigger word for the Nostalgia Critic, inspired by a scene from Batman and Robin where Batman uses a special credit card with a Batman logo on it to purchase something. Even Doug himself hates this joke, but his fans won't let him forget.
- Burger King Elephant - Doug's attempt at showing how "You Can't do That on Television"'s habit of dumping slime on anyone who says "I don't know" didn't make sense. Whenever Doug says "Elephant", an image of The Burger King pops up.
- "You Know, For Kids!" - A phrase Doug says in response to anything sexual, violent, or otherwise illegal that appears in a kid's movie. Very popular among TGWTG wannabes.
- "A Family Film!" Same as "You Know, For Kids." His jokes have repeated so much they are repeating each other now.
There are many other jokes that get reused constantly, but most of them aren't even recognizable to anyone who doesn't have a shrine of Doug Walker hidden somewhere.
Feud with the Angry Video Game Nerd
Less than a month after uploading his first Nostalgia Critic video, Doug made claims that he was being harassed by the Angry Video Game Nerd's fanbase, already infamous for antagonizing young upstarts such as Chris Bores, Marcus Spiracio, and like 1/3 of the people in this article. He responded by demanding that The Nerd himself tell his fans to stand down, warning that there would be trouble if the harassment continued.
...There's just one thing. By 2008, the time Doug's first AVGN rant came out, most of the AVGN's fanbase tolerated AVGN clones like Doug and most of them probably didn't even know who Doug was. In all likelihood, Doug and/or Mike Michaud saw the opportunity to gain publicity by staging a feud with the AVGN and just made up an excuse to get James Rolfe's attention.
Amusingly, James initially responded by doing exactly what the Nostalgia Critic demanded, and Doug had to make a second video of himself making even more things up or else the plan would've fallen flat on its face. Luckily for the TGWTG crew, James caught on afterward and was willing to partake in their little viral stunt. This led to several crossover videos of things such as Doug and James fighting to the death, Doug, James and a bunch of other nobodies fighting to the death, and Doug and James reviewing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video. The stunt worked and Doug won the hearts of the very people he claimed were harassing him less than a year earlier.
It is rumored that more recently Doug and Michaud fruitlessly attempted to stage a similar feud with RedLetterMedia.
Doug the Filmmaker
It's most apparent that Doug doesn't know what the fuck he's doing when he attempts to record something more ambitious than just him sitting in front of a white wall. While his videos with James Rolfe at least looked passable thanks to Rolfe, Doug was left on his own for his two year anniversary special "Kickassia" and everything that followed. You can read about Kickassia and the other anniversary films here, but make no mistake that Doug played a key role in these movies turning out the way they did. Doug is so clueless as far as filmmaking is concerned, even with the decently sized budgets he usually has, that even some of his co-contributors have commented on it. Do note that TGWTG.com has several contributors with at least some experience with filmmaking, so the only benefit that comes from having Doug in charge is the ability to see how much of an incompetent buffoon he really is. And Kickassia would only be the beginning.
Doug vs. Trolling and Criticism
While he's long been accused of censoring negative comments on his videos, Doug's history with trolling has been somewhat uneventful in comparison to Spoony, a similarly popular reviewer who was also posting videos for TGWTG.com at the time. For whatever reason, he did feel the need to lash out at his trolls and critics a couple of times, sounding about as butthurt as Spoony usually does.
Douchey McNitpick
What would have otherwise been another boring Nostalgia Critic "Top 11" list became a seemingly unprovoked display of butthurt on Doug's part when Douchey McNitpick, an unflattering troll caricature he created for the episode, popped up to help the Nostalgia Critic admit 11 "f*ck ups" that were made in past reviews. Douchey's "trolling" consisted of him telling the Nostalgia Critic he did something wrong with some lame insult tacked on at the end. This would imply that Doug considers moderately harsh criticism, something that's practically unavoidable on the internet, to be trolling, strongly suggesting that he's either much more sensitive than he lets on, or just doesn't give a fuck about what other people think.
Doug vs. Encyclopedia Dramatica
Doug lashed out at "trolls" again in his "A Troll in Central Park" review, a review which, as you might expect, had heavy emphasis on the "troll" part. Encyclopedia Dramatica in particular was briefly mentioned in this review, causing commenters to giggle like schoolgirls because they're all even more sensitive than Doug and think ED is literally worse than Hitler.
—Rebochan, jizzing himself over ED's original three sentence response to Doug's callout. | ||
"The Room" Review
An innocent actor/director,
harassed and bullied by Doug
and his TGWTG fantards.
Doug's plan to hide from the evils of copyright law on blip worked for quite some time, but eventually the man came to ruin Doug's day once more. This time it was Doug's review of The Room, which he was forced to pull down after receiving threats of a lawsuit from John from theroommovie.com. In retaliation, Doug posted a video titled "The Tommy Wiseau Show", where he attempts to humiliate John and actor/director Tommy Wiseau, but unsurprisingly comes off as extremely butthurt instead. Nevertheless, fans were eager to help Doug get his review back and defended it by claiming it was protected by fair use. However, it's never really specified how. The obvious argument is that it's a review, but as previously stated Doug's videos are useless as reviews. It could be argued that it counts as parody, but you would really need to stretch the definition of parody as his reviews contain a spoiler-filled synopsis and most of his jokes don't really parody anything.
