No one likes you

You know that guy who always shows up uninvited to parties? The guy who spouts off jokes he heard on network sitcoms? The guy who thinks every woman is crazy over him? That's you, and guess what? No one likes you. No one has ever liked you.

All those friends you had? They made fun of you behind your back. And in addition to no one liking you, no one cares about you either. You could die and people wouldn't even be moved enough to laugh, but that doesn't mean they won't pull out MSPAINT and shoop da whoop for your e-funeral.

Identification

Warning! Most of these traits may describe you perfectly. In that case, SCREW YOU!

You say: "Whatever, dawg, I gotz me hella homies!" Well, do you? Here's a simple checklist to tell if, in fact, no one likes you.

• You are Al Gore
• You are Chris Chan
• You are autistic
• You are on this list
• All your "top friends" on MySpace are people you've never met
• People tell you that you need deodorant
• Women never give you their phone number
• You give every woman your phone number
• You spend Friday nights playing World of Warcraft and Second Life
• You pose as a woman and cyber with men
• The only time you ever receive text messages is when your wireless carrier sends you an ad
• You spend Saturday nights on /b/
• You refer to all your friends by their screennames
• You edit Wikipedia
• Your most spoken phrase is: "C'mon, I was only kidding!"
• Virginity intact
• You don't leik mudkipz
• GHB works better than roses
• You leave comments on Tom's profile
• All your "homies" stood by while you got your ass kicked at that party
• Your Dad fucked your girlfriend
• You are sXe
• You call people first
• The only people that call you first are your relatives.
• You wear fur animal suits
• You are trying too hard
• People constantly tell you that No One Likes You
• You are White, Black, Asian, Mexican, or Other
• You beg for +o (in channel or by sleeping with other ops, like Sparto)
• You've never read a Friends only post on LiveJournal
• Small children cry when you talk to them
• You listen to ICP
• You listen to The Jonas Brothers
• Two words: Skid Marks
• You are b& from ED
• You are an admin on ED
• You honk at people at the drive-thru window
• Your MySpace profile has over 9000 animated sparkly GIFs
• You try to spout old memes IRL, and are surprised at the reaction
• Tori Sue Heck has drawn you as a small mammal
• You try to talk to women, but they'll always think you're a creep
• You read this whole list
• You click on the adult dating advertisements on the side of this page
• You join this site
• You are an admin of this site
• You are this guy:

On Encyclopedia Dramatica

On ED, it is very easy to tell if no one likes you:

• Your user page is vandalized with Goatse or other shock images
• All your edits are reverted
• You are glined from ED IRC
• This has been put on your Talk Page:

GO AWAY!
NOBODY
LIKES YOU!

plz die

i.e. {{unwelcome}}.

What to Do

Well, it's easy to say Go Kill Yourself And Then You Will Be Such An Hero, but to tell you the truth, if No One Likes You now, then everyone will be glad you died. If you care about the rest of the world and weren't so goddam selfish, then you would do yourself in. Because it would make us all very happy.

If suicide is too cliché for you, then there's several choices available to mitigate your shittiness:

• Start a Livejournal
• If you already have a Livejournal, then delete it
• Gauge your ears
• Dress like an iPod commercial
• Write shitty emo poetry
• Join A. A.
• Rent Buffy on DVD and become an wiccan
• Start a school shooting or go on a killing spree and aim for the high score

• Edit ED
• Troll
• ???
• Profit!

Gallery

• 
• 
• 
  At least this douchebag is not fat
• 
  No one likes this guy
• 
  He has no niggaz ridin' fo him
• 
  Even if no one likes you, you can still be a Celebrity
• 
  Making documentaries endears you to no one
• 
  No one likes these kids
• 
  No One Likes David-Chan
• 
  WUT U MEEN NO WON LEIKS MEE???/?
• 
  Tell yourself they're laughing with you, not at you.
• 
  Even if you change completely, we'll still hate you
• 
  You could disappear tomorrow and it wouldn't make any difference
• 

See Also

• Nobody Cares
• You have no friends
• Tori Sue Heck
• You
• Bill O'Reilly
• DrMusic2
• beefrave
• Attention whore
• Uncyclopedia
• Insane Clown Posse
• W
• Scientologists
• Redneck
• Chris Crocker - EPIC FAGGOT
• Chris-Chan
• Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto
• Suicide
• Ashura
• The Unknown Autobot
• Insane Reynard