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Damien x.
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Sorry if you were banned. Damien X. Loves you :)
[[File:You_are_banned_cunt.jpg|thumb|Indeed you are.]]


You’ve done something [[stupid]]. Perhaps you have pissed off other members; posted something that was prohibited or just acted fucking stupid. You think that you’re invincible; NOTHING can stop you from having this much fun. [[Divide by zero|Oh shit]]. An admin just saw what you did. And what happens? You were just '''banned'''. You are now unable to do what was fun, can’t post anymore and can’t access pages that you used to prior to being banned. And even worse; you deserved it. Shame on you. <font color=red>'''(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)'''</font>


Song for ED
==Banhammer==


[[Image:Ban_hammer.jpg|thumb|right|120px|An [[IRL]] Ban [[Hammer]].]]


The '''banhammer''', (historically referred to as '''''B&jolnir''''') forged in the flames of Lolhalla, is the ultimate weapon against the [[unfunny]] and all breeds of [[vandal]]. It should only be wielded by the [[Jesus|righteous]] - its true powers are only accessible by those who descend from [[Trolldin]] to champion the causes of the meek.


The bane of [[faggot]]s and the [[unfunny]] everywhere ([[PaigeGirl]], we're looking at you).
The banhammer is also something [[you]] are going to get. Yay!


When someone posts something [[unfunny]], you may choose one of <del>three</del> four options:


Stop the hate, congratulate
* Read their post in a [[Fred|high-pitched voice]]. This requires a microphone.
You know my name, so eat some cake
* Post "get [[banned]] faggot".
Party hardy, grab Bacardi
* [[DSFARGEG]]
Talk your shit, watch you get hit
* Upload [[facepalm|Captain Picard]].
Save the drama for your mama
What's up with that awful gossip?
Don't be mad 'cause my hair is so rad
Life is good up in my hood


(Chorus)
All of these increase your [[e-penis]] size by about the same amount.
Bitches get stitches, they end up in ditches, so get the riches
Bitches get stitches, end up in ditches, get the riches (x2)


Check yourself before you wreck yourself
==Banset==
Oh my god, blah blah blah
I'm rated X for explicit sex
You can talk your shit
You can run those lips
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
You're only making me famous, you Ignoramus
I'm so dangerous, so-so-so-so dangerous


(Chorus)
So you like to go onto chatrooms and/or forums and check to see how many little boys are looking for lovin' from a 43 year old who still lives with his mother. Chances are you are going to get B& or end up in front of [[Chris Hansen|this charming young gent]].


You can talk your shit, you're only making me famous (x4)
A command executed in the [[LiveJournal]] admin console in the form of "ban_set username," wherein username identifies the LJ user one wishes to ban.  Banning prevents a person from commenting in a journal; after the [[serial adder]] craze post-[[invite code]], it also removed a person from the "friend-of" list of the banner.


(Chorus + "You can talk you shit, you're only making me famous" together) (x8)
Additionally, the maintainers of a [[community]] can use "ban_set username from communityname" to block a user from joining or commenting in that community like this idiot [http://img131.imageshack.us/my.php?image=bannedce9.jpg here].


A meme in which various users post a list of people to ban from their journals for some reason or another.


*[http://www.livejournal.com/users/____prfctlj4evr/551.html prfctlj4evr] and [http://www.livejournal.com/users/___prfctlj4evr2/616.html?nc=21 prfctlj4evr2] ban lists as shown by [[furries]]. This list appears to be a [[cuntpaste|copy/paste]] of [[jameth]]'s friendslist and [[girlvinyl]]'s friendslist.


Thanks to Tia and kate.
*[http://www.livejournal.com/users/bandefurz/522.html List of Banned furries] in retaliation to the above.
The ban set command is often used at the LiveJournal community ONTD because the mods suck.


Thanks to Jacole Razorblade for these lyrics
==Permaban==
[[Image:Permaban ltd.gif|left]]The ultimate in message board and LJ [[pwnage]]. To be perma-banned is to be ''permanently [[ban]]ned'', usually from a channel in [[IRC]] or some other access-restrictable resource on the [[internets]]. Permbans are virtual decapitations - you managed to do something so monumentally [[stupid]] that the site's [[admin]] decided to actually go to the trouble of making sure that you never, ever have access to their little domain ever again. They rolled up the clubhouse's ladder, changed the secret password, and probably even told all their [[OL]] [[friend]]s that you are nothing but a big [[poop]]y head.


Thanks to TIffani for these lyrics
[[Image:Inspirational_poster_-_BAN.jpg|thumb|Inspirational poster for moderators.]]
[[File:Uno_Flasher.png|thumb|Mom, "Why was my son banned without notification?"  Admin, "Your son was banned for exposing himself on camera."]]
Unfortunately, real permabans are extremely rare on the [[internets]]. The stupid, irrational and humorless (that's 90% of the internet population) will treat any IP [[ban]], account [[ban]], email address [[ban]] or any other form of access restriction as the epitome of [[internet]] justice while remaining oblivious and ignorant to the fact that such bans are negated within seconds. Should a [[troll]] be banned from a certain place and has the will to continue to disrupt that place's regular actions, he will dodge the "[[ban]]" in a minute. Such [[Computer Science III|knowledge]] of [[ban]]-dodging is well-hidden within most trolling organizations' archives and are never revealed to the public, for the stupid, irrational and humorless will perceive such knowledge as an [[a plus|A+]] way to [[pwn]] the [[internets]]. However, that is not perceived the same way by the [[troll]], who considers ban-dodging a perfectly legitimate way to continue his actions.


Thanks to Kimberly for these lyrics
===How to get banned===


Thanks to Madeleine for correcting these lyrics
* Post [[CP]]
* [[Spam]].
* Be a [[newfag]].
* If [[System 32]] is still on your computer, you will be banned.
* Using a [[Wordfilter|banned word/phrase]]. For example, starting a thread on /b/ with the phrase "[[Prove me wrong]]." (3 day ban, reason-"Prove me wrong...Bullshit")
 
True permabans, as opposed to false permabans, occur on those places a person cannot regain access to without doing something as [[mundane]] as changing their IP or registering a new account. Such bans are most common in online games where a CD-key, an account or something else that costs [[RL]] money is at risk. Therefore, all [[Something Awful]] forum bans are indeed true permabans unless someone wants to give [[Lowtax]] another ten dollars so he can get laid with an AIDS-infected male prostitute.
 
Note: When you dodge a [[ban]], a particularly stupid admin may think you're a [[hacker]]. True story.
 
The following are examples of [[IRL]] permabans.
 
*[[Hitler]] perma-banned the [[Jews]] from non-concentrated [[Germany]], and in most cases, also from [[death|life]].
*A sting ray perma-banned [[Steve Irwin]] [[for the lulz]].
*[[Tookie Williams]] was perma-banned because [[douchebag]] [[Hipster]]/[[Hippies]] liked him too much.
*[[Raptor Jesus]] is said to perma-ban all [[Fags|sinners]] from [[Pr0n|heaven]] on the [[rapture]].
*[[AIDS]] has been very prolific [[IRL]] admin, and an [[asshole]] at that; [[AIDS]] is said to have perma-banned [[over 9000]] people.  Mostly [[gays]].
*Not all admins single out others however, [[an heroes]] oftentimes perma-ban themselves.  But this is just because [[Ripper|they told you they were hardcore]].
*[[George Carlin]] spent his life [[trolling]] the [[God|admin]], and was finally permabanned on June 22, 2008.
*[[Christopher Reeve]] was perma-banned from walking and polo, likely due to his involvement in [[Superman]] III, and his association with [[Tubgirl]]
 
==Banned [[IRL]]==
 
[[Image:PigSlopDead.jpg|thumb|Joined the [[ban set]]]]
[[Image:Dead_jew_children.jpg|thumb|Two [[jews]] getting banned old school]]
 
'''Banned IRL''' is the process of being denied interaction with the [[Real World]] by an appropriate agent. It is, naturally, akin to being Banned [[OL]] minus the option of a [[China]]man's chance in [[Arbchat]]. [[God]] is indeed a cruel and unforgiving [[sysop]], even worse than [[ODB]] on a bender.
 
