Call of Duty: Black Ops 2

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT KRAVCHENKO AND WOODS SURVIVED BO1, HUDSON GET HIS THROAT SLIT BY MENDEZ, WOODS ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTS MASON, CHLOE AND BRIGGS NEED TO SURVIVE TO TRULY KILL MENDEZ!!!!!ONE!!1!!!!!1

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Call of Duty: Black Ops 2, (aka Carl on Duty: Black Cops 2) is the latest game from the fags that brought you Call of Duty: World at War and Black Cocks.

The Game content

In typical Call of Duty fashion, Actjewvision is raping fanboy's wallets with $79-$179 deals for downloadable content which probably will be released for download in the future. So here's the breakdown of it faggots!

Normal game

Just the fucking box and disc

Hardened Edition The box and disc with

Some remote controlled MIQ drone for Xbawkz players avatars
Steel book, great for your friends to bash you over the head for wasting an extra 10-110 bucks on this shitty game (if you even have any friends you aspie-ridden fuckhead)
Some jewgold that can be spent ingame
Zombie Nuketown (Note: Only reason you should buy this if you think it's worth it. No infact just search for codes online to download this shit so you don't waste $10)
Nuketown 2025: Some lame futuristic Nuketown.
Some unrevealed but foregone faggy camo for multiplayer
Some player cards nobody really cares about

Care package Edition All the other shit the Hardened edition comes with, except you get a care package case and a remote controlled RC-XD or some shit like that for an extra $100 you idiot.

Campaign

Alex Mason and his buddies got fucked over in South Africa during the 1980s and somehow unwittingly assisted a future Illuminati leader's plans for screwing the US in the ass. The majority of the game consists of everything getting blown to fuck, people getting torn up with machine guns and the unveiling of robotic military personnel.

Confirmed Characters

Alex Mason: The same brainwashed and crazy Aussie from Black Cocks returns for the first half of the game. Gets pwned by accident by Woods.
David Mason: The loser son of a loser dad.
Frank Woods: HOLY SHIT FRANK WOODS SURVIVED HIS JIHAD AGAINST KRAVTCHENKO!
Kravchenko: Somehow survives with Woods and comes back to try and kill Mason in Afghanistan but instead dies there for real.
Jason Hudson: Some fat guy who has shades for eyeballs, gets fucked over trying to save Mason.
Raul Mendez: A beaner Illuminati leader who plays the role of antagonist.
Chloe: Female Hacker. Has to survive to ensure maximum anal rape to Mendez.
Harper: The Dumb/funny badass for this game.
Nelson: Yep, they have 2 Ghost/Gaz/Wallcrofts in this game.
The US President: A wimminz, thus meaning that this game is purely fantasy, for there will never be any wimmin president.
Viktor Reznov: A ruskie who was featured in World at war and in Black ops as Mason's Fuck Buddy
Tian-Zhao: A chink that nobody really cares about. Like IRL Azns.
Jonas Savimbi: A nigger that you will help when sent to Angola in the flashback, to kill commie niggers and Cubans.

Multiplayer

Geyarch, looking to rearrange the Create-a-class system completely now allows players to create classes based on how much shit they put on. So you can have 3 perks minimum and you get 3 perks for each weapon you take off, so you can have all perks in the game and have only a knife to be a 1 man army. Sound familiar?

Perks and Killstreaks

Ghost - Campers. Enough said.
Fast Hands - Throw grenades and swap weapons faster. Who exactly would benefit from this perk again?
Dexterity - Climb obstacles faster. In other words, useless.
Lightweight - Run faster like the pussy you are.
Flak Jacket - Protection from RPGs and 'nade spam.
Tactical Mask - A perk that prevents you from being fucked over by fart gas.
Coldblooded - Second perk Campers will largely benefit from.
Hardline - Earn killstreaks with one less kill, only used to turn maps into a shitstorm with rc-xds.
Hardwire - Copypaste of Assassin Pro from MW3
Toughness - Flinch less when shot, pointless due to the quickscopes that kill you in 1 shot
Awareness - Hear playes from far away,usless as everyone will not move
Dead Silence - Same as in other games
Eingeneer Re-roll care packages and booby trap care packages
Extreme Conditioning Run longer,pointless as everyone camps

