No one likes you

You know that guy who always shows up uninvited to parties? The guy who spouts off jokes he heard on network sitcoms? The guy who thinks every woman is crazy over him? That's you, and guess what? No one likes you. No one has ever liked you.

All those friends you had? They made fun of you behind your back. And in addition to no one liking you, no one cares about you either. You could die and people wouldn't even be moved enough to laugh, but that doesn't mean they won't pull out MSPAINT and shoop da whoop for your e-funeral.

Identification

Warning!
Most of these traits may describe you perfectly. In that case, SCREW YOU!

You say: "Whatever, dawg, I gotz me hella homies!" Well, do you? Here's a simple checklist to tell if, in fact, no one likes you.

You are Al Gore
You are Chris Chan
You are autistic
You are on this list
All your "top friends" on MySpace are people you've never met
People tell you that you need deodorant
Women never give you their phone number
You give every woman your phone number
You spend Friday nights playing World of Warcraft and Second Life
You pose as a woman and cyber with men
The only time you ever receive text messages is when your wireless carrier sends you an ad
You spend Saturday nights on /b/
You refer to all your friends by their screennames
You edit Wikipedia
Your most spoken phrase is: "C'mon, I was only kidding!"
Virginity intact
You don't leik mudkipz
GHB works better than roses
You leave comments on Tom's profile
All your "homies" stood by while you got your ass kicked at that party
Your Dad fucked your girlfriend
You are sXe
You call people first
The only people that call you first are your relatives.
You wear fur animal suits
You are trying too hard
People constantly tell you that No One Likes You
You are White, Black, Asian, Mexican, or Other
You beg for +o (in channel or by sleeping with other ops, like Sparto)
You've never read a Friends only post on LiveJournal
Small children cry when you talk to them
You listen to ICP
You listen to The Jonas Brothers
Two words: Skid Marks
You are b& from ED
You are an admin on ED
You honk at people at the drive-thru window
Your MySpace profile has over 9000 animated sparkly GIFs
You try to spout old memes IRL, and are surprised at the reaction
Tori Sue Heck has drawn you as a small mammal
You try to talk to women, but they'll always think you're a creep
You read this whole list
You click on the adult dating advertisements on the side of this page
You join this site
You are an admin of this site
You are this guy:

On Encyclopedia Dramatica

On ED, it is very easy to tell if no one likes you:

Your user page is vandalized with Goatse or other shock images
All your edits are reverted
You are glined from ED IRC
This has been put on your Talk Page:

GO AWAY!
NOBODY
LIKES YOU!

plz die

i.e. {{unwelcome}}.

What to Do

Well, it's easy to say Go Kill Yourself And Then You Will Be Such An Hero, but to tell you the truth, if No One Likes You now, then everyone will be glad you died. If you care about the rest of the world and weren't so goddam selfish, then you would do yourself in. Because it would make us all very happy.

If suicide is too cliché for you, then there's several choices available to mitigate your shittiness: