Universal

ATTENTION!

The subject of this article is a lolcow, and is currently ripe for milking.

You can help by trolling the shit out of them whenever you see them, then laughing at their lulz-inducing theatrics.

Universal is a 13-year-old Hitler fanboi gamer with delusions that he is either a German army regular or a Russian spy. Other delusions include claims to being the 3D MOD God of teh Internets! Eternal Torment, Last Judgment, Hell and Ruin are reserved for the unbelievers! But despite that and 5 YEARS OF MODELING EXPERIENCE everything he does becomes epic fail.

Universal on BKPortal.com

Universal's avatar.

Hey Uni, ready to get inside mommy again?.

A self-styled God of 3D computer animation modifications, Universal is -in fact- just a pathetic troll on the Blitzkrieg forums.

He started out as a perfectly fine unfunny poster, but eventually he began to attack anyone with more skillz than him. His one claim to fame was the mod for the game "Blitzkrieg II -(Axis and Allies)" had died and he was bound to make a second release of the pathetic shit himself.

His modification consisted of copypasta'd units with new names! "ZOMG! the King Tiger tank was really the P-1000 land-battleship!?"

He was enraged when confronted about this, saying "New mods are not my biggest priority." As Universal's 1337 facade crumbled, he resorted to downloading a pirated version of Maya (a 3D modeling program) to try to get back in the game. Two seconds after downloading it however, he asked the community "How do I use this?" as he was a fucktard with no idea what 3D modeling really was or look it up.

(Author's note: mod aka modification is a term used in computer games, especially FPS, RPG and real-time MPG games. Mods are made by players and can include new weapons, characters, models and game modes etc.)

Eventually it was found he had been harassing other more experienced modelers for information on how to shot modeling?.

This made Universal a sad panda and he ruthlessly insulted the work of everyone until his final confrontation and his ban from the portal. Forever. Universal thinks he is a man of mystery, but in reality he is a retard who causes much lulz on teh internet.

Second Coming

Universal came yet again as Ares the Greek god of war, but seeing as this was obvious he was banned.

Third Coming

Universal came again as Apocalypse, but since he was violently anti-American, and retarded, it was found it was him.

see it all here

Fourth Coming

In more recent news, he came a fourth time to the portal as grosseadler, not understanding the banhammer means goodbye forever, this time he embraced his Canadian goodness, only a bit too much thus outing him, for even if he lives in a house made of shit, it is still the best house in the world to Universal.

More Comings

He came many times more but was banned. He came many times in between these comings due to chronic masturbation at the thought of Hitler going down on him before buttsecks while Eva Braun watched.

Blitzkrieg I & II the game

At first, our beloved god of war only had the turd of a sequel to the original game, and highly bashed the original, then after giving a many street corner blowjobs, he saved up enough money to buy the original, and was awe struck by it, and thus began to take a HUGE shit on it.

Recent News

Permaban was lifted, and he has since returned to cause much lulz again, this time pretending to (still) be a top secret Russian soldier working in Canada, his whole family moved to Canada as well, and he goes to school there, top secret Russian soldier who uses Google translate to communicate his mother tongue.

Ares at one point had a girlfriend, whom did not like giving bum secks with strapons, and laughed at poor uni and left him to be with other men, after she found out uni-versal had a micro penis.

He still plays with him self thinking of Hitlerz, only this time he thinks of Hitlerz and Stalinz confessing their love to each other and consummating it thru teh bum secks.

Modeling is still ITS HARD WORK! for him, as he cant scale anything properly thus causing lulz when he screws up already made models by making new ones that are smaller then the real ones.

Ares has also stolen a very well known tutorial on model making, changed two-4 words, and wrote that he wrote every word of it, thus causing even more lulz from his stupidity.

MOAR Recent News

Ares learned a valuable life lesson about a magical cropping tool. He also learned about this very article while googling himself to see if he was E-famous, sadly its been herd, ares does not liek mudkipz as he claimed his “honor had been besmirched” and called for the memoir to be banned.

EVEN MOAR Recent News! & some serious Butthurt

After being butthurt ares tried to delete his fan page but like always ended in epic fail the drama and tears he makes adds to the sweet nectar of the lulz. its also been found ares does not have any humor/life save for the burning teh jewz and sieg hailing Stalin.