UAV: Oh you'll never guess what this does after seeing it in every game since CoD4.
Care package: As with the UAV, it's the same shit from MW2 onward.
RC-XD: The nuke on wheels from Fag Ops that caused much rage and lulz is back.
Hunter Killer Drone:Copypaste of predator missle from mw2
CUAV:Fuck up the radar
Gaurdian:Gay Dubstep machine the kills you if you stand in front of it too long
Lightning Strike: Copy paste of mortar team
War Machine: Automatic Grenade Launcher Fire many grenades into one place for guaranteed lulz.
Steal Chopper:/invisible Helicopter.will get shot down in .666 seconds
Microwave Turret: A fictional turret.
WartHog:Strafe Run
Death Machine: A motherfucking Minigun. That is all.
Hellstorm Missile: A rocket launcher sent down to earth by god himself for 1 purpose only. To clear the entire map of Call of Duty players.
QR Drone: Copy of the Gunship pilot from Black Ops 1, except you now control a UAV and shoot enemies.
AGR Tank: A small Assault Drone from MW3.
Sentry Gun: Gee Treyarch, you really caught people off guard with originality. YOU CANT KILL THEM IN 1 HIT WITH YOUR KNIFE ANYMORE HOLY SHIT.
Orbital VSAT: The Niggerbird is back!
Single Seeker Drone: The Hand of God smites thee with unerring accuracy. Will cause butthurt.
EMP: Redundant, since there's an EMP grenade.
Helicopter Gunner: Same shit from MW2.
Lodestar: Shoots at least 100 lodes of cum onto the map.
Attack Dogs: Exactly what is says on the tin.
Drone Swarm: Futuristic wave of microbots that swarm the map and buttrape all enemies.

Weapons

All anyone usually cares about.

Primary

Assault Rifle

The first few weapons up to the T-95 are single player exclusive, meaning all /k/ommmandos don't have to piss themselves over anachronisms or out of production shit.

AK-47: As every game from CoD4 onwards needs it's terrorist/nationalist weapon of choice, this faggy piece of shit returns to blow loads in the player's face.
M16: Such an uncommon weapon, Treyarch. At least this gun only appears in the '80s flashback missions and is replaced by the SCAR-H in campaign.
Commando: Copypasta from the original Fag Ops.
Galil: Treyarch includes a weapon that no military in the world uses. (except ~~jews and~~ niggers (not even the Israeli army uses this poorly designed, horrendously constructed piece of shit. They knew they fucked up, so they sold all of the Galils they stamped together to a bunch of African militias which thought they were getting a good deal at typical Israeli prices))
FN FAL: Moar like Fail, amirite?
Type 95: The FAGmas gets replaced by the same chink commie bullpup rifle from MW3.

AN-94: Reskin of the AK-47, pointless. Treyarch dosen't even model the 2 round burst that makes this gun good, either.
Type 25: Treyarch pandering to the AZN fanbase by including more gook fire-power.
M27: The signature weapon of the MUHREENS.
M8A1: Nazi-trash, CoD protocol dictates at least one per title.
SCAR-H: Why Treyarch, why?
SWAT-556: 3 round burst piece of shit.
SMR: When teh Aug and M14 have sex.
FAL OSW: It's the exact same thing as the FAL, but with a shorter barrel.
MTAR: The Magnificent Tiny Arab Nation Rapist. Probably will not get used as people will probably use the T-95/T-25/RPG.
M14: That same Rifle that has so much recoil it makes you look like a retard doing a backflip while shooting returns to fend off the evil Z-menace.

Submachine Gun

MP7: Looks like the AK74u of MW3 is back to cause more butthurt.
Vector K10: Copypasta from MW2.
Uzi: Useless SMG is useless. Only used by Niggers in Singleplayer along with the first few assault rifles
Chicom: Bullpups are becoming more common, now there's a bullpup SMG. Its a Chink commie gun too, hence the designation Chicom.
PDW57: Fictional.
MSMC: Reskinned mp9 from mw3
Scorpion Evo III: Hueg as fuck rate of fire.
MP5: 9mm piece of shit first seen in CoD4, returns for Black Cocks 2 Zombie mode only
AK74u: Yep, Gayarch somehow found a way to incorporate the Rapemachine-74u in BO2, just for zombies though so trolls and noobs are denied the chance to cause rage.

Light Machine Gun

Mk46: Shitstick that everyone will use because in MW3 it was rape incarnate.
LSAT: Britfag LMG.
QBB LSW: Another Britfag piece of shit.
HAMR: Some bigger SCAR rifle that slows down so it can blow cum more accurately.

Sniper Rifle

Storm PSR: Totally not a Barrett .50cal. Only used in singleplayer because it can pwn people through walls if scoped in long enough.
Ballista: Bolt-action rifle because nothing screams realistic combat like running towards your victim, spinning around 360 degrees or what ever and shooting them in the face with a Sniper meant for long range combat.
DSR 10: A second bolt-action for more quickscope kills.
SVU-AS: Retarded WA-2000/Dragunov replacement.

