Cardcaptor Sakura

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Cardcaptor Sakura known in English as Cardcaptors, formerly known as Cardcaptor Syaolong, is the story based around a pre-teen girl living in Tokyo who discovers a book with cards in it. She opens the book, they all escape and she gains magical powers of the moon to get them back, as well as freeing the "Guardian of the seal" of the book who is a flying teddy bear called Kero who assists her in all the captures but never actually helps. Each episode is usually the same old shit, but sometimes they add some variation, like introducing a new character called "Li Shaoron", a little boy from China who whores his way over to Japan in his magical flying aircraft who initially hates her but eventually falls for her. The Japanese version of the anime features shit-loads of homosexuality and even a hint of pedophilia, but when it was dubbed in English all traces of that were completely removed. She captures all the cards and after skullfucking Yue and he accepts her as the new owner, she is then tested by an mysterious little boy who is 1,000 years old, the ancestor of the creator of the cards and is eventually deemed the official new owner of them, and then that's the end of this series. There is more to the Cardcaptor franchise, but there isn't any reason to watch them.

The title comes from Sakura's habit of capturing each of the cards, most of whom take the form of either pedophiles or evil bitches.

Initially the main character was Li, but this turned out to be too much for even the Japanese, who held rallies and protests, several of which turned into the Azn Riots of 1996. So, the writers went back to the drawing board, trying to find some way to make the manga less controversial. In the end they ended up changing the main character to a girl, adding a voyeur dyke obsessed with the girl, putting Li and his homoerotic sex with otherkin in the background and the manga instantly became a pop sensation to the extent that it became an anime.

The Characters

Sakura. Gets you horny, doesn't it?

Despite her innocent appearance, Tomoyo's wants to fuck the shit out of Sakura.

Touya, the raging faggot.

Yukito, Touya's arse-buddy and his Schizophrenia-induced other persona, Yue.

Kero and his AWESOMESAUCE form.

Li wanted to fuck Yukito before he suddenly turned straight for Sakura.

Meilin, the self-proclaimed Fianceé of Li at 10 years old. Totally insane.

Tarada & Rika in their moment of underage bliss before initiating the dance routine.

Sakura Kinomoto/Sakura Avalon

Sakura is a 10 year old girl and the series' main character. She found the "Book of Clow" in her dad's library and released all the cards which caused a ZA WARUDO, which granted her Magical moon powers and released Keroberos, the guardian of the cards who assists her in all of the captures. She has a dyke stalker bitch in Tomoyo, who wants to have inhumane lesbian sex with her but is constantly Mingeblocked by the fact that Sakura doesn't even know that she's gay for her. She is always supper happy and all her friends think sunshine, rainbows and kittens shoot out her arse.

She fancies an older guy named Yukito, but then she realized that he was that way inclined for her brother Toya and gave up chasing after him in favour of Li Syoran after he stopped being a total prick to her. She uses rollerblades to get to school to prevent pedophiles from raping her because it's a common pastime in Japan. Sakura's job is to gather all the Clow cards in the set, and she and Kero get horny whenever ones appears or is nearby. She has to collect them all so Kero can get his magical sunshine powers back, which allows him to transform into a fucking tiger.

Tomoyo Daidouji/Madison Taylor

Sakura's obsessed fangirl Best friend forever and is distantly related to her, but it wouldn't be considered incest if they got it on. Tomoyo is a rich bitch who found out about Sakura's late-night affairs with the cards and, because the is the trusted best friend, Sakura allows her to tape her in all of the captures in the Lolita clothing she makes for Sakura so she can fap to the videos later. She wants to tie Sakura up in her basement, make her her sex slave and rub lips with Sakura to orgasm, but is fine with just being in the friend zone. To rub salt into the wound, she later becomes the Agony Aunt to Li Syoran, who at this point gets horny whenever he sees Sakura and wants to cum deep into her womb and make lots and lots of babies, but is afraid to even say he likes her because he's such a fucking pussy. She can also sing, and in the anime she was kidnapped and nearly raped by two of the cards, the Voice and the Song cards.

In the English version of the anime, she doesn't fancy Sakura at all, but she still cums when she sees Sakura in an outfit. Otherwise, anything suggesting she pines for dat ass was totally removed.

