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Lanturn
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Add pixplzkthnx to Lanturn Plz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix.Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix. |
LANTURN was the first successful meme to develop from 4chan's /vp/ board for Pokéfans. Lanturn is now widely regarded as the single most powerful water type Pokémon (it can even stop the mighty Seaking) and the second coolest behind Mudkip. Regardless, the Lanturn meme involves an anon posting a crude MS Paint version of Lanturn doing something awesome & fitting to the situation being discussed in order to counter whatever stupid shit is coming out of an offending anon's online blowhole.
The OC: THE BEAST OF THE LAKE
This morning, I walked outside of my house to the tiny lake that’s located nearby to do my daily routine. I said hello to the fat homeless man who says the same thing everyday without fail and went fishing for a little while. Today though, when I finally cast my line, I could tell something wasn’t right. Sometimes I’ll hook some useless carp or a shellfish but today I hooked something massive and I think it will be the death of me. The fish I hooked leaped out of the water but this wasn’t any normal fish, it was a monster.
The beast had glowing blood-red eyes, wore a yellow mask over its face, and had electricity shooting out of this ball that dangles from its head. I did my best to sketch it for you all.
At first, I thought it would be best to stay calm and to simply run away but when I tried to run, I found a giant sign blocking my path that said “CAN’T ESCAPE”. I panicked. Sensing my fear, the fish leaped into the air and created a massive tidal wave that drew me into the lake. I’ve seen creatures do this before, it’s a predatory mechanism called “Surf”, but I never thought it would’ve been done to me.
Within a matter of seconds, I found myself sitting on the bottom of the lake with this massive beast screaming what sounded like “Lanturn” in a booming and gurgling voice. There was no way of escape; if I ran, it would zap me with the electricity it stored in the balls on its head and if I stayed, it would eat me. So I played dead.
Thankfully, the beast fell for it and just as it came to see if I was ready to eat, I quickly punched it in the face, which confused it, and swam onto its back. I knew the risk of getting electrocuted but this was my only option. I grabbed the electric ball on its head and shoved it into the beasts gaping maw. Shocked, the fish accidentally electrocuted itself and I was able to make my way to surface. I thought I was safe.
When I finally got out of the water, the fish, to my amazement, was now able to traverse dry land by floating just above the ground and looked even more powerful than ever. The beast has NO WINGS and yet it was floating without a problem. As I sprinted to safety and screamed for help, I saw the floating beast devour the homeless man I said hello to every morning and it was still hungry for more.
Thankfully, I ran back inside my house, and typed up this message for you all hoping that someone would find some way to help me. I tried contacting the authorities too but they said they were too busy trying to find a kid who broke into my town’s laboratory and stole a crocodile specimen.
Please help me. I'm trapped inside my house. I tried to shoot at the floating “Lanturn” fish with the blood-red eyes from my second floor window, but every time I have tried to attack it, it’s shot this beam of light at me and I get confused. Please, I've got 3 children. Oh God, it just broke down the door. Please, get help…the electricity…
Lanturn vs. /vp/
In an attempt to save the OP from certain doom, valiant members of /vp/ attempted to take down the monstrous Lanturn but, one by one, as hard as they tried, Lanturn always was able to stop them using an attack that the opponent was weak against or by utilizing a tactic that the fish knew would work against them such as telling Arceus there is no God, or by countering Tentaquil's Fakemon status with knowledge from IRL (A "Puke Blood" attack would harm the user and merely gross out their opponent).
One by one, each of the troops had fallen and all hope seemed to have been lost for the OP.
That is, until one clever anon decided to throw a Master Ball, a Poké ball that always catches a Pokémon without fail, at the "Beast of the Lake". Lanturn, now with no where to run and no way to counter the oncoming Master Ball assault, bellowed out a final request as a free Pokémon to the many Pokéfags on /vp/ who witnessed his plight: To use his mighty powers for massive trolling and to help out a fellow Lanturn in danger by using the correct counterattacks. /vp/, now co-owners of the Pokémon they tried so hard to defeat, unanimously decided to fulfill Lanturn's request and have been exclaiming "I CHOOSE YOU, LANTURN!" ever since.
Wherever a poster needs to be put in his place, Lanturn is there. Whenever a Pokémon gets too big for its britches and needs to be reminded that there is always someone better, Lanturn is there. Whenever a Seaking needs to be told "FUCK NO"...you get the idea. Lanturn is the perfect counter-attack to any situation.
TL;DR: Lanturn was eventually caught and you can use him to rape annoying and stupid people's shit.
See Also
External Links
 Lanturn is part of a series on Pokémon [Who’s that Pokémon?] | |||||||
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