Shotgun

KSG: The Ruskie weapon that players became butthurt over in Black Ops due to it not being included in multiplayer.
M1216: Select fire shotgun. Retarded rotating barrel to fire off the next 4 shells in the tube.
R-870 MCS: The token pump action operated shotgun for Rule of Cool.
Saiga-12: Copy of the USAS-12 from MW3.
Olympia: Double Barrel with the effective range of a belch. Only returns for Zombies because it's too fucking useless for it's second iteration.

Secondary

Handguns

M1911: The series' signature handgun.
KAP-40: Futuristic looking pistol.
Five-Seven: M9 Beretta replacement.
The Executioner: A revolver that shoots 28 gauge shotgun shells, the token magnum handgun for a CoD game.
Python: Like in MW3, apparently 1 revolver wasn't enough. Only used in Zombie mode.
Beretta 23R: 3 round burst piece of shit. Can pwn people from miles away.
Tac-45: The high capacity low damage pistol. Replaces the Universally Shitty Pistol .45 from MW3.

Launcher

RPG: Included in the game for the same reason as the AK-47. As utilised by Niggers in the 1980s.
MM-1: Huge fucking drum fed grenade launcher. Might be fun to spam. Is used as a killstreak in MP.
FHJ-18 AA: A rocket with erectile disfunction.
SMAW: Free fire or lock on fuckstick nobody really uses.

Grenades

Lethal

Frag: Rendered obsolete by Semtex.
Semtex: An adhesive grenade that you'll hear detonating almost as much as Claymores.
Claymore: Renders Bouncing Betties obsolete.
Tomahawk: An axe that sounds badass when you throw it. You will always miss and get raped.
Bouncing Betty: Or 'Buttsecks Bitch', launches into the air and explodes, raping everyone.
C4: Dear god this is getting so repetitive ED has ran out of ideas of what to say.

Tactical

Flashbangs: Ghey, doesn't do shit.
Shock Charge: EMP renamed.
Smoke grenade: Causes butthurt on Hardcore due to the slight damage on detonation.
Concussion grenade: Does more shit than the Flashbangs.
Tactical Insertion: Boosting. That is all.
Tazer spike: Some faggy thing the US police forces use to immobilize targets.

Other shit

Combat Knife: Because players can survive 10 bullets in the face but die by a knife to the feet. Super realistic, right? Actually the knife dosen't always 1 hit anymore.
Assault shield: Riot shield. It's not even a weapon. Can be placed down in front of you to give you some movable cover though.
Ballistic Knife: Used by the Soviets in the first cold war. Why is this back?
Crossbow with Exploding tip: Samefaggotry from Black Ops 1.

Zombies

NOTE: This is the only part of the game even remotely worthwhile purchasing.

It looks like Treyarch finally shrugged of their ADHD tendencies and are focusing on making the Zombie mode better for the players!

For the enjoyment of the consumers, Treyarch introduces all new gamemodes! That are complete shit. But hey! It's better than Multiplayer and Singleplayer right?

Classic: Same bullshit from World at War and Black Cops, you're trapped in a room with up to four of your faggy friends and kill zombies and shit by holding down the fire button until you commit suicide out of boredom.
Tranzit: Kewl new gamemode where instead of you being trapped in a room you get to go on a bus and shoot zombies and shit until you arrive at the bus stops stationed throughout the map.
Grief: Lulzy new addition that features multiplayer with zombies in the mix. Basically a team tactical but with Zombies. Troll the opposing team by hording the Mystery box and leading your rape trains to them.

Maps

Nuketown Zombies: Crappy remake of the Noobtown map from Black Oops for zombies. At least they invented new characters instead of reusing those Kraut-Commie-Marine-Japanese fags from the past 2 games.
Bus Stop: Shitty TranZit map that can be standalone in Survival, as are the next few maps
Diner
Power Plant
City
Farm

Wonder Weapons

Ray Gun: Because a plastic toy shooting green exploding onion rings is more effective than Bazookas with effective ranges of 2 meters outside the blast and up to 100 meters with shrapnel.
Tesla Gun: It's the file name for the WonderWaffle DG-2 so it's going to be that rod shooting insane amounts of electricity.

AnonOps?

	“	#Anonymous featured in new COD Black Ops 2 trailer - http://bit.ly/JRr521 Hijack ALL the drones! (srsly...we're kidding DHS),	„
	— YourAnonNews

	“	TRAILER: COD Black Ops 2 featuring #Anonymous - http://bit.ly/JRr521 Hack ALL the things!! But seriously, nice attempt to stay relevant.	„
	— YourAnonNews

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External Links

Why is Anonymous in the Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 Materials? - Forbes

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Call of Duty: Black Ops 2

Contents

The Game content