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Great iPhone 4S disappointment of 2011: Difference between revisions
imported>Mercylesstrollin No edit summary |
imported>Superdelicious Content added to all sections. Removed unfunny content. Now not boring, but still needs moar pretty pictures. |
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[[Image:iphone4s.jpg|thumb|The 'S' is for Sucker because they know you'll buy regardless, you worm.]] | |||
[[Image:iphone4s.jpg|thumb|The | The World has just finished drying it's collective eyes after revolutionary cofounder, Steve Jorbs, [[cancer|kicked the proverbial bucket]]. Now, everyone's attention was on Apple as it was due to announce it's next breakthrough in overpriced shiny-object technology. Thus, the stage was set for the '''Great iPhone 4S Disappointment of 2011'''. The lights were dim and the usual media outlets had crowded into Apple's usual reality distortion field located on their campus. The lights grew dim and Tim Cook, successor to the throne, took the stage. All attendees grew hush as they eagerly awaited the hot load of [[money shot|techno-toy jizzem]] they had been craving for the past several months. Give it to us Tim! Give us your steamy new iPhone 5! Oh shit guys, this is it! The moment we've all been waiting for! Its the new iPhone! The iPhone... 4? But, don't I already own this? Oh fuck it, I'll buy one anyway. | ||
The '''Great iPhone 4S | |||
[[Image:timcook.jpg|thumb|Now we all know why they chose rainbow | [[Image:timcook.jpg|thumb|Now we all know why they chose rainbow colors. Get it? Because Apple is '''GAYYYYYYYYYYYYY''']] | ||
== What You Get == | == What You Get == | ||
* | The iPhone 4S has a veritable plethora of new features making it well worth your precious hard earned monies! Just listen to this! | ||
* | *Dual Core A5 Chip: Now there's two cores! [[Doubles|Count 'em]]. | ||
*Improved Phone Camera: We added an extra lens! Why? Just because! | |||
*Siri: Now your phone can read shit to you! This is [[web 1.0|revolutionary]]! | |||
*Extended: Speaking time is now 8 hours, before it was 7 hours! OMFG AMAZING! | |||
*NOTHING NEW | *NOTHING NEW | ||
*Tim Cook's hand going right thru your wallet and | *Tim Cook's hand going right thru your wallet and into your ass. | ||
*Sprint has also been financially goatsed by having a fuckton of outdated phones in its inventory. LOL | *Sprint has also been financially goatsed by having a fuckton of outdated phones in its inventory. LOL | ||
== Located | == Located Disadvantage == | ||
The weight is now 140 grams, before it was 137 grams. | The weight is now 140 grams, before it was 137 grams. With this massive increase in additional weight, your pencil-like [[hipster]] arms will need to really struggle to lift the phone up high enough so you can take that sepia instagram picture of your dead plant, [[you|you pretentious fuck]]. | ||
== Their plan how to make profit == | == Their plan how to make profit == | ||
| Line 21: | Line 22: | ||
# [[Profit]] | # [[Profit]] | ||
== The Jews did the Great iPhone 4S | == The Jews did the Great iPhone 4S Disappointment of 2011 == | ||
[[Image:kapparot.jpg|thumb|Jews thinking about betraying the goys.]] | [[Image:kapparot.jpg|thumb|Jews thinking about betraying the goys.]] | ||
As we all know, only the [[Jews]] would be capable and willing to betray the goys. Their strategy is to sell | As we all know, only the corporate [[Jews]] would be capable and willing to betray the goys. Their strategy is to sell the same piece of shit, for a much higher price than before and make [[over 9000]]% profit. This elaborate and crafty plan was pecked out after the usual kapparot ritual and much virgin sacrifice. But the best part of this is that you will all bend over and take it, while claiming to like it because you don't want to sound like an idiot when you justify your outrageous purchase. | ||
== Upgrade kit == | == Upgrade kit == | ||
| Line 30: | Line 31: | ||
1. Buy a sticker<br> | 1. Buy a sticker<br> | ||
2. Peel sticker off<br> | 2. Peel sticker off<br> | ||
3. Stick it on the back of your iPhone<br> | 3. Stick it on the back of your iPhone 4<br> | ||
4. Enjoy your iPhone 4S because it's the same shit<br> | |||
{{softwarez}} | {{softwarez}} | ||
Revision as of 05:09, 14 October 2011
The World has just finished drying it's collective eyes after revolutionary cofounder, Steve Jorbs, kicked the proverbial bucket. Now, everyone's attention was on Apple as it was due to announce it's next breakthrough in overpriced shiny-object technology. Thus, the stage was set for the Great iPhone 4S Disappointment of 2011. The lights were dim and the usual media outlets had crowded into Apple's usual reality distortion field located on their campus. The lights grew dim and Tim Cook, successor to the throne, took the stage. All attendees grew hush as they eagerly awaited the hot load of techno-toy jizzem they had been craving for the past several months. Give it to us Tim! Give us your steamy new iPhone 5! Oh shit guys, this is it! The moment we've all been waiting for! Its the new iPhone! The iPhone... 4? But, don't I already own this? Oh fuck it, I'll buy one anyway.
What You Get
The iPhone 4S has a veritable plethora of new features making it well worth your precious hard earned monies! Just listen to this!
- Dual Core A5 Chip: Now there's two cores! Count 'em.
- Improved Phone Camera: We added an extra lens! Why? Just because!
- Siri: Now your phone can read shit to you! This is revolutionary!
- Extended: Speaking time is now 8 hours, before it was 7 hours! OMFG AMAZING!
- NOTHING NEW
- Tim Cook's hand going right thru your wallet and into your ass.
- Sprint has also been financially goatsed by having a fuckton of outdated phones in its inventory. LOL
Located Disadvantage
The weight is now 140 grams, before it was 137 grams. With this massive increase in additional weight, your pencil-like hipster arms will need to really struggle to lift the phone up high enough so you can take that sepia instagram picture of your dead plant, you pretentious fuck.
Their plan how to make profit
- Change nothing
- Put a S after the iPhone 4
- ???
- Profit
The Jews did the Great iPhone 4S Disappointment of 2011
As we all know, only the corporate Jews would be capable and willing to betray the goys. Their strategy is to sell the same piece of shit, for a much higher price than before and make over 9000% profit. This elaborate and crafty plan was pecked out after the usual kapparot ritual and much virgin sacrifice. But the best part of this is that you will all bend over and take it, while claiming to like it because you don't want to sound like an idiot when you justify your outrageous purchase.
Upgrade kit
Now you can get your iPhone 4 Upgrade kit for only $1.00. All you have to do is
1. Buy a sticker
2. Peel sticker off
3. Stick it on the back of your iPhone 4
4. Enjoy your iPhone 4S because it's the same shit
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Great iPhone 4S disappointment of 2011 is part of a series on Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage. |
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Great iPhone 4S disappointment of 2011 is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
