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Tumblr
Tumblr aka 4chan's retarded 14 year old sister is a popular
mainstream website that preaches the concept of needlessly minimizing the vowels in words, and it was created, perhaps, for blogging. While its original purpose has long since been forgotten, its present application is apparent: to provide a circlejerk space for every hipstr, 16 year old grls(?), and Indie artfg to post their favorite stolen photographs and pieces of mediocre art, "meaningful" subtitled stills from pretentious popular films, as well as talking about how cool wolves are. In short, Tumblr consists of boring and vulnerable, boy crazy high school girls that wish they were someone else and the sensitive guys who ultimately win them over by posting desaturated Polaroids of their meticulously decorated bedrooms. Generally speaking, Tumblr is the internet's biggest hugbox. It doesn't matter what you post, as long as it's "progressive" some bleeding heart asshole will reblog it and jerk you off. The only appeal is provided by over-sensitive hipster try-hards overreacting to the slightest slip of the tongue, or, for fuck's sake, an ACTUAL FUCKING JOKE.
Tumblr's population consists solely of only the coolest and most trendy kids in your nearest suburb or recently gentrified urban avenue, as well as talented 15 year old photographers, poets and writers. If the Internet had property for its users to virtually dwell in, Tumblr would be the gentrified neighborhood full of studio apartments, paid for by mom and dad. Tumblr users probably want to go to art school to study painting, and likely will get in with enough hard work. But, alas, they are likely to drop out after discovering that reposting images on the Internet didn't magically give them talent.
Tumblr is also filled with newfags who steal memes, mostly wolf-related, shit such as Courage Wolf and Insanity Wolf. Other popular memes that can typically be found on your average tumboner's "blog" are; Forever Alone Guy, cool face (or Troll face, for you newfriends), and okay. What Tumblr fags don't realize, is that all of these memes should have been forgotten last thursday, and no one finds them funny, or even slightly humorous anymore. Most of the comics posted on Tumblr contain all of these memes in EVERY FUCKING PANEL because these so called "artists" can be bothered to draw the fucking faces themselves, but what the still don't realize is that using the punchline in every fucking panel kills the whole joke. They basically take something shitty, make it even shittier, and then share it with the world, and they all obsess over it like a bunch of fags.
Concept
Tumblr is based around effortlessly sharing everything, no matter how pointless, boring, or cliche it is. Tumblr also doesn't take into account that the data you're posting may belong to someone else, so its users are free to take and repost another person's work with ease, most often without citing any source or author without punishment. However, since the website is run by Jews, those little technicalities are panned over.
Tumblr allows its users to Follow other users, which places their posts on their dashboard. The more users and Followers that "like" and repost your bullshit posts, the higher your "Tumblarity" will become. Having a large amount of followers will most often result in the user sticking their head up their ass and believing that they truly have mad skills. With Tumblarity, Tumblr essentially becomes the high school of the Internet; people with the highest Tumblarity are rewarded with their blogs being named the most popular. Thus, the blog becomes not so much about blogging at all, but about how much people "like" the "cool" stuff you post - a mere popularity contest. The original concept of blogging in general is more or less lost when users become disillusioned from the original purpose of their blogging, and become more concerned with the number of people who "like" the beige picture of someone's feet that they posted.
History
Tumblr was created in 2007 by an obvious Jew named David Karp, initially funded by his earnings as a software consultant for a parenting website. After cajoling his userbase into throwing away their money into his wallet (AKA: fundraising), he had over $5 million dollars to help fund his website dedicated to hosting 200kb, low contrast pictures of anonymous people's belly buttons. To get an idea of the man Karp is, note that he gladly revoked the name of a random user and handed it over to Pitchfork media arguably for indie cred.
His own Tumblr, found here, hosts not only his massive popularity, but also randoms instances from his every day life, for all of his fans to read daily.
A few examples of the former would be the follow:
—-typical tumblr user | ||
The Users
The average Tumblr user is a white, well liked, interesting person to hang out with IRL . However, once they start Tumblogging they become selfish hipsters that constantly complain about having no friends, no supporting family members and no love life because they think this will get people to "support" them by giving them asspats and follows.
