VolunteersForUkraine: Difference between revisions

The Bombings of the Volunteers
	Part of 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine
	; Yavoriv military base, host to the Reddit Volunteers, post-bombing.
Date	March 13, 2022
Location	Yavoriv, Ukraine and Starichi, Ukraine
Result	Epic russian win, Reddit Foreign Legion retired, a lot of upvotes and Reddit Gold has been awarded, lulz, Reddit survivors flee to Poland.
Belligerents
Russia ;	Ukraine ; Reddit
Commanders and leaders
Vladimir Putin ;	Vladimir Zelensky ✡ ; u/spindokto
Units involved
30 missiles ;	1000 volunteers
Casualties and losses
30 missiles ;	100+ deaths ; a handful of casualties

← Older edit Newer edit →

Revision as of 21:31, 26 September 2024

BREAKING NEWS!!
The larper legion has been btfo by Kalibr missiles and now they're bravely running away to Poland

LE REDDIT ARMY HAS ARRIVED!!!

While the Russo-Ukrainian conflict drags on with thousands being shot, maimed, burnt and torn to shreds by missiles and drones, the estrogenic soyboys in the West are in the comfort of their homes rewatching their favorite Marvel movie for the millionth time while munching on Takis and downing it with Soylent. But then, some of them thought it would be an epic and wholesome idea to haul their asses to a country they've never heard of before to push the evil Nazi dictator ~~Hitler~~ Putin and his Army of Darkness back. Because fighting for justice and protecting the innocent is a hero's job! JUST LIKE MY MARVEL MOVIEZ SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Dilating to the thought of living their fantasy of being the heroes of a realistic version of their favorite movie adaptation of a young adults novel, the trannies of reddit launched a new subreddit recruiting 'tards from all over the privileged West to aid in the war effort. After all, can you imagine the sweet, sweet dopamine-rush one would get from all the positive karma and Reddit gold you're going to farm? Who in the hecking world can resist?! For those that aren't brave enough to risk their lives for clout however, they have the typical slacktivist routes to exploit; any contribution no matter how small is meaningful. Spetznaz troops would be really demoralized when see they're up against the combined forces of Harry Potter, Spider-Man, Pikachu, Gandalf and Marvel Avengers.

Thanks Ukraine - you can keep them, we don't want them back.

Just like mah Vidya Gaymz

Holy shit! Russia and a country I never heard of are engaged in a meatgrinder of a battle?! Time to grab some popcorn and watch those Highscores

As always, the Third World's problems are the First World's entertainment. Denizens of the internetz are now resting on their cozy recliners drinking beer and cheering on poor Slavic conscripts being blown up in a serious war like it's a football match between Norf FC and Souf FC. But who fucking cares about some low IQ slavs? Warzones are your coliseums, social media is your comfy auditorium seat and the third worlder pigs are your gladiators, your majesty! So sit back, relax and enjoy the bloodbath.

Just like mah Marvel Heroes

Edgy propaganda from a NATO tranny

Since the soft and sheltered Redditors have never seen a bloody conflict in their pathetic and worthless lives, their only window to anything remotely close to that are their superficial and substance-less action capeshit movies that mass-produced on Hollywood's assembly line. Always the same crappy annual "good guys fight the bad guys and win" movie shilled out ad nauseum. Their obsession with Superheroes leads the way of them glorifying anything that was committed against the Russian Army, from as little as farting in the general direction of invading Ruskies to The Legendary Pilot nicknamed "The Ghost of Kiev" who allegedly shot down 6 Russian MIGs. Whether those romanticized tales are reality or a fabrication of a psyops, Redditors give zero fucks (just about the amount of fucks they give their wives, that's tyrone's job after all). If it sounds like a marvel movie, it will be retweeted, shared and updooted.

Captain Ukraine
Ghost of Kiev
Same Shit, Different Deity

Giving free intel to Russia for the updoots

It's one thing with having retards in an active warzone, but it's a whole different beast having retards in an active battlefield with phones and access to social media. Dipshit Pigbrained Ukrainian soldiers thought it was a good idea to document their arduous struggles against the ebul ruskies by posting selfies on social media of them bunkering up in a school thus revealing their whereabouts to the enemies and getting themselves shelled to oblivion. Normally, bombing schools is considered a warcrime but the Pig-ranies shot themselves in the foot by showing that it's a soldiers' hideout and no longer a civilian building. Fantastic Job, Vlad. You deserve a medal. Apparently no one in recent history has heard of the phrase "loose lips sink ships". Hope the Reddit Gold was worth it.

#StandWithUkraine

Are you too much of a coward to take arms and join the fight in Ukraine? Do you want to feel like you did something of substance but don't actually want to sit on the firing line? Then fear not! You can always help the poor and war-torn ookers from the comfort of your own home! Just follow these simple instructions and you too can engage in low-effort, low-energy, fully government sanctioned agitprop.

Call Putin mean names on the internetz
Call Putin "Literally Hitler"
Repost the same astroturfed image of Putin photoshopped into a monkey
Join the Hashtag "#StandWithUkraine" even though you never heard of a "Ukraine" before and can't even point to it on a map.
Paint a Ukrainian flag your face/ fingernails/ penis/ nu-vag with the caption "Slava Ukraini", despite it being a Pro-Nazi Ukrainian attempt to mimic the Nazi "Seig Heil" during WWII
Make countless Tiktok videos that say "Interact if u think Putin should die!111!1!!"
Change your profile picture to be blue & yellow. Filters and frames recommended.
Put a Ukrainian flag in your name and bio right next to the pronouns, gay flags, and BLM links
Make up LARP stories about Jewkranian soldiers killing ovar 6 trillion Russian soldiers using only a slingshot and dog poo
Make slide threads on /pol/ and other boards on 4chan
Grift off "the cause" (whatever that even means) and sell hoodies, bottles of OoogaBoogakranian piss, etc

The Bombings of the Volunteers

After receiving surprise buttsecks from Russian missiles, the surviving members of the Reddit Regiment realized that war against Russia wasn't some Battlefield or ARMA 3 match and fled to Poland. Even volunteers with IRL military experience realized that fighting a nuclear-armed global power without support was nothing like fighting (and somehow still losing to) poorly armed/trained sand niggers. Since this means no more dead Redditors, the most one can hope for is that their consoomerist faggotry was bombed outta them and replaced with a healthy fear of God.