CNN

CNN or Clinton News Network, also known as Cuckold's News Network, is a fake news cable station brought to you by the Wonskolaser^✡ (They changed their names to Warner) brothers. It started out in 1980 as a 24 hour news channel and in 2024 it is just a fucking joke of a news station, becoming more and more irrelevant every day. In the past CNN used to be favoured among many American private citizens due to the station's involvement in politics and their honest (sort of) coverage. But things are different now as many people could differentiate between real news & lies of (we hate this guy, and so you do, we tell you to believe this, because you are watching us).

They became sort of (not really) relevant when they became the Anti-trump news network , resulting in being branded (rightly) "Fake News" by everyone, and then getting butthurt at a gif and threatening to dox a 15-yearoldboy.

Hosts

Anderson Cooper

A literal faggot with a program called 360, which probably should be called 180 considering how often he change his position and how much he likes to 69. Born a literal millionaire this balding man bought his way into a career in television.

A true professional

S.E.Cupp

SE Cupp getting ready for another day

With nowhere an S or E or even a B cup, the name is as authentic as her supposed atheism.

	“	I like to think I adhere to the same Judeo-Christian values that most of religious America does. It's an understanding of and a respect for these values that keeps me moral. SE Cupp	„

	“	(I) would never vote for an atheist president.	„
	— SE Cupp

Fake news and a fake atheist

Glenn Beck

Moar info: Glenn Beck.

Reza Aslan

Moar info: Reza Aslan.

Cutting off people when mentioning Wikileaks

This was of course deliberate. If you slow down the footage like in the gif below you can see that actually mixes (or transitions) from the person speaking to colorbars. This would not happen if the signal was interrupted. Video mixers and switchers does not work like this. Color bars are an internal feature of the mixer, and not the default goto for an interruption in the feed.

CNN Gets A Scoop of Brainfreeze

On May 11th, CNN showed that there is no level they will not stoop to. In a segment as utterly retarded as it is irrelevant CNN showcased how much they are the old Fox News of the new left. President Emperor Donald Trump invited over some journalists for a meal. As dessert for a chocolate cream pie, The Donald had the audacity to actually have two whole scoops of ice cream, instead of the poor journalists who only had one. But were they the same size? The public needs to know. In order to find just one single person that actually gave a shit, they had to scour the entirety of Twitter, where they finally found one person, with a whopping 22 followers. He responded to a verified left-wing journalist's tweet, who despite having nearly 200k followers, only got 4 replies, 13 likes and 33 retweets. Thus proving the law of Sickboy. Having been watched by more than 70000 people, (that's just online), you'd think the featured tweet perhaps had gotten some traction. But you would be wrong. Despite being on the News, it only got a measly 3 retweets.

This means that CNN has a CTR (Click Through Rate) of 0.002%, if we reckon that 150,000 people saw this sad excuse for television.

	“	0.002%	„
	—CNN's click through rate

CNN somehow managed to outdumb Fox News when they were calling Obama anti-American for eating disgusting Dijon mustard on his burger.

Compare that to the CNN video.

Literally Fake News

When London Bridge Attack 2017 happened CNN needed to try to convince the good people of the earth that Islam is actually a religion of peace. But as we all know, it isn't. So CNN had to stage a protest (with 6 whole people) so it at least looked like some Mudslimes are against terrorism.

<a href="https://twitter.com/KTHopkins/status/871499432063365120"></a>

Using The Same Girl To Be Saved By Rapefugees Multiple Times

CNN Blackmailing a kid over a gif

Moar info: HanAssholeSolo.

After a kid made a funny gif where President Emperor Donald J. Trump bodyslams another person with the CNN logo poorly applied to their face, CNN lost their fucking shit since Trump actually tweeted it.

<a href="https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/881503147168071680"></a>

Clearly this warrants that CNN, a news organization, allegedly, to use all their manpower to find the guy behind the meme, and then blackmail his ass.

	“	The apology came after CNN's KFile identified the man behind "HanA**holeSolo." Using identifying information that "HanA**holeSolo" posted on Reddit, KFile was able to determine key biographical details, to find the man's name using a Facebook search and ultimately corroborate details he had made available on Reddit. On Monday, KFile attempted to contact the man by email and phone but he did not respond. On Tuesday, "HanA**holeSolo" posted his apology on the subreddit /The_Donald and deleted all of his other posts.	„
	—CNN

BLACKMAIL

To add insult to the self-inflicted injury that CNN has brought onto themselves because they got offended over a FUCKING GIF, even the likes of Brianna Wu are fucking condemning it. This is reality, we wish were joking.

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See Also

• Fake news
• Glenn Beck
• HanAssholeSolo
• Fox News
• Jews

External links

• Sargon of Akkad laughing at CNN, again
• 'Fake news': Trump tweets glee as three CNN journalists resign over Russia story
• CNN producer on new O'Keefe video: Voters are 'stupid,' Trump is 'crazy'
• CNN faces backlash over story on Reddit user who posted Trump wrestling GIF
• CNN ACCUSED OF BLACKMAILING THE REDDIT USER WHO MADE TRUMP WRESTLING MEME
• #CNNBlackmail: Network blasted for ‘threatening’ Trump meme creator
• CNN’s ‘#CNNBlackMail’ hashtag of shame

	CNN is part of a series on Fox News [Back to The StudioOver To You]
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Featured article July 9 & 10, 2017
Preceded by HanAssholeSolo	CNN	Succeeded by ED Recruitment Drive 2017