The usual thing you'll see from a tumblr user is the post "Ask Me Something via My ask Box". DON'T FALL FOR IT! Most users who say this have serious cases of USI and aren't aware that most sane people have better things to do than ask a random person a dumb question that will most likely be answered in the most unintelligent way. If you do ever fall for it, make sure they have 'anonymous' turned on so that you can tell them something offensive. They'll most likely respond with sarcasm or with "I'm too cool for this shit," which forces their followers to become whiteknights and flood them with "Don't listen to that anon! You're awesome and have my full permission to use me as your personal army!"
About 99.8% of the time, someone follows another person without liking a single one of their posts. They only do this in hopes of getting more followers themselves. Following the follower back only solidifies how much of a loser the followed one is (probably because they want to hold on to the idea that someone actually cares about the lame shit that they post). 0.1% of the time that someone follows another is because the follower thinks the followed is cute and wants to fap to the followed's GPOY's. the other 0.1% is actually someone who cares and they're usually a friend IRL or a family member.
Tumblr users HATE when their friends follow them. Mainly because all they ever do is rage and bitch about people they know IRL which might eventually destroy friendships or relationships and expose how horribly shallow and callus the tumblr user really is. Tumblr users HATE Facebook and view themselves to be superior to anyone on Facebook.
Ugly Hipster -wannabe 16 year old girls
soilife.tumblr.com
—-soilife.tumblr.com | ||
A new breed of 16 year old girls has surfaced, in an apparent attempt to protest and whore attention away from typical Myspace 16 year old girls who are obviously at least 100 times hotter. Th...is new breed is 40% indie(and trying to pretend they don't listen to Linkin Park and Paramore), 30% deformed, 20% idiot, and 10% unrealistic expectations wrapped together with the same desperate whoring that is the fiber of 16 year old girls. Expect these girls to have a Tumblr in which they spam pro-ana photography of girls they so desperately wish to be, post the most recent indie (overrated) tunes such as Radiohead, MGMT, Arcade Fire and Sigur Ros, and love weed because they're progressive and liberal. They also claim to love reading despite only reading Harry Potter and whore on about how HP is better than Twilight and Joseph Gorden Levitt is better than Robert Pattison. The majority of what comes out of the mouths include whining about getting a new job, looking for that special someone and telling people about what they ate today.
First, they'll tell you how much they love the pointless, pretentious, nonsensical, and edgy mind-fuck movie they just watched. They'll also bring up whatever shitty band was just on TV. Then they'll try to discuss philosophy without having ever studied philosophy but maybe just Wikipedia'd Sartre and found it too hard to finish and precede to bastardize Sartre by posting only quotes by him pertaining to love and dying alone. They believe themselves omnipotent super chicks incapable of error and will argue with you if you disagree with them and respond with "This is my life who are yous to say what I can't or not can do leave me alone haters(:!!!".
Extremely vulnerable and stupid, pretending to be a geeky boy who plays in a band and likes the same shitty music is the easiest way to squeeze out nudes from these chicks. Be warned, at least 100% are average and deformed
Asians
Herds of Asian have been swarming Tumblr. Their blogs (typically titled with doublee letterss and an obnoxious phrase about themselves) consist of thought-inducing photoshopped pictures with unrelated quotes on them, angled webcam pictures of themselves and other ugly Asian Tumblr users, and bawww posts about how much they hate their high expectations asian parents. Most of them are filled with azn pridee(: but everyone knows they're really a bunch of wannabe-black assfucks. Every now and then, they'll post about a recent break-up, complete with a photo/video of their fugly crying faces. Both male and female users do this, proving that they're all a bunch of fags. The asian guys pretend to be black person despite planning to become engineers after they graduate high school. The asian girls post about their favorite azn dramas, obnoxious k-pop boy/girl bands, pictures of desserts and bubble tea, and seemingly somehow still manage to get a 4.0 GPA despite the fact they can't form complete sentences and fail math. Both genders will have "Like a G6" by the Far East movement on autoplay.
