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Newgrounds/BBS
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| Jiggers and their Levels | Individual Forums | Community Members | Moderators |
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On the Jewgrounds forums, each user's post is accompanied by a small .gif, drawn rather sloppily in flash by JG employee JohnnyUtah. Each image is either a fist or hand-held weapon, because there's nothing Jewgrounders enjoy more than whipping out their weapons/bodyparts and showcasing them to other prepubescent boys.
Above, the JGer (black person) is seen in its natural environment, having just leveled up to the next vector-drawn image of a weapon, as well as having just received his prize pack of stickers from headquarters. His elation is overstated, if a bit Neanderthalic, as is his refusal to shave, which, while aiding his own ability to conform to the Nigger stereotype, seemingly pushes him back about four levels in the more immediate, and perhaps, important game known as irl.
Voting on Jewgrounds submissions will earn members experience points (See MMORPG). After voting on a few thousand movies, you can level up, which gives you a 1337er avatar on the forums and gives you a +1 to hit vs other basement-dwellers.
Oddly, it has been oft-noted that Jewgrounds users fantasize about being sodomized by their level icons, which provides further and irrefutable proof that these young pedophiles-in-training are irretrievably lost sheep in the pasture of reality.
How you vote also[+]
- The Evil Aura is known to be a commonality between users who consider themselves Goth, like Jeff Weise. They are likely to be similar in disposition to Dark Aura fags, but in many ways are an amplified parody of metal-loving satanists, who would sooner admit to fucking a corpse than having gone to Church at one point in their lives. Most likely to carry out a massive baletion of life with a Tec-9.
- The Dark Aura is known to be a commonality between users who are angst-ridden, and/or fundamentally and spiritually the emo stereotype. Brooding. Sullen. Misinformed. This is the sort of faggot who strips naked and lies down on the kitchen counter when his parents are out for a fancy evening getaway at McDonald's, setting up a video-camera before alternately stroking his cock, and bringing the cold steel blade of a serrated bread-knife to his snow-white wrist. Up and down. Up and down.
- The Neutral Aura is known to be a commonality between users who are overtly bisexual. In their indecisiveness about which gender they would rather stick up the pooper, they come to the realization that one hole is as good as any other. Due to the lack of females on Newgrounds, however, these average denizens are forced into exclusive circle-jerking with males.
- The Light Aura is known to be a commonality between overly-cheerful users, who think that simply saying the words "Cock Joke" actually constitutes a phallic-humorous observation. Likely to have substandard grammar. The sort of lameshit who instructs others to be cheerful, administers moral pedagogy on a regular basis, and attempts to act in the "best interests of humanity," thereby allowing themselves to jack off in front of a proverbial mirror and not get called-out for FaggotTree.
- The Fab Aura is unambiguously homosexual. Therefore, it is no wonder that after ten minutes of browsing through the Newgorunds Forums, one comes to the conclusion that it is far and away the most popular Aura.
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| Nature of Stupidity | Mildly Obtuse Suburbanites | Inner-City Educated | Illiterate Rural Folk | Limited Sentence Construction Ability | Raised by Wolves/The Homeless | Down Syndrome Sufferer | Complete Lack of Sentience | Vegetative Paralysis of the Brain | African/Aboriginal |
| Name of Forum | Programming | Flash | Politics | Clubs & Crews | Audio | Video Games | Art | Where is/How to? | General |
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General
On a scale of 1-10, just how massive a Jew are you?
Relative Jewishness
1: FULLY-LITERATE ARYAN ⇒ 5: MCDONALD'S EMPLOYEE ⇒ 10: JEWGROUNDS MATERIAL |
If you scored a ten (or higher) on the preceding chart, the General forum is, unquestionably, the place for you. Below is a mere sampling of the supreme Jewishness on display at every waking moment of the day:
Anything can be discussed here, as long as it's lame. If you have sex with any member of your family, this is the board to post about it. If you're in the mood to discuss your wiping habits after taking a shit, look no further than here. And lastly, if you have absolutely nothing to say, but enjoy hearing yourself talk, you're definitely in the right place. In short, this is just Jewgrounds trying to be /b/.
- Just How Close is "Too Close"? [-+]
Threads about how you plan to kill yourself are also praised, and often grow to 30-page emofests before someone notices. Also note that the Newgrounds mods rule with an iron fist, deleting and banning any attempt at faggotry. Posters on the General Forums are wholly unoriginal, but then again, when the entire population is composed of 13 year old boys, little else could be expected. One should prepare to see tons of topics about the exact same thing, and many moldy, stolen 4chan memes, which are always held to the highest standard of humor, despite the fact that people stopped saying them at least 100 years ago. Oh, and whatever you do, don't fucking advertise your shitty flash on the forums. The Internet Tough Guys of Newgrounds will further prove their virginity by down-voting it until you have to delete it whilst trying to slit your wrists with a butter knife.
The Virgin (see below) is the largest constituent of this forum. Ubiquitous and unavoidable, these users are quite easy to spot due to the topics they create with reckless abandon, asking such mind-boggling questions as "Do girls Poop?" and "Have you ever seen a naked breast?"
- Do Girls Poop? [-+]
While frequenting this visible focus of all Jewgrounds-related decay, it's important to remember to make heavy use of the emoticons, conveniently placed above the posting text field with each and every post you make. Use, especially, the "embarrassed" or "blushing" face to indicate your own sexual ambiguity, a common trait that will inevitably lead to your acceptance by the populace of this site.
A common prank on the General Forum demonstrating that stunning degree of faggotry involves the infamous VIEW/REPLY RATIO [-+]
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The gist of this prank is to take advantage of the high percentage of homosexuals and trannies present on that forum, all of whom have an overarching and instinctual love of the cock. At the top of each thread, the relevant statistics of that thread are displayed: "views" indicates the number of times the topic has been clicked, and "replies" indicates the number of times users have bothered to post in that topic.
Whenever a topic of a sexual nature, especially involving the male genitalia is on the front page of General, the number of views tends to skyrocket, while the number of replies remains relatively low. This indicates that Jewgrounders are too busy clicking on the topic, and subsequently fapping to the subject matter, that they have no time to post a reply to that topic.
- Me in my Thong [-+]
On a different note, make sure, when browsing this forum, to keep in mind that the average IQ is well below the threshold denoting a capability to produce coherent sentences, thus the proliferation of both rampant unintelligible postings, and the rise of Grammar Fascism by the limited elite in Jewgroundsian society.
This push towards Nazism on the General forum has many of that lower-caste of money-grubbing Jews snarling away into the darkness of the B.B.S., to inhabit less profitable, but more Anti-American corners of the site, where Jews tend to flourish.Where is/How to?
