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Murder
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This article needs moar names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder victims. You can help by adding moar names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder victims. |
For those who live OTI, just consider murder an IRL permaban. Refers to the premeditated killing of one human by another human (usually). Being completely and utterly, undeniably pwned by another individual. Some people find the need to murder themselves; this is referred to as suicide. If they create profound internet drama in the course of doing so, this makes them an hero.
The most common motive is hatred of the victim by the murderer, with the second most common being the stupidity of the victim and third most being the desire to be subject matter on CSI. The prevailing method is violence. The typical result is death, although not always the death of the would-be victim. Some argue that all murders are committed by niggers, but it is actually the smaller black population that gives this appearance.
Unsolved murders are left alone to "age" in a casket of oak for many years, thus earning the name "cold case". Murder connoisseurs say the primary difference is in the scent of the murder, and that aging can bring out many subtle flavors usually missed by the palate. If stored incorrectly, however, aging can cause the murder to go stale, resulting in lulz loss.
Rape and murder often go hand in hand. In this case, the motive is not hatred of the victim but simply the need to shut her the fuck up.
PROTIP: if you are ever on trial for murder, pleading "I did it for the lulz" will instantly make it justifiable. Try it.
"Premeditated"
There is some debate as to whether premeditation (meditating before killing) actually helps. 90% of murderers report that it does not, 1% are ninjas, and 2% believe that "you should experiment and find what's right for you." The rest were killed by their victims and were unable to partake in the survey.
Another interesting fact is that the majority of murder victims know the person who kills them. Therefore being a sad basement dweller with no friends might be a good survival strategy, just not for humanity,because you can't reproduce that way, its called natural selection. Then again, what about that goldfish in your room...
Not to be confused with premedicated.
How to off your family
Pool Party
- Have a pool party at your house with your immediate family
- Put roofies in the drinks
- Wait for family to fall asleep
- Duct tape them to Pool chairs
- Push chairs into the pool of flamethrowing fires
- ????
- GRAB THE MONEY YOU FUCKIN' JEW!
BBQ
- Drug family
- Tie them up
- Put them in car
- Chain doors shut
- Add gasoline
- Set car on Fire
- Videotape it
- Go to the masturbasement later on so you can jack off
Sleepy Time
- Wait until family falls asleep
- Get your knife
- Stab them
- ????
- Cut yourself
Lawn Work
- Knock Family out
- Tie them up
- put them on front yard
- Turn on lawnmower
- run heads over
- ?????
Hanging out
- Find a sturdy tree and tie several nooses around it
- tie up family
- hang them from tree nooses(just like christmas)
- snuff it
House Painting
- Reveal father of the family that he's next
- Knock him out
- family wakes up all tied up
- murder family with axe
- paint wall with their blood
- ???
Hate-Based
Murder against particular ethnic groups has existed since the beginning of time. The largest hate-based mass-murder to date is the Holocaust, however Hitler did it for the lulz and has no pix so it doesn't count, and no, Holocaust Porn is merely anecdotal. The largest occurrence of hate-based murder not fueled by lulz was the 9/11 attacks carried out by the Jews. The Armenian Genocide is another great example of mass-hate-murder.
Killing lots of people need not be the only type of hate-crime, however. Sometimes a few, well-placed killings will be enough to make members of the target group fear for their lives and thus no longer bother you. However, the murderer must be sure to make the killing obvious, as people will not get his message if such murders are hidden. Ways of accomplishing this include:
PROTIP: Leave the body (or bodies) for others to find, as this generates maximum lulz.
Famous Murderers
Individuals
- Andrew Kehoe- Killed 38 kids and 6 adults and went out with a bang in 1927, beating Adam Lanza's score streak 64 years before that kid was born. [1]
- Adam Lanza
- Al-Qaeda
- Anders Behring Breivik
- Casey Anthony
- Charles Manson
- Cho Seung Hui
- Chris Benoit
- Dzhokar Tsarnaev
- Gerry McCann
- Mitchell Henderson-Killed himself.
- Hitler
- Seung-Hui Cho
- Jack the Ripper
- James Holmes
- Kevin
- Tamerlan Tsarnaev
- Tyler Peterson
- Mark Essex
- Zezima
- Dexter Morgan
- Dylan Klebold (one of the an heroes at Columbine)
- Eric Harris (the other an hero at Columbine)
- Henry Lee Lucas - The real guy that inspired the movie Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. Also the only person George Bush ever gave a death row pardon to.
- Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski - Contract killer in Jew York and New Jersey, racking up a high score of 250
- John Wayne Gacy, aka "The Killer Clown" - Added extra lulz to his kills (mostly shota) by dressing up as a clown, having his victims handcuff themselves, then strangling them and hiding them in his crawlspace.
- Jeffrey Dahmer - Batshit insane sick fuck who brought men home, raeped them, zombified them, and raeped them again. Also notable for convincing Milwaukee police that the half-naked boy that ran out of his apartment drugged all to shit and bleeding from his ass was his boyfriend and not his prisoner.
- Keith Luke - a neo-nazi, IRL troll, and Podblanc user, who offed two niggers. It all started on January 21st 2009 (coincidentally a day after Obama's inauguration as the first negro president) whenever he went to his neighbor's house to give them a special greeting - with a hammer, two pairs of handcuffs, a mouth gag, and a blindfold. Once they opened the door, he raped the unnamed sister at gunpoint, after gagging her, and handcuffing her. Eventually sometime later her sister, Selma Goncalves opened the door on him, and once she saw him raping her sister, like any good person, she tried to run away. But not for too long, because he shot her in the back twice as she tried to flee. He then turned around, and shot the sister in the chest six times, while she was clutching onto her yellow teddy bear. Out of ammunition, he then leaves the house, going back to his black van to reload his gun. He then spots a monkey collecting cans in a shopping cart. He then approaches said nigger, and shoots him in the face point blank, as he tried to protect himself by holding his hands up, and putting them to his face. But unfortunately there were two cop cars not too far away that overlooked him doing that. Afterwards, he got back in his truck, and almost immediately the sirens went off, and the next thing he knew he was on a chase. During the chase, Luke shot at one of the officers, going through the windshield, and hitting the corner of the drivers seat, missing him by inches as he leaned forward. The police then returned fire, causing him to crash into two cars. After crashing, he stepped out of his vehicle, and ran for his life, only to be reprimanded, and then thrown into the Party Van.
- Ted Bundy
- Glenn Beck
- Miley Cyrus
Groups
- Anonymous
- American troops
- Furries
- Jews
- Jeffree Star
- Minorities
- Police officers (see police brutality)
- Scientologists
Entities
Victims of Murder
- Niggers
- Wiggers
- You (future)
- Jews
- The World Trade Center
- Tupac
- The people responsible for these statistics
Those scene kid fucktards.
People who deserve to be murdered
- You
- Republicans
- Democrats
- Chris-chan
- Boner-nosed bastards
- Furries
- Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto
- Blazesonic
- Leeches
- Wyatt Mann
- Niggers
- Your mom
- Emos
- Furries
- Rootbrian
- The list goes on...
See Also
- Ero Guro Gallery
- August Underground's Mordum Sick movie with oh-so-much murder
- Curtis Allgier
- Death
- Disorder
- Guro
- Necrophilia
- Shock sites