Being Banned IRL most commonly refers to the [[death]] or destruction of a person or object, an act designed to put themselves and the world at large out of the misery of having to interact with them. Since banning is a deliberate act the epithet is best used when said death was [[asking for it|deserved]] and done with impunity, such as during the [[holocaust]]. People known as [[internet killers]] combine both IRL and OL pwnage into a curious meta-banning process that requires [[Timecube|non-linear time]] to properly calculate the significance of.
 
Those who have been [[V&]] for IRL crimes and/or [[faggotry]] can also be considered having been subject to an IRL ban. However, instead of [[300|dining in hell]], these individuals go directly to [[jail]], and therefore do not pass go and do not collect $200. They're essentially [[basement dweller]]s with forced [[lurk]]er status and a black person with a 12-inch heat-seeking [[dong]] for a roommate. They also get free [[TV|HBO]].
 
The only individual who has ever allegedly repealed an IRL ban was [[Jesus]], and even then it was only because [[Hitler|his dad]] runs the fucking server.
 
The following are perfect examples of those who were banned in real life.
 
*[[Holocaust|The Jews]] for [[money]]. '''Ban Method''': [[Delete fucking everything]]
*[[9/11|WTC]] for being [[The Man]]. '''Ban Method''': [[airplane]]
*[[Afghanistan]] for [[Moderator|banning WTC]]. '''Ban Method''': [[Kill it with fire]]
*[[Dumbledore]] for killing [[lulz]]. '''Ban Method''': [[Shoop Da Whoop]]
*[[Bill Clinton]] for [[lolicon]]. '''Ban Method''': impeachment
*[[Ron Mexico]] for being a [[sick fuck]]. '''Ban Method''': [[Jail]]
*[[Kenny Glenn]] for being an [[animal abuse|animal abuser]]. The [[sick fuck|fucker]]. '''Ban Method''': [[Party Van]]
*[[Josef Fritzl]] for being [[holy shit|one crazy mother fucker]]. '''Ban Method''': [[v&]].
*[[Megan Meier]] for being [[retarded]]. '''Ban Method''': [[Myspace]] to [[an hero]]
*[[Abraham Lincoln]] for freeing the [[niggers|slaves]]. '''Ban Method''': [[pwnt|Murder]]
*[[You]] for being a general [[dick]]. '''Ban Method''': [[GTFO]]
 
==Please Unban==
[[File:Donotb&edplz.jpg|thumb|This method is best used on [[furries]].]]
Please Unban, or "'''Please, unban me!'''" is a commonly heard phrase [[OTI]] and [[Xat]], most often heard on [[ED]] and in [[IRC]]. Once a user has been banned for [[faggotry]], a flood of sadface and PLZ UNBANS will cascade across a [[sysop|moderator]]'s screen. More often than not the [[fail|soft hearted]] [[MONUMENTAL MORON|faggot weilding a banhammer]] will comply with the request, thus letting [[fail]] and [[AIDS]] run rampant in their community.
While the pathetic nature of this feeble, impotent, grammatically flawed statement may appeal to the sentiments of [[Wikipedo]]s, ED sysops do not sympathize with weakness. They may well choose to strike you a second time with the [[banhammer]] out of spite... And of course, [[for the lulz]]. [[13 year old boy|Whining]] for an unban will not get you unbanned on [[ED]]. [[Get on irc fgt|Getting on IRC]] and sorting out the mess however, might.
 
