This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT NORM IS DEAD!!!1
Norm Macdonald in his natural habitat.Norm and Bob Saget after the roast, discussing unfunny.Saget is unsure of Norm MacDonald's trolling techniques.
Norm MacDonald was a bone-dryCanadian comic and one of television's greatest trolls as of August 2008 when he roastedBob Saget. Prior to this, he made a living off being a snarky Canadian with arcane jokes and sub-Adam Sandler films like "Dirty Work," the sitcom "Norm," and doing the news on Saturday Night Live for a while, being generally fucking hilarious but underrated. In fact, when he got b& from the show for being so lulzy it went over everyone's head, an honor previously held by Andy Kaufman.
A year or so later, he was finally 'forgiven' and was invited to host SNL. Norm accepted and NHTlmJ2ttPc trolled the fuck out of Lorne Michaels.
Norm: "All I know is jokes about sacks. Sacks and violence.”
Heckler: "Then do a joke about violence."
Norm: "Okay. This guy... He cut off my sack!"
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—Norm MacDonald
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Sure junkyard dogs are mean, but the meanest dogs are generally found in concentration camps.
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—Norm MacDonald
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When I was a kid I went to the haunted house at the state fair. It was like a trailer with ghosts and stuff.
My dad didn't want to pay the 50¢ for a ticket, so he said,
"That's no haunted house."
"Sure it is!"
"No it's not, it's got wheels on it, it drives around, /the ghosts would come right out/."
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—Norm MacDonald
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My wife is /real/ battle axe. The other day I said to her, "Honey, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly old man and I need you to give me a compliment." She says, "All right, then, your eyesight is damn near perfect."
I says, "/You dirty dog/!"
We were driving in a car and we went past a bunch of animals: a pig, a cow, a horse. I admit this was cruel. but I said, "Hey, see the pig, the cow, the horse. Remind you of any relatives?" She says, "Yeah, my in-laws."
I says, "/You dirty dog/!"
I tell you, until I met my wife, I always felt incomplete. Now I'm finished.
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—Norm MacDonald
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I've been working on my ventriloquism.
I'm having allot of trouble with my cranky-old-man puppet, Alex Majarison. I'm trying to get rid of him. He's virulent anti-semite, that's no secret, a holocaust denier. I've /had it up to here/ with him! He's just a waste of wood. But I don't know what to do.
One of my Jewish friends suggested I throw him in a fire and burn him, but I said "two wrongs don't make a right."
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—Norm MacDonald
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Albert Fish was a child rapist and cannibal. He boasted that he had eaten "children in every state." Fish chose victims who were either mentally handicapped or African American. Fish tortured, mutilated, and murdered the youngsters--they were all children--with a meat cleaver, butcher knife,and a small handsaw; he solidified his reputation as the most viscous child murderer in criminal history. Though barely literate, Fish wrote taunting letters to the parents of his victims, gruesomely detailing how he slayed, butchered, cooked, and with "great enjoyment" /dined/ on their offspring. He would declare that a "child's roasted rump is the most toothsome dish in all of gastronomy." Additionally, Fish was a masochist. He would insert wool mixed with lighter fluid into his own anus, and set it alight for his enjoyment. Fish was finally arrested. He immediately confessed to killing 700 children. He /smiled/ as he described the grisley details of his tortures and murders. One of the detectives said, "He appeared as the devil himself."
Now, I know the scriptures say "judge not lest ye be judged," but I'm just gonna come out and say it, this Albert Fish guy... /this guy was a real jerk/!
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—Norm MacDonald
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One of the most popular documentaries on Netflix is Hiro Dreams of Sushi.
One of the least popular, /Hiro Nightmares of Ass Rape/.
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—Norm MacDonald
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Early versions of the Jim Croce 1973 smash hit "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" initially included the line "meaner than a concentration camp dog," but Croce decided the line was unpleasant to the ear and offensive to Jews, Gypsies and Homosexuals. Little did it matter, Croce would be dead in a year.
