We Apologize

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General

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We Apologize is a phrase that is used to show remorse, regret or to admit to a mistake that was made and is a phrase that you will never see or hear from this site unless it is used with a Sarcastic tone such as "We Apologize for you being such a loser".

Apologies are for when you are truly regretful for what you have done and we don't desire your forgiveness because if you are deserving of an article of this site you are truly at the bottom of the internets barrel and are deserving of everything that you receive in conjunction with your article.

In fact, if you have an article on this site it should be you that is apologetic because you are such a Spaz that you have been noticed by the internets as a fuck up of epic proportions that you deserved an article here chronicling your Stupidity over a series of weeks, months or years.

The best thing you can do if you find yourself with an artticle on this site is to apologize to everyone you know for being such a pile of Shit, pedophile or all around psycho piece of breathing Shit.

Things We Won't Apologize For

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You're an Ugly Troll: That's something you should take up with your Parents because it was their faulty DNA that produced you.

You're Fat: Again that's all your fault because you have no self control and have to eat everything in site.

You're a Pedophile: You're a Sick Fuck and should kill yourself after reading this.

You're a High School Drop Out: You're most likely a lazy waste of flesh that begs for Money on Twatter while telling everyone on the site how you are days away from becoming an Animu artist and going to Japan

You have a tiny dick: This is the fault of your parents inferior DNA and you should Kill Yourself immediately or walk around as a joke.

You were born black: This is a punishment from God for your sins in a past life and you should live your life in penance so you can be reborn white.

You don't have a girlfriend: This is a failure on your part because girls find you repulsive. Get used to this because you will never find love.

You were born Poor: Blame your parents for fucking up in high school and not being able to make it into college so all they can do is work at Fast food restaurants.

You were molested: Think of it this way, you were so hot as a child that an adult couldn't control themselves, sexually, around you.

You're a Pornographer: Whether it be drawing it, writing it, or taking and collecting photos - you should die a horrible Death where your innards are pulled out and shown to you before you pass.

You don't believe in God: This is totally your choice if you want to believe in him or not but it won't be our fault when you're burning in Hell.

You're a rapist: There is no such thing as rape but if you need to utilize Surprise Sex as a technique for getting the puss puss you are a waste of flesh that probably can't talk to girls or get a Hard On when talking to them.

You're in Prison: The answer is simple, you shouldn't have done what you did.

You're a Democrat: There is no cure for Retardedness.

You're Florida Trailer Trash: Again, blame your parents because they chose to smoke Meth rather than go to school and all they can afford is a trailer park to raise you in.

You're a Woman: Blame God for your being born without a penis.

You're a teenager with Cancer: Hey, what can we say, God hates you.

You're the school bike: Drink bleach then kill yourself.

You're the prison bike: Tighten up your sphincter because you're going to be prison gay until your release. If you can't live with it, you could always kill yourself.

You're Chris Chan: You're God's practical joke and it is your mom's fault for not aborting you at the moment of your conception.

Elements Of A Good Apology To US And The World For You Being You

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When apologizing to the world for your fuck up of being born it really helps that you show sincere remorse. We should be able to feel the regret of your mistake of being born and choosing to do the actions that led you to be noticed.

Second: You must take responsibility for the choices you have made on the Internets even if it is one that is not in your control such as being born ugly as there are many options that can be taken such as plastic surgery to improve upon this mistake.

Third: You must make amends for all the harms you have caused such as spreading stupidity across the internets. For most this might be rather difficult because their stupidity was contagious and led to others following in the tracks of their ineptitude. The only real solution and sincere apology is to leave the internets completely and never come back.

Fourth: If leaving the internets is not something you are willing to do then you must admit to your mistakes and promise never to make them again. An example would be you saying you Support Hitler and after being chastised by the internets for it make a sincere apology admitting that what you said was wrong and won't be repeated again.

Sincerity

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If you are apologizing for something you did on the internet to get you chastised enmasse it is likely that you will most likely be insincere because you are only making the apology because that is what people are demanding.

The fact is, apologies are a sign of weakness because you are letting people decide your actions and you are selling out your beliefs by saying that what you said is a mistake and should never had been uttered.

Apologize, don't apologize it's up to you but one thing you shouldn't do is play it off as a joke because this is an insult to everyone's intelligence and only succeeds in pissing people off because you are taking a serious subject like Fags dying from AIDS and reducing it to a punchline