Forumwarz

	“	Just for that, I’m going to get you put on Encylopedia Dramatica!	„
	—One of many CPU attack responses you'll see while playing. Srsly.

Because EVERYBODY gives that much of a fuck about you on *Forumwarz*, **just like real internet life**...apparently.

Forumwarz is a lame, graphically pathetic RPG that mocks the internet as if that were an original concept not already done by Encyclopedia Dramatica four years earlier. It is full of *chan memes and cock jokes, and is essentially a ripoff of ED in game form.

If you fail so miserably at the simulated human interaction that is the internet, don't worry; this game is for retards and will simulate the simulated human interaction experience of the internet. The game plays exactly like WoW, but without flashy animations, player co-op, PVP, in-game chat or anything else that might be remotely interesting.

The site crashes every five minutes between 6am - 11am EST due to shit bandwidth, so don't expect to use it during that time...as if you would've anyway. Also, Episodes 2 and 3 will cost you $10 each for a tiny amount of lulz. Is it worth it?...nope, unless you have no life. Unfortunately for WoWtards, you can't play the actual "game" all day unless you buy hax. If you're willing to spend money on this shit you might as well take your money and buy a single-dose bottle of sleeping pills. But hey, it's giving ED 20 bucks a day via "advertising", so the game does have a purpose.

Crazy idea: Troll the real internet. You know...the one you're already on. It's free, and you actually hurt people rather than pretend internet faggots. Protip: Use XRumer 5.0 Palladium.

Gameplay

The revamped front page, courtesy of FoetalBlowjob.

Instead of dungeons, the game has forums, populated by threads instead of monsters. Hit points are replaced by ego for the player, and pwnage for the threads. The player attacks the thread, pwning it. The forum regulars angrily fight back, bruising your ego. The aim is to fully pwn all the threads before your ego drops too low for you to continue.

The day after your victories, random strangers on the internet will send you junk in the mail that you can sell for cash (the game's treasure drop system). This cash can be used to buy a better computer, personal effects and lots and lots of happy pills to restore your ego in battle.

Characters

The writers really nailed the spirit of web conversation.

Camwhore
The mage class. Comes replete with the following:

~~Enormous~~ Good damage. One crotch shot can cause more disruption to a thread than many, many irritating blinking gifs. At the higher levels, just one threat to call the Partyvan can have all but the toughest forumgoers running for cover.

Equipment like fuck-me shoes and designer shades that provide huge boosts to charisma, offensiveness and self confidence.

Healing abilities and buffs in the form of being a completely self-absorbed bitch.

Of course, the upkeep on a camwhore is astronomical. The cost of repairing an iBook and a pair of Paris Hilton glasses can run into hundreds for just one raid, and if you run out of lipstick you're FUCKED.

Troll

The tank class. Trolls do have low base offense because in the grand scheme of things, dick jokes and annoying ASCII art just aren't that shocking. As a tradeoff they are nearly impossible to hurt as they know they are doing it for the lulz, and this effect is compounded if they post while fapping. They also have the most powerful attack in the game, which can instakill threads on stronger forums than other classes if you get your offense up. Being a Forumwarz troll is thus a tedious but spiritually rewarding affair.

Trolls have the abilities to fap and use racial tension to increase their offense temporarily.

As well as the drugs which chill you out that all the characters have access to, trolls get access to drugs like shitty alcohol, jimson, and cocaine. You know, the stuff that turns you into a BIGGER cunt. They can also increase their "Douchebaggery" by buying fun things like CP, illegal immigrant servants, cartoon depictions of Muhammad, or the Mona Lisa with a Hitler mustache drawn on it.

Emokid

The berserker class; the lower his ego drops, the more irritating and shrill he gets. This means that his class has the most variables thrown in, and makes for the least boring game (but then, why would you want to?)

The enormous stat boosts that Emos gain by getting themselves hurt were originally so excessive that the game system had to be rejigged to nerf them. Butthurt Emo players lurk everywhere in Forumwarz, dreaming of the day when the South shall rise again.

Hacker

The nuker class. Instead of regularly posting, the hacker class fucks up a forum by bullshitting around with the basic format. Be it the background of the forum or font, text size and avatar of posters, hackers are incredibly powerful even at low levels. A huge drawback of hackers, however, is their enormous upkeep. They're allowed to have tons of different forms of equipment. This is made up for the fact that their spiders pick up random files from the web, that if you can complete, you can sell up at the Ppwn Shop for some sweet flezz.

Hackers have the longest refresh times on all their strongest attacks, making them easily the worst (non-challenge) class at higher levels, only the challenge classes Re-Re and Permanoob have weaker attacks.

Re-Re

The ultimate character class. Pure, elegant, and unsullied like a Buddhist monk, the Re-Re is charged with crushing the whole internet beneath his heel using no abilities or special items whatsoever - APART FROM FLOODING IT WITH CATS.

Only the completely hardcore choose to remain Re-Re.

Permanoob

The Permanoob is the upgraded version of the Re-Re, released for Episode 2, since trying to tackle the revamped forums as a Re-Re would be nearly impossible. The Permanoob is still considered a "challenge" class, as it is severely underpowered compared to the others, but it's a step up from the Re-Re. You can, of course, still remain a Re-Re if you wish, but to do so you'd have to be extremely ~~hardcore~~ retarded.

