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Spyro the Dragon
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Spyro is the name of a budget game series and the budget scaly who stars in them. Also the victim of 99.9% of scaly faggotry. Created in 199-something for no reason other than to rake in some extra cash from the furry mascot boom of the 90s, by Insomniac Games for Sony. Of course the games were a commercial success, yet hideous failure because no one wants to play as a tiny purple lizard.
By the fourth game in the series, nobody really cared anymore and all went of to start playing Half-Life and other mature games instead of super happy fun time games. This included Insomniac, who fucked off to make the equally successful Ratchet and Clank and Resistance franchises.
The Games: Original Series
Spyro the Dragon
The first game in the series, it was widely accepted by hardcore gamers and casual gamers alike for its low resolution technicolor worlds, the ability to torch small animals and satisfy your kleptomaniac urges to collect shiny multicolored rocks. The story involved a little aspie Dragon named Spyro rescuing the dragon elders who have been tied up by bondage fanatic Gnasty Gnorc.
Known as "Gateway to Glimmer" to Eurofags, this game succeeded in becoming one of the most furry titles to hit the PS1 since Crash Bandicoot. At least one hundred of the the game's levels contain armies of little furry characters and even lolis, who ask you to perform tasks in exchange for gems. Notable additions to the gameplay formula are the ability to come into contact with water and not evaporate into a puddle of dragon cum and the character of Ripto, an oompa loompa with a Napoleon complex and a dick growing out of his forehead for reasons we cannot fathom.
Spyro 3: Year of the Dragon
Spyro is back and on the trail of a pedophile who kidnapped all the baby dragons from the nursery and hid them in special hiding places because it's definitely safer than hiding them in the giant fucking castle she lives in. It's up to Spyro to amass a furry army and take the baby Dragons hymens before the Sorceress can, bonus points if you can bribe them to keep quite with candy.
Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly
The first game to not be developed by Insomniac games, it is rarely mentioned among fans because it suffers from a serious case of "I don't give a fuck" on the developers part. The game is just a graphically scaled up re-release of the previous games with all the faggy characters imported from the last gen roster. Also buggy as shit, code fucked up all the time and it crashed more than your fat ass when you reach more than two miles an hour walking speed, with twenty minute loading screens. Awesome!
Spyro: A Hero's Tail
A beta for the soon to be released Legend of Spyro Trilogy, it abandoned the platforming and puzzle solving focus of the older games and shifted it's attention to the furries that plague Spyro's world. The goal of the game is to use a black light to track cumstains that the furries leave behind, and eventually finding their furry dens and beating the piss out of them until they die. Scores for each kill are tallied by a combination of how loud they scream when you wrench their balls off, how much bodily fluid you can drain before they die and the amount of furry tears you collect from their bedsheets afterward. Some experts who actually played the game believe that the it's about stopping an evil dragon from draining the planet's energy with demonic gems, but who really fucking cares anymore? srsly gaiz. Also mermaid tits.
- A bunch of GBA games were made for the series, but those isometric pieces of shit were quickly forgotten. Taking lead from the Sonic series, a DS RPG was released. However, this was not made by Bioware, so the only people who liked it were furfags too busy fapping to bunny tits that they couldn't realized they just paid $20 for garbage instead of hookers.
The Games: Legend of Spyro Trilogy
The Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning
Deciding that the little purple fag had served his purpose and the Spyro cash cow had been milked to the point of it's crispy nipples falling off, the Ausfags at Krome Studios decided to give the ODing series a shot in the heart and rebooted the entire fucking series. The game now focuses on Spyro, the last purple Dragon in existence OMG, who was aborted as a baby and dumped in a trashcan where the native dragonflies raised him as one of their own. He grew up as an awkward child, shunned by all the ladyflies for being purple, scaly and having a dick too small for even them to make use of. But one day some shit fucked up and an evil Dragon bitch named Cynder started destroying the world, Spyro being the hero that he is, ran away from the niggerflies village to saev teh daey!
The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night
The Electric Boogaloo of the Legend Trilogy, basically the same as the last except Cynder is now a whiny teenage bitch and Sparx is voiced by Fry from Futurama. The plot involves something about ape booty pirates kidnapping him and some other shit and Spyro developing an evil alter ego, but we don't care anymore than we did several games ago, do we?