Touya Kinomoto/Tori Avalon

Sakura's faggot older brother who is spiritually aware of the undead and magic and shit, evident when he sees his and Sakura's mother in one episode, but Sakura was blissfully unaware of her presence. He had a crush on his well-endowed teacher when he was in school, who was much older than him, and even managed to get some from her, but she called it off when she got paranoid that she would get Party Vanned. He met Yukito aferwards and found that the lure of Yukito's pale, tiny cock proved to be too much and turned gay for the entirety of the series. After he found out that Yukito was another being called Yue, he gave him all his powers so he and Yukito could live, and he couldn't see ghosts or magic shit anymore. Him and Yukito continued to dock each other afterwards once his secret was revealed.

In the English version, you guessed it, he is totally not gay.

Yukito Tsukishiro/Julian Star and Yue

Sakura's love interest, at least until she found out she was in the friend zone. Yukito is a normal, gay human being. He began docking Touya at the start of the series and is just thought to be the gay best friend of Touya with nothing particuarly special about him. Yukito is the thinnest character in the series, but eats enough food to feed all of Africa yet never puts on weight and is never shown to have bowel problems. Yukito was completely unaware of his other persona Yue, even though he and Yue are one and the fucking same. He eventually finds out that his "blacking out" was because he transformed into Yue, the Guardian of the Seal representing the moon, who is even more of a faggot in appearance than his human counterpart, but doesn't act like one. In fact, personality-wise, he cockblocks anyone who attempts to flirt with him, which is shown in his rejection of Li who tells him to GTFO and go for Sakura's minge instead. He managed to beat the shit out of Li in the "Final judgement", but lost to Sakura. Lol, he lost to a girl. He reveals that the reason Yukito is such a glutton and sleeps for 2 days straight is because Sakura's tiny tits aren't enough to keep him sustained, and that he's losing his powers because of it. So rather than having bitty, he goes to other sources and eventually finds Touya, Yukito's gay lover and drains him of his man-milk which also drains him of all his magical powers, but keeps Yue sustained until Sakuras tits grow big enough.

In the English version of the anime, "Julian" is straight and totally does not want to fuck "Tori".

Cerberus/Keroberus/"Kero

Nicknamed "Kero", pronounced KEEro in English and KEH-ro in Japanese, is the talking stuffed animal that follows Sakura around. He is the opposite counterpart to Yue, being the Guardian of the seal, representing the sun. He is easily the only character worth a shit on this show, because he is not a raging faggot, some of the things he says is worth a chuckle or two and he eats like a fucking pig, sleeps during the day in Sakura's room, plays fighting games, goes through her drawers and faps with her panties. He appeals so much to fanboys and girls who watch the series, not because of the fact he looks like a cute teddy bear, but because they relate to Kero in the sense that he is a fucking slob, just like them.

Like Sakura, he gets horny whenever a card is nearby or appears. When Sakura retrieves all the cards, he is able to transform from a talking teddy bear with wings into a MASSIVE TIGER WITH HUGE FUCKING GOLDEN WINGS WHICH CAN SHOOT FIRE FROM ITS MOUTH.

He hosts "Kero's corner", the 2 minute bit at the end of every episode in which he talks about a random Clow Card, usually ones that appeared in the episode, or costumes which Sakura was forced to wear on threat of having her throat slit by Tomoya, Sakura's house or other minor characters in the series, which are just as unfunny as the saying "Amirite?!" or using strikethrough HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS!!

Li Shaoran/Lee Showron

Originating from Hong Kong, Li flew over to Tokyo to stalk Sakura and rape her. On his first appearance, he is a total fucking badass who hates Sakura for being a noob and tries to capture the cards for himself, but he progressively chills out and wants to bang Sakura instead of hatin'. He loses his cards when he gets his arse kicked by the even-more-faggoty form of Yukito, Yue, thus losing 10,000 man points in the process bringing him to -9999. To capture the cards, he uses a Ouija board to locate the cards and beats the crap out of them with his 10ft sword, which can also activate some wierd cards which can shit out various elements, like fire or wind. His huge sword is totally compensating for something.

At first, he turns gay for Yukito, getting nervous around him and running away from him whenever he sees him, hiding his boner. This went on for a while until the authors and authoresses decided against making him a raging faggot and to answer to fanboys and girls of the series, by making the main girl character have an unofficial boyfriend in her former enemy, because it's an unwritten law that every anime character wants to fuck someone else within the series, so they make him straight for Sakura around season 3, but he never actually tells her he wants to fuck her. However, he did tell her in one of the films, but never got to second base. He wasn't gay for "Julian" either, he was just "attracted to his magical powers", as told by Yue which was a totally good way to cover up an "I'm a raging pre-teen faggot" story.