"Please unban" is the most common sentence used in a [[ban appeal]], and is [[99.9%]] ineffective. Begging will get you nowhere, but [[ass]] kissing certainly will. [[Me_too-er|Sucking up]] to any potentially friendly mod/op is a surefire way to get right back in, should you act [[USI|the fool]].
 
==Ban Appeal==
 
Ban appeals are the biggest source of [[lulz]] for admins and [[mods]] since time began. After you have been banned, generally for falling for the [[/b/]]tards favorite of "eval", you get a chance to tell the mods on [[4chan]] (who don't give a fuck) why you should be unbanned. Generally anything over 4 characters will result in a [[tl;dr]] response.
 
Take these simple steps on how to appeal your ban properly.
 
#Offer to send [[CP]] to the mod if they unban you
#Link to free and never before seen [[porn|porn]]
#Create a new word, ie: "Shhhlongdongler"
#Threaten to be [[an hero]]
 
These steps, however, are the exact opposite of what to do in order to appeal your ban.
 
#Give a genuine reason for why you deserve to be unbanned
#Type [[moar]] than 4 characters
#Call [[moot]] a faggot
#Challenge the mod to a [[Yu-Gi-Oh|duel]]
 
Of course, these are steps you can take if you, you know, [[nigger|want to actually get unbanned]]
 
#Type your ip adress into your browser
#Go to "setup"
#Change your ip
#Save changes
#Go to the MAC address page
#Change your address
#Save
#Go to your "status" page
#Release ip
#Unplug your [[anus|modem]]
#[[fap|Chill the fuck out for 5 minutes]]
#[[buttsex|Plug that thing back into your modem]]
#Renew your ip at your status page if needed
#[[????]]
#[[B&| Get banned again.]]
 
This works most of the time. You can thank us later
 
If however, you get banned on ED. You can [[kittens|click here to appeal your ban]].
 
==Gallery==
 
{{cg|Gallery|bangallery|center|<gallery>
Image:Scottpilgrimbanhammer.png|The Scott Pilgrim Ban Hammer
Image:Banhammer historical.jpg|Ye Olde Banhammers.
Image:Hammer2.jpg|The practice banhammer. This one just squeaks when you [[Jacknstock|ban Crayolacrime over the WOW article]].
Image:Almighty banhammer.jpg|This puppy is the [[serious business|REAL DEAL]].
Image:Mod sass Banhammer1.jpg|[[mod sass|The Elite Model]].
Image:You-are-banned!.jpg | The banhammer's [[9000|final form]].
Image:stickfigureban.jpg|What happens if you let a banhammer fall into [[Faggot|the wrong hands]].
Image:Banhammershirt.jpg|Arm ban hammer.
Image:Rambosysop.gif|Typical banning in process.
Image:God-emperor-of-trollkind.jpg|The ultimate ban.
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:LOLBanhammer.png|LOLBANNED
Image:BanUnscented.jpg|For the discriminating [[admin]].
Image:Kramer_banned.jpg|You [[srsly]] [[bestiality|screwed the pooch]] when [[Kramer]] bans your arse.
Image:Urband.jpg|
Image:EmerilBan.jpg
Image:BAN!1.JPG|The UN has BAN!1
Image:Thor Banhammer.jpg|The Banhammer of Thor.
Image:Mariohammers.png|Among the most forceful bans come from [[Mario]], who often loses his hat banhammering.
Image:Putinbanhammer.jpg|Putin used Banhammer on Georgia.
Image:Communismhammer.jpg|Even [[communism|Communists]] need banhammers sometimes.
Image:Oh_shit_this_is_gonna_be_good.jpg|Fags actually like being banhammered.
Image:Oldboyban.jpg|Henchman banning in progress.
Image:Screen_shot_2009-12-24_at_17.23.16.png|Banhammers have never looked so sexy.
Image:Arrest.jpg|[[The man]] banning some luser
Image:Bancakes.jpg|Would you like some syrup with those bancakes?
</gallery>}}
 