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—Norm MacDonald
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The Dali Lama said killing in the name of religion is unthinkable.
Hey!, Thanks, /Dali Lama/, I'm sure /everyone/ will listen to you.
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—Norm MacDonald
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In my opinion, if we're going to fight the War on Terror, a good place to start would be our country's haunted houses.
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—Norm MacDonald
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They say "pimpin' ain't easy." But what they won't tell you is that it is much, much more difficult being a prostitute.
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—Norm MacDonald
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Allot of people talk about masturbating to the Sears Catalog when they were younger because nowadays we have porn and everything.
I'm allot older than that. Back in my day, you actually had to go to a Sears store and /fuckin' wackoff/!
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—Norm MacDonald
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How come none of my friends have dungeons?
Instead, they all just have /rape/ dungeons.
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—Norm MacDonald
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How do you make a little fat boy stop crying over a Snickers bar?
/Murder him/.
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—Norm MacDonald
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Dr. Jack Kevorkian was responsible for another death this week. This time, it was a 58 year old woman. She's the 26th of Kevorkian patients to die.
When are people going to realize /this guy is not a very good doctor/?!
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—Norm MacDonald
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You beat up and toss /one/ 19 year old Hispanic hooker out of a moving car, and they never let you forget it.
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—Norm MacDonald
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When I was I kid I loved The Twilight Zone. My dad hated it because it was too fantastic. He thought I should be doing the chores.
One night, my brother and I were watching the show, and we were all excited. When my dad walked in, he pointed at the TV and said,
"I suppose this one's a /God Damn Ghost/!"
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—Norm MacDonald
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In Fairbanks, Alaska, a new high-tech emergency phone system will give operators the name and address of anyone who calls 911.
/Note to Self/: Don't make any prank 911 calls in Fairbanks, Alaska.
The lulz of this situation is inconceivable. Basically, Norm appeared on Comedy Central's Roast of Bob Saget with nothing but shitty puns and unfunnyjokes. Speculation (and clips of him writing on the same damn paper off which he read) leads us to believe that he improvised everything on the spot, which is awesome. He also forced millions of Americans to sit through his shit, making him worse than Hitler.
Bob Saget is a swingin' guy! He was born with a bungee cord and not an umbilical cord! LULZ!!!
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—Norm MacDonald
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Greg Giraldo... has the grace of a swan, the wisdom of an owl, the eye of an eagle, ladies and gentlemen this man is for the birds! LOL!!!
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—Norm, just before staring at the audience for not laughing.
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She may be a vegetarian, but she's full of BOLOGNA!
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— OMG! Norm
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Gilbert Gottfried, when you go to the bathroom you'll see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed, go right in. There's no sign that says "Scoundrels" on it.
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—Norm.
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Bob, you have a lot of well wishes, and a lot of them would like to throw you down one...a well. They want to murder you in a well. It says on this card. Seems a little harsh.
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—Norm, obviously high.
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Bob has a beautiful face like a flower...a CAULIFLOWER! No offense...but...your face...looks...like...a...CAULIFLOWER.
Norm did some quiet trolling of ED's favorite ripped baboon ass, pedobitch. Had she not been born some sort of rich fancyJewManhattanite, Dunham would've been lucky to have become some basement dweller'smoped, her fat armed, pig-ass bitch of a bitch, always dripping wet smelly ass, begging for the chance to jerk-off or guzzle the cum of some basement dweller who'd would never have admitted it afterwards. Instead, her fat, shaved marshmallow-ass pussy has a hit TV show. This mongoloid bone-structured gonorrhea vector of a cunt became the toast of SJW controlled media, making every user of ED dry heave a kind of cheese-stuff at the thought of her smelly, dripping, meat curtains. But Norm..., being the pretty cool guy that he is, and more level headed than most, decided to very subtly troll this dumpster of a subhuman, along with another Jew face, the terrible director and unfunny comedian Judd Apatow.
NHTlmJ2ttPc trolled the fuck out of Lorne Michaels.