A forum for any questions that might be asked by idiots in regards to the site, just as long as the question is vapid and facepalm-worthy. Here, one is at one's own discretion to whine about how one is too stupid to use the search function or how one can't beat the giant penis in Penis Attack 9. (HINT: "JACK THE PENIS OFF" IS ALWAYS A WITTY RESPONSE TO THIS QUESTION.)
The real reason that the Where is/How to forum exists is to serve as an ongoing Wadolf-appreciation discussion. Unfortunately, in his quasi-genocidal, abusive-father nature in relation to Jewgrounds, he is blind to the loving adoration from his underlings, and proceeds to slap them mercilessly across the face. He slaps them with words, of course, but it might as well be with his wife's face.
Flash
If it wasn't for this forum, most of the fucktards on the site wouldn't know how to create the hilarious cartoons it thrives on. Most posts in this forum are about how to make a play button with actionscript.
- Can U Use Photoshop... [-+]
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Politics
The place for users with large postcounts to belittle people with smaller postcounts for having a differing opinion. Popular discussion topics range from "why Bush is a fucking idiot" all the way to "why people who think that Bush is a fucking idiot are fucking idiots". This is where the persecuted Jewgrounds Jews tend to migrate when they're feeling a little hot under the collar. [-+]
In their haste to flee the General Forum's pitchforks and flames, they attempt to use their talent at gaining political office to their advantage in the Politics Forum. They find out quickly, however, that the violently Hetero personality of Politics Regular cellardoor6 - which includes a fanatical devotion to the cause of pro-Americanism - is offputting when compared with the Jews' own bitter resolve to destroy the country in which they made their fortunes, and thus these Jews must go into hiding in the even-less-frequented forums in order to both kvetch about their over 9000 relatives baleeted in the lolocaust, and plan their follow-up attack to 9/11.
Programming
In which the programmers of NG discuss how to use programming languages and use terms that n00bs can't understand. Because nobody on Jewgrounds understands these languages, that qualifies anyone who visits this forum as a n00b.
Use scrollbar to see the full image
- Programming Help... A Lot!!! [-+]
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The official script kiddies' hangout. Nobody here actually knows how to program, but everyone likes to hold the fact that they can copy+paste already-written tidbits of code above each others' heads.
Nobody frequents this graveyard, so it serves as the perfect pseudo-ghetto for the Jews to map out which symbolic American monument they would prefer to blow upClubs & Crews
Audio
This is by far the worst of the forums, where users post lyrics to songs (See LiveJournal).Art
The Art Forum was created in September 2006 to gather all gay furry pictures or penicorn images ever drawn by Newgrounds members. It also enables 11-year olds to post their MS Paint devilspawn "art" and ask for "constructive criticism", later ignoring said criticism and flaming everyone who doesn't praise them intensely and give them Buttsecks. The few good artists, all of whom are Moderators, troll around and lock any thread that does not follow the RULES to the LETTER.
The Art forum of Newgrounds, in its phallus-fever, has entered what many consider a Renaissance[1] of Interwebs Art.
Users who patrol this forum are generally brown-nosers and elitists who, while sucking anal mod secretions, also enjoy criticizing artworks with enlightening and insightful constructive criticism. [Fuck the Art Forum Comment Gallery!Browse the Art Forum Comment Gallery]
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WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? A VAGINA? YOU KNOW THAT ISN'T ALLOWED ON OUR FORUMS! FOR SHAME! |
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I WISH WORDS COULD EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THE INDIVIDUALISM AND THE ARTISTRY SO EVIDENTLY DISPLAYED BY EACH METICULOUSLY PENNED-OUT VEIN ON THE DICK. |
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THIS PENIS HAS TOUCHED ME. |
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THE PHALLIC ARTISTIC DEVICE IN THIS ARTWORK SEEMS TO BE A MICROCOSMIC REPRESENTATION OF THE LARGER STATE OF BEING EMBODIED BY HUMANKIND: JACK WITH ME AND I'M GONNA FUCKING SPRAY YOU WITH SHIT. |
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I like how the veins on the shaft symbolize the act of coming and going of our society and ultimately describes the travels of people as they go about their lives. The scrotum is smooth suggesting it symbolizes the Earth and that the act of penetration into a darkened space is a symbol for the future actions of our species exploring beyond the Earth and into the dark unknown that is space. I must say this is probably one of the deepest pieces of artwork that I've seen in recent memory and it was a pleasure reviewing it. |
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There can never be "too many" cocks. -
Prancing Dickicorns in the meadow. -
A dick atop a trash heap. -
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The Cock, as a metaphor for societal destruction. -
Sadomasochistic Autofellatio -
Cumming animatedly. -
So Strong and Manly
Video Games
A shameless attempt to make Newgrounds just like every other forum on the Internet. Inactive as fuck, and nobody cares since everybody on Newgrounds is too busy discussing Mario and Luigi's homosexual relationship.
Sometimes, of course, the topic of conversation tends to stray to the ever-fresh console discussion / flamewar - which consists of a contest to determine who can most obnoxiously tout the virtues of his Piece of Shit 3, Wii, or X-Cawks 360 while simultaneously jacking off in front of his proverbial Mirror of e-Ego. But mostly, the Video Game Forum serves as a infinitely-looping rerun episode of the forumgoers' ultimate fantasy television series: Mario & Luigi - All That, and a Pail of Scat.
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| Archetype Nomenclature | The Furfag | The "Gangster"-Whore | The Female | The Fatty | The Disturbed Loner | The Suckup | The Failure | The Virgin | The Corrupt Administrator |
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| Specific Instances & Subgroups | DragonsGrief (Pounce), Slash Firestorm, SCTE3 | The Wigger-Jew | Kagoe, RKthrilla | PureCarnage, Sanity-of-Insanity, TSStudios | Livecorpse, Jeff Weise, Sirtom93 | BlueHippo, Various Mods | LardLord, DrForeman aka Dickneck Dogmeat | The-Great-One, Ajgourlie, 066pop | WadeFulp |
The Furfag
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I don't like the attention. Negative, or positive. Anymore, at least. It's becoming weary when I just want to +1 post then I get assaulted by "LOL TRANNY" every time. Like I said, if it wasn't ED, I would care. I've already been IP banned from every site except 4chan I posted the pictures in, and I haven't crossdressed pretty much in 4 or so months now. That picture there will remind me forever never to do something like this again. Hard lesson well learned.
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—Sometimes, Encyclopedia Dramatica really does add to the greater good. | ||||
DragonsGrief leads the pack, and in fact has come to define, this reviled Forum subset with his strange and undeniably fetish-motivated antics that even the most dedicated homosexuals on the forum have a difficult time trying to justify.
