PC Master Race

Brought to you by the imagination of members of the PC "Master" Race.

The PC Master Race (or PCMR) is a self-delusionary label PC gamers use to describe themselves to make their dick feel bigger. In reality, it refers to a loose collection of basement-dwelling virgins who choose to spend their parents' hard-earned money on an overpriced computer capable of gayming — as far away as possible from an actual Master Race.

It's obvious that if you are not a gamer, the PC platform possesses certain benefits such as contributing to Encyclopedia Dramatica or doing that thesis your asshole teacher forced you to do in order to get a job, and you can even modify it with 7 proxies when diving into the deep web. However, that's different if you are talking to gamers. Only people suffering from serious brain damage would deem it reasonable to spend over 9,000 dollars to soup up some shitty eMachines or Dell monstrosity that will become obsolete within a month just to play video games. PC gamers are graphics hardware Nazis who masturbate to consumer electronics, and are more concerned with benchmarks, specs and hardware than the games themselves, which is why they play nothing but shitty tech demos. Despite their blatant stupidity, PC gamers are some of the most elitist dipshits on the Internet, and can often be found engaging in online flamewars with the dirty console peasants.

The term "PC Master Race" itself was coined by internet-famous video game critic, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, during one of his shitty reviews of some game no one cares about, in which he made an ironic statement which can be summarized as PC gamers being fucking retarded. Since PC gamers are, in fact, fucking retarded, they thought that they were being complimented, and so hijacked the phrase to describe themselves, despite the fact that it only serves to make them appear even more fucktarded. Somehow.

Origin of the Phrase

"PC Master Race" was coined by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw of Zero Punctuation fame, who was making an ironic comment on how PC faggots always see themselves as superior and above all other gamers, during his witty and well-thought-out review of 'The Witcher' which was at least 100 years ago, in 2008. But since members of the PC Master Race aren't mentally developed enough to understand, let alone even comprehend, the concept of irony, they thought that he was actually praising the PC; when the reality of the matter is actually quite different.

Skip to 00:58 to witness the creation of the phrase

	“	So that those dirty, Console playing peasants don't ruin it for the glorious PC Gaming Master Race	„
	—Ben Croshaw, whose joke went straight over the heads of PC fags

Ever since then, the term has made its way across the Interwebs; bringing faggotry with it wherever it happens to go, eventually leading to the creation of various forum threads on multiple sites no one gives a shit about, a cancerous subreddit, which you should avoid at all costs, a Wikipedia article (yes, seriously), and ultimately, an entire fucking website.

Historical Background for Babbies

Where it all began

AKA: The origin of elitism

This is the shit young Übergamers had to play instead of Donkey Kong

In prehistoric times, Vidya was not one, but two:

Video games: Those painfully bright, screeching things designed for sugarated children. Originally played on arcade machines, but soon migrating into the living room of every middle-class family thanks to the conniving rice-kikes over at Nintendo. Defined by being relatively simple, quick to pick up, requiring twitchy movements and brainwashing an entire generation into masturbating to cartoon animals.
Computer games: Video games' fat snotty cousin that lurks in the background of every family photo. Games designed to be played by boring sexless dads in between crunching spreadsheets and filing for bankruptcy. Defined by WORDS WORDS WORDS, incomprehensible controls, absurd difficulty to install/run, poor graphics, slow pacing and general shittiness.

The question of whether a kid got to play actual video games or had to settle for obtuse point-and-click snorefests came down to whether they managed to convince their parents to buy them a Nintendos for Christmas. Otherwise, the only option left to them is to pirate Ultima for the family Amiga 500. This created endless lingering resentment in the hearts of the little twerps as they were forced to sit out and watch their cooler classmates discuss the latest Mario, Zelda or Sanic during recess. To cope, the butthurt cumstains deluded themselves into thinking that shit is actually gold, and that the godawful games they were saddled with are AKSHUALLY superior by virtue of being more "complex" and "thoughtful". Thus the PC Master Race was born.

Golden Age

AKA: The origin of GRAPHIX

As the years went by and you no longer had to pay $9,000 for a processor capable of running Solitaire, it became possible to play actually halfway decent games on the same machine you use to watch pr0n. Computer games (now univerasally PC games because Microsoft sucked IBM's dick and Apple is for fags) became more console-like, with reflex-based gameplay and graphics capable of more than 4 colors. The consoleless plebs jumped on the opportunity to play something actually fun for once, and quickly forgot all their petty gripes with the "childish" nature of non-PC games. To maintain the facade that their games are more mature than the alternatives, PC developers added gore, tits, explosions and other things enjoyed primarily by 13-year-old boys to their heaping piles of trash.