Meiling Li/Meiling Rae

The most annoying character of th series who is also a batshit crazy loli girl, which is the worst combination ever. She stalked Li from his hometown in Hong Kong who wants Li to get her pregnant and so she can live off his money. When they were little, he didn't beat the shit out of her, just like any other normal couple in China, so in return for this kindness she ate out his rectum and then declared them "Engaged". She doesn't posess any magical abilities of her own, but can kick some arse because she is a blackbelt niggah. But even that doesn't really help much and she just gets in the way and pisses off viewers by just being there.

She initially hates Sakura, because any "friend" of an enemy is automatically an enemy until the enemies chill the fuck out and become friends, just like every other generic anime ever. She and Sakura eventually become BFFs and begin to get into threeway scissoring sex sessions with Tomoya until she loses to Sakura in her constant competition for Li's affections, she then breaks off the "Engagement" and fucks off back to Hong Kong to lose her iPod, but fails do even do that.

Rika Sasaki/Rita

A brown wavy-haired pedobait moe girl the same age as Sakura. She is considered to be the perfect woman, because she does well in school, she can cook, clean and make you a sammich on demand. During the series, she is constantly almost raped by the Clow cards but has no recollection of the events afterwards, always being told that she was dreaming and being fucking stupid enough to believe it. She has a relationship with her teacher Mr. Terada, which just screams PARTY VAN but is never actually arrested. In fact any morals relating to their relationship aren't mentioned, so obviously in the English version, all traces of their relationship are removed. She only sees him as a father figure, she's now a dumbshit who blushes around him only because she's embarrassed by the fact that she stays behind to catch up, and totally not because they fuck each other on a desk.

Yoshiyuki Terada

A tall, handsome man who is all the casts' Homeroom teacher. He is the anime representation of Michael Jackson, but white, can't sing, is Japanese, is a cartoon character, and doesn't have the notable handicap of being dead. He lures Rika into his van with candy and promises of ponies, love and marriage, and has lots of sloppy loli-sex with her offscreen at his house. All the other characters are completely oblivious to this relationship, which might account as to why he hasn't been locked up yet.

As you can guess by now, in the English version, all hints of their relationship was completely removed thanks to concerned mothers playing the "My child can't handle this shit!" card.

Eriol Hiiragizawa/Eli Moon

Eriol is the direct descendant of Clow reed having half of his soul and all of his memories, while Sakura's dad having the other half of his soul but no memories. After Sakura captures all of the cards, Eriol nearly kills her 10,000 times so he can force her to transform all the Clow cards into Sakura cards for some reason. Doing so completely drains her so she sleeps for 9001 hours to recover. She eventually does so and he stops being a total prick. Turns out, despite his faggot-like appearence, he is totally nailing Mizuki, the pedophile who was Touya's ex-lover.

In the English dub "Eli" has all of his Clow Reed's memories and his entire soul. Sakura's dad has nothing to do with it.

Ruby Moon & Spinel Sun

They're basically just cheap ripoffs of Yue and Kero. Ruby Moon in her "false form" looks and acts as a schoolgirl who tries to flirt with and fuck Touya, but he prefers the cock and turns her down, in her "released form" becomes a Sex goddess with butterfly wings. Spinel in his "False form" is a small cat with wings similar to Kero's, but transforms into a black panther with FUCKING BUTTERFLY WINGS!!!!!!!!

Kaho Mizuki/Layla MacKenzie

Touya's ex-lover and Shrine maiden. She poses as a school teacher, whom Sakura wants to grope her boobs. She is only notable for her massive tits and owning some wierd bell thing which helps her catch the Maze card and transforms her staff. After the series, she fucks off back to England.

• Chiharu, Yamazaki, Fujitaka, Nadeshiko, Sonomi, Naoko: Tired anime cliches and none of them are all that amazing. Move along, move along.