The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragqueens
The Spyro publishers finally got off their flabby assholes and decided to take the series rights away from Krome and give it to some french people who knew their shit. The games graphics have been significantly updated and new features such as co-op and the ability to rape Cynder if she runs off her mouth. The final game in the series LOL another one coming out, it features an epic story entirely original and completely unrelated to Lord of the Rings. Basically, the world of Middle Earth Avalar is being threatened by the evil Lord Sauron Malefor who plans to use the One Ring to Rule them All Destroyer to b& the entire universe. After helping in the battle at Minas Tirith Warfang, Frodo Spyro and Sam Cynder meet up with Legolas Cunter and travel to Mordor Burning Lands where Ignitus shows up and An Heroes so they don't get hot feet when walking across the warm ground. Along the way, Spyro almost succumbs to The Power of the One Ring Dark Spyro but Cynder gives him a handjob and he returns to normal. They eventually have a gigantic battle with Sauron Malefor and end up destroying themselves to defeat the Dark Lord. After the credits roll, you find out that Spyro and Cynder are actually still alive and just entered the witness protection program to hide from their stalker Ignitus, who also survived spontaneous combustion.
The Games: Skylanders, Another Fucking Reboot
Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure
After the great success of the Legend of Spyro games, Bobby Kotick was having his daily snort of coke off the back of a naked child he stole from a family in South America, when it dawned upon him that he wasn't quite disgustingly rich enough. So Bobbeh decided that he wanted to be the very best like no one ever was, and turn Spyro into a franchise that combines the seizure inducing visuals from Pokemon with the obscenely expensive, wallet humping collectible models from Warhammer. Of course this has nothing to do with Spyro, but Bobby decided to slap his name on the box anyway, so all four of the Spyro fans out there would pony up their pocky money to catch 'em all.
Of course Spyrotards and pretty much anybody else who grew up in the '90s or hates Bobby Kotick are having a rightful bitch about this, charging it with among other things: shameless whoring of an unrelated franchise for monetary benefit, giving Spyro a makeover with a sledgehammer thus making all the scalies in the Spyro fanbase scream "I can't fap to this!", pandering to a younger audience (because, y'know, a game about a purple dragon saving his little friends is clearly the sort of thing that would interest mature gamers), creating those stupid figurines and making them necessary to play the game and just for being filthy Jews in general.
This has culminated in Spyrotards sending death threats to Activision and the toy company responsible for making the Skylanders figures. Because games about cartoon dragons are SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.
So you can't actually play the game that you just payed money for, unless you give up more cash to buy the crappy little figurines with fucking magnets or some other kind of miracle in them, that you place on a "Portal" to use them in the game. This would be an excellent marketing strategy by Activision if it weren't for the actual game looking and playing like complete shit.
TL;DR - Another fucking stupid gimmick that you pay over 9000 dollars for just so you can get bored of it in five minutes and throw it in the closet along with your plastic Guitar Hero instruments and shitty DS games.
Other Games
Spyro: Season of Ice
tl;dr 2D version of the PS1 games.
Spyro: Season of Flame
Spyro: Attack of the Rhynocs
Spyro Orange: The Cortex Conspiracy
Worst game in the handheld series. No story to speak of, and basically one area to explore. BUT ITS AWESOME CUZ IT HAS CRASH CHARACTERS IN IT.
Spyro: Shadow Legacy
Same as the first two except on DS
Characters: Original Games
Spyro the Dragon: a little purple dragon who thinks he's pretty hardcore, but really everybody just plays along with him so they don't hurt the retarded kid's feelings.
Sparx: one of the dragonflies that bond to their own dragon at birth (OH! I geddit, dey boff hav "Draggun" in der naames xDDDD;;), he follows Spyro around and doesn't do anything except changing color whenever Spyro gets hit and consumes little animal's souls for power.
Elora: introduced in Spyro 2, she is a magical faun. Her name in otherkin language means "whiny fucking goat bitch". She doesn't do much, aside from telling Spyro what to do and telling him to do it faster. There is an easter egg in Spyro 2 that lets you punch her square in the ovaries and tell her to "Shut your mouth and make a goddamned sammich."
HCunter: a crazed furry, who believes in UFOs and government conspiracies. Hooked up with Bianca in Year of the Dragon and had a bunch of cross species babies.
Bianca: a rabbit bitch who worked for the Sorceress until Hunter raped her into submission, she turned heads more than any other original Spyro character when revealed all that was under her cloak was some string and dominatrix boots. She died shortly after Enter the Dragonfly by overdosing on sleeping pills.