This is also around the same time consoles were shitting the bed after eating too much money during the 8- and 16-bit eras. The fifth generation of consoles included such gems as the cartridge-based N64, the piss-weak Playstation and the pure crystalized FAIL which was the Sega Saturn. PC gaming went from a choice of last resort to an actually competitive alternative.

However, all that progress came at a cost. Literally. The introduction of 3D graphics meant you had to buy a dedicated video card for your yellowing plastic abomination, and the rapid advancement in ass-rendering technologies meant you had to switch out that video card every six months or so. Naturally, many companies rushed to flood the market with their shitty overheating components. They made up various fake reasons why their overpriced slapdash electronics are better than the competitors', inventing worthless tech buzzwords like triple-buffered DRAM and single-pass sub-frame penetration. The question of how any of these help the typical consumer run their favorite Counter-strike nude mods remained unaddressed.

The retards who actually bought into the consumerist frenzi quickly found themselves unable to justify their purchase and once again fell back on self-delusion. They convinced themselves that they can see extremely minute pixel-sized differences between pictures and that these are what makes or breaks a game. Gameplay, music, sound or story don't matter, apparently.

Death rattle

AKA: The origin of butthurt

The sixth generation of consoles put an end to the PC fatsos' celebrations. Most consumers still wanted a simple machine for gayming, not an oversized plastic monstrosity that devours money and shits out BSOD errors. Game publishers took one look at the shrinking, obese and pirate-infested PC market and rightfully decided to take their business elsewhere. Most worthwhile games did not receive a PC release whatsoever, and the ones that did only got begrudging poorly-optimized ports made by illiterate southasian monkeys.

PC gamers responded like any responsible adult would: By throwing massive temper tantrums and endlessly bitching about it online. Absolutely convinced that the $4,000 they spent on a computer that can run Crysis gave them the right to boss game developers around, they loudly and pathetically DEMANDED that publishers do a complete 360° on their decisions and actively burn money by developing for the increasingly irrelevant PC. The cognitive dissonance between the supposed "superiority" of their platform and the fact it has no gaems absolutely broke the PCtards' minds, resulting in much lulz for outside observers. This culminated in the most pathetic display of all: Online petitions begging developers for new PC ports.

To the surprise of no one, these strategies failed to work. By 2010 the PC was a dying platform, only clung to by those too stupid or invested to move to something better. Although the massive amounts of cash the fedora-equipped virgins sank into their gear arguably made it more powerful than consoles, the simple fact is that a gaming platform without any games is a worthless dust-collector.

Steam revival

AKA: The origin of Gaben's massive gut

If the PC was shit, consoles' AIDS was even worse. The rapid spread of Judaism through the ranks of game company executives meant that console manufacturers flushed every advantage they had down the drain. Starting with the seventh generation, consoles have turned increasingly obtuse and unusable. The elimination of couch co-op, introduction of mandatory updates, DLCs, slowness, bloat and general fail meant that consoles were ironically turning more PC-like.

Meanwhile, the PC was becoming even more console-like, largely thanks to a single obese Jew from Seattle and his games-for-rent scheme Steam. Older generations of PC gamers saw Steam for the blatant money-stealing DRM scam it was. Newfags, however, were now too lazy to even leave their mom's house to buy their digital crack. These diabetic inbreds greatly appreciated the ability to purchase indie shovelware from the comfort of their air-conditioned basements, and so Steam became the fastest growing cancer on the interwebz.

The rise of Steam meant you no longer had to delete System32 every time you wanted to install a game. It also meant Valve now got to install golden chandeliers in the money-coated ballrooms of their coke palaces. PC gamers may be comparatively few in number, but they make up for it by being able to max out their (parents') credit cards, and Gaben's lazy ass receives 30% of every purchase made on Steam. Other publishers took notice of Valve's collection of golden dildos and sex-trafficked prepubescent girls and wanted in on the action. Every ostensibly notable company rushed to release their own bug-infested DRM bloatware, including:

Epic Games Store: What if Steam, but unusable?
EA ~~Download Manager~~ Origin: What if Steam, but spyware?
Microsoft's ~~Games For Windows Live~~ Windows Store: What if Steam, but nogaems?
Blizzard's Battle.net: What if Steam, but hilariously unsecure?
Rockstar Games Launcher: What if Steam, but only GTA?
Ubisoft's ~~Uplay~~ Connect: What if Steam, but always-online?
GOG's Galaxy: What if Steam, but back to 1989?