Doug's fanboys harassed John by sending him hate mail, calling him a retard for not agreeing with the idea that Doug's review was protected by fair use, and calling Tommy Wiseau a hack for making a bad movie. In response the email link on theroommovie.com was taken down. That's it. While Doug did eventually get permission to put the video back up, it was in no way thanks to these wonderful people. The only thing they accomplished was proving that Doug's fans were as bad as the imaginary AVGN fanboys that attacked Doug back in 2008. So how did Doug get to put his review back up on TGWTG.com, then? Well, a couple of fatasses recorded themselves asking a clearly apathetic Tommy if Doug could post the video, and Tommy said yes, forgetting they ever existed immediately afterwards. Mission accomplished.
—His mouth probably hurts from sucking cock too hard | ||
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Failed Let's Play Attempt
In September of 2011 Doug made an attempt to expand into doing let's plays, presumably under the assumption that since he already does commentary in the form of reviews, he should easily be able to do commentary in the form of let's plays. So, he grabbed a copy of Bart's Nightmare for the SNES and recorded himself commentating in character as the Nostalgia Critic. This was the result. Doug stumbles around trying to do improvised commentary on a game that he isn't good at and doesn't provide him with anything to make jokes about. For over half an hour. Of course he could've talked about the gameplay or about the various characters and settings that appear in the game, but that's not what the Nostalgia Critic does. The video got an unusually negative reaction: while there were, as always, fans willing to call it perfect, many others practically begged Doug never to make another Let's Play again. They got their wish, but at a cost...
Doug Walker's fanbase vs. Retsupurae
Doug's crappy let's play was quickly brought to the attention of Retsupurae, who commentated over the video for their (slightly) less cancerous fanbase.
Some fans admittied that the let's play was deserving of criticism. Others were infuriated, demanding to know why two random haters had the right to criticize Doug's let's play, most of them unaware of the fact that the two "haters" were both let's players with a youtube channel full of similar commentaries. In the end the efforts of Doug's fanbase were once again in vain, as Doug himself ended up admitting that the video was bad and even apologizing for it. Even that wasn't enough reason to stop for some fans, though, as evidenced by the fact that Retsupurae's video still gets angry comments years later. In addition, one can sense a hint of butthurt in Doug's apology when he, once again, labels his critics as petty whiners.
—Are you daring to question the Critic's genius with sarcasm? STONE HIM | ||
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The end of the Nostalgia Critic (Except Not)
Doug announced that he was leaving TGWTG.com after he realized that making asinine synopses for a website that's well past its prime wasn't going to make him a famous actor. After spending a ton of money on new actors (apparently Rob wasn't good enough anymore) and recording equipment he produced Demo Reel, a piss-poor hybrid of This Is Spinal Tap, Ed Wood, and the Scary Movie sequels. Unsurprisingly, it sucked. With very little support from anyone (most of Doug's fans were too caught up with the Nostalgia Critic ending to pay attention. Moreover his socially retarded aspie, middle schooler fan base has no money), it quickly became apparent that Demo Reel wasn't going to get Doug anywhere, so he gave up and went back to doing the Nostalgia Critic. Doug wasn't finished trying to show off his acting skills, though, as the new Nostalgia Critic features plenty of painful, nigh unwatchable sketches that are barely related to what he's reviewing and waste even more time than his excessively long jokes.
It doesn't help that the Nostalgia Critic character has been dramatically sissified to the point of annoyance, where instead of being the raging psychopath with an inflated ego, he has now turned into an “all knowing”, “overly sympathetic”, and “perfect human” being who supports feminism and copyright to further expand Doug's inflated ego. The unwatchable skits portrays the critics worthless opinion on media as fact, while anybody that happens to like said product is shown as stupid, evil, nerds with no life, and anti feminist's who worship Michael Bay (See Mad Ex-lax: Faggy Road "Review" to see his one sided social views at their worst), while the actual filmmakers are shown to be antagonistic creatures, particularly Michael Bay & Zack Snyder despite being unwarranted in some reviews (once again, Faggy Road skit for reference), who must be stopped for expressing themselves through art. The criticisms he brought up aren't even thought provoking or deep, and just come off as surface level and are repetitively hammered to the ground, even if it's such a minor issue that isn't even that big of a deal, like harping on Eddie Murphy's lifeless shell in "The Mishaps of Pluto Passionate Sex" for calling an "attractive lady" flat assed, which makes you realize that he has never even took basic critic classes in his life.
Funding the New Nostalgia Critic
Early in 2013 Doug started an Indiegogo campaign to make up for all the money that was blown on Demo Reel. This time, the money would be going into the new Nostalgia Critic series, along with whatever he still had leftover from Demo Reel (including the actors.) The campaign also featured absurdly overpriced backer rewards, demanding hundreds of dollars for varying degrees of brief acknowledgement. When you have Doug's fan base, however, it doesn't really matter, as they'll happily fund anything Doug makes as long as it gets posted on TGWTG.com and isn't a let's play. The campaign made $90,000, which amazingly was only 1/11th of what Doug hoped he would get. Nevertheless, it was above the $50,000 goal so it would do.
