Devil May Cry

--NotATroll 02:16, 2 December 2014 (EST)

Devil May Cry is a video game series by Crapcum in which you play as an faggy albino demon/human half-breed named Dante, dressed up as a gay vampire, he has a huge ego, a small penis, girl problems, the most buttrock cringe music ever, a fucking sword, guns with infinite ammo, and is not afraid of demons and furries but sill can't get laid. So pretty much you personified as a video game character. As a Considered a masterpiece, this series has spawned three sequels and one piece of shit reboot. It was the predecessor to Bayonetta, because after Hideki Kamiya realized how shitty working for Capcum really was, he started his own game company called Platinum Games. However, Capcom being the cool people that they are denied Kamiya the rights to his own game and sold his franchise to Ninja Theory, who trashed the series for the lulz.

Games

Devil May Cry - The game that started it all. Dante is sitting in his office being a prematurely-balding 20-something loser until a blonde slut crashes into his office on a motorcycle and trashes up his shit. Luckily he forgives the bitch who looks exactly like his mom since she wants him to go to a place called Mallet Island. He agrees to the idea thinking he will finally get laid. Little does he know she was crying wolf (no shit) and was sent to lure him into Mundus's clutches. Originally this game was going to be Resident Evil 4.

Devil May Cry 2 - everyone hated this game when it came out. Funny, because it sold better than the reboot. Dante is super emo and barely talks in this game. At least it is filled with DIESEL shit, so don't bother even watching it on JewTube. He meets a ginger lesbian named Lucia, who he gets cockblocked and friendzoned by the entire game. She isn't even that hot and looks like Rihanna.

Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening - this game is everyone's favorite and considered the best in the franchise. You play as younger Dante, back when he was a faggot douchebag punk and breaks everything in sight with his sword because Fuck Da Police (this rebelliousness is only rivaled by Link). His brother Vergil is in the game, playing the secondary antagonist. A nerdy wannabe who just wants his brother Dante to stick it in while he steals his other half of his father's pendant. Oh yeah, there's also a jailbait female lead named Lady who will make you feel like a pedo the entire game. In the third one you can also play as his evil twin brother, so it's the best out of all the three games.

Devil May Cry 4- Dante is in his early 30's in this game, even though he looks like Richard Gere. Too bad you can't play him until after you have done all the levels with Nero(hahaha disregard that i suck cocks, nero is far more fun to play than glitch lord dante), Vergil's emotional and edgy bastard child. After you beat all the bosses with Nero, Dante kills each one of them for the lulz like the complete cheesy troll he is. Also, according to fangirl speculation, Nero and Dante are ghey together, which is completely sick since Nero is Dante's fucking nephew. There's also a new female character named Kyrie, who is completely useless and gets stolen away like motherfucking Princess Peach. How original. Got a special edition that allowed fanboys to jerk off over Vergil again, and that also allowed players to play as Lady and Trish, but made their fappable alt costumes DLC. Thanks, Capcom.

DmC: Devil may Cry- We don't talk about this one.

Characters

Where Dante would fuck his fangirls... If he wasn't so raging gay for Vergil and Nero.

Dante - Our SSStylish hero is a gay vampire born from a human woman and a demon father named Sparda, not to be confused with Sparta and in order to cover up his blatant fail in everything he does, he wants you to know just how cool he is every time he has a chance to. He is what you get if you combine every overglorified edgy white man with mary sue powers and every action anime ever made. So in simple terms a weeaboo version of Silver Age Superman and hot topic, His father Spartacus gave him the huge sword Rebellion to compensate for his small penis. Had a magical girl transformation into Edward Cullen in the Reboot series because fuck you. He has a love of pizza, bitches(All of them shoot his lame ass down) and his own twin brother's sweet ass.

Vergil aka Nelo Angelo - Dante's gay angsty, edgy weeaboo twin brother who sucks his twin brother's cock. They have violent gay sex all the time, it's a fact. Fangirls love it. Despite being gayer than liberace and sesshomaru combined, he's actually a much more likeable than his edgier punk ass wannabe brother, by a long shot.

Eva - Dante's demon-cocksucking human/angel/whatever mom.

Poor Door - the best character in the entire franchise and the door to Dante's shop. Poor Door gets broken every game. Makes muh crai evrytiem.

Sparda - hipster demon overlord who betrayed Mundus and fucked a human female without a condom, which bore him two defective sons and eighteen years of child support.

Mundus - king of demons who sends demons into the human world since he is butthurt Sparda got laid.

Lucia - ginger bitch from Devil May Cry 2 nobody gives a fuck about.

Lady aka Mary - A young ugly bitch with a huge ass rocket launcher titled Kalina Ann. She obviously has daddy issues as her father, Arkham obviously wants to sacrifice her. Went through puberty in Devil May Cry 4 and achieved huge titties so the basement dwellers playing the game can stare at her chest and realize that they will never get any.

Arkham aka Jester - pedophile father of Lady. He's going to spank you for whatever reason. He also murdered his wife because he wanted to become the devil and tricked Lady more than once into believing him.

Trish - Trish is a clone of Dante's mom, and Dante wants to fuck her brains out at the end of the first game since he has an Oedipus Complex. She has lightning that comes out of her pussy and hands. Dressed up as Lady Gaga in DMC4 for no real reason.

Nero - Nero is an emo Mary-Sue Scrappy who whined his way into taking Dante's role as main character in DMC4. He's also Dante and Vergil's twincest butt spawn. He may, or may not be related to Raiden from Metal Gear Solid.

Kyrie - Nero's annoying girlfriend who doesn't do jack shit.

Kat - reboot cunt obsessed with Wicca and puts squirrel jizz in her paint cans.

Fandom

We all know Devil May Cry's fans kiss Hideki Kamiya's ass and think he is the Stan Lee of gaming, but he's not. Fans also include homosexual gaymers who try to be super edgy and goth like Dante. Devil May Cry fans also whine and bitch about the reboot constantly even though Capcom has already said they aren't continuing the reboot series anymore. Devil May Cry fans fanboy about how straight and masculine the series is even though all the fucking fangirls constantly make fan art of Dante fucking his twin brother Vergil and there's barely any heterosexual Rule 34 of the DMC cast anywhere. ALL DEVIL MAY CRY FAN ART IS GAAAAAY!!! I mean this is a series with skimpily dressed, big tittied female side characters, what the actual fuck?

It is pretty sad that Kamiya went baww over twitter because he misses having ownership over his own fucking character.