Lawrence Taylor

Indicted!

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LT at his May 6th, 2010 bail arraignment.

Let’s say the media has stated to you, several times, that you are boss nigger of the football field. Time and again, they tell you nobody is a better linebacker and that you are the best defensive player in the history of the sport. After a while, even the most level headed person would begin to believe this sort of crap. Also, heaping millions and millions of dollars on you through both high dollar contracts and lucrative endorsements doesn’t help your sense of USI either. You may even begin to think that you are above the law and that you can purchase the use of a stolen 16 year old girl. This is exactly the case of what happened to Lawrence Taylor, 12 year veteran NFL player who spent his entire career with the New York Giants.

Brief History

“	That's a big word. What do you mean "special treatment,” I like to call it … Flexible. You get to be flexible with me.	„
—LT waxes philosophically about his scrapes with the law.

Lawrence Taylor (originally known as LT) was born in 1959 and quickly grew into a hungry 6’3” 250lb monster that controlled the football field and also dominated all of the local cocaine dealers. He has been arrested at least 4 times on charges relating to alcohol abuse, cocaine possession, and slapping the shit out of a bitch. Basically, typical negro behavior. He also doesn’t like to pay child support and has been jailed for being a deadbeat dad as well. Again, typical negro behavior. But none of his prior felonies matter, in light of his stellar defensive play for the New York Giants, with whom he won two Super Bowl titles. It seems that if you are a hulking 10-time Pro Bowl selection, you can pretty much get away with murder- until you've retired. It is at this point where one goes from being a celebrity to being a plain old human being.

Event

PROTIP: The nigga, being conditioned to rape by nature itself, has it easier than other species and therefore excels at the activity.

“	Lawrence Taylor is widely hailed as one of the greatest defensive players in the history of the NFL. But it's been a different story off the field, as the ex-Giant's legacy has been tarnished with a succession of arrests, most recently and most seriously on a rape charge involving a 15-year-old girl in an upstate New York hotel room.	„
—New York Daily News.

Thursday, May 6th, LT was arrested in the Rockland county city of Montebello, New York for “patronizing a prostitute under the age of 17.” He was also charged with unlawful imprisonment, assault and endangering the welfare of a child. Of course he pleaded “not guilty” and he was released on bail. The details of the crime are sketchy at this time, but it is rumored that the girl was being held against her will by her pimp, one black person, who was also arrested.

The girl, a 15 year old runaway, was supposedly being held against her will in room 160 of the Suffern, New York Holiday Inn, and farmed out to potential customers by Davis. Sometime during the early morning hours of the day in question, she was raped and beaten by Taylor or Davis, as she was found to have bruises on her face and body. She only managed to escape with her life by texting her uncle after the rape while Davis was driving her away from the scene of the crime.

“	u wd not bleev who just beat n reaped me...it was LT!...so cool..can u pick me up??	„
—Text message of the girl in question

Sources say that she was given 300 dollars from Taylor, which was handed over to Davis…since he is her pimp and that is what hookers are supposed to do. Much later, once arrested for the acts, Taylor was said to have claimed that he “Didn’t know she was underage.” Like we haven’t heard that one before.

“	"Lawrence Taylor didn't have consensual sex with anyone last night. He didn't have sex with anyone. Mr. Taylor is going to fight each and every one of these charges."	„
— His Lawyer.

Investigation

Members of the Ramapo, New York police are wondering just how a dirtbag like LT could get mixed up with a dirtbag like Rasheed Davis, and are investigating both men as to how they were introduced. It doesn't take a nuclear engineer to figure this one out though, as now-a-days everybody hooks up on the internet.

The Victim

“	You know what they like and what type of women they like and you just call the service. What you got?	„
—LT chats about calling hookers.

The 15 year old runaway (some sources claim she is 16, but that doesn't matter, as long as it's loli) left her home in March and was subsequently reported missing at that time by her uncle. After the rape, assault, and not being paid very much, she contacted her uncle via text message and told him she was headed to an address in the Bronx. Hoping for a reward (or at least the chance to get a crack at that delicious loli), the uncle forwarded this information to the New York police. They then arrested Davis for unlawful imprisonment, assault, endangering the welfare of a child, and charging too much for non-virgin tail. After that, NYPD called up the Ramapo police department and asked them to arrest Lawrence Taylor as well, since he no longer actively chased a ball around a field and was thus subject to the same laws as the rest of us.

Shit LT Has Done

“	That’s just part of being the rough and tough football player. You get no pay for, for doing a cheap shot, but if I hit you straight up – we’re going to get paid for that. That’s part of life...	„
—LT talking about "back in the day.

