Operation /b/ipolar

July 22nd 2010: For one glorious, glorious morning, /b/ was civilized. Anonymous was going to be on Good Morning America because of Jessi Slaughter, and Moot dressed it all up for the occasion.

File:BIGBEARHUGS.png

Bi-polar...geddit?

The top of the page read Good Morning America, the Good Morning America theme was playing, and Moot had put up a sticky laying down /b/'s new laws:

Below that was a list of tips and tricks and, unfortunately, a link to Know Your Meme so any new visitors to /b/ could become acquainted with the sanitised principle of meme philosophy they offer. The hope was that we would be mentioned by Jessi or by one of her parents. The mention of our name on a major news network would drive hundreds to our "Family-friendly" /b/. Hopefully, the devoutly religious board would gain a few new members for our community. The next day, the gore fest would begin, complete with the theme tune from GMA embedded in /b/ and playing on a loop

Prologue: /b/'s Longest Night

In the late hours of July 21st, /b/ was first alerted to the show by some anons who were gay enough to go to the GMA website just by chance. /b/ panicked and split into three factions. The first realized that this had all happened before, and thought that the panic was completely retarded. The second camp wanted to immediately spam 4chan with gore, in order to keep out any potential newfags from visiting after the publicity. This camp also advocated the use of bomb threats, which were apparently not delivered. The third camp was the one that won, as they had wanted to make any reports about /b/ look completely wrong, for the lulz. Anons planned on posting kittens and rainbows, but Moot beat them to it.

The Day

File:4chan GMZ.png

Can we make you some tea?

Hundreds of Anon began using the tripcode "David !4changtcqk", so we could tell the old Anon from the new. The sea of Davids gradually spread throughout the site until nearly every post on 4chan was made by a David. The name David originated from a well mannered and cordial man who blessed /b/ with his presence around 3:30am, claiming to work on GMA. He was met with a welcoming mixture of adorable kittens, summerfags, and extreme racism (although he proudly proclaimed the use of an internet censoring add on), yet he continued to converse with the wary shut aways. Many were suspicious that this mild mannered man might be a troll, but instead the unsuspecting /b/tards were met with something much more foreign: a genuinely kind and curious man who just wanted to learn their ways. They watched in awe as he took his first steps as a denizen of 4chan, joyfully learning how to namefag and quote, merrily skipping along like a child in an open field. David proceeded to touch the hearts of over 9000 /b/tards with his warmth and acceptance, giving /b/ what it could never find IRL: love and affection.

Uhh.../b/?

~~Any post with cussing, porn, or gore was reported. The Mods were, surprisingly, not asleep and did a fantastic job of banning any fags who broke /b/'s new rules.~~

~~Newfags were "Newfriends", Oldfags were "Oldfriends", and everyone on /b/ was creepily nice to each other for hours on end.~~

~~Several Anon banded together to get "4chan is family oriented" and "good morning america 4chan" to the top of Google's trends list.~~ HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS By 1:00 pm everything was shit again and everyone was fucking sick and tired of the music, and the mods went back into hibernation.

Anticipation mounted as the board gathered into several streaming chatrooms to watch the show live.

Meanwhile, on the outer rim of 4chan, some /b/tards began moving /b/ to /c/ while shouting "/c/ IS THE NEW /b/". When the niceness caught up with the self-professed /c/unts and /c/men, about half moved to /d/, where they promptly shouted "/d/ IS THE NEW /c/ IS THE NEW /b/." They became /d/mens, scaring the original /d/ so much that /d/ merged with /e/. Thus, on that glorious morning, there were three /b/s on 4chan, none of them good. Ultimately, /c/ would fight back (and win by the adternoon) against a group of mainly newfags and summerfags, while /d/ remained occupied for some time. Pereversly, /x/ was mildly raped, perhaps because /b/ desired to keep /x/ as its bitch after the operation.

The Show

A few Anon wearing Guy Fawkes masks were behind the Good Morning America building. The GMA crew hinted that Jessi may be to blame for her own fuckup.

First, an old fat female black person came on to whine about Obama. The bitch went away, only for a story about fucking jellyfish to come up. The woman hinted that Jessi was going to be on the show, then cut to an agonizingly long commercial break.

After ten minutes of commercials and fifteen minutes of local news followed by ten more minutes of commercials, GMA came back on to talk about Jessi.

A pretaped video of Jessi and her parents followed, with Jessi wearing heavy makeup and looking evermore like the whore she is. There was no mention of who caused her to look like this, causing most of /b/ to be disappoint.

Parry Aftab came on to plug her site and blame Jessi's parents for being shitty parents. 4chan was not mentioned, as Mrs. Aftab decided to blame it on Jessi going to the small site of Stickam and, perplexedly, rap.

Aftermath

/b/: The most civilized board on 4chan.

The general state of disappointment that fell over the board caused most members to return to the gore and Anonymous title they had grown accustomed to. The music began getting more attention than the show itself. Several fail raids on Aftab followed because she did not break Rules 1 and 2.

...And Again

Just hours after Operation /b/ipolar had wound down in the evening of July 22nd, news leaked in that Rules 1 and 2 HAD indeed been broken. ABC decided to milk this whore of all she was worth, so Nightline ABC showed an interview, mixed in with some old and new material. Anonymous-related images were shown.

Worse, the ABC website had an article with quotes stating things such as "Once her story hit the message boards of 4chan, an infamous and anonymous network Web savvy users, the threats against Jessi started coming fast and furious. Members of Anonymous, a group linked to 4chan, quickly joined in as did users of the like-minded site Tumblr. " as well as another quote, " 'I'm afraid that somebody from 4chan or Anonymous is going to try to jump me or something,' she said."

/b/ began to panic, and a small resurgence of Operation /b/ipolar appeared on /b/, and to a lesser extent, /x/.

Nothing came out of this, because on 7/23/10, /b/ was violently raped by spambots, leading to anarchy and a diaspora that completely ended Operation /b/ipolar.

The music has yet to stop and the spambots continue to run rampant. Just like Katrina oldfags still try to ride the storm out. Anon fled to /a/ for hours, then fag music started playing there, then it was realized that /x/ is fucking stupid. Refugee's fled to /x/ and have conquered it for the motherland. People curse Moot, for he finally got off his faggot ass and changed /b/ to avoid exposure, but never changed it back. People have begun to realize Moot has abandon them after years of constant reporting of gore, animal cruelty, live murder, surgeons, spam, and furries.

Anons have discoverd a suspect for spammings.

Then at around 10:30 all the spambots were gone and only a few surgeons, cancer, and music remained. /b/ had lived through another dark day.

7/24/10 Moot trolls the whole of /b/ by introducing the dreaded CAPTCHA and then minutes later removing it. everyfag now complains at this faggotry with more chaos ensuring.

http://www.facebook.com/matthew.j.pellegrino

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The new cancer.

A Raid was being planned in the early hours of the morning in a crammed tinychat room where anons and /b/tards flailed at each other complaining about how unorgansied said "Raid" was. Apart from the faggotry that ensured within the room, as far as the raid went, anon found dox which tell of the faggots workplace being subway many telephone orders were made and pizza and whores sent to his home.