PCtards' demonstration that they have more money than brains also meant that developers began making games for the PC again. Despite this, the Master Race never stopped bitching. A decade of being ignored by the faceless corporations they looked up to as surrogate parents produced an unmatchable victim mentality that persists to this day. Even after getting everything they've ever wanted, PC gamers remain the most entitled and pathetic cunts on the planet. Naturally, online petitions for more PC releases continue circulating the web at an alarming frequency.

PC Gamers: Identifiable Traits

This section is crap. You can help by completely re-writing it.

Standard PC Gamer mouse. Allows you to play FPS one-handed, so you can fap while you drool all over the graphics in Crysis.

If your PC looks like this, you are a PC Gamer.

PC gamers are an unusual breed, a subspecies of Nerdus americanus, which are renowned for their game loving. However, PC gamers are even gayer than other species of nerds. Most specimens of gamer tend to be basement dwellers. A PC gamer's lair is often a dark, shit-smelling room in the basement of their mother's house.

These types of gamers are very undateable. Most PC Gamers settle for a 2D drawing of a loli, or pictures of camwhores. When gamers do get hawt n' raunchy, they often engage in facepalmingly embarrassing cybersex with fat furries, which is often called fapping to Habbo Hotel. Girls can be PC gamers too.

They tend to be somewhat belligerent, while mainly comparing their computers like they would compare their dicks, even when the reality is that their penis is as useless as their computer.

Most PC Gamers will fly into a rage over certain technological limitations that causes serious butthurt when a hacker comes into play.

Most games that PC Gamers play are first-person shooters. The object of these games is to kill as many people IRL to become heroes. Many fanboys have taken up this venerable challenge and all have become an heroes to satisfy their needs for losing their iPod.

Some PC Gamers will overclock their PCs. This means they are willing to put thousands of dollars worth of hardware at risk for a few extra FPS in Skyrim, and a slightly larger e-penis.

PC Gamers are also known to buy cases with transparent sides and fill them with pointless neon lights, in order to show off how awesome their gaming rig is.

Things PC gamers like to do

Play World of Warcraft.
Use a mouse to play fps games.
Show off their water cooling system.
Download patches.
Update their drivers.
Overclock their PC, putting thousands of dollars worth of hardware at risk.
Make mods, maps, and skins for someone else's game instead of putting that time and effort into making their own game
Use a shitty operating system instead of Windows.
Complain about consolization of games.
Never shower, socialize, or get laid
Get viruses.
Buy $5,000 video cards every month.
Run benchmark tests.
Proselytize about how great PCs are over consoles every chance they get
Put gay neon lights on their cases.
Use Garry's Mod to make zoophilic Renamon and Alyx strap-on porn.
Pirate console games and run them in emulators.
Realize that the PC has NO EXCLUSIVE GAEMS. T_T

PCMR's Presence on the Internet

The subreddit, /r/PCMasterRace

The "master race" loves to bitch, and that can't be anymore obvious than on the /r/PCMasterRace subreddit. It's been referred to on many occasions by deviant homosexuals, as a subreddit for single basement dwellers with overpriced battlestations and more money than common sense to congregate together in a large circle and discuss the many advantages and benefits of PC Gaming in a calm, reasonable, and civilised manner. The subreddit also works as a branch for Steam as all the mods are dickless shills employed by Gabe Newell, and will waste no time in banning anyone who doesn't praise the almighty Lord Gaben - and if you do criticize Steam, like any normal, functioning member of society would, it is seen by the retarded masses of /r/PCMasterRace as heresy, and worse than being a console owner.

The official subreddit for this faggotry is now at over a quarter of a million members, as more and more master-tards from all over the world are finally discovering a place where they be free from judgement from the rest of the internet for discussing their harmless hobby with one another - apart from here at Encyclopedia Dramatica, of course. Those who post on the shitty subreddit are more interested in showing off their massive collection of downloaded games and bragging about "muh pc exclusives", than actually playing them; because who would actually want to play games on PC? Exactly. No one.

The /r/PCMR userbase

When you inevitably come to your senses and finally join the PC Gaming Master Race, it is recommended that you get well acquainted with the PCMR userbase which is listed directly below:

People with Autism.
Faggots.
Losers.
Basement Dwellers.
Retards.
Internet tough guys.
Outcasts from /v/.
Prepubescent 13-year-old fucktards who feel the need to act out their superiority complex.
Gamer Girls who want to show how nerdy and cool they are by joining the glorious PCMR.
AFK.