• A whole lot of coke.
• Maiming of opponents quarterbacks.
• A whole lot of drinking.
• Ate an entire badger.
• Being named to the 75th anniversary all NFL team.
• Inducted to the NFL negro league. Aka- the NFL.
• Failed two drug tests.
• Won two Super Bowls, which is big shit, while with the Giants.
• Sent hookers to opponent's hotel rooms to wear them out before a game.
• Had over 1,000 tackles during his career.
• Had over 1,000 lines of coke.
• Used fellow team mate's urine to pass drug tests.
• Was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1999.
• Got busted with a crack pipe in 2001.
• Probably his most terrible crime of all: he participated in the 2009 season of Dancing with the Stars.

Said By LT

	“	Knock on the door, you open the door, and you got two beautiful women sitting there [saying] 'We're for you!' And I'm like, 'You're in the right place.'	„
	—All rapists should have it this easy.

	“	A couple of ladies that were trying out some new equipment they had. You know? And I just happened to, and they just didn't happen to have the key.	„
	—LT talks about why he showed up to practice one day in handcuffs.

	“	They're handing out free drugs because they want to get in. They want to be in your world. So, everything is free while they're getting into your world. But once they get into your world … oh, they take over your world. No it’s their world. And you’re just there, just a part of it.	„
	—LT being his usual erudite self.

	“	I'd go through an ounce a day. And at times I'd be standing in the huddle. And instead of thinking what defense we were playing I'd be thinking about smoking crack after the game.	„
	—LT on Crack.

	“	I saw coke as the only bright spot in my future.	„
	—It seems that LT has been living the dream since his retirement.

	“	After a year, I realized my place was a crack house.	„
	—No argument here.

	“	Gentlemen, which brings me to my next point, don't smoke crack.	„
	—LT on Bobby Boucher

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Quotes and Tweets

	“	wait so Lawrence Taylor had sex with a 16 year old prostitute? Does that even count?	„
	— Vernon Da Que

	“	Today is National Nuzzling Day. Just make sure you know the person. Otherwise, you could be sharing a cell with Lawrence Taylor.	„
	—Bryan Houston

	“	The people at Nutrisystem just got rid of a quick 230 pounds	„
	— Doin Damage

	“	Let this be a eye opener for all males. There is a devil out there in the name of SEX and temptation. There are so many cases every day involving rape. But it hits home when someone close are in the front headlines. All males should learn that these acts of forceful acts and unthinkable discussed acts will catch up with you and the shame comes from it really is not worth it. We all have a chose in everything we do.But don't let the devil intice you to engage in this sick act of rape. Use common since and be responsible in making decisions that may cost you reputation and a life behind bars.	„
	—Member dynamicmassage on the Fanhouse comments section.

	“	WHATEVER I LIVE IN CHICAGO SAME THING HAPPENEDED TO R KELLY BUT THAT WAS ALL THEY WERE ALLEGATIONS HE DESERVES A FAIR TRIAL JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE.	„
	—Hector Villafuerte

	“	niiiiiiiiiiice, you get older yet they stay the same age...ballin	„
	—Facebook

	“	Oh my god....my daughter...was raped...by THE Lawrence Taylor. I never want her to clean her vagina ever again.	„
	—/sp/

	“	how long u think its gonna take law and order svu to do a lawrence taylor episode?	„
	—Twitter

	“	Listening to this New young jeezy make me wanna sell some dope. Where Lawrence Taylor at?	„
	—Twitter

	“	Keep the pimp hand strong brotha, don't let this get you down!	„
	—Jordon Giglio, Facebook

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LOL

A woman has come forward as a defense witness in the sexual assault case against Lawrence Taylor, saying the 16-year-old girl who accused the NFL legend of rape never had sex with him, according to a statement from the woman confirmed Friday by Taylor's attorney.

The 23-year-old woman said in a sworn statement that she accompanied an alleged pimp and the 16-year-old girl to a hotel outside New York City where Taylor was staying. She said the teenager returned to the car with $300 in cash and said: "It was weird ... we didn't even have sex."

The woman is a stripper who lived in a Bronx apartment with the alleged pimp, Rasheed Davis, and the girl. She said in the statement that she was with the two when New York City police arrested Davis and took the girl to a hospital.

The woman said in the statement that she waited with Davis for about 45 minutes while the girl was inside Taylor's hotel room, and that the girl knew she was there to meet the famous NFL star. Inside the room, Taylor rubbed himself on the girl, but they did not have sex, according to the woman's account.

Video

It is always a good thing to dig this old video out of the mothballs and post it. In the video, you will see Lawrence Taylor ending Joe Theisman's NFL career. Pay special attention to how Theisman's leg snaps like a dry piece of spaghetti:

See Also

• TOUCHDOWN THURMAN THOMAS
• Ron Mexico
• Handegg
• Rape
• Hookers
• Blow
• Negro

External Links

• LT's Facebook
• Lawrence Taylor Arrested
• LT Charged
• LT telling A&E how he turned his life around after drug addiction

Featured article May 8, 2010
Preceded by Animu archetypes	Lawrence Taylor	Succeeded by DrMusic2