In particular, a recent incident occurred in which DragonsGrief found himself in possession of two pillbottles filled to the brim with Estrofem and Spironolactone, which would begin to transform his body into that of a transsexual. He proceeded to post regular updates on his progress towards actually becoming a tranny, over the course of several months. His topic became an over 9000-page cesspool of unwarranted sympathy and butthurt concerning the teenager's supposedly "shitty" life, which led him towards the long and winding path of transsexuality.
The remainder of this sexually conflicted populace is, like DragonsGrief, unapologetically queer and unfunny users, who are usually teenagers, whom lower users repeatedly seduce via salacious Private Messages (see "The Suckup" below) in order to convince the alleged furfag to post more furry pornography on his userpage. Even though they are probably neither counted amongst the ranks of the gay or furry legions, all Jewgrounds users, as a term of the contract which they signed to become a user, are still required to drool all over their keyboards with their dicks out.
A furfag will stroll into a thread expecting to have their asshole munched by the massive ranks of 13-year-old boys who look up to them. Most likely, this will happen in at least 100 percent of these events.The "Gangster"-Whore
A subcategory of user, semi-related to the furfag, in that they can quite literally be classified as sub-human and that their kind offers little to advance the common interest of that species (minus, thankfully, yiff pornography). Usually, the white trash that makes up most of these users know how to manipulate the 13-year-old faggots to their will, vaguely offering a chance to be noticed in exchange for attention.
In essence, the typical whore of the Jewgrounds forum is always a black person, and often a wigger, with a self-proclaimed obsession with rap music to boot. In broken jive-english, he proclaims,
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*Im probably the only Black Gangster up on this site with an actual Arrest Record. But fuck it! if yall motha Fuckas cool with me im cool with yall *I make hardcore Street Rap Beats *just let me Handle some copyright shit and ill post em up later |
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As a result of his abiding love for hardcore Hip-Hop music, he can often be found, lurking in the seedy underbelly of the audio portal; the "hood," if one is to indulge in the Whore's fantastical overuse of words that, in his humble view, lend him "street cred" against rival wigger gangs who populate the neighboring urban sprawl of the audio portal and forum. When rival "black person" cross paths, they, without fail, furrow their apelike brows in sweaty concentration and reach for their trusty Uzis, and .22 caliber pistols, before holding them awkwardly sideways in the only way they know how and carrying out the natural selection that the more developed end of the human spectrum has already largely transcended.
Because of this constant state of natural selection in action, the Gangster-Whore is thankfully now a dying breed.
The Wigger-Jew
Perhaps among the most facepalm-worthy groups of Jewgrounds, the Wigger-Jew subculture has begun to pervade the forums, as well as well as the Flash portal, with a stunning rapidity that can only be attributed to White, Jewish Gen X'ers forgetting to wear condoms in mid-1995.
Within the "Gangster"-Whore sphere of influence the Wigger-Jew does exist but is made distinct by the specificity of the clan. A result of a mistake on the part of a group of intrepid social experimenters, this combination of undesirable genes has yielded exactly the apish offspring that any reasonable person would expect when a money-grubbing, fat-nosed Jew is crossed with a white person who actually aspires to be a monkey by enjoying monkey pastimes, such as rap music.
He is often observed wearing a Spongebob Squarepants T-Shirt along with a Crips-Style bandana in the hopes that it makes him appear hardcore. Clearly, though, it just exposes him for being the faggot he is, trying to emulate the aforementioned black person by spewing such ridiculous, subhuman phrases as "HEY MAYN, WE GON' WHOOP DAT TRICK, CUZ WE ALL UP IN DIS HOOD LIKE A DICK IN A STANKY HOE, NIGGA!"
- Clear Wigger-Jew Example [-+]
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Chanukkah? / No, that's over So, yo, / don't get passed over Get your ass over / to my pad it's Passover I'm the mad flow-er Smooth-E teamin' / and I hope you understand it If you want the story of Passover / rent "The 10 Commandments" Starring Charlton Heston / but I got a question 'Bout the bread that is unleavened / causin' indigestion called MATZAH! Eat it for a week / we gotsta No bread, no pasta / best believe a Jew is stopped up. |
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—Anonymous Wigger-Jew crossbreed. | ||||
The Female
A true rarity on Newgrounds, they are usually either 40 year-old truckers; perverted men who get pics from Myspace and act like they're a girl; whores who post pictures of themselves; or ugly shemales, refusing to post pics.
None of them are, however, actual women because we all know there are no girls on the internet. The illusion of conversing with the fairer sex is comforting, though, to those who are unable to do so IRL.
Although, technically, there are limited number of actual females on Jewgrounds, these can hardly be defined as such because their prodigious girth, incredibly unattractive features, dykish-lesbianity, and all other physical characteristics combine to make a wholly unfeminine form. Frankly, these characteristics tend to create a picture that is a totally separate entity from Humanity itself, as well. For this reason, it is easier to simply define Jewgrounds as female-devoid altogether.
The average Newgrounds forum user will pine away for the chance to nuzzle their faces in these purportedly "female" breasts almost as much as they will dream of placing an Admin's penis into their salivating mouth. The "females" all enjoy this because they are all actually pedophiles, trying to hook up with some of the many underage users and proceed to rape them mercilessly.
Kagoe
Quite possibly the most defining user in Newgrounds' entire userbase is a 12-year-old virgin who apparently claims to be a girl, although the picture of her leaked onto her faggot brother's userpage suggests otherwise. (Yes, it's really her) Typical narutard gaiafag who is trolled so easily to the extent where it's gotten boring for all of the veteran oldfags. A visit to her blog will illustrate exactly how much of a stereotypical idiot she is.
As if it couldn't get even more lulzy, her brother demonstrates that idiocy seems to run in the family. An emo faggot who calls himself GOTHCLAWZ who apparently denies all allegations that he's a goth (lolwut?) who is apparently 15 yet has even lower intelligence than his sister (which is really, really frightening). Although GOTHCLAWZ has admitted repeatedly to performing incestual acts on his younger sister, he often appears as being aggresive towards her, resulting in the two looking like a married couple. In such a dysfunctional family, it's automatically likely.
One point regarding Kagoe that makes her such a fine specimen for trolling is that she takes it very personally, and will often write whole blog entries as well as hate lists to demonstrate her hatred towards the patriotic trolls of Newgrounds. This, of course, prompts over 9000 times as much trolling in response. After such a high volume of win, she still doesn't quite understand the concept of trolling, yet so frequently attempts it herself.
Her brother, GOTHCLAWZ, has also admitted to being technically a paedophile. He thinks it's okay because he's a minor himself. Partyvan is imminent. GOTHCLAWZ is also renowned as being the biggiest attention whore on Jewgrounds, as the over 9000 times he tried to get attention, he usually fails in each. However he does have Asperger's Syndrome which might make him seem like he's searching for attention. His most extreme case was when he made a blog entry stating that he was going to kill himself (prompting minimal numbers of comments, seriously, there was less than 20), and returned a few days later, after a few users have pointed out that he started signing into MSN again, he claimed he was given his laptop & got Internet from his Hospital bed. As soon as the other's on the Internet heard about him coming online again, he returned saying that his attempt failed, and that he stabbed himself with a butcher knife through his stomach into his rib at the back and it didn't kill him. Apparently, he miraculously recovered to conciousness in a few days and returned to Jewgrounds with a bandaged & punctured stomach.