Erik Rhodes
90 Day Jane started shooting roids and dropping drugs, then got a Tumblr and became one of its most mocked users.
Tumbears
What you fap to.
Social Justice Bloggers
A bunch of activists who sit on their ass and bitch and moan about how everyone/everything is "racist/sexist/homophobic/bigoted/oppressive" and considers everyone who disagrees even in the slightest to be a "white hetero-cis scum", even if the ones disagreeing are ethnic minorities, gays, bisexuals, etc. Pretty much 99% of the time, Social Justice warriors on tumblr never get the fuck off their ass and actually do something as they're too busy telling people to "check their privilege," while at the same time not noticing their own privilege as they're able to afford a computer. Like the majority of tumblr users, they will often reblog with a bunch of animated gifs to cover their own butthurt.
Newfags
Tumblr as of recent is full of idiots who suddenly feel like /b/ because they bitched about Jessi Slaughter. Interconnected with each other and suddenly believing themselves to be 1337 army capable of damage like Anonymous, Tumblr's party van consists of being covered with stars/space/forest wallpaper, triangles, running on weed and love instead of Gas, ringing Radiohead sirens, and driven by hipsters in Native American headresses. Tumblr trolling is needed ASAP in order to show them where they belong. Easy troll pickings though is everywhere.
People who are "Tumblr Famous"
- Soup The most unluckiest guy on tumblr. If tumblr was a planet and the blogs were people, this guy would be the oldest. He's just a blogger, there's nothing special about him.
- hardcore An Australian hipster who's life is soooo perfect. But he'll just say, "I never said it was," and etc. to come off smooth. But it's okay, because then he'll say he was never smooth and continue to say that he never meant to never not be smooth.
- stuffhipstershate is a tumblr blog ran by to gorgeous women who think making fun of hipsters makes them non hipsters. Instead it makes them look like two giant retards laughing in the back of a crowded school bus. Follow them if you're not a hipster.
- tumblrisforlulz An asspie that steals shit off of 4chan and is too retarded to search the true meaning of LULZ
- Milk milk milk A faggot who attempts to be mysterious and scary but fails horrible. Update: he now spends hist time blogging naked ripped guys and continues to be a fag.
- A blog about Charts If you were trying to find a stupid blog, look no further. If you wish you could see nothing but graphs, look no further. If you were wanting to waste your time reading shit, look no further. Self explanatory, go to this blog, then look no further, leave.
- 1morezombie a narrow minded guy that will draw you into an argument just to prove points that no one cares about. Wanna troll him, send him a promo 4 promo and he'll tell you that tumblr isn't about gaining more followers.
- blackiesdead An Australian indie kid who posts movie screencaps.
- heartisbreaking A retard and fugly mexican who holds a deep love and respect for all Asian culture. Easy trollbait. Send an ask bashing Japan and she will flip a bitch on you.
- Fashion That's all you'll see on tumblr nowadays. Want to follow a person who doesn't need anymore followers? Follow this girl. She posts nothing but fashion so everything will be Paris and stylish and s0per c00l.
- We Are The 99% A blog dedicated to all the shit people who are considered in the 99% of people who aren't rich and try to find an easier way by asking the government to do something, i.e., give them money. Depressing website with people holding signs basically asking for help because they can't get a job, have no money, and life is just 2hard.
- Some guy who's going to die A guy who has muscular atrophy who thought it smart to blog about his sad life and how awesome it is. A cry for attention? Most people have it easier than this guy, if not all, and no one will have as much attention then this kid will in their life time, which will be longer than his lol.
- The Frog Man So this guy is a giant of a guy who lives in his parents basement. Does this stop him from being a winrar? No! He is an internet celebrity outside of tumblr because of his photoshop skillz that people take and put on their shitty site, mostly 9gagOnCock. He is a creepy guy who likes small dogs and his photoshop skills are amateur, but the internet know how to pick them.
- Ryan Gosling Do you know him? Neither do I. Stupid shit, move on.