Sheila: a kangaroo who pounds Spyro on the side because the other bitch is a goat and Bianca's taken.
Sgt. Byrd: a psychotic veteran penguin from Vietnam, he is the only character to win in the entire series, because he ditches magical firebreath and ground stomping attacks, instead BLOWING THE FUCK OUT OF ENEMIES WITH A ROCKET LAUNCHER BITCH!!! Is actually the Soldier from TF2 in disguise.
Bentley: a big fuckin' Yeti with an Australian accent who uses his retard strength to bash enemies faces in with a club and knock shit out in the boxing ring.
Agent 9: an escaped monkey cosmonaut with a voice so annoying that even Tom Kenny's screeching vocals would be an improvement.
Moneybags: a bear Jew who shows up every now and then to extort some cash from you in exchange for doing something that Spyro could do himself, if he didn't have clawed muffs for hands. He doesn't show up in the Legend Trilogy, because he knows that if he tried pulling his Jew stuff around new Spyro he would probably get a kick in the balls and a broken arm. In the end of each game you can hold him at gunpoint until he hands over all of your hard earned Jew gold that he stole.
Gnasty Gnorc: the villain from the first game, if you could really call him that. He spent most of the game telling everyone not to make fun of him because he is serious business and even proceeded to magically b& the Dragons when they called him names and hurt his feelings. Came back in A Hero's Tale but... you know.
Ripto: An angry orange midget who wants to compensate for having a small cock, so he takes over the universe. This happens several times during the original games, each without any proper explanation as to how or why seeing as he can't do anything right.
Crush: A blue dinosaur thing with an underbite so bad that his dental status is equivalent to an inverted Chin-chan. He also holds a wooden club. All you really need to know is that he's one of Ripto's lackeys so he doesn't talk.
Gulp: A green dinosaur thing with FUCKING LAZER CANNONS ON HIS BACK!!!! He's Ripto's other sex slave and also doesn't talk but occasionally makes groaning noises.
The Sorceress: a bitch from Year of the Dragon who wants to eat the stem cells from baby dragons and fuck the corpses so she can live another thousand years.
Red: a crappy Mary Sue of a villain from An Hero's Tale who's even more poorly designed than a Scooby Doo Villain.
Ember: a stalker fangirl who follows Spyro around and feels him up while he sleeps. Is eerily similar to Amy Rose.
Characters: Legend of Spyro Trilogy
Spyro: now voiced by Elijah Wood, the same guy who was Frodo in LOTR. He is now even moar of a pussy than be used to be, always whining about Malefor and Cynder and all the cereal shit going on around him. Also made up a second "Dark Spyro" personality so he can tell the Cynder that he wasn't in control whenever he decides to fuck her in her sleep. According to everyone in the gaem world, Spyro is apparently TEH CHOESEN WUN HOO WIL FREE US FROM TEH EVUL DARK LORD VOLDYMORT MALEPHORE!!1
Cynder: the Mary Sue who switches between being angsty and telling Spyro to go away/asking for a pity fuck because she was the antichrist for a little while there. She doesn't do much in the first two games other than make your day shit for the lulz, but then Spyro rams a crucifix up her ass and expels the evils, OH LORDY! She takes a more active roll in the third game, waving her dark magicks at the enemy and giving Spyro a blowjob in the public toilet when he needs to let off some chosen one steam.
Sparx: now reduced to the obnoxious comic relief who is neither comical nor relieving, he is voiced by a different person in each game. David Spade (Fucking annoying dwarf from Just Shoot Me and Benchwarmers) in the first game, Billy West (Fry and pretty much every other character in Futurama) in the second game. In Dawn of the Dragon they don't even bother giving him a known voice artist, just some random nigger coz everyone's too busy pausing the game and fapping to Cynder's life story.
Ignitus: the elder dragon voiced by Gary Oldman. (Seriously Black in Hairy Pooter and Resnov in COD: Black Ops) He doesn't do much apart from bitch to Spyro about the seriousness of the situation, until he commits an hero to halp Spyro and Cynder defeat Malefor. LOL not really, he is actually alive and has become the new chronicler despite clearly bursting into flames earlier on.
Cunter 2.0: to fit in with the Lord of the Rings theme, Hunter decided to be Legolas in Dawn of the Dragon, except moar furry and serious. Unlike Legolas however, he doesn't seem to have shutting the fuck up or using that longbow he carries around for anything other than pleasuring himself on those cold lonely nights.