Since the few users who weren't fucking retarded requested video footage of his scar, he posted a shitty video on YouTube in which you couldn't see a scar. Seriously, the area which he claimed to stab himself was clean. He said that the reason his scar isn't visible is because of bad lighting. Since then, he has dropped all references to this failed attempt at becoming an hero, and no one has raised question because nobody cares. It is most likely that GOTHCLAWZ was attempting to seek attention, or an Asperger's action.
Oh, by the way, Kagoe owns a lame Naruto forum of which GOTHCLAWZ is attempting to co-admin. LULZThe Fatty
One of the most common occurrences on not just Jewgrounds, but the entire expanse of the internet, the fatty can most often be observed doing some or all of the following things simultaneously:
- Consuming High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Drinking Non-diet Soda
- Eating processed foods drenched in cholesterol
- Dieting, but failing
- Shoveling raw sugar into his cavity-riddled mouth
- Posting lazily on the Jewgrounds Forum
Often being of the Virgin persuasion as well as of the Fatty, he often finds himself spending his days in front of the computer screen, having no real friends, and nothing, really, to do besides stare forlornly into the mass of pixels that serves as a shield from harsh reality, wondering at what might have been. Sometimes, a Fatty is fat because his obese parents decided to fuck instead of carrying out the will of god, and abstaining. Mostly, though, the Fatty is fat because he eats copiously, and staunchly refuses to exercise on the grounds that his "high metabolism is going to kick in any day now."
By the time he is forty five, semi-bedridden and unemployed, earning approximately the same salary as a subsistence farmer in Nigeria, he will realize that perhaps, if only he had moved his legs up and out of that computer chair, if only he had stopped blaming his obesity on metabolism, if only he had gotten up and done something instead of sitting and staring as the stupidity fluttered by his eyes on an obscure little corner of the internet, maybe he wouldn't be consuming his weight in potato chips on weekly basis, and maybe his body wouldn't be wider than it was tall. Maybe he would have gained the motivation to better his life, to start anew.
Maybe, but probably not.The Disturbed Loner
Denoted by their "dark", brooding aura, by their "Punk" hairstyles, and by their fierce dedication to violence and depiction thereof, seeing a Disturbed Loner is a common occurrence whilst browsing the forums.
The Disturbed loner truly has only one goal in life: this is to create a massive butthurt bomb on a scale far beyond the modest attempts of BBS griefers. Rather than simply causing a mod to scratch his/her hair-engulfed ass in delicate anticipation of flicking the miniscule user off of the body of Jewgrounds, these angsty teens use an altogether more meaningful medium to exact their revenge on the society that has forsaken them; namely, irl.
Instead of the keyboard, the Disturbed Loner uses a Tec-9. Instead of an internet forum, the Disturbed Loner prefers a local and convenient high school.
Jeff Weise
A prime example of the Disturbed Loner, Jeff lived in a self-described "Weed-induced coma" during the greater portion of his life. As such, it is natural to nod in understanding when we learn that this Native American teenager possessed a few newgrounds accounts.
On the morning of March 21, 2005, Weise was attempting to play a first person shooter video game entitled "Red Lake School." At the time, Weise was stoned out of his mind, and thus was unable to recognize that "Red Lake School" was not the mainstream, yet captivating title that he was in perpetual search of as a member of the video game-addicted population of Jewgrounds. Jeff, though, did recognize that there were significant flaws in the infrastructure of the game, and therefore reasoned that "Red Lake School" was actually a beta test of a video game which would soon be released to the public, but only after the glitches were ironed out.
It being every Jewgrounds user's dream to test video games as a career, Mr Weise gallantly attempted to assist these intrepid programmers, knowing in his heart that it was the right thing to do, the only thing to do, and that it would gain him valuable experience points in the field of study which he later intended to occupy. After several hours of virulent testing, Weise came to several important conclusions about "Red Lake School".
- He felt certain that the difficulty level of the game was set too low; the opponents barely fought back at all.
- He was deeply impressed by the physics engine of the game — such low system requirements for such incredible results!
- The sound effects, he discovered, while realistic, were hardly entertaining enough on their own without mood music
- He was rather annoyed by the lack of explosive weapon categories to make plentiful use of.
- The scenery was among the worst he had ever seen, even in a preliminary-stage video game ("A SCHOOL?" thought he, "Who the fuck's idea was that?")
With his list of grievances, young Jeff sent a comprehensive letter to EA, the official distributors of the game, telling the wayward company what a thousand focus groups could not: what, exactly, needed alteration in "Red Lake School".
EA, being douchebags of self-proclaimed authority on Video Games, never actually read Weise's letter, and failed to act on all but one of Weise's brilliant suggestions and observations. Finding it in the best interests of selling more copies of the game, they programmed an increase in difficulty after level 42, which brought a significant and perhaps insurmountable challenge to Jeff, who made a personal commitment to beat the game, whatever the cost to his social life.
Surprising him from behind, the first credible opposition he had faced in the game became his focus. It was some kind of paramilitary force, dressed in Blue uniforms and strange golden badges. Clearly they were foreign, but of what ethnicity could they be? German? Russian? Jeff was intrigued.
Peering through the scope of his rifle so as to gain a better glimpse of his opposition, Jeff had forgotten to take an all-important step that this game uniquely possessed. In its attempts to simulate reality, EA had incorporated a "gun safety" feature into the weaponry, which Mr. Weise had failed to engage. As Jeff stared down through the scope, he was perplexed by the fact that the image in his scope appeared smaller, rather than magnified as it should be. Realizing that the scope was reversed, Jeff attempted to expertly flip the rifle around in order to gain the closer viewpoint which he desired. Not being an expert, of course, Jeff brushed his hand against the trigger, and in the process blew off his head. Jeff had also failed to glance up his Heads-Up Display, clearly indicating that he had only one life remaining, which he was currently living out.
When the game was released publicly a day later, it was universally panned.
LiveCorpse
During his short tenure on Jewgrounds, which ended rather an heroically in 2005, LiveCorpse exemplified the ultimate Jewgroundian archetype, submitting scads of unwatchable flash animations which redefined the word "failure." And yet to many of his blindly devoted followers (the blind being led by the blind), his angsty and violent departure was met by actual sadness. The question is thus begged: How is it possible that these people were not aware of the abhorrent quality of LiveCorpse's flash résumé? And how is it possible that, assuming they had actually seen one of his "animations," they would have been deemed it in their eyes worthy of repect, or even lukewarm praise?