So what exactly did all that money go to? Your guess is as good as anyone's. Doug and Rob are so bad at making their videos not look like crap that you can't even tell what's new and what's been recycled from Demo Reel and the old Nostalgia Critic videos. The biggest difference is the actors, who as previously stated are leftover from Demo Reel and aren't that big of an improvement over Rob and Bhargav.
Pop Quiz Hotshot
"Pop Quiz Hotshot" is essentially a partially aborted leftover from the 2013 NC "reboot" taking the form of a cheap-as-fuck 80s-themed game show. Much like Demo Reel, nobody really wanted this, but because there was no threat of the Nostalgia Critic ending this time, nobody really cared either. In it, unenthusiastic co-contributor Brad Jones (who for some reason is the host), plays a typical Doug Walker character, who uses his african warlord friend to force two barely responsive guys to answer questions, play the cheapest games imaginable, and then fight the Nostalgia Critic (yes, Doug's in character too) at the end. It's so cheap that hardly anyone believes that this got more than a tiny fraction of Doug's indiegogo money.
Doug Returns to Youtube
As Mike and the Walker bros' blip-based empire began to crumble over the course of 2013 and 2014 it became impossible to ignore the issues with TGWTG.com, and Doug finally gave up on his ridiculous feud with YouTube and started posting his videos on Channel Awesome's new YouTube account (Originally a channel called "The League of Super Critics", but now just Channel Awesome). With TGWTG.com (which was also rebranded as Channel Awesome) becoming redundant and Blip shutting down completely, CA's focus has since shifted to it's YouTube account. As one might expect, this has substantially boosted their viewership and provided them with effectively free promotions via Youtube's completely idiotic recommendation system. This sounds great for Doug, but the benefits could've been even greater if he hadn't waited so fucking long, as evidenced by co-contributor Angry Joe, who created a YouTube account before his career plateaued and went on to become the most successful person to have ever been associated with TGWTG/CA. Missing such an opportunity would be forgivable if it wasn't so easy to see blip's downfall coming.
#WTFU
By 2015, copyright-related issues on Youtube were resulting in more complaints than ever, mainly surrounding the automated system designed to handle the ever-growing number of copyright claims and content-id matches videos have been getting, though also some more severe issues such as entire channels disappearing without warning. No longer able to receive Blip's protection, Doug contributed to this resistance with #WTFU, short for "where's the fair use?". Doug quickly gathered support from youtubers big and small, and has become a leading figure in the fight to get YouTube to start giving a shit about all this.
The problem is that there's no easy fix for what's going on. Manually checking every copyright claim and every content-id match would be a slow and expensive process, especially since it would mainly benefit a group of people that are becoming increasingly expendable from YouTube's perspective. Also, the only time YouTube itself would absolutely need to be conscious of fair use is if they were the ones making a copyright claim or taking someone's ad revenue. Otherwise, while it may speed things up somewhat, it isn't necessarily their responsibility. Regardless of these issues, Doug stands to gain from his #WTFU campaign even if nobody else does (which is most likely what will happen), ironically making copyright responsible for the biggest promotion Doug's gotten since the AVGN feud.
Lardass lays it down on Doug Walker
The truth?
TL;DR, Doug Walker gets upset that Studio Ghibli took down his video review of My Neighbor Totoro.
For two videos worth of garbage, Jason Pullara reveals that they had plenty of time (fucking SEVERAL YEARS' WORTH) to slap Doug upside the head to knock the sense that, "maybe people will realize that your work is shitty edited snark over a Cliff Notes retelling of a movie and you should do something about this before they take down your work like a bitch". Not only that, Channel Assload is pretty dumb to sell DVDs of their re edited bullshit, and it's only up to time to tell when they will get fucked up the ass with an iron spiked dildo and dragged into the depths of hell and all of its stinking heated fecal glory.
Don't hesitate to overlap Jason's commentary with what Doug is talking about either. Doug even has the gall to say that he's sticking up for the little people when in reality he charged $1,500 on his shitty Indiegogo campaign which earned you a tour of his empty warehouse in Chicago, travel expenses not covered on their end.
Good luck convincing your user base to give you another 90k!
Gallery
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He Married It, So You Don't Have to -
Check out that six-pack -
Doug, sporting his pedo-face -
We all do -
We love you too, Doug. -
Shadbase speaking the truth. -
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Malcolm not Malcom you racist dyslexic fat fuck -
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External Links
See Also
- That Guy With The Glasses – The website, not the character or the guy this article is about
- Angry Video Game Nerd – Without whom the Nostalgia Critic would've likely fallen flat on its face.
- Aspies Most of his fanbase
- FanFic Critic – TGWTG wannabe who nightly frigs her clit to this douche.
- SaturnDOS Constantly stalked, threatened, and harassed him for his #WTFU movement.
- Retsupurae
- The Room
- Manchild
- Lolcow
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Doug Walker is part of the TGWTG Circle-jerk
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