- dumbthingswhitepplsay A blog made by a black transgender person who whines and complains about white people 24/7, while reblogging and whoring the same drawings about his upcoming video game. Shitstorms with whitefags are total lulz as it's often a case of butthurt vs. butthurt, it becomes a clusterfuck. Trolling is ridiculously easy as he believes that only "people of color" can solve racism and everyone else should sit the fuck out and rages at pretty much anything.
Tumblr Slang
- GPOY: Gratuitous Picture Of Yourself. Often used on pictures to express that it's you and whoever looks at the picture should receive a resemblance of you in it's entirety.
- Topless Tuesdays: Attention whores trying to solve their daddy issues.
- THIS: The word "this" is to describe the picture or comment that the typer believes to be the one and only true picture to ever be s0per kewl and I don't even because oh my GaGa ....THIS^^^ ..
- Ukulele: It's an instrument, however, this word is used to cover up that the person who claims to have one, and to be an exceptionally good player, is actually trying to mirror an image that they are talented because, seriously, who plays a fucking Ukulele and thinks they're hot shit?
- Meme: Anything with a picture and words on it.
- 5T4S: Meaning that if you know what it means then you deserve to know. In reality it was a bunch of fucktwats who believed there should be separation of people who stumbled across tumblr and of those who made a tumblr because of MTV. Except for this whole Jewish holocaust that would've happened, Tumblr turned on itself and anyone claiming 5t4s now is declared a fat cunt.
Tumblr's content
- Thinspo. Every 16 year old girl is guaranteed to have at least 100 pictures of skinny models wearing sundresses or half naked on her blog representing not only her indiefashion love (she doesn't know shit about fashion; she just likes vintage filters) but also her desperate insecurity about her "average" looks.
- Pictures of couples in luv 4 eva Every teenager on tumblr will have pictures of indie/scene couples kissing or in a sweet compromising position to express their sensitivity and heartache. Expect the couple to have their faces covered or cut out and heavily photoshopped because they're ugly.
- Food Out of all things you can photoshop, food has got to be the most ridiculously meticulous and detailed. Hipsters will go ape shit for a cup of yogurt on a floral pattern cloth angled and shot with a Nikon/Canon then photoshopped and filtered with fake bokehs. You will even see it happening with fucking KFC, just remember to to include a green background because it's "complimentary to the red". 40k a year art school and that's what they have to show for it.
- Harry Potter Tumblr is infested with teenagers who think themselves to be so special just because they dislike twilight and love Harry Potter. They claim to LOVE reading, but we all know that is a huge lie. The only things they HAVE read are Harry Potter and the responses to their reblogs. They claim to love books and constantly post fashion pics of indie girls reading books, but in reality they organize their bookshelf by color and size and only watched the movies because reading hurts for them.
- Quotes Get a picture of space or the stars, put a photoshop filter on it, some triangles, then use Helvetica and put some quote on it and wait for your over 9000 followers
- Movies Every movie screencap on Tumblr is either Mean Girls, the Virgin Suicides, or Inception
- Newfag shit Tumblr loves the following memes: WHAT IS AIR? U MAD? (used incorrectly), Antoine Dodson, FFFUUUU, Socially Awkward Penguin
- My little pony Ever since the explosion of bronies, Tumblr is now the central hub for pony rule 34 and more mary sue stupidity. Most of them includes ask boxes that is normally filled with people asking the ponyfag to have sex with them.
- Rejected memes from /b/ It's been long known that Tumblr rarely produces it's own original shit, so it isn't really a surprise when old rejected fail memes from /b/ make it big on Tumblr. The only problem is that Tumblr users are incredibly egotistical and think they own everything that they see on their Tumblr dashboard regardless of where it originally came from. If you post it, it immediately becomes part of Tumblr culture, amiright?
Fail Raids
At least 100 years ago, Tumblr has taken to poorly attempt trolling, via Omegle. The trolling consisted mainly of starting chats, typing "HNNG", and if replied with a "HNNG", swapping Tumblr urls. Obviously, we have much to learn from these overly advanced beings. Like all fags, they're incredibly easy to troll.
- Go to Omegle on a Tumblr troll day
- Start a chat with "HNNG" or "WHAT IS AIR"
- Ask for URL
- ????
- PROFIT!!!