Ares after finding out about this article, and after developing an eating disorder

NEWEST! pictures has been found!

after many hours of tireless searching, many pictures of the ugly beast have been found. it's name is ALEX, his age is 19, everything he has stated is now proven false, ares has failed to protect the truth, and thus has ended in LULZ.

Modjacking

Q: How r I steal mod?
A: hijack the thread and force the villagers into believing you have permission.

Universal on Blitzfront.com and Union.4bb.ru

Immediately after being hammered at Bkportal.com, our Lord appeared at Blitzfront.com forums (Russian), trying to organize a boycott. But, strangely, locals, instead of rallying around Him in righteous anger, [http://www.blitzfront.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4285&hl=%7C made lulz out of his Russlish. He deleted his first message, thus narrowly avoiding 20% warning and another ban.

Lies & Quotes

"I speak German"
"I speak Russian"
"I'm a German officer"
"I'm a Russian in the German Military"
"I'm a super secret Russian paratrooper working in Canada trying to claim the north pole for my mother land Russia! oh and i go to college in Toronto, i also graduated from school here, and all my family lives here to, to help me secure the north pole!"
"I've had sex"
"I've never said that!"
"i think Hitler was a bad man"
"I am nothing near as crazy as Tom Cruise!"
"The Muslims are superior to all....except the germanz.....cuz we be equal and love each other and the Muslims wont kill me even though im white"
"I will kill your girlfriend, and then i'll come after you! cuz i know what city you live in since i found your MySpace, and that makes it easy to find you!"
"Google translate is NOT my best friend! i know Russian by heart! because im like from there, srsly"
"Sieg heil comrade Stalin!"
"Tell him to suck my micro penis if he thinks im not russian! and srsly, im not gay for fantasizing over it every second"
"women find me irresistible"
"I do not watch the stupid ED page about me like a hawk, nor cry and bitch and moan after repeatedly reading it"
"I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYONE! I R GOD I KNOW AND SEE ALL! BUT I CAN'T SEE I'M A CLOSET FAG!"
"That's a nice looking birthday cake! mind if i improve it?" "how?" "URGH!" "WTF YOU DOIN?" "URGH I'M MAKING IT BETTAR!" "YOUR SHITTING ON IT!" "LULZ THAT'S WHAT I DO!"

Why do people habeeb him?

No evidence as of yet besides retardation

Most Used Aliases

Yotta
Universal
Ares
Aresmars
MOAR

His Truth

Universal is really a retard from Canadia, probably less then 18 years old, who could not speak a word of German/Russian without the aid of Google_Translator nor fight in the military. When this was revealed it caused much lulz on the portal. He is also a she-Jew, thus explaining why he was always acting like a 16yr old girl on PMS all the time and the huge jew nose.

Yotta/Universal/Ares has been banned from many many many forums, always leaving behind a trail of lulz.

Epic Failures

Axis & Allies Mod: The only thing he did half ass right, 98mbs of shit really though, with some new "new" copy paste units, basically all he did was change a few things around and call himself a god over it lulz. The whole plot was that Germany and Russia joined together to fight the allies and that Germany had super technology so advance it pretended to be what was already there just with different colors, like a black B-29 as the "amerika bomber" and the king tiger tank look a likes such as the maus, E-100, and P-1000 tanks, universal claimed to have 4 years of model making experience, but in none of his mods did he have a new model, thus prompting the fact, he was a n00b full made of shit and lies. Thanks to Ares we know Universal is working on A&A 0.99 beta, or was it universal who told us ares is working? either way, it will be 100+mbs of downloadable SHITz lulz "ITS HARD WORK! to copy and paste!" says universal, after an interview inside his mother's cavegina from a trapped reporter his mother had shoved up there earlier in the day.

Ares (the new and unimproved universal) has since made a "final" version with 75% more copy & paste, and 999% more lulz from the pathetic sense of it.

Even when there are magical tools abound for making the work easier, ares still manages to screw up.

Realizing "whois" means "who is?" only after being somewhat trolled.

Family

Universal was abused, this made him sad, his dad gave him a PC Virus and or AIDZ, while his mom forces him into her cavegina every night because she likes the feeling, apparently, things are so bad, that he hasn't moved out, he likes it in the cavegina. His family is also filthy rich they all moved from Russia to Canada, and hold dual citizenship in fullofbullshitastan and danuthouse.

Love Life

Biggest crush Hitler
Straight? Highly doubtful, born gay or forced to be gay by women who would not touch a micro penis? the world may nevar know!