Malefor: an evil Dragon voiced by Luke Skywalker, every talks about how evil he is but he doesn't actually show his face until Order of the Pheonix Dawn of the Dragon. He then reveals to Spyro during the final battle that I am your father OMGIZZLE HE WUZ A FUCKIN PERPIL DRAGUUN WHO TERNS EVUL AND ITS SPYROHS DESTINEE TO JOIN HIM AND RULE THA GALACKSEE AVALAR.
The Movie: The Legend of Spyro 3D
Some time last Thursday, the current developers of the Spyro franchise revealed that a 3D feature film based off the Legend of Spyro games was to be released in the following months. This announcement accompanied by a teaser image of the titular purple faggot standing on top of a cliff with his chest thrust proudly into the air, made a million fangirls squirt simultaneously and flood most of Indonesia. Of course rational fans everyone else knew that the devs were trolling and many better games out there were closer to hitting the big screen, but the fangirls continued to piss themselves in anticipation while refreshing the Spyro site's update page for news. Months past and the only peep to come out of the devs were that the film was delayed another half a year, but otherwise no information from the apparent voice artists or the company supposedly animating the movie. Finally the day came when the film was to premiere across the states, and nothing happened. Spirits began to die down as the hours ebbed away and eventually disappeared altogether. The next day, Spyro's dev team once again addressed the tubes and revealed that the movie had been cancelled out of lack of interest months ago and never actually started production, the company who had supposedly been animating the film was revealed to simply be making a direct-to-DVD Scooby Doo movie and nevar agreed to produce Spyro 3D in the first place. Fans across the world committed mass suicide and the surviving ones retreated to Deviantart where they could hide their feelings from the world once more, while everybody else agreed that absolutely nothing of value was lost that day.
The Fanbase Spyrotards
While indeed a prime target for scaly fandom, the original trilogy went largely unnoticed due in part to nobody being aware of it's existence. That is until the release of the Legend of Spyro trilogy, which introduced a myriad of new furry characters and old furry characters alike. Combined with the ability to create many original characters by simply recoloring pre-existing characters and adding a painfully angsty backstory, this has proved to be one of the biggest artistic tumors to grace the tubes colon since Sonic the Hedgehog.
Creating a New Spyro Character
Step 1: Take an image of Cynder from Google images. Don't worry about using any other characters, Cynder is the only one you will fall in love with and take care of/use as a Mary Sue for your own devious ends.
Step 2: Now open the downloaded image in MS Paint and use the paint brush tool to color the character a tone of your liking, and then go outline the edges with black. Don't waste time making it perfect, the next step will clear up any imperfections.
Step 3: Copy and paste the current image into GIMP or any other trial photoshop software you wish to use and use the blur tool to smooth the outlines and make the image seem hand drawn, using the dodge and burn tools are also recommended to shade the image and give it that professionally inked look.
Step 3.2: If you're feeling creative, break out the pencil tool and add some cool looking symbols and tattoos to your character. (Feel free to skip this step, you wouldn't be the first)
Step 4: Give your character a name to suit his/her personality. Good choices include Blaze, Ember, Flamior, Flamion, Burnus, Darkash, Poopy Mc. Shitfaced... the choice is yours! An appropriate backstory is also key to making a believable and relatable character, popular examples are "Eye am teh last livingh Draggun in a speshul line of super Droggons" or "I is possessed bi a evel demuns that makes me sad and insecure unles yo embraece me luvingly."
Step 5: Now that your character is finished, post it on Deviantart so all the other Spyrotards and scalies can comment on how original and sexy your character is.
Step 6: ????
Step 7: Profit!
Gallery of Spyrotard Fan"Art"
This gallery needs moar art, please reach into your scaly porn folder and contribute to the lulz for great justice.
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Silly silly scalies, what will you do next? -
You will be disturbed for all eternity, DO NOT ENLARGE THUMBNAIL! -
Cynderp. -
CynDOG?!?!? oh wait, it's just a Furfag Nvm.
See Also
- Ladyalt69
- Werechu
NeonDragonGirl The Sonicrocksmysocks ADHD sparkle-tard goddess of the fandom.- Razzek The Queen of the fandom. Also a Lesbian.
- PurpleSerguei Razzek-wannabe.
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Spyro the Dragon is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
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Spyro the Dragon is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |