Crunkcore

	“	2 ¼ cups T-Pain vocoder 4 tablespoons of angst-ridden white teenagers 2 sticks of bowel-inducing screams 3 teaspoons of shutter shades 2 cups fake bling from vending machines 12 cups of lyrics that would give Brian Peppers douche chills 205,809 MySpace friends	„
	—Rob Dobi, "Your Scene Sucks"

Have you ever wondered, "Hey, what would it sound like if I used that T-Pain autotune and some Hyphy and Techno beats, poorly sequenced them on Reason, and had a bunch of whiny white kids do some Screamo over the abortion?" Well unfortunately, some faggot did and Crunkcore was spawned. Completely dependent on 16-year-olds on MySpace and Twitter to make them famous since at least 2005, it is noted for being utterly abhorrent to the ears of all but the most fail-infected of humans. Prolonged exposure can lead to medical complications and sufferers should be referred to an ear specialist as soon as symptoms occur.

Culture

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Srsly

What they think they look like wearing dem stunnas

	“	Oh God. I've suddenly come to my fucking senses. What was I thinking? Crunkcore is the worst thing to happen to music since Katie Melua's "Nine Million Bicycles" in Beijing.	„
	—John McDonnell, The Guardian

The best way to describe it? Anyone ever see that lame teem movie The New Guy? Where the nerdy kid completely changed his looks and personality to be an IRL ITG? It's kind of like that, except these pitiful fucks are by now mostly grown-ass adults who apparently weren't beat up enough in high school to get the aspie and ADD out of their systems, or they're "bi-polar" preteen girls who want to pop Glocks off in your mouth and make brain slushies (or assume they have the ability to do so). These are probably the types who were bullied a lot in high school, or in the case of some of the girls, were getting too much love from daddy and not enough love from their peers. Chess team, CSIII students, Pokefags, you name it - these kids couldn't get laid and into a Nightclub then, and they probably still couldn't now unless they pay for a ticket to see one of the shitty bands that have spread this AIDS. The major issue with this is that while some of the lyrics could be considered sad or lulzy to average folks, this culture takes them as a proclamation of prophets and engage in Ghost Riding, getting fucked up on anything they heard was cool, taking bad pictures, and name themselves something lame using the first letter of their first name (hurr "Danny Dramawhore" durr). Plus, any naysayers to their cause and their culture is immediately a "hater," and will make them famous with their hatred because that's all the hater talks about. In reality, the hater in question is probably just looking to gather a bigger crowd to showcase how retarded these people are, but the average Crunkfag will take it because any attention is good attention to them.

Style

Completely obsessed with shutter shades, big floppy hair, eye-raping clothing, and facial holes, or basically anything else that would prevent them being employable at anywhere besides a Hot Topic. Known for stealing equal parts of their style from black and white musicians, their clothing is also usually as fake as they are; BAPE thrift-store'd and flea-market Nikes, and shirts bought off of a CafePress with skulls wearing - you guessed it - shutter shades and probably designs by a hack Tartlet who saw someone in 3OH!3 wear it at Warped Tour.

Music

	“	Sounds like a Chamillionaire track performed by a teenage Slipknot tribute band.	„
	—John McDonnell, The Guardian article on Crunkcore and BrokeNCYDE

Despite the banal and obvious stupidity of the fanbase, the way it's "musicians" abuse it is a double-sided dildo of lulz and anti-lulz. Also obvious is some of them DO live this way, and ARE douchebags for it. Their lyrics are like a bad combination of Emo poetry, Juggalo fan-fiction, and Rap exploitation, all geared around who can get the most poon/dong/etc., the drugs they're taking, and the drinks they are having. In moderation, these kinds of songs could be very funny. However, when every single song is about getting laid and/or drunk as hell, one could say you were probably trying too hard to be a cool band. The insult to the greater injury is the "culture shock" of this shitty music - it has literally destroyed the credibility of an already dying genre, and takes the cultural and lyrical identity away from Hyphy and Rap (and lets face it, lyrics are all that black person has owned itself without stealing it first). The worst part of this abomination? HYPHY AND HIP-HOP ARTISTS ARE SUCCUMBING TO IT AND MAKING SONGS WITH THEM.

It should be noted that most of these "artists" haven't had a new song since 2007-ish, as there's no longer an excuse for terribly sampling 8-bit video game music and using yet another dated genre's vocal style in the day and age where Autotune, Pro Tools, and converting a DJ Hero controller into a drum machine makes you instantly famous. In other words, they're no longer original OR talented at their craft.

"Videos / Songs"

Hollywood Undead - No. 5

BrokeNCYDE - Freaxxx

BrokeNCYDE - Booty Call (black person)

Millionaires - Just Got Paid, Let's Get Laid

3OH!3 - Don't Trust Me

Blood on the Dance Floor - Sexting

LMFAO feat. Li'l Jon - Shots

Hyper Crush - Robo Tech

Hyper Crush - The Arcade

HEARTS !N DIGITAL - Less Than Three

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"Bands"

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Son...

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How does I sell out culture?

Breathe Carolina

Who?

Dot Dot Curve :)

A Chiptune-ish BrokeNCYDE if there ever was one. It's the solo project of some Indiana kid named "Spanky", and is basically all done on his laptop. Also the boy/girl/whatever looks pro-ana. Also a re-occurring member of the "rap" "group" Scene Kidz, which is a self-hating, self-hating Crunkcore group who makes songs about how much they're aren't another Hollywood Undead, BrokeNCYDE, etc. when the fact some of their music being somewhat GOOD separates them from most the other retarded bands.

E-40 (srsly)

Once respected for making a Ghost Riding anthem and some rather nice bum wines. What does he do when his CD sells drop? He makes "songs" with BrokeNCYDE and The Lonely Island. Granted, The Lonely Island was probably less embarrassing for him, the point remains.

Hyper Crush

Some Hipsters who weren't getting very far playing their key-tars and looking like a top-and-bottom duo got themselves a lady (rumored to be an incest-relating ex) to do all their main hooks and secondary vocals. Most of their songs are about 80's movies and old-school video games mixt with lyrics about "thug lyfe" and getting loaded, but in reality they are the biggest poser oldfags of the genre.

I Set My Friends On Fire

Named after an Aiden song, their biggest contribution to music is a cover of "Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy. Literally, that's all that matters about these guys, despite what any Crunkfag would tell you about their releasing a CD and real songs. Think of them as the Alien Ant Farm of Crunkcore.

Li'l Jon

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS - EEEEEEEEVVVVVVVERRRRRRYBOOOOOODY!

Kamikaze Lovers

The worst of the worst, 5 Canadafags decided it would be a good idea to jack each other off with a microphone and this band was the result. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDFMPuvGLBI&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL Also possible they could be trolling. Everyone rate their albums nice and high http://www.sputnikmusic.com/bands/Kamikaze-Lovers/25588/ Realizing that crunkcore is shit, they moved on to bigger and better things. Namely death metal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=c-ttYRTIEiQ

Hawt Rawk Robawt

Wait, scratch that. THIS is the worst of the worst. What the fuck is a "Robawt"?

Bands With Articles

#hatersmakeusfamous

“

Mere words cannot express the hatred that burns in my heart. I feel....disgust! Abhorrence! Like the coils of a snake as it writhes through my belly! I tremble at the thought of tearing into their pasty, weakened muscles. I feel a satisfaction at the thought of scalping their skunk hair from their painfully inept skulls. My blood boils in my arteries. When I close my eyes, I can see the video. Over and over, playing like a bad acid trip, only ear-violating and real.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" sang the back up singer. His voice was like the spokes of a pitchfork squealing against rusty tin roofing. Electronic masking held back the full strength of blasphemy. Yet it was torture, the false mercy of weakening the voice only served to prolong my torment.

Another verse. "Get freaky on the dance floor!" This new voice was vaguely feminine, as if someone had crammed his penis into the lead singer's throat, rupturing it. I still have the marks from whence I clutched my arm so fiercely I bled.

I daresay that this is the first time in a long time that i've been so pissed off.

„

Krunkcore is Repugnant

Crunkcore Sucks

As described by Microsoft Sam

Why Brokencyde Sucks

Nao in self-hating flavor!

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	“	You need to put down the fucking synthesizer, put down the mic, put down your shutter shades and your yellow Zonkers, and go get a job at Subway.	„
	—Even Jewish Toolfags hate it.