Operation Overlord
Moar info: Operation Overlord.
Somewhere during the night of November 10, 2010, some newfags declared war on Tumblr due to the fail raid of Omegle by Tumblr. /b/ came up with Operation Overlord and reclaimed Omegle while some skiddies tried to DDoS Tumblr. No shit this plan will fail seeing as Tumblr runs on multiple servers and half the community are sick fucks who regularly look at porn and gore to be ironic. /b/ will need to get creative. Only newfags try to force raids and think gore is the worst they can do. Lurk moar and get to know your enemy, cancer.
12/6/2010 AKA SLOWEST NEWS DAY EVER
Tumblr went down somewhere around the night of 12/5/2010 apparently because the 16 people at staff couldn't handle the length and girth that is the big black person cock of a server maintenance. They managed to fuck up their database and promises to be "Back shortly", despite the fact tumblr has been down for a day. News media who apparently are butthurt over the fact they didn't get to cover the 4chan vs tumblr story, along with having the slowest news day possibly imaginable, starts covering the story of tumblr's downtime with intense detailed and watch eye stalking tumblr's twitter for any update no matter how small and insignificant and includes using random people's tweets as viable journalism sources. CNN, Gawker, Techcrunch and god knows who else.
How to properly troll Tumblr
- Tell them since they all worship Kurt Cobain as an idol; they should all follow in his footsteps and become an heros.
- Find a average looking girl who enjoys pro-ana photography and trigger her into ED.
- Tell them that majoring in art, philosophy, and English will lead nowhere in life (and send them this article as your evidence).
- Tell faggots that Lady Gaga sucks.
- Point out stealing memes and pretending to be like /b/ doesn't make them awesome.
- Call Michael Jackson a deranged pedophile.
- Point out socially awkward penguin and Forever Alone are horrible and killing the ENTIRE internet.
- Misspell shit like crazy. Tumblr users are Grammar Nazi's and will go ape shit over any spelling errors even if they're typos. For example make sure you fuck up the following- your and you're; Their, they're and there; To, too and two..
- Say Arcade Fire sucks major balls.
- Follow them, then when they follow back, unfollow them.
- Tell everyone that Joseph Gordon Levitt is sucking Taylor Lautner's cock.
- Mention that you are 13 and pregnant, enjoying partying and getting high, and pretend to like everything they like.
- Pretend to be an awkward indie boy who plays in a band, studies philosophy and likes the same shitty music. Wait for fangirls; ask them for nudes, ??? PROFIT.
- Be as conservative as possible. Make sure you make it abundantly clear that you hate the liberal agenda.
- Support the Tea Party and be proud to be American.
- Be against Marijuana legalization.
- Be against gay rights.
- Inform them that asexuality is just an excuse for people who can't get laid.
- Argue that anyone claiming to be bisexual is faking it.
- Tell everyone they should accept Jesus as their lord and savior.
- Say Twilight is better than Harry Potter.
- Get as many 16 year old girls from Facebook to join in order to infuriate Tumblr into complaining how it's turning into Myspace. Nothing infuriates them more than seeing cheerleaders typppe lykeeee dissss omggg and like, talk about the bessst boyfrann in teh worlddd!!111 <333333
- Be a cis-gendered, heterosexual, white male.
- Find pictures of the ugly ones and post them on ED for the world to marvel at the carnival/zoo that is Tumblr
- Post gorn and tage it with #fashion, #love, #skins, #harry potter, #food, #art, #jonas brothers, etc to ensure only the young/weak ones of their clan get the dosage. Since the weak link in the Tumblr community are naive 16 year old girls and high school scene indie kids who use Tumblr to camwhore and talk about their favorite shitty band like Blood on the Dance Floor and Katy Perry, these innocent naive kids who have been sheltered all their lives will be the ones most effected by gore and porn; the rest of the community spend 5 hours a day on the internet and are not phased by gorn because in their hipster careers, they've seen worse.
- Use custom Javascript and redirect to nimp.
