MK ULTRA

The grandaddy of insane conspriacies. Nothing in history can compare to the awesomeness and crazyness of MKULTRA.

how awesome is that

In the beginning

MKULTRA started out as an excuse for the CIA to use LSD. CIA agents slipped LSD into people's drinks to observe its effects. When asked about the operation, the CIA said they did it for the lulz. As with any awesome story, retards tried to ruin the awesomeness of what really happened.

What MKULTRA is known for

Rape
9/11
Hippies
Steve Irwins Death
Gulf War 2
Roswell
HAARP
JFK Assassnation
Disco
Vietnam
Pink Floyd
The Men Who Stare At Goats

What really happend

Back in the 50s, a scientist dropped some acid, loved it and thought it would be awesome to share his new found love to the world. At first, he dropped acid into other scientists' drinks and laughed his ass off while they where screaming about how their dead grandma was a fetus climbing up their legs with a knife in their mouth down the hall. Ever one for a good joke, the CIA got millions of dollars in government funding for "research" into new interrogation techniques and supposed mind control while using LSD, but in reality they just wanted the government to pay them to trip balls.

File:Mkultra3.jpg

MKULTRA in the 60s

	“	Precautions must be taken not only to protect operations from exposure to enemy forces but also to conceal these activities from the American public in general. The knowledge that the Agency is engaging in unethical and illicit activities would have serious repercussions in political and diplomatic circles and would be detrimental to the accomplishment of its mission.	„
	— LETS BRING ON THE LSD MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!

Awesome things with kids

File:Mkultra4.jpg

Even the kids love it

Not satisfied with putting LSD in each others drinks, the CIA decided to kidnap children to share their love of LSD with them. The scientists would tie down the kids for weeks at a time, rape them and subject them to sensory deprivation by forcing them to listen to jam bands like Phish and The Grateful Dead. After passing through music hell, they were injected with Ebola, Hepatitis, and AIDS and then mind-wiped out of mercy because anyone who was subjected to jam bands for that long would've killed themselves.

The kids were then sold to white parents under one condition: the children had to be fed radiation or they would hulk out and destroy the world. When one mother was asked how she could buy her children and feed them radiation, she said she did it for the lulz.

	“	It would be nice to do something for them because these kids have been involved, we've had to jab them [with needles], and they had to eat a meal-every little drop of it, because you wanted to be sure they got 100 percent of the radioactivity-wouldn't it be nice to do something for them?	„
	—like rape?

MKULTRA and celebrities

File:Mkultra1.jpg

Make sure you drain the piss

Not wanting to be left out, the original Black people of America decided to get Tiger Woods in on the fun. Dumb ass racists can't believe that a black man can make millions of dollars on his own so they lie to themselves and others that the government is most likely involved whenever a black man does well. Here are some signs MKULTRA has its meaty paws on our celebrities:

Elvis had 3 Television sets in front of his seat, each on at the same time and tuned to a different channel.
Kurt Cobain had Narcolepsy, a common symptom in Monarch Slaves.
Madonna is a Kabbalist, the Kabbalistic tree of life being a very common symbol in Monarch programming.
Britney originated from The Disney Club, Disney being at the epicentre of Monarch Programming. Amongst other things, she has a Monarch Butterfly tattoo, commonly used to identify Monarch slaves.
Michael Jackson's whole career
Elke Sommers- Bob Hope was her controller
Joey Hetherton-Again, Hope at the helm.
Marilyn Monroe-Used, abused and removed

	“	Is he really the world’s greatest golfer or is he a money making machine, exposing golf to a world wide non-white audience?	„
	—Well duh.

	“	Do they allow him to win through trickery such as electomagnets under the greens?	„
	—No! I'm just another racist cracker who likes to call Blacks n****** on the computer but would not DARE say it to their face!!

	“	what cinched it for me was seeing a tape of Tiger as a toddler being presented as a golf prodigy on the old Mike Douglas show by none other than Illuminati handler BOB HOPE!	„
	—NO NOT BOB HOPE!!!

	“	I’m sure he was treated at the Cenai Hospital located in California, which is really a mind control facility for celebrities.	„
	—Well, that would explain Gili...

	“	People need to ask why tiger woods is hanging out with bob hope when he is two years old. Those of us who do our homework know the history of bob hope, his involvement with British intelligence(probably Tavistock) his involevent with launching the careers of the Jacksons and his relationship with the US military.Tiger’s Father was US miltary, so was Joe Jackson.	„
	—Bob Hope was a pedophile.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Jonestown and born again Christians

Fearful that the government was gonna take its LSD away, the CIA decided to make a secret cult to continue spreading their love of LSD to the world. In 1973, they recruited Jim Jones, a doubly-employed small town pastor and Spawn of the KKK to create one of the most awesome religions out there: The Born Again Christians. Thanks to MKULTRA, they have created many fine upstanding individuals such as these:

Karla Faye Tucker/ executed pick-axe killer/ former prostitute , called herself a "Born Again " Christian
Henry Lee Lucas , multiple murderer /vagrant /"Born Again " christian claimed he was a hitman for a Satanic cult Henry Lee Lucas
David Berkowitz/"Son of Sam"/former Jew... satanic connections to his murders... calls himself a "Born Again" Christian
Jeffrey Dahmer . murdered 15 people. son of "Born Again" Christian father , Church of Christ, re-baptised in prison
Mark Chapman.. John Lennon's murderer.. calls himself a "Born Again" Christian
Charles Tex Watson, henchman of Charles Manson/Satanic murderer, calls himself a "Born again Christian"
Ted Bundy /executed multiple Killer/Born Again Christian
Velma Barfield/executed killer/Born Again Christian
The Shankill Butchers/Ireland . multiple murderers / suspected Satanic connections, many former members call themselves "Born Again Christians"
JonBennet Ramsay...died on Dec 25th 1996 . parents are "Born Again Christians"

Breeding women

File:Kathleenhands.jpg

Not just asking for it.. begging and pleading.

On top of throwing awesome LSD parties and trolling your friends, MKULTRA was used to breed sleeper agents to fight the Commie Menace in the 60s. Women who had no family or friends would be kidnapped, brainwashed, raped, impregnated and dropped off in the middle of nowwhere. (Why they didn't simply use hookers is beyond me). When the women brought the baby to term, they where kidnapped a second time, their baby stolen, raped once more so they could make a replacement, and dumped in the same isolated place they where left the last time. The stolen kids went on for spy training, and when they reached 10 years of age, they were dropped off in another country(probably after getting them high on LSD and a bit of rape) to be raised by the locals until their 'sleeper' keyword would be said to them. Once the kid's latent training was 'activated', they would go all Rambo and kill townspeople until they exploded in a fireball.

Muse Joins In The Fun

Britfag alternative rock band Muse decided that alien consiracies just wasn't enough, and decided that they had to continue to piss of their government, and every other government with another pointless song about pointless shit, shit that nobody cares about.