Despite the sympathetic legends that surround his seedy persona, the sad truth is that Livecorpse (More like DEADcorpse, amirite? lol) was a talentless faggot who was named "Adam Fulton." Adam lived in poverty, sucking cocks so that he could afford his daily crack fix, and being the first spammer to fill Jewgrounds with his generally pathetic bullshit about his twisted deviant desires.
One day, he was drinking fire-water with an Injun friend of his, who, due to the red man's extreme weakness for alcohol, attempted to give Adam the gift of suprise buttsecks. This, combined with the fact his pimp/landlord had beaten his ass the night before for not having the loot finally drove Adam over the edge. Adam "poked" the big red savage with a knife, in an attempt to "warn him to knock it off."
In a sort of reverse-reenactment of the events leading up to the Trail of Tears, The savage redskin fled into the night, and contacted the cops. Adam took flight, and in his escape, shot a cop but failed to kill the officer. Adam hid from the police from the next few days, basically living a real-life GTA game in which he stole cars, ran over hookers and became king of the streets. Well, not really, he basically cowered in a dumpster that substituted for his now-unavailable hugbox.
Realizing he would never escape prison without his poopchute being expanded to easily accommodate a size 9 shoe, Adam snuck back into his apartment, wrote a suicide E-mail, sent it to his family and Tom Fulp (Who later plastered it postmortem across Jewgrounds's front page for teh lulz), and then became an hero of the most prolific sort.
Sirtom93
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Thomas Briggs (aka Sirtom93) is a failed an hero who wanted to go Columbine on his school but ended up v&.
The story started at 10:40AM GMT on the internet's favourite place for depressed teenage goths, Newgrounds. He stupidly told his favourite forum his devious plans before skipping off to school, tooled up in as impressive a manner as a Brit can - i.e., rather lame.
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Today at 11:30 GMT I will attack my school with arson and other forms of violence. Those bastards will pay. I have cans, matches, lighter, knives, compressed explosives. Shit will go down in flames. |
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— Sirtom93 initiating his downfall | ||||
The Newgrounds forum, a particularly attractive location for school shooters, was quick on the case, with a Canadian phoning up the police in Norwich and others calling his school, so that when he arrived (tardy!) he was taken aside, searched and detained.
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They searched him during a lesson and found a knife, matches and a canister of flammable liquid. |
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— The Sun, telling us the faggot only had one knife and no compressed explosives. Fucking internet tough guy. | ||||
Soon, the police turned up and hauled him in, and that night he found himself detained under the mental health act, wrapped up in a straightjacket so he couldn't smear his faeces on the wall.
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I love it when guys shit on my face. |
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— Sirtom93s final post | ||||
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I knew getting him that gameboy color would overstimulate him!. |
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— Thomas Briggs' Mother | ||||
Next time, try self-harm.
The Suckup
Excessively common, these users not only kiss ass, but try to say they do not kiss ass. Made up of the newfags who don't oppose the majority of Newgrounds regulars, they will kiss the ass of the first person with a post count of over 9000, and immediately change sides if their hero is being sufficiently pwn3d.
The Suckup defends himself from criticisms of ulterior motives using the last refuge of the butthurt. This is known as the "Bigger Man" argument, and it has the dubious benefit of making the user look like a complete jackass, while also counting as an immediate forfeiture of high ground in due process of the argument in question.[-+]
The Failure
They are generally identified by their overuse of the Newgrounds emoticons, especially the "Blushing" face, the "Mad as Hell" face, and the ever-popular, always-in-style, aptly-named "Agnry Faic[sic]." The Failure tends to use these in combination with every post he makes, in order to attract more attention to himself.
These users are most commonly Preteen faggots who generate massive amounts of lulz, given the right conditions. Whenever one of these sorry users is pushed over the edge by flaming, pwnage, or mass hate they either pussy out of Newgrounds, or attempt a last stand to save their ego.
The failure comes in a variety of forms, some worse than others. Like the Suckup, many failures enjoy using the "Bigger Man Argument" to defend themselves when confronted. When they finally do leave due to flaming and personal attacks, they normally make promises to never, EVAR, come back. Just like other failures, they tend not to keep that promise.
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YOU WANNA FUCK WITH ME BITCH IM 14 LIFT 250 POUNDS AND CAN KICK YOUR ASS YOU DON'T FUCK WITH THE BEST I KICK YOUR ASS NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY YOUR 5 YOU HAVE NO LIFE AND CAN'T SAY SHIT YOU KNOW WHY? CUZ YOUR MY BITCH YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT YOU SUCK MY COCK YOU LITTLE WHORE FUCK BAG IT DOESN'T MATTER YOU SUCK MY COCK BITCH YOU LITTLE FUCKSTICK BITCH COMMON YOU WANNA FUCK WITH ME YOUR A DUMBASS YOU LIKE COCK! YOU JUST GOT BITCH SLAPPED HOMOSEXUAL IM SMARTER IN EVERY WAY BECAUSE IM READY FOR COLLEGE AT MY AGE WHICH MEANS YOUR A DUMBASS SO YA KNOW WHAT STFU STFU STFU SUCK MY DICK BITCH UNEARTH JUST OWNED YOUR ASS |
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—-Infamous Quote of a well-known Jewgrounds-based Failure. | ||||
In keeping with the proud Jewgrounds tradition of complete failure and self-pwnage, often the blog system is utilized to upload a final farewell to the uncaring community, complete with massive amounts of tears, pussy rubbing and butthurt, only to be deleted days later, when The Failure returns, this time, with a greater fear of RL where claiming to be a "1337 hax0r" can earn one surprise buttsex.
LardLord and his exploits
A subcategory of "The Failure" and a category all to himself, LardLord is the type of Pro-American, Genital- flaunting, atheistic, Mensa Member that is best dealt with by traveling back in time, and flooding his mother's uterus with Hydrochloric Acid before she has a chance to procreate.
After posting gratuitously explicit pictures of his own testicles, as viewed from the back, LardLord also made sure to post about his recent Doctor's Office Visit, in which he found himself on the receiving end of an erotic anal probe. Not only did our young virgin friend become aroused by his doctor's experienced and heavily-lubed hands, but he also took an "involuntary" shit on her table. Next time, he supposes, it would be prudent to lay off the roughage and Mexican food.
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Into a Dixie cup. then I drink it up. Actually, since it's high in fructose and glucose, it's mildly sweet and sugary.
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—LardLord, Responding to the question "What is your favorite place to cum?" | ||||
UPDATE: LardLord is now impotent, after performing "sexual experimentation" upon himself. For future reference, shoving a magic wand up your asshole is a great way to impress your friends.