Photos
-
Showing off your money is cool and lets people know you're rich. So cool!1 -
A cornucopia of only the coolest things. -
Hand-picked photos with similar aesthetics, probably film because it's just so hip. -
Trying to garner attention via tumblr. Fail.
-
This is what happens when someone posts a picture of a wolf, or a wolf-looking creature. Jesus fucking christ. -
-
Hey look, she's crying stars, isn't that beautiful? -
Oh lawd... -
See Also
- 16 year old girls
- Anti-lulz
- Art School
- Attention Whores
- Cancer
- Fail
- Failbook
- Hipsters
- Homosexuality - Going on Tumblr makes you crave cock.
- Indie
- Memes - Tumblr's main job in life is to steal memes from 4chan.
- Bronies
- Neo-classic-neko
- Keep Calm and Carry On
- Twatter
External Links
Fuck Yeah...
Operation Overlord
Operation Overlord was the organized raid in which /b/ planned to destroy the hipster blogging tool Tumblr. /b/ flooded Tumblr with phishers, gore porn, and cp, temporarily sending tumblr users into a whirlpool of rage and confusion until both sides decided this was boring and that they should sex the living fuck out of each other forever instead.
Cancer and Scoliosis
On November 12th, 2010, a butthurt Tumblr user got sick of not receiving as many reblogs as FuckYeahKissing, and decided to make a personal army request to /b/. This included photos insisting 4chan had declared war on Tumblr. As most people who use /b/ nowadays are the same people using Tumblr, nobody really cared. The first move of Operation Overlord, started when /b/ organized a flood of tumblr accounts used to phish, troll, and post gore porn and cp.
After a few 16 year old girls were sufficiently butthurt, a couple of them decided to name /b/ "scoliosis". Tumblr then began to flood the 4chan boards with kittens (a really great idea) and their own forced meme What is air? They even blanked the ED page for Tumblr and got pwned by mysterybot.
At 5pm, November 14th, /b/ planned to DDoS Tumblr, claiming that it would "deliver the final blow" to the website. This threw Tumblr users into a nerd rage and prompted them to shit all over their blogs. Unfortunately, since the only people who use 4chan are hipsters, nothing happened.
—some hipster | ||
—some other hipster, stating the truth | ||
DDoS Failed
Not surprisingly, the DDoS failed due to most /b/ users being stupid faggots. Tumblr began claiming that they had defeated /b/, but it was the mods who fucked with the site, possibly because they too are virgins and want some hipster pussy.
When the DDoS attack against Tumblr failed to bring the site to its knees, the gooey hipster core of Tumblr began to shit post all over /b/. When this happened the mods at 4chan put in a word filter that 404'd every thread with the word "Tumblr" in it, creating a vast empty space where /b/ once stood.
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Successful troll is successful
—— The people of Tumblr | ||
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November 14: DOOMSDAY
Comparable to the 2012 of Tumblr, dumbshits all over start freaking out at their impending doom. Naive simpletons simply blanked their page and put in a "lock layout", convinced somehow changing the layout automatically means not being able to be hacked. "4chan" charts Twitter trends and various blog sites who have nothing better to talk about join in on the fun. Tumblrfags bid goodbye to their "precious followers" and deactivated their accounts. Desperate and helpless, many start turning to Jew, their glorious owner and beg him for help on his twitter account. Everyone starts referring to him as "Daddy", used as in "Daddy's gonna save us" and "Don't worry, Daddy's here!".
When the DDoS attack of 11/14 began, /b/ was pumped already. Few minutes in, Tumblr was down for 1/3 and slowing for the rest. David Karp disabled ask on his blog.
However, some mod took down 4chan's domain but the boards were still up. Dumbshits believed Tumblr to have reversed DDoSd 4chan when in reality /b/ was betrayed by their own mods (some argue because the bad publicity was going to ruin moot's new project, Canvas). The confusion result in neither website having permanent damage but instead of Anonymous getting a sex slave. Thus out of the ashes, 4chumblr was born. The epitome of everything cancer, newfag and lack of organizational skill ruled by the ADHD and sex drive.