==Videos==
 
<center>
{{fv|starvids||font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>WgsxfKxhTCA</youtube>|
<youtube>MZ3V4vreGUU</youtube>|
<youtube>Ex29l7Sj62Y</youtube>|
<youtube>3T8rOQ3tuik</youtube>|
<youtube>N8etwRgR6lc</youtube>}}
</center>
 
==See Also==
 
*[[Jacknstock]]
*[[SysOp]]
*[[4chan Bans]]
*[[Username Bans]]
*[[Template:Banned|It's own template]]
*[[Special:BlockList|ED Rape Victims list]]
 
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category: Memes]]
[[Category: LiveJournal]]
[[Category:Chans]]

Revision as of 09:59, 4 July 2011

Indeed you are.

You’ve done something stupid. Perhaps you have pissed off other members; posted something that was prohibited or just acted fucking stupid. You think that you’re invincible; NOTHING can stop you from having this much fun. Oh shit. An admin just saw what you did. And what happens? You were just banned. You are now unable to do what was fun, can’t post anymore and can’t access pages that you used to prior to being banned. And even worse; you deserved it. Shame on you. (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Banhammer

An IRL Ban Hammer.

The banhammer, (historically referred to as B&jolnir) forged in the flames of Lolhalla, is the ultimate weapon against the unfunny and all breeds of vandal. It should only be wielded by the righteous - its true powers are only accessible by those who descend from Trolldin to champion the causes of the meek.

The bane of faggots and the unfunny everywhere (PaigeGirl, we're looking at you). The banhammer is also something you are going to get. Yay!

When someone posts something unfunny, you may choose one of three four options:

All of these increase your e-penis size by about the same amount.

Banset

So you like to go onto chatrooms and/or forums and check to see how many little boys are looking for lovin' from a 43 year old who still lives with his mother. Chances are you are going to get B& or end up in front of this charming young gent.

A command executed in the LiveJournal admin console in the form of "ban_set username," wherein username identifies the LJ user one wishes to ban. Banning prevents a person from commenting in a journal; after the serial adder craze post-invite code, it also removed a person from the "friend-of" list of the banner.

Additionally, the maintainers of a community can use "ban_set username from communityname" to block a user from joining or commenting in that community like this idiot here.

A meme in which various users post a list of people to ban from their journals for some reason or another.

The ban set command is often used at the LiveJournal community ONTD because the mods suck.

Permaban

The ultimate in message board and LJ pwnage. To be perma-banned is to be permanently banned, usually from a channel in IRC or some other access-restrictable resource on the internets. Permbans are virtual decapitations - you managed to do something so monumentally stupid that the site's admin decided to actually go to the trouble of making sure that you never, ever have access to their little domain ever again. They rolled up the clubhouse's ladder, changed the secret password, and probably even told all their OL friends that you are nothing but a big poopy head.

Inspirational poster for moderators.
Mom, "Why was my son banned without notification?" Admin, "Your son was banned for exposing himself on camera."

Unfortunately, real permabans are extremely rare on the internets. The stupid, irrational and humorless (that's 90% of the internet population) will treat any IP ban, account ban, email address ban or any other form of access restriction as the epitome of internet justice while remaining oblivious and ignorant to the fact that such bans are negated within seconds. Should a troll be banned from a certain place and has the will to continue to disrupt that place's regular actions, he will dodge the "ban" in a minute. Such knowledge of ban-dodging is well-hidden within most trolling organizations' archives and are never revealed to the public, for the stupid, irrational and humorless will perceive such knowledge as an A+ way to pwn the internets. However, that is not perceived the same way by the troll, who considers ban-dodging a perfectly legitimate way to continue his actions.