EVEN MOAR UPDATE: LardLord has lost any shred of credibility he might once have possessed, now that he has actually abandoned all pretense of self-control, and gone on a gay, drunken, bar-hopping rampage, and awakened in a hotel room to find an aerosol can lodged in his ass.
ANOTHER UPDATE: LardLord got trolled and attempted to attack the credibility of others.The Virgin
Comprising 99.8% of the Jewgrounds userbase, they are easily denoted by their obsession with tits, masturbation and pornography. Virgins are usually the first to call shenanigans when another user makes mention of his/her sexual experience.
Lacking any knowledge of where cock goes, he spends much effort vainly attempting to fool others into believing that he hase extensive first-hand sexual expertise in regards to the many submissive Azn concubines he claims to have had. It is painfully clear, however, that this young failure has no actual expertise beyond the fateful conjunction of the left hand, sock, and penis; nor that he ever will, beyond a heartfelt stare into the piercing eyes of Chris Hansen as those prophesied words echo about the Spartan room, and through a conflicted mind-- Why don't you take a seat over there...
A rule of thumb for determining whether or not a user falls into this category is employment of the simple question:
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Is this person a registered Jewgrounds user? |
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If the answer to the aforementioned question is anything even remotely resembling an affirmative, you could safely gamble your entire life savings, as well as your extended family members, safe in the knowledge that your monies will be safe, and your family not enslaved, so long as you realize that the user in question was a virgin, is a virgin, and without any reasonable doubt in mind, will be a virgin until he takes his final, shuddering, and unsatisfied breath, staring longingly at the tits of the hot nurse leaning seductively over his sickbed.
- Oh, how he wishes he could fondle those breasts, or even casually brush his hand against their shapely and supple but ever-obscured wonder, for just one time. He has but one opportunity. One second remains in his life. And then his eyes roll back in his head, and the nurse pulls a white sheet over his head. He can never know in his death, that as she performs this mechanical duty, her prodigious tits brush softly against his parted lips, ironically fulfilling his lifelong lustful wish, mere seconds after the last breath leaves his virgin lips...
Use scrollbar to see the full image
The-"Great"-One
One such future-Dateline NBC star, and perhaps the ultimate poster-boy of the virgin cause, is a young and highly deluded user with an inflated and unreasonable concept of self, who has chosen to humbly refer to himself as "The-Great-One" -- an especially odd moniker to place upon his forehead, given the horrifying condition of his face and mildly "not slim" stature. Acne medication has never been further from any man's mind than The-Great-One. Henceforth, The-Great-One will serve as a microcosm of the greater movement on Jewgrounds, of blatant, mortifying Virginity.
Blissfully unaware of the stares he elicits, even from the modest-looking pool of users who frequent Jewgrounds, the Virgin parades his subhuman rolls of pocked fat around the forums as if they were gold coins to be traded in a World of Warcraft auction, rather than the classical symptoms of a lack of self-control when it comes to Twinkies and two-liters of Shasta.
Clearly, the Virgin has no outlet for the sexual tension that has been building in his body and mind for most of his life. Thus, he must resort to bizarre forms of roleplay — with himself, no less — to relieve this pressure. Here we see the Virgin presenting his "erected" and metaphorical phallus before the phantom female who inhabits his lonely mind, roleplayed by his male friend seen to the Virgin's immediate right. This elaborate ritual plays out every night within the safe and sturdy confines of the Virgin's room, lest anyone jump to hasty assumptions about the Virgin's odd intentions, and/or sexual preferences.
The Virgin, however, comes in many varieties; The-"Great"-One is merely a solitary example of a cultural phenomenon that is the rule itself, not the exception, on Jewgrounds. There are Virgins of every minority, size, political persuasion, seniority, *Gag Reflex*, and essentially any other disgusting combination of elements lumped together in a beastly amalgamation that sits on the tenuous border between the edge of reality, and the Twilight Zone.
These users, young and old, despite all physical flaws, despite all character flaws, could possibly in some corruption of the Laws of Physics, have a meager shot at the possibility of some form of contact with the opposing sex. The only factor preventing these users from that possibility of a possibility is the fact that they spend every waking moment of their lives browsing the vacuous forums of Jewgrounds, searching for a camaraderie with their kin, instead of browsing reality for a mate, like they're designed to.
Ajgourlie
Another gay-twat-virgin on Jewgrounds is ajgourlie, An assburgers sufferer and all-around stupid cunt. ajgourlie spends his time spamming Poogrounds blogs with enlightened conversations such as: LOL YOUR GAY FAGGOT!!! [text picture of middle finger] FAGGOT!!! In addition to this, ajgourlie has admitted that he has yet to traverse across the line in the sand, which separates the sexually-deprived from the -experienced.
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I am a boy who loves girls and will do anything to be respected [even performing sexual favors on fellow men if it will earn me adoration!]. I will bring love and justice to the world. Beleive It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Believe it? Oh, yes, he believes it. He also mistakenly believes he has an attractive and similarly-aged "girlfriend" named HAYLEY who he "met ... in a CHATROOM!!!" But he fails to realize that in actuality she's a transvestite 40-year-old man, who desires fresh pickings on young dicks.
ajgoulie also talk's about his 'pappy' who he thinks is the best dad in the world 'cause he bought the prepubescent shit a cellphone, in exchange for daily rapings and molestation (Simliar, intriguingly, to Wade Fulp's captivity situation!). He believes his dad is the reason why he's the "good man" he is today, which is quite a condemnation of his father, 'cause he's a total annoying gay-cunt.
Lulzily enough, ajgourlie also enjoy's posting personal information. So to shut this little twatter up, ED orders you to call his cellphone over 9000 times a day, and flame the shit out of him. Also, ask to speak with the child's father, in order to tell him how much of a fucktard he is, and that his son is posting his phone number on the internets. This should earn ajgourlie extra raepings for at least 100 days following the phone call. Also, he's a canadafag.
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| Ajgourlie's Contact Info & Commentary |
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The Corrupt Administrator
Brother of Tom Fulp, Wadolf has demonstrated that despite the dubious userbase of the website at which he is employed, he still manages to make himself look like an incompetent fool in comparison to the users with which he liaises, paid more out of Tom's pity than because of Wadolf's nonexistent skillset. Consistently and totally corrupt, Wadolf removes anything on the site that even slightly confronts him, or calls into question his masculinity, massacring all criticism of his seacow of a wife, as well as anything that even mildly suggests a homosexual relationship with his brother that has essentially become a foregone conclusion in recent years. The moniker of "Wadolf" came about after Wade was found to be a blatant believer in Conservatism, calling to mind the famous destroyer of Jews. Jewgrounders are forced to hide in their attics to escape the persecution of Wadolf, or one of his pawns. Ultimately, however, their efforts are in vain.
