Tribes 2

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I STOLD UR COLRS FAGOTZ!

Tribes 2 is a game that only about 100 people have ever played. Anyone who still plays it probably has a centipede filled vagina after playing a dead game for so long. It was released in 2001 by Sierra Entertainment and still today remains as one of their biggest fuck-ups of all time. Their other big fuck up is Tribes: Vengeance, but anyone who plays that has likely killed themselves, so no one actually knows about it. The main reason it didn't work out was because of its steep learning curve, and because counter-strike players (13-year-old boys) couldn't grasp its three-dimensional gameplay.

Story

It's all about gay men and furries (Bioderms) fighting for inter-galactic conquest. They don't want to just use high tech bombs to blow each other up, (seeing that it is the year 3941) but instead play fun games of capture the fag to divide up territory. The timeline behind it and the series is retarded and any attempt to make sense out of it will result in you becoming a LJ user.

Armor

There are three types of armor to choose from while playing Tribes 2. They all suck enough to make learning how to fly a shrike a neccessity for anyone who plays.

Light

Everyone who thinks they are good at the game uses this. It's the most mobile and allows for players to use the female warrior model. About 100% of all people in Tribes 2 are cross-dressing adolescent boys, or 50 year-old farts who are terrible at the game. Many players will attest that they only use the female model because it is harder to hit, but this is a myth just like the holocaust. They actually use it so they can fap every time they make a good shot or kill somebody.

Medium

Anyone using the medium armor is either a rapist or thinks they are really good with a shield pack. You may also assume that anyone in medium is a black person because all they usually know how to do is farm.

Heavy

Heavy is by far the slowest of the armors, and everyone who plays in heavy armor only does it because they were not good at playing in light. You will always find them team-killing other players by aimlessly shooting mortars around the map. If you encounter anyone using heavy (which you won't because you will likely never play Tribes 2) just walk away.

Vehicles

If someone ever gets around to repairing the vehicle pad, you might use a vehicle. You will usually find several people walking up to a broken vehicle pad just to walk away because they are too lazy to repair it. Here are the different types of Vehicles:

Wild Cat

No one uses it.

Shrike

This is an acrobatic flying vehicle that defies all physics. You can fly into a mountain at 200 km/s and survive, or ram into someone standing still and blow up. People who use shrikes a lot are often accused of being pussies because god forbid if you want to have fun. It also shoots alternating lasers but no one cares because they are too busy trying to ram people and running into hills/solid objects.

Havoc Transport

In the first few years of the game it was used heavily. People stopped using it when they realised that a big flying brick full of people is a favourite target of shrike whores and people with missile launchers i.e everyone, and equalled xbox hueg amounts of insta-points.

Assault Tank

See whores.

Bomber

This is just a flying target that everyone can shoot missles at and blow it up because no one ever uses the tailgunner seat. You will often find bombers blowing themselves up instead of actually hitting any enemy target. The few players that can coordinate a successful bombing run actually just killed their team mates.

Jericho Mobile Base

With a name like Jericho, you can be sure that this vehicle is the most boring one in the game. You drive it at about the speed of already dried paint, and then jump out. That's it... then you just use it as an inventory station. Wooo!

Weapons

Weapon(s)? No one uses anything but the chaingun, if they don't then they might have some balls and will repeatedly complain that those using the chaingun are whores (see Assault Tank). In any game apart from maybe Capture the Flag, though, the only weapon used is the spinfusor - because everyone thinks they are 1337 h4x0r when they hit you with it, and it kills light armor wearers in a single hit. This is factual, since a direct hit is impossible without h4x or three hundred hours of practice. Since the Rabbit form of gameplay involves one player in light armor running from all the others, it is inevitably a spinfusor spamfest.

Mods

There are several modifications (versions) that you will find in Tribes 2. Of the five billion that there are, only four are actually played.

Base

This is the reason why no one plays the game. People from Tribes 1 thought it was too slow, and people from the real world thought it was too hard.

Classic

Some douche bags who still play Tribes 2 play Classic. Most of these people are elitists who think they are better than everyone else who has ever played the game. The one truth about Classic players is that they are all adult babies who whine and bitch at each other all day. None of these people have friends and should be avoided at all costs.

Version 2

V2 players can be equally as repulsive as players from the Classic community. There must be a coffee house in Amsterdam with the name Version 2 on it, because at least 100% of v2 players claim to smoke weed as it makes them cool to do/say that. You can also tell a V2 player from a normal human being from their ever hungering need to spam the chat window with unfunny voice-binds. If you ever want to play Version 2, just make sure the map running is not called Katabatic (this should ensure you never actually play V2). Also, Katabatic sucks. Moar liek KRAPabatic, amirite? Seriously. The game has a zillion maps (like literally), why play the same dreary, snowy wasteland over and over for the last 4 years? Oh yeah, because you're all faggots who only one step above the classicfags.

Construction

This is all anyone plays any more, apart from Rabbit. Also known as the 'Lego Mod', because you literally attempt to build things out of differently shaped rectangles. For extra points, roleplay a town after you finish. Since people only ever make things out of A) support beams or B) medium walkway tiles, there is no variety and everything is square.

Sequels and Other Tribes Games

Tribes 1 is so shitty it doesn't deserve its own page

Master Chief fights the Covenant

PATCH? PATCH! PAAAAAATCH!? COCKS

Starsiege is so awesome it doesn't need its own page

This game is not Tribes 4, because Tribes fans are retarded fanboys

This game is so Tribes 4 what with it being a big piece of shit and a fanbase of idiots

This seems familiar.

Back in my day games were actually good

Tribes 2 is the only Tribes game that can be considered a quality game if you're the type of idiot that enjoys Halo but with actual fun. However there are other games of faggotry.

Tribes 3: Vengeance

This was actually a decent game but because of retarded fanboys all updates were cancelled forever making the only person that plays the game is a single faggot in Texas.

StarSiege: Tribes

This game is so awful it's free

StarSiege aka Tribes 0

Like Virtualworld's Battletech but with more butts.

Earthsiege 1 & 2

Remember Mechwarrior 2? Yeah I don't either.

Cyberstorm and all other crap spinoffs

Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Stellar 7

OH SHIT I LOVE BATTLEZONE... WAIT WHAT THE FUCK.

Section 8

The best Tribes Halo-killer ever made by fags from Texas It's also Tribes 4 unlike the game below. The game prides itself on how EXTREMELY original it can be what with having space marines that use jet packs on desolate deserts to fight evil bug aliens with laser guns.

Tribes 4: Fallen Empire: Legions

Despite being made by the same people that made Tribes 1 & 2 and built on the same engine of Tribes 2 this game is not Tribes 4 because it is not made by fags from Texas

See Also

• Torque Game Engine - created for Tribes 2.
• Tribes Ascend
• FPS

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