Shippers

As you can expect, legions of Shippers are at war, Sakura/Lee vs Sakura/Yukito vs Sakura/Tomoyo, a fierce battle is in process and many /b/tards are going to get hurt, emotionally and, in many cases, physically. Of course, the only real couple is Sakura & Lee since both declared their mutual feelings (and eventually Lee sodomized Sakura for fuck's sake--see above photo). Also, they have a son, confusing also called Lee Syaoran, the traditional way ( from said buttsecks ) and another one magically (without buttsecks ) called Watanuki. This all happens in the fail animu known as Tsubasa Chronicle. Yes, Card Captor Sakura characters do make appearances in other Clamp series. Clamp is known for having lots of crossovers, leading their fans to believe that there is entire OHMYGODSODEEP Clamp universe where all of their stories are somehow interconnected to one another through dimensions or fanfic shipping sex. Of course, the obvious truth is that Clamp has so little originality, that they just recycle the same characters over and over again.

The "Cardcraptors" controversy. BAWWWWWWWWWWW

Lots of fanboys and girls were pissed at CLAMP for allowing Nelvana to heavily edit the 70 episode series of Cardcaptor Sakura, chop it up into tiny pieces and leaving behind 39 episodes of shit. This new series aired in North America with the following changes:

• No Japanese names; Sakura Kinomoto is known as SaKURa Avalon. Tomoyo Daidouji is now known as Madison Taylor, which sounds more like a US President than a hot 10-year old Japanese lesbian as well as other shitty names no-one cares about. Look them up in the character section, fuckshit.
• Completely rearranging the episode order; this included splicing the scenes up. In other words, each episode was really just a huge clipshow consisting of scenes from other episodes.
• The girly atmosphere of the show was covered up by giving more emphasis on male characters.
• All references to homosexuality and, well all romantic interests were erased. Sakura no longer makes it obvious that she wants to fuck a guy almost twice her age, Rika and Terada's lolicon doujin-inspired romance were thrown out the window and Tomoyo and Syaoran also seem to have overcome their homosexuality.
• The opening theme songs that you used to sing along to in stolen women's underwear were replaced with this. Some argue that it's better than the Japanese opening while others say it's shit. Spam the talk page and argue about whether it's better or not, mk?

Why all of the changes? Our top Anime Experts have three theories;

1. Nelvana saw this a show for girls and wanted male characters to appear earlier. Nelvana feared that their younger male viewers were flaming gay and would be turned off if the show had too much emphasis on a [young asian girl in skimpy costumes. Apparently, Nelvana never heard of Sailor Moon, which was known to have just as many male viewers as female viewers, and its easy to see why.

2. Its all a conspiracy. While the show was airing, concerned Christian assholes made the perfectly logical claim that exposure to Cardcaptors would lead kids to taking an interest in tarot cards, feng shui, and witchcraft. Its a stretch, but I should point out that this isn't the first time that Christians have trolled anime fans. Surprisingly, nobody made any complaints about pedophilia.

3. They did it for the lulz. All of this dub vs. sub drama gave the producers an idea: How can we troll the fuck out of the typical anime-loving, child-obsessive, mouth-breathing loser and walk away with some easy merchandising profits?


TL;DR - Nelvana listened to concerned mothers and Christfags too much, which ruined a good cartoon series. A cartoon. Well done you fucking faggots.

Gallery

Cardcaptor Sakura Rule 34 About missing Pics

• 
  Hey, what're you looking at you sick fuck?
• Pedobear, you're gonna love this.
  Pedobear, you're gonna love this.
• 
  Ceiling cat can't watch me here!
• Tomoyo's dream finally comes true, just too bad it's fanart and not actually canon.
  Tomoyo's dream finally comes true, just too bad it's fanart and not actually canon.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• Lee and Sakura. Ahh... true love
  Lee and Sakura. Ahh... true love

See also

• Beyblade - If we could turn some tarot cards into a tv show, we can turn some fucking TOPS into one just as good!
• Neon Genesis Evangelion - Emos kill people that don't believe in Jesus or something
• Pokemon - The same fucked up bullshit as Yu-Gi-Oh. In the eyes of Pokemon fans, Yu-Gi-Oh is a terrorist supported cult full of nerds, molesters, and retarded little kids.
• Digimon - See above.
• Yugioh - If Beyblade could turn some TOPS into a tv show, we can turn some fucking cards into one just as good!
• Zoids - Giant fucking anime robots beating the shit out of each other.
• Tsubasa Chronicle - The same faggots, older, still no tits.
• Lucky Star - Another anime which took advantage of the "2 minute segment" at the end of an episode, but much less funny.

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