TECHCRUNCH ATTEMPTS TO DECLARE TUMBLR VICTORY; NEED TO LURK MOAR
4Chan and Tumblr: Wet and Messy Fuckbuddies
As tumblr and /b/ users found themselves torn between the two sides, they decided to create a 3rd side like a child during a divorce. This gave birth to a line of one panel comics featuring /b/ as the bitter husband, and tumblr as the cute hipster wife.
- What /b/ apparently claims: Everything below is the direct result of all the underageb& faggots on /b/, so please disregard it.
- What everyone else is saying: Only butthurt newfags pretending to be oldfags are in complete denial over this.
[Posting on /b/: A survival guide]
—an utter /b/astard, http://theseus32.tumblr.com/ | ||
In the end, 4chan, filled with basement dwelling, sex-craving neckbeards, and Tumblr filled with attention seeking, sex-starved hipster girls got bored flooding each others sites and realized they could fuck each other's brains out in some angry make up sex.
—A tumblr-tan, on 4chan | ||
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Tits threads suddenly began to get answers from the very owners of said tits. ID threads suddenly began to get answers from owners of their own dox. You Love You Lose threads suddenly had everyone losing as tumblr girls kicked out the usual celebrity drivel with their own real photos. Hookup threads started flooding /b/'s front page as tumblr-tans began wading through the forced memes and fail for the hidden love waiting for them. And /b/ did not wait either as they started signing up on tumblr in heaploads advertising the sudden love call.
—Anonymous, on /b/ | ||
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Over 9000 hookups IRL are expected to take place in the near future.
Love on the internet, folks. It's that real.
The Signs Were There
[That Night]
"You can delete your blog and change your url as many times as you want, but at the end of the day, I know where you are, Tumbly," he growled against her ear, sending shivers down her spine and making her nipples perk. She bit her lower lip, feeling her pussy get damp against her panties when his hand made its way up her back and around her rib cage, rubbing a fingernail roughly over her nipple. She moaned, hating herself for it, for letting the enemy get her so vulnerable, but at least she had fought the good fight. Wriggling, she tried to free herself of his one-handed grip, pretending with as much ferocity as she could muster that she wanted nothing to do with him and his yummy biting on her neck, his rough fingers rolling her pink nipples between his thumb and forefinger as he ground his hips against her ass.
With one hand, he had both of hers pinned high on the wall above her, skirt-covered ass pushed back against his erection, clothed only by his suit bottoms. He wanted to do things to her she'd never heard of, or at least he thought she had never heard of, and as much as she protested, she wanted him to do them to her. "You make me sick, you piece of- hnng!" he bit down on the soft, white skin of her neck hard enough to break the skin and leave a purple bruise on her broken skin, fingers moving with lightning speed down underneath the elastic band of her sweet cotton panties to drag against her soaking clit, and she screamed in pleasure, pushing hard against his raging erection. "Thought you hipster girls tried to make yourself look as cute and innocent as possible. Innocent girls don't talk that way, sweetheart." She panted, spit dripping down her chin, rubbing her ass against his cock through his pants.
"Fuck innocence; I don't care. Are you going to do this or just- hahnhh," she whimpered at his fingers on her pussy, rubbing her into a shivering, horny mess. Her hair clip had fallen out and her bangs were in her eyes, she hated that shit. He knew she did; he only took it out to piss her off. As always.
"You shave that little pussy for me? Were you waiting for it? Did you expect this," he thrust forward, two fingers pushing into her tight hole, and she whimpered, fingernails digging into the wall. Her vision was blurry from pleasure, knees weak and wobbling, so when he drew back, letting go of her hands, she dropped against the wall like a ragdoll, body jelly waiting to be molded. As she panted, she glared up at him, knees hurting from their impact with the floor, and she knew they would be bruised in the morning. His hands unzipped his pants and they fell to the floor in a soft 'woosh' of fabric, pushing his underwear down after so that his erect dick could stand up proudly against his smooth, green stomach.
He looked down at her, and reached forward, twisting his fingers in her hair, and forcing her head up to position her mouth at his head.
"Suck."
She growled, opening her mouth and letting him force her head onto his bobbing, thick shaft. It was musky, and he moaned softly at the feel of her soft lips sucking wetly at his meat, pushing her head down until her nose was nestle in his bush. She choked, trying not to gag and bite down on his dick but the length of it was in her throat, and as she sucked and slurped, licking her hot pink tongue over the green length, she tried to pull as far back as she could. He was having none of it, and after gently guiding her head to rest against the wall behind her, he rammed into her mouth unforgivingly.
Her eyes went wide, and she chocked, mumbling something - about stopping, he was sure - around the dick in her mouth. He pulled her hair harder. “Jesus, just shut up and suck, ng…Aw yeah…” she felt her blood pressure skyrocket always and forever an asshole.
In lesson, she let her jaw fall shut just enough to warn him, give him a shock, scare him. He gasped, pulling back, and swatted her across the face. She yelled, falling over, and laughed as he spluttered.
“Did you just bite my fucking dick?” He snarled, and she laughed, slipping her pink panties off over one slim ankle and kicking them at him. “Oh, it’s funny?” She laughed harder, laying back against the ground and letting her fingers wander down to her exposed belly button, where they moved into the yummy dip below her hip bones, and slipped under the waistband of her skirt. She moaned, fingering herself as she watched him.
“Fine, you want to bite. Right, we’ll do it your way, little bitch.” He kneeled down, crawling far enough over to her to grab her by an ankle and drag her to him. She yelped, but he just brought her to him, sitting back to draw her into his lap. She laughed, sensing his anger. He liked to piss her off; she liked to piss him off just as much. It was like a game.
She moved, feeling her wet pussy settle down over the head of his cock, but her pinched her ass under her skirt. “Ow! What the-” He grinned the manic grin that promised her trouble, and flipped her around so that her back was resting against his chest, and shrugged out of his jacket, throwing it somewhere behind him.
She went stiff, knowing what he wanted, and groaned in pain when he went to shove his entire length into her ass. Her fingernails dug into the skin on his thighs, and he bounced, making her sink lower onto his hot dick. She screamed, pushing back against him, and he hissed in pleasure. Taut little bitch.
“This is what you get, you know. Hipster cunt, just - mm- yeah wiggle around like that, shouldn’t bite boys who are bigger than you.” She felt tears well up in the corners of her eyes, but refused to give him the satisfaction of her tears.
“Just like a cockmongler to shove it up someone’s ass.” Her neck was limp, face pressed against the green skin of his neck as she spoke, and he laughed at her this time. Tumbly always lost these games. His hand snaked around to finger her clit, and she started panting again.
He kept his hips still until her breathing was heavy again, and she moved her ass against him impatiently. Wasn’t the first time he had fucked her this way, probably wouldn’t be the last with her attitude. She licked a stripe up his neck and bit his earlobe, wrapping one arm behind his head to move herself around on his shaft while her fingered her pussy.
He rubbed at the fleshy hill, playing her until she was jumping on his dick like it was a trampoline, and then he pushed her forward onto all fours, ramming his dick in her ass as hard and viciously as he could, listening to her scream.
He pumped, fast and furious, dick on fire, blood burning feeling his little bitch pant lustily for him, scream her pleasure out while he banged her like a dog. Hipster fucking…Jesus Christ it felt good to fuck the little shit.
His balls went tight, and he pistoned his hips as fast as possible, vision white with pleasure, as he slammed into her soft ass one more time, blowing his load and hearing her scream as she came, wetness dripping down between her thighs. He pumped a few more times, letting his dick get soft inside her before he pulled out, rubbing his dick over her ass to wipe some of the residue off. His sperm leaked out of her, and he laughed, smacking her on the ass as she fell to her elbows, exhausted.
As he pulled up his pants and walked around her, wiping some sweat from his brow, he bent down to grab her clippie, throwing it at her. She winced, and pushed herself up onto her knees, grabbing it and putting it into her hair. Grabbing his jacket from the floor, he tossed it over a shoulder and waved at her as he walked out, "Reblog that shit."
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Asking for it... and lovingly receiving it. -
FABULOUS
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The hints were there since back then. -
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The unfortunate boner killing truth -
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Pasta/Threads
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