How to get banned

True permabans, as opposed to false permabans, occur on those places a person cannot regain access to without doing something as mundane as changing their IP or registering a new account. Such bans are most common in online games where a CD-key, an account or something else that costs RL money is at risk. Therefore, all Something Awful forum bans are indeed true permabans unless someone wants to give Lowtax another ten dollars so he can get laid with an AIDS-infected male prostitute.

Note: When you dodge a ban, a particularly stupid admin may think you're a hacker. True story.

The following are examples of IRL permabans.

Banned IRL

Joined the ban set
Two jews getting banned old school

Banned IRL is the process of being denied interaction with the Real World by an appropriate agent. It is, naturally, akin to being Banned OL minus the option of a Chinaman's chance in Arbchat. God is indeed a cruel and unforgiving sysop, even worse than ODB on a bender.

Being Banned IRL most commonly refers to the death or destruction of a person or object, an act designed to put themselves and the world at large out of the misery of having to interact with them. Since banning is a deliberate act the epithet is best used when said death was deserved and done with impunity, such as during the holocaust. People known as internet killers combine both IRL and OL pwnage into a curious meta-banning process that requires non-linear time to properly calculate the significance of.

Those who have been V& for IRL crimes and/or faggotry can also be considered having been subject to an IRL ban. However, instead of dining in hell, these individuals go directly to jail, and therefore do not pass go and do not collect $200. They're essentially basement dwellers with forced lurker status and a black person with a 12-inch heat-seeking dong for a roommate. They also get free HBO.

The only individual who has ever allegedly repealed an IRL ban was Jesus, and even then it was only because his dad runs the fucking server.

The following are perfect examples of those who were banned in real life.

Please Unban

This method is best used on furries.

Please Unban, or "Please, unban me!" is a commonly heard phrase OTI and Xat, most often heard on ED and in IRC. Once a user has been banned for faggotry, a flood of sadface and PLZ UNBANS will cascade across a moderator's screen. More often than not the soft hearted faggot weilding a banhammer will comply with the request, thus letting fail and AIDS run rampant in their community.

While the pathetic nature of this feeble, impotent, grammatically flawed statement may appeal to the sentiments of Wikipedos, ED sysops do not sympathize with weakness. They may well choose to strike you a second time with the banhammer out of spite... And of course, for the lulz. Whining for an unban will not get you unbanned on ED. Getting on IRC and sorting out the mess however, might.

"Please unban" is the most common sentence used in a ban appeal, and is 99.9% ineffective. Begging will get you nowhere, but ass kissing certainly will. Sucking up to any potentially friendly mod/op is a surefire way to get right back in, should you act the fool.

Ban Appeal

Ban appeals are the biggest source of lulz for admins and mods since time began. After you have been banned, generally for falling for the btards favorite of "eval", you get a chance to tell the mods on 4chan (who don't give a fuck) why you should be unbanned. Generally anything over 4 characters will result in a tl;dr response.

Take these simple steps on how to appeal your ban properly.

  1. Offer to send CP to the mod if they unban you
  2. Link to free and never before seen porn
  3. Create a new word, ie: "Shhhlongdongler"
  4. Threaten to be an hero

These steps, however, are the exact opposite of what to do in order to appeal your ban.

  1. Give a genuine reason for why you deserve to be unbanned
  2. Type moar than 4 characters
  3. Call moot a faggot
  4. Challenge the mod to a duel

Of course, these are steps you can take if you, you know, want to actually get unbanned

  1. Type your ip adress into your browser
  2. Go to "setup"
  3. Change your ip
  4. Save changes
  5. Go to the MAC address page
  6. Change your address
  7. Save
  8. Go to your "status" page
  9. Release ip
  10. Unplug your modem
  11. Chill the fuck out for 5 minutes
  12. Plug that thing back into your modem
  13. Renew your ip at your status page if needed
  14. ????
  15. Get banned again.

This works most of the time. You can thank us later

If however, you get banned on ED. You can click here to appeal your ban.

Gallery

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Videos

See Also