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Sparto
Sparto, also known as El Brooko Diablo, is a internet womenz who moderates 420chan along side Kirtaner. She is also French or some shit. Recently they've developed a romantic relationship. Sparto also seems to cause 90% of the irc drama, taking out her frustrations by kicking and banning guests and ops alike. Often these bans have parameters of years or decades, but most of the time they're removed within 24 hours, if not seconds. as of late the banhammer comes down with a resending blow, splitting the channel, atom, and hopes of those it befalls. With a crack the user is blown from the channel like water from oil, thrown unto the raw pits of Internet and timeouts. This has given her an almost Snacks-like reputation, as when she is bored or doesn't like a thread, she's known to toss the banhammer into the air and wait to find out where it lands. She, along with feem, is perhaps the best reason to avoid 420chan's IRC. She also likes shitty metal such as Emperor and Bathory. Extremely notorious for 404'ing any furry related thread on 420chan's /b/ or /420/ because secretly, she won't step out of that furfag closet.
For lulz, show her CP. She haets child pornography, and she reportedly "vomits on sight". It barely compares to Tinal though, who's such a wimp the mere wiff of CP turns his stomach. This is because she was molested as a child, and still feels guilty that she enjoyed it. Mention this to her as often as possible.
Edit from an old personal acquaintance and fuck buddy of Brookes from before she became a 420 cuntbag:
"Sparto is actually from Ambler, PA and moved to Canada to date Kirt when no one in her own country wanted her. While in Ambler, she sat up in an Attic 24/7 for like 8 straight years talking to guys on the internet looking to bitch, and secretly for love since she's a social reject. She tried to be cool in roleplaying circles on AOL, befriending the best of the best. The other women hated her, and the guys made fun of her. She was the worst troll, and nuisance of the inner circles and a reject to boot. Caitlin, Kait, and Layna were all way hotter and more interesting. The roleplay inner circle was the best male players, and women that never left OOC. Most of them had no interest in cyber sex surprisingly, and just wanted to roleplay with others who could write well. Brooke was obsessed with trying to coax them all into cyber, eventually meeting the least talented of the inner circle, Nick, to lose her virginity 5 minutes into meeting. He stayed a week, playing N 64 and banging Brooke. He left, and bragged, and disappeared from her life. She continued to troll for cock while dabbling in 420 chan. Slipping more socially, she tried internet romance with every major roleplayer, after the craze was long over and they'd all "retired." It's rumored Steve banged her, and it's confirmed she spent days with him as she bragged about it to piss off Nick so he'd see what he was missing. CJ claims he fucked her, but he's in Kentucky and that's very questionable as he rarely passed by PA and is possibly more of a shut in than queen bitch Brooke herself. After being hurt by the group, and shunned by all of them but Jake and her lame ass Neopet friends, she hit on Kirt more actively and found her way to Canada to be his cum dumpster.
Neopets... Yes, I said it. Brooke spents hours a day on Neopets when not trying to fuck nerdy roleplayers. It's a fact. She loved those lame ass games they had, and earning millions to buy weird pets she obsessed over. Neopets, bad music taste, AOl Roleplaying, and then 420chan consumed her life literally from the time she was like 12, one interest to a new one while clinging to them all. That's the real Brooke."
420 Meet-up
When Kirtaner decided to have a 420chan get together, Sparto inevitably joined up, much to the chagrin of the other goers. However after much begging and crying from Kirt, the other people decided to come along too. While in transit, Sparto was denied entrance into the land of bagged milk and Bryan Adams, the reason for this are unknown but some of our favorite theories are:
- (1) She was smuggling drugs in her anal cavity
- (2) She was smuggling drugs in her anal cavity
and of course everyone's favorite
- (3) She was smuggling drugs in her anal cavity
Also while in the presence of Kirtaner, Sparto faked an emotional breakdown. This inevitably led Kirt to go "ZOMG INTERNETS IS SERIOUS BUISNESS", because he had to deal with a crying, pouting, drama filled little girl in his bedroom. While Sparto claims that the people in the #420chan channel caused this, we all know that the true cause of this was due to her complete lack of self-esteem, which caused her to go all Attention Whore on Kirt and thus ruin any chance of fun at the 420chan get together.
Kirtaner has stated that she is "nicer" in person. The validity of this statement has yet to be proven.
For a while, "Sparto" filtered to "Kirtaner" on 420chan's /b/ board. This was apparently Kirtaner's way of saying "you mess with my woman, you mess with me!" to the hordes of Sparto-haters.
NEW DEVELOPMENTS: Sparto has decided that the distance was too far between her and her internet boyfriend and decided to take up residence at Kirtaner's home. Expect 420chan to blow up in the coming weeks
Ironically, after Sparto moved up to Canada, 420chan really was shut down. The 420chan userbase will be happy to know that the site is back up, but may as well just add that to the long list of things they can blame on Sparto.
—Sparto | ||
—Sparto | ||
—Sparto | ||
—Sparto - (referring to a user who she kept devoicing for no apparent reason) | ||
—Sparto - (what everyone actually reads when Sparto speaks in IRC) | ||
[20:31:33] * Fail-chan removes channel operator status from Sparto
[20:31:33] * Fail-chan sets ban on *!*SPQR@*.hsd1.pa.comcast.net
[20:31:34] * Fail-chan has kicked Sparto from #insurgency (shut your mouth when men are talking)
Figures in this article are carefully calculated statistics.
See also
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Sparto is part of a series on Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage. |