Tattoo

The pinnacle of tattoo design

A tattoo is a mullet you can never cut. Commonly introduced as a nasty ass virus that enters your body through dirty needles. It works its way through the blood stream until it reaches the skin. Once there, it will cluster and group into the ugliest design its little virus's mind can think of. Tattoos officially stopped being cool once Miley Cyrus started getting them.

The Disease

How it is contracted

Anybody is open to infection but you're more likely to be vulnerable if you do any of the following:

• Live in a trailer park.
• Listen to Amy Winehouse
• Are a stupid babyfur
• Listen to metal
• Want to be a rebel
• Drink Beer
• Attend a liberal arts college
• Respond to the name Kimberley story on YouTube
• Want to prove to your current boyfriend/girlfriend that you'll do anything for them
• Think that butterflies symbolize you perfectly
• Are a slut

Warning Symptoms

• Memory loss
• Telekinesis
• Really bad, bad fucking hang over
• Lack of money
• Lack of pants

Treatment

If you find yourself with one or more symptoms immediately call your best friend or richest living relative. They'll know what to do with you.

Designs

The tattoo comes in many forms - go look for them on the internets. All artists are whores, but especially body artists!

BME is a good source for shitty tattoo designs and other freakish man-made "mods" (1337 speak for guys chopping off their nuts and eating them for breakfast) which will keep you awake at night waiting for Cthulhu to consume the planet to spare you any further misery. If you're still unsure of what design you want to express your individuality, go to your nearest shady tattoo shop where you can choose a generic tattoo design that's already been inked on thousands of people.

Look for ass antlers when IRL. These markings are nature's way of telling men which women will take it in the ass after being given two beers and one fake name.

SPECIAL MENTION: Eyeball Tattoos

What's the most painful place you can have a tattoo yet make sure it's the first thing terrified strangers see? Your eyes. Long thought to be an internet rumour, eyeball tattoos are horribly real. They're also illegal so the first were created in prison. The inmates were thrilled to be the 1st / 2nd / 3rd / 8th people to have the world's first eyeball tattoos, right up until every douchebag starts copying them and the laser-eye sturgery theaters of the future start looking like a Jackson Pollock painting.

There is also no possible way to have these tattoos removed.

Now you TOO can look like an anime villian!

	“	I chose blue because my eyes are blue ... I thought black might be a little scary.	„
	—A prisoner worried about frightening his fellow prisoners.

	“	I don't know if you can truly ask why, the real question is why not?	„
	—Let's count ...

	“	Wrong. The answer is 'Why?'"	„
	—The newsreader.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Gallery Of Failed Tattoos

stINK About missing Pics

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  Ow ow ow ow.
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  2girl1cup tattoo
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[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  Hissss!
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  Everyone should get this tattoo.
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  In memory of those who died in 9/11 ;_;
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  An enternal reminder of that abortion you had.
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  god damn this is tragic
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  Correct use of a shitty situation.
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  The second gayest tattoo.
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  Followed by the first.
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  Any regrets?
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  A satisfactory Tattoo.
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  Another satisfactory tattoo.
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  Another satisfactory Tattoo
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  Doing it right.
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  "Well this guy's gonna be easy to find."
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  Never forget where you cum from.
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  Oddly this would look worse when shaved. Also notice the pubic hair is grey.
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  axilism is not gay
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  Win
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  wat
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  Tattoos have never failed so much.
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  Why you should not let you 7 year old design your tattoos.
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  THE BEST
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  This is...
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  ...actually more...
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  ...pathetic than...
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  ...having your...
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  ...tattoo misspelled...
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  ...in chinese or japanese.
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  Trust Noone
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  Somebody REALLY likes Disney...
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  NEVER get a name tattoo. Please.
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  Plan out your tattoos; or you wind up with a clusterfuck like this.
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  You can use tattoos to tell everyone you're riddled with STDs.
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  Clearly
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  </getting laid>
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  This elder is infected.
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  Someone who will never get a girlfriend or a job
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  Those glasses make him look so ugly.
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  Basically this, but in reverse.
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  Justin Bieber Tattooing Without A License
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  This one only makes sense if you know that the leg-amputee was a Liverpool FC supporter (Anthem: "You'll Never Walk Alone")

See also

• Piercing
• Suicide Girls
• Tramp stamp
• 161
• Yaeba

External Links

• BME Zine
• Ugliesttattoos.com
• Eyeball tattoos on Cracked.com

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