Episode 2

Episode 2 of Forumwarz was long anticipated by it's loyal fanbase of basement dwelling losers who happily paid U.S.$10 for it. They expected it to take weeks to finish, but unfortunately because they had spent so much time building up their cred levels the new "Super Difficult" forums were easily pwnt. It took less than a week for experienced members to finish, pissing the shit out of them.

Positives:
- Access to more items and forums.
- Moderately funny characters.
- Anti-Scientology
- No chance in attaining a high level if you don't buy it.

Negatives:
- ~~Too easy to complete for experienced pwners~~ How the fuck do you become "experienced" at playing a fucking retarded online game?
- Costs ten bucks, and unlike most games, there's no way to pirate it.

In Summary

Multiplayer

Pain_series is too xtreme for *Forumwarz*. Sorry, guys.

Although the game itself is touted as the world's first Massively Single-Player Online Roleplaying Game, there are ways to interact with others on site if you wish to quell your severe roneriness.

INCIT

This is a minigame of sorts where players compete to come up with the wittiest captions to put on random pictures taken en masse from Google images to make motivational posters. While there are occasionally some really memorable ones made, the usual results are rather meh, which only furthers the notion that not all images should be made into demotivators.

Domination

This is where players are matched up against each other every week and compete to see who has the least life. You are awarded "scoops" of different flavored ice cream for doing different tasks, from pwning forums to helping build new community forums. You can also buy cards with your scoops to give yourself an advantage. The ones with the most scoops in certain categories at the end of the week win. However, it's relatively boring, and the only true way to play Domination is to ignore scoop count, and simply buy and play a shitload of asshole cards to piss off whoever's in the lead.

Flamebate

The Forumwarz forums. Where nothing of importance is discussed, such as how every klan sucks more than yours, very obvious questions that can be easily found in Spoilerpedia, horrendously failed trolling attempts, or how Forumwarz used to be a pristine haven of sunshine and happiness before all the noobs from ED made accounts after seeing the Forumwarz ads on this site. Basically, the forums are like any others on the internet, but with much more trolling, and thus, greater amounts of dense stupidity. This is likely an unintentional (or maybe intentional) side effect of being a game centered around pissing off forum members.

In addition to the traditional forums, there's a chat client called Internet Delay Chat that runs at the bottom of the screen. It's like any traditional IRC client, but way moar broken. The best of IDC.

When Roleplaying Goes Too Far

As Forumwarz players have the option to take on the persona of a feared internet personality, it is not uncommon for players to mistake their ability to disrupt pretend forums with stupid yo mama jokes and ASCII art for legitimate skill in disrupting actual internet forums. Thus, players often take their elementary trolling techniques to real forums, backed by their overinflated ego and misguided self-assurance. Unfortunately, getting a genuine rise out of real forum members requires a bit more wit than it takes to smash a key repeatedly in a shitty text-based web game. The resulting mess leaves the Flamebate forums filled with an unprecedented amount of god-awful trolling attempts, since the typical user is both retarded and woefully ignorant of even the most basic of trolling guidelines and netiquette. Such as:

1. Never admit to being a troll.

This means that immediately after posting that devastatingly witty insult, you should not proclaim LOLZ I WUZ TROLLAN U LOLOLOL BUTTHURT! Just because you can string together the letters Y, H, B, and T does not mean you're a successful troll. The only person you're fooling is yourself.

2. Strive for maximum result from minimum effort.

A pitfall that occurs when your attempts at trolling take up more of your time and effort than that of your intended target. Just because you got someone to call you a faggot after two weeks of spamming idiotic nonsense does not mean you win. It means you really are a faggot, and you've trolled yourself. See also: trying too hard

As such, most trolling on Forumwarz usually devolves into an argument of each side screaming, "NO I TROLLED U," where the winner is decided by who is the bigger poser. However, FW does have some potential benefits in this regard. Wannabe trolls can pretend they are 1337 and believe they can learn how to control the internet while staying the fuck away from experienced trolls and embarrassing themselves too much. This may sound like a case of unwarranted self-importance but remember - those who play on Forumwarz are the same type of pussy who BAWWWed that it was evil to target the innocent people at the Epilepsy Foundation with flashing gifs.

PROTIP: Should the players ever try to upgrade to trolling on the real internet they will most likely end up like this guy.

Forumwarz and Encyclopedia Dramatica

As you may have noticed, Forumwarz advertises itself on ED - meaning they get the publicity and ED gets the money, not unlike a celebrity and his latest hooker. A few EDiots were shocked and taken aback by this apparent display of ass-kissing, providing the much needed resources of whiny drama and hurt butts that fuel this site. Since many people operate under the assumption that ED is written by heartless robots who are incapable of finding positive attributes in anything, many assumed that this article (which is nearly identical to the version written over six months before FW started advertising on ED) was nothing but a promotional piece, and had no other recourse but to post long-winded rants and butthurt walls of text about how ED has sold out and gone soft. If you share this mentality and feel that this page fails to meet the quota for mindless insults, feel free to express your opinions so that everyone may point and laugh at you, then plaster your userpage with {{crybaby}} templates.