Recently, though, Wade made an admission of epic proportions. Drunk, perhaps from sipping the intoxicating blood of one of his Jewish victims, Wadolf told a woeful story of abuse and neglect in his childhood early twenties, the majority of which is chronicled in the image to the left. Shortly after making the post, it was deleted, presumably because the old dictator passed out from Jew-blood poisoning, and let his head fall down upon the "DELETE" key. There are, however, alternative theories regarding the deletion.
Chiefly among them, that Wade's father (who always favored the younger, less fascist of the two brothers, Tom Fulp), decided that the police would not take kindly to his emotionally-scarred son's accusations of rape as a directionless young man, whereby the elder Fulp seduced the progeny and ruthlessly took advantage of his sexual ambiguity in order to gratify his own bizarre fetishes. Thus, tinfoil-hatters tend to believe that the father had the post baleeted, to perpetuate the silence and shame of his son.
Moderators
The Newgrounds BBS has many moderators, most of whom are teenage girls that got to be where they are by constantly sucking admin cock. All of them were personally appointed by Wade, so shittiness is an absolute guarantee. The mods' job is to ban people who say funny things and delete topics that make people happy. They also spend most of their time makin shitty in-jokes that nobody gets, but people laugh to seem smart.
A breakdown of the mods is as follows:
Actual Moderators
- Bigbadron: An asshole who will ban you if you disagree with him. If you win the arguement, he will ban the shit out of you. Motto is "Stern, stern but fair." HAHAHAHHAH! NO LONGER A MEMBER OF THE CIRCLE JERK COMMITTEE.
- Ozcar: Is a dirty, filthy Mexican who not only doesn't understand the status quo, but is also teh ghey in addition to owning an extensive collection of gay pr0n.
- Sarai: An azn cocktease who is only there to talk about how hawt she is. The other moderators bukkake on her face later. She stepped down when she refused to post pics of herself naked.
- Zerok: A massive faggot from the Virgin Islands (seriously) whose only purpose in life is to play chess and remind people that he is a college student and therefore possesses a superior intellect. Like all mods, he is corrupt and will ban you for saying 'lol'. He also nurses an alcohol addiction, which he attempts unsuccessfully to assuage by watching DVD episodes of Planet Earth every night, and crying himself to sleep.
- Maus: Filthy dyke who pretends to have decent poetry. Is anti-photoshop threads.
- Stamper: This douchebag's favorite activity is drawing phalli for the legions of homosexual users to drool over. He's actually paid by Fulp to render this service
- DanMalo: The only time this blatantly emo and bisexual user appears is to post semi-nude pictures for the public enjoyment. You think that's a joke? DanMalo, it is widely known, is finely attuned to his own sexual needs, which include bestiality, posing nude for a large audience of 13 year old boys via the Jewgrounds forums, and being always on the lookout, ever vigilant for a clever piece of photographic whimsy and symbolism that could cause nary a Jewgrounder to be disappointed by the risquée display (A cat, girded against his loins. Oh, the symbolism). NO LONGER A MEMBER OF THE CIRCLE JERK COMMITTEE.
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I jumped that border like a Mexican a long time ago. |
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—DanMalo giving the typical nonchalant response to an inquiry put forth asking the million dollar question: "Borderline Gay?" | ||||
- JadeTheAssassin: Rare is the occasion that one happens across a person with absolutely no redeeming qualities; ugly, nerdy, and reactionary are all adjectives that could accurately be used in a description of this colossal monstrosity of human devolution. It is blatantly obvious that, like all other mods, and perhaps especially in "her" case, the only reason that she wields the banhammer is that "she" is particularly skilled at moving her dry, cracked, and generally ill-maintained lips up and down the shaft of a certain administrator's penis, inducing a blinding orgasm of goodwill.
- mamatequila: Canadian pothead dyke who spends her free time luring men into possible sexual intercourse, then cuts off their dicks.
- SardonicSamurai: Samurai is approaching weeabooism. Sardonic smacks of pseudo-intellectuality
- HAQnSPITT: Nobody knows who the fuck this is, because "she" never fucking posts. Why is she a mod? Ask Wadolf. In fact, while you're at it, ask Wadolf about the over 9000 other mods that have been appointed over the last few years, that never actually post.
- EyeLovePoozy: Obtained modship by streaming live video on PalTalk of himself masturbating while sitting in the cab of a crane.
- MindChamber: A "major" Mod who has to keep Tom and Wadolf company, gets butthurt if other men offer to flash their dicks at the live webcams.
- gumOnshoe: The latest faggot mod to grace the virgin presence of Jewgrounds. No matter how many admins he he manages to suck off, his ass always ends up handed to him on a silver platter by lowly commoners who see through his transparent ruse. Previously a regular, and also former mod bigbadron's small and insignificant shadow, GoS's favorite activity (after fellatio) is sitting upon his undeserved throne of modship, and proclaiming haughtily to nobody in particular of the many cringeworthy undertakings he has spearheaded to exploit the pseudo-talent of others for his own political gain, and the astonishing amount of admin semen which he has gathered in his short time thusfar on Earth.
- Canas: A washed up, has-been mod. He quits Newgrounds regularly whenever his pussy becomes packed with itchy, itchy sand. Then, he returns again because he has no life, and is a faggot who needs attention and derives sustenance from Wade's cock. He also has been known to edit out inconvenient truths about himself from this ED article while stomping his feet and crying hysterically.
- Transformer: A total faggot who claims to own a gay porn site. He became a moderator by asking on the forums, which the other faggot mods frown upon. Now he is a shitty moderator that is a total EyeLovePoozy wannabe. NO LONGER A MEMBER OF THE CIRCLE JERK COMMITTEE.
- Proteas: The exemplification of the mod stereotype, this backwoods, Tennessee-educated, beer gut-donning, far right-wing moderator on the politics forum has a special propensity for idiocy. Consumed in the oh-so-demanding physical exertions of modhood, he makes a regular point of expressing his exasperation with the community he spends 90% of his life conversing with.
- StephanosGnomon: An egotistical, overbearing social outcast/wigger who spent most of his life living in the comfort of suburban New York and roughly only ten minutes on the website itself. Deep in his 20's, he still lives in his parents basement where he constructed a "fort" to ward off outside society. His hobbies involve making famous rapper's mansions out of Lego, and masturbating furiously to pictures of himself with backwards hats. This mod has also been known to PWN the modfaggot known as "himself", regularly. Which ultimately leads to his butthurt ego running and crying to his daddy, just upstairs, while he tries, impotently to defame others via Encylclopedia websites, lol.
- "THE JEWmoke" Quite possibly one of THE most hypocritical moderator on Jewgrounds, after pissy poozy, that is. Supposedly a black person, he takes it upon his black ass to ban anyone who puts the words "Black","Faggot"(smeagol1) "African", "Zulu", and "CHICKEN" in a post, in hopes of bypassing the stereotypical nigger stereotypes and be accepted by the other wigger ass mod
s as a normal banning faggot. Rumored to have started an anti-troll group.
- Everyone else: Who fuckin' cares? lol rofl cocks
Pseudo-Moderators
A few pathetic individuals wish desperately that they were mods, not realizing what lameshits they are for aspiring to reach a bar set so painfully low that their hairless balls dangle from their natural state (sans undergarments), and brush ever-so-lightly across the bar's rusted surface as they move, day-by-day, towards the state of penultimate homosexuality that is their main pursuit in life.
- Jossos: Actually, she's not a mod, but tries desperately hard to become one by sucking them off at every available opportunity.
- igott:
A 14 year old faggot who tries to tell users what to do and mods how to do their job, telling the mods to "not scare the new users away", this faggot can usually be seen taking it up the ass by Poozy to become a moderator.Learn to insult. igott is a 4chan lurking, cleansing stoner that enjoys playing Hitler on the blogs so stupidity cannot invade the already fucked up BBS. - FBIpolux: A French Canadian faggot and the male equivalent of Jossos, the only difference being he will not only suck off mods on command but then about face and take Greek.
- Grammer: A user who is only well-known for his intentional misspelling of grammar, which drives grammar Nazis crazy. He is considered one of the biggest mod-suckers on NG.
- Frank-The-Hedgehog: Just from looking at that guy's username you can say to yourself "Gee, this guy is a faggot, and I sure hope he dies a terrible, terrible death". Similar to
DragonsGriefPounce, this Sonic's bitch wannabe is an anorexic, crossdressing furfag. And did I mention that he was locked in a mental ward? - cellardoor6: A pro-American troll who regularly hijacks non-political threads by filling each page with Bush-sucking propaganda. This part-Arabic half terrorist Jew who is also a Mormon Nazi regularly types several paragraphs filled with statistics and history lessons all in order to reply to and "own" one single non-American user who says "America sux" jokingly.
- CapnCrunchDaPimp: Post-whoring kike who spams the BBS with unoriginal "HAI GUYZ WUTZ UR FAV METAL BAND/METAL SONG/METAL SONG U LISTEN 2 WHEN WATCHING GHEY PR0N LIEK ME!" topics while seriously lacking in the lulz department. Is also a retard with a lazy eye.
- GOTHCLAWZ: Wannabe goth that trys to hard and fails. Brother of naurtard, kagoe.
- SCTE3: A gay furry who tries to become a mod my sucking any moderator or admin dick he can get his mouth on, he's such a fag that he posts in the Female Users Club, even thouhg he's a guy, and then flames other men whom enter the club. Faggot
- Sawke: A girl that goes on Failgrounds... who knew?
- HotActionYiffFur: A furfag from the midwest. He, Along with Dark6, his gay lover, compose crappy techno music and put them on a site where none of the buttons fucking work. He has the mental maturity of a nine year old.
- Ejit: Brother of Ejit's sister
- Sk8erGirl14: A 40 year old pedophile who poses as a 14 year old piece of Jailbait, "she" can commonly be found sucking JadeTheAssassin's cock in hopes of becoming a mod.
- N-Antichrist: HxC Naruto fag who insists guns should be phased out because 'they're boring'. Retard.
- Gagsy: The fattest of the fatties, who once posted a lulzy glamshot that has now been lost forever, this actually-female, mod-sucker's number of friends on Jewgrounds is inversely proportional to the number she has IRL. Who, anyways, could endure the constant smell of Fritos, Pepsi, feminine juices, and sweat, fermenting for years without exposure to soap on the big-boned body of this admitted britfag?
- Burnzoid: Biggest ass on ng, banned several times from the stickam chat room for indecent exposure.
- InsertFunnyUserName: Another dumb bitch on Jewgrounds, but clearly the picture "she" posted of "herself" is not really of "herself", because we all know not one self respecting, attractive woman would have near 10,000+ posts on Jewgrounds.
- Sectus: This Pathetic Excuse for a human being wishes unbelievably to be a mod, but doesn't have the guts to get it, and at times he gets depressed like a stupid goth and says he'll never make the position, but in newgrounds, any old crack-head can be modded, so wish him luck!
- Twilight: This 13 year old faggot dipshit sucks Gagsy's and mod's cocks daily. Can always be seen sucking any user cocks in an shitty Stickam thread. Total fuckhole. Saying his username isn't from Twilight dispite having to read the book and watching the movie and liking them both.
- Ocean: This 17 year old faggot dipshit sucks everyone in Stickam's and mod's cock daily. He tries to act like he knows every user that goes into stickam and annoys the fuck out of people. He is a bandwagonner faggot, if majority of people don't like you in stickam he will post shitty stuff in your topic.
- Ryan A furfag who is obsessed with his cat,The Third Reich and loves to suck smeagol1's precious cock. He is on xbox live often, he goes by the name of Shadowmeld. (Ryan also takes it up the ass from Minion777.)
- Grub-Xer0 This shady black man has a habit of getting naked in stickam chat when little girls are present. He plays terrible games such has Modern warefare 2. He also has a habit of getting naked with Plotring, thus making themselfs appear to be tranny bitchs.Also bitchs when you mispell his username.
- Plotring* Grub-Xer0's gay lover. He enjoys his time reading cheesy fucking comic books then gets shitty when someone with a life makes fun of them. He has habit of getting naked on Stickam cam when he sees grub's mangina. Thus causing the end of times when everyone has to look at his cottage cheese thighs.
And How, Pray Tell, Might I Become a Mod? [-+]
- Abandon all hopes of procreation and/or use of the phrase "irl". These will only serve to hinder the slow siphoning of life force from your rectum — A process that all future moderators must undergo before being bestowed the ultimate honor. Your irl is now modship. Your soulmate is now Newgrounds.
- Refrain from performing actions that might be construed as altruistic, funny, or interesting in any way shape or form. There's nothing interesting about you, you self-possessed ingrate. You live to serve Newgrounds.
- Perform fellatio on existing mods whenever possible. Geek orgasms are known to produce spurts of goodwill mixed in a colloidal solution with semen during ejaculation. Now you are fully prepared for your tenure as a loyal servant.
- Drink aforementioned semen solution. While performing this action, post a slew of "witty" emoticons in the hopes of being pegged for modship material.
- Travel, uninvited, to Newgrounds HQ, located in the unassuming town of Perkasie, Pennsylvania.
- Enter yourself into the literal circle of sodomy which includes all mods that Newgrounds employs;
- Fit your folds of perineal flab around the micropenis of the mod to your aft.
- Place your own micropenis (No girls allowed!) into the crusty, elasticized anus of the mod in front of you.
- Ejaculate in ecstasy.
- ????
- Profit!