The typical /r/PCMR post

Since every post on /r/PCMasterRace is essentially describing how great PC Gaming is, and anyone who says otherwise is a fucking loser fag - despite reality suggesting the opposite - most, if not all content on /r/PCMasterRace can be succinctly summarised in the image below:

Use scrollbar to see the full text

"Welcome to the official subreddit of the PC Master Race!"

Common misconceptions held by /r/PCMR

That they've had sex.
That the human eye requires at least 60 frames per second to see the nuanced animations of Dwarf Fortress.
That 'Papers, Please' looks better at 4K.
That a multi-purpose machine like a PC can compete against a single-purpose machine like the PS4 or Xbox One, when it comes to gaming.
That PC games are worth playing.
That PCs have any exclusives.
That pirating N64 ROMs is legal.
That Half-life 3 will ever come out.
That PC ports are well done.
That all PC versions of console games have controller support.
That encrypting their child pornography is enough to prevent the feds from finding it.
That the Steam controller is usable.
That PCs are inherently backwards compatible. Good luck trying to get Ultima 4 to work on Windows 8, you bastards.
That WASD is superior to an analog stick
That overclocking your computer is perfectly safe.

How to get popular on /r/PCMR

You, after the required /r/PCMasterRace/ lobotomy. Now you're just like them!

Mock non-PC gamers.
Have an undue sense of superiority.
Bitch about Ubisoft and Rockstar.
Insinuate that anyone who doesn't like to play games on PC is retarded.
Complain about how your video card drivers aren't supported.
Post a picture of a response from Gaben.
Stalk Gaben.
Claim that PC gaming is cheaper by using one-sided arguments.
Post a picture of a game that compares the graphics of a top of the line PC versus a ten-year old console.
Complain about all the DRM that comes with PC games.
Bitch about the PC version of a game getting a later release.
Complain about poor optimization.
Cry about console exclusives (Rise of the Tomb Raider, Uncharted, Sunset Overdrive, Last of Us, Master Chief Collection, Little Big Planet, Forza, Bayonetta, etc)
Do a HL3 joke.
Talk shit about consoles, while secretly wishing you actually bought one instead of your TurboTax machine.
Pretend you can tell the difference between 60 and 30 fps.
Call a console a potato.
Mention how many games you have on your Steam account. Just remember not to play any of them.
Talk about how great the lobotomies are.

Wikipedia

Interestingly enough, some retard got so butthurt about this very article, that they decided to give PC Master Race its own entire article on Wikipedia to somehow get back at Encyclopedia Dramatica; and so, they got to work by utilising the amazing powers of autism to create one, resulting in a boring wall of text that's shitty, even for Wikipedia standards, to the point that other Wikipedophile editors are beginning to think that the article was written by some babbling, autistic, diaper-wearing retard, or in other words, a typical PC gamer.

	“	The work to be done is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PC_Master_Race Add content. Make it legit.	„
	—TheDudishSFW, http://www.reddit.com/r/pcmasterrace/comments/2f8igp/we_have_been_desecrated/ck72rt7

Know Your Meme

As it turns out, some other retard over at "Know Your May-May" had documented the "PC Master Race" phrase some time before us here at Encyclopedia Dramatica could, but that's fine, seeing as how KYM's shitty, poorly-thought-out, and biased content cannot hope to compare to the quality, journalistic integrity, and standards that ED sets on a daily basis in its own articles. In other words, you shouldn't even bother clicking that link as all the information you could ever find on PC Gaymer fags can all be found here.

"www.pcmasterrace.net"

Seeing as how the rest of the internet are unable to handle just how awesome the PC Master Race really is, some fellow PC Gaymers got together to have a brainstorming session while stroking each others' cocks - all to encourage blood-flow to the brain, of course - and eventually came up with the fantastic idea to create their own website; just for them and their kind to truly be free from judgement from the rest of the internet with their PC gaming discussions - and thus, "www.pcmasterrace.net" was born. And what a piece of shit it is.

Should you ever feel the need to visit the shitty website; do the right thing and spam the forum with porn - if anything, you'd be doing the basement dwelling virgins a favour.

How to Troll PCMR Faggots

Simply tell them the truth - that consoles will always be superior to their shitty PCs.
Tell them that they don't actually own their games; Steam does.
Tell them that the Lord Gaben actually doesn't give a shit about his fans - no matter how far they're willing to deepthroat his smelly chode.
Tell them that all their "pc exclusives" are pieces of shit that no one would ever want to play. Ever.
Brag to them about all the awesome exclusives that consoles are getting.
Remind them that all worth-while developers are only interested in making games for consoles, because that's where the real gamers are.
Call them a casual.
Tell them that only hardcore gamers play on consoles
Say that the AMD Sempron is the best CPU