The Tablets of Divine Wisdom

The teachings of our Lord, showing teh way to Epic Fail!:

It is a matter of having a clear uv when exporting from Maya. If I export from Maya with a 512x512 uv map the uv map will not be that clear (somewhat blurred actually). If I export with 1024x1024 it is clear and precise ;). (when being asked why his textures are so huge)

"when they say no, raep is always the way! RIP & TEAR!"

"Knowing what city someone lives in, no matter the size means i can find them and kill them!"

Interview with an idiot

1. Q. How long have you been modeling for ?

A. 5+ years and my experience covers nothing really, but i claim Maya, GoogleSketchup, Autodesk 3D Max, GMAX and RENX.

2. Q Is this the final version of the tutorial ?

A. Nope definitely not as more discoveries/revelations are made they'll be added here. This tutorial took quite some time to make but it was worth it, especially after stealing someone else's work and putting my name on it!

Conversation with a Nut Job

"<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:" = ARES/UNIVERSAL such a unique name, like a retard hit the keyboard.
Sumstuff= ???

<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:hi there
Sumstuff:hi
Sumstuff:i dont use this account much...
<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:whats new
Sumstuff:nothing really
<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:i see that
<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:why ?
Sumstuff:what do you mean?
<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:whatsa with you and dunk ?
Sumstuff:how do you mean?
Sumstuff:he talk on msn sometimes
Sumstuff:in the morning
Sumstuff:on a weekend
<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:why are you sucking up to ther worst model maker in the community
<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:hes absolute crap
<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:and his american attitude is capitalist
<({_/|!-+=;:^~`:PLEASE LOVE ME EVERYONE!!!11eleven I DESERVE RESPECT AND AWE I R A GOD!
Sumstuff:your fucking nuts, bye BLOCKED

ARES GETS TROLLED

After months of trolling, we now have even MOAR BS and lulz from our dear lord.

Samantha whois:

Hi, I am an administrator on the Encyclopedia Dramatica site. I've read the article made by a dunkerot_erhob_sich about you, and would like to give you a chance to have it deleted, we can talk via IM about it, feel free to add my email to your list, however I DO NOT want to hear any whining/complaining about this user (one such remark and the page shall stay) only why this page should be deleted.

Ares:

Hi Samantha, Sorry for the late response I have been a bit busy. I would be very much interested in having the article taken down. I do not know exactly where to start about the article but I will say this: the article is 100% bullshit , especially considering the personal nature of the comments directed towards me. No I will not whine or complain about the user it would only bring me down to his level. For example the comment that I cannot 3d model and pretend to know what I am doing is some of the biggest bullshit I have ever heard , I have released dozens of free 3d models for use in a gaming community and that requires a deep understanding of Maya. Regards

Samantha whois

Hi Ares: I will ask that you refrain from lying to me if you want this article down, I & other moderators have read all your actions/post (of all your personas) on the BKP site, and talked to some of its users about you, as well as to all the links user dunkerot_erhob_sich has posted, and our conclusion: 100% bullshit? no, maybe 11% of it is, however i find it 100% cruel, which is why I'm giving you a chance to get it down, but only under my terms, everyone enjoys a good lulz, but sometimes a lulz is to inhumane, even by ED standards.

Ares:

Hi, I agree to refrain from lying to you , but you did not specify you're terms which I am interested in and also interesting in having the article taken down. I will say this : I am a Russian and that is not a lie , I was conscripted at the age of 18 when I went back to my homeland and I served my 9 or so months in the Russian army. Most of my relatives and family serve Russia as well. Ares

Samantha whois:

Hi again Ares: Hm, alright, if I do catch you in one, the article will be permanent, even if the creator deletes it himself/herself, or asks once again to have it removed, I'm not fond of sticking my neck out for fakes. As for the Russian part, that seems to be a heated debate, though from what I read in your earlier writings, you've stated being a fascist and a German military officer, so I can clearly see why people would doubt the Russian bit. however I will not judge until later on. As for my terms, but don't worry there aren't many, and they are all quite simple. Term #1 I would like a picture(s) of you next to a Russian sign, Russian surrounding etc etc (or even a video of you speaking Russian to another Russian, really anything just to prove your Russian besides words) [but please note: do not send a fake picture] with this piece of solid evidence it will be one strike against proving at least part of the article is shit, and we'll be one step closer to deleting the page. Term #2 will be a questionnaire of sorts, I need to be better informed of the real Ares vs the Article Ares. Have a pleasant day, i look forward to your reply, and being able to take down that eye sore of an article.

Ares:

Hi, Yes I know I previously stated about German officer and related but It was quite a while back that it started from. The truth is I have a small bit of German in my blood but I was never employed by the German military. I actually hold dual citizenship (Russian and Canadian) and that's why I currently at the moment reside in Canada studying as a student and which brings me to point #1. I had an excellent photo of me standing beside some Mig-23/27's fighter planes but I do not know where the photograph is , I haven't seen it in a long time. If you will accept I have some old childhood photographs of me at some cottages and my brother riding a horse there , as I may have stated right now I am not in Russia so that's probably the best I can do at the moment. Oh and as for the German officer and that sorts the only explanation I can come up was that I was having an identity crisis and I guess I was thinking that's its better to be German than Russian but I am a proud Russian and glad I could overcome the identity crisis I had. Regards, Ares

Samantha whois:

HI: I have yet to hear anything from you, i can't just delete the page out of good will.

Ares:

Hi,

Sorry have been out of town recently.

Samantha whois:

Hi: well that's alright. the photo is a step towards the next process, now do you have any recent photos? anything at all will do, i need to be able to compare something to the picture that is provided on the ED page already.

Ares:

Hi, Sorry no recent photos of me available , especially in Russia. I am sorry but thats probably the best I can do at the moment. Ares

Samantha whois:

Hi, I really can't help you if you can't help me, I and the volunteers who keep watch on the ED page about you (which has been updated btw) and your activity on the BKP, notice you can ramble on about all sorts of lulzly bullshit, then expect a page about the lulz you cause (when you do NOTHING but cause it) to be taken down for no other reason besides your butthurt over it, really makes no sense. so you either send me some recent pictures and answer some questions, or prepare to see that page posted constantly on the BKP and any other site you lurk on, have the page promoted to front page article of the month, and be trolled beyond control. So make your choice, do as i ask, and the page will be removed for GOOD asap, don't and enjoy some deep pocket lulz, i don't have time to waste on charity cases like you anymore, and i don't offer a hand of help to just anyone, and when i get a slap in the face in return. i DO NOT let it slide.

Ares:

Ok. First things first , I do not respond well when i am threatened or blackmailed but since I am in no mood for arguments I will supply you with recent pictures , but first I must find my digital camera.

You wanted a picture and here you have it.

One more thing Samantha if that is you're real name. You're cover is up. I have done an IP trace and it corresponds with Dunkelrots IP subnet range. You also blew you're cover Dunkel in the last letter with lulzy and bullshit. Also since you're wife left you there's been a huge party in the blitzkrieg portal forums. You are a capitalist motherfucking swine !.

Who the fuck thinks WHOIS was a real name? dumbass:

ares you have supplied me with enough lulz anyway, i was about to tell you myself, time to upload all this BS to your fan page.

my wife left me? where on earth did you hear that? lol naw, i just got done fucking her. can you say you had sex in the lazt 14 (your a kidz!) years of your life besides wacking off your pathetic piece of shit?

capitalist? hm you show just how stupid you are by thinking every American is the same. pity your so dumb, you'd be a bit of a challenge if you weren't though.

you should really seek professional help boy, if you wait 4 more years i can give you free counseling and give you all the anti depressant drugs you need (quite a lot), as much as i love making fun of you, i can't help but feel sorry for you, you seem to be tormented and depressed in life.

you should also get off the computer, lay off the food, let go of the dreams of military BS, and go out your house some, and enjoy the REAL world, it may help.

enjoy the lulz, i know i will.

this account is closed, ramble on to it at your own pleasure.

And that's the story of how ares got trolled by samantha whois, a story full of lulz and just a hint of justice.

Unsolved Mysteries

These are questions that you will most likely come upon and be unable to answer within reason (well besides the fact everything he says is a bunch of BULLSHIT lulz)

Why would a super secret Russian soldier tell everyone hes a super secret Russian soldier if its a secret?
Why would this super secret Russian soldier have to pay for a plane ticket back to the motherland to report to his super secret Russian general?
Who was phone?
Why does he want guys to go down on him if hes straight?
Why use Google translate if your from Russia?
Just how pathetic is he in real life?
WHY IS HE SO DAMN RETARDED?