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Dave Kelly
Dave Kelly, also known as "Cave Deli", "The Unfunny Furfag", "Shmorky", or "Daisy" to his friends, is a babyfur and an internet webcomic artist best known for The Flash Tub on Something Awful. His flash movies are often bad attempts at satire, such as Furious Famicom Faggot, a series which could have been a humorous sendup of Angry Nintendo Nerd but instead quickly decays into some kind of horrible quasi-surrealist mashup in which everyone dies, the mother turns into a piece of bacon, and screaming pieces of fruit appear, betraying Kelly's quickness to resort to ZANY WACKINESS and inability to script actual comedy. Most of his animations take on an acid-trip quality, and, after a while of watching them, seem to blur into an infinitely long tirade of over-the-top murder, furries, references to Nintendo, and Lowtax's shitty electronic music. Shmorky's presence on the SA creative team marked an unofficial end to Something Awful's raids against furries; goons going after the furfag who happened to be on Lowtax's payroll were quickly banned and the ones that remained took another sullen step towards the catlady hugbox Something Awful is today.
Before he joined Something Awful he produced several comics, sometimes with the purpose of trolling particular fandoms, and sometimes with serious plotlines, often with romantic elements. Although these usually started with the best of intentions, they usually degenerated, albeit at a slower pace, similar to the cartoons he produced for Something Awful.
His so-called art style is gained from him ripping off Vaughn Bode (of lizard zen; but none of you fucks were even born then, so he can get away with it right?) and fuglying it up with a hint of anime. In an ironic twist, Dave's art was recently plagiarized by the even more unfunny Todd Goldman [1]. Many internet petitions and diggs have been wrought. More recently, Cave has been pandering to the Tumblr crowd with cringeworthy comics about his gender ambiguity and cutesy shit to avoid triggering his sheltered new fanbase. He also did Let's Plays with Lowtax, from 2013 to 2014. Shmorky has since quit and Lowtax does occasional streams with his mushmouth oldest daughter. Shmorky is now in at war with Lowtax and fam for hating on him and his batshit insane tranny fiancé, Daisy.
A few days before the turn of 2017, Kelly was revealed to be the very thing he accused Lowtax of being and much, much worse, complete with Sarah Butts style chatlogs of child grooming, according to several sources who have come forward with tales of Schmorky trying to gender play underage people as his personal sex fantasies, much to their discomfort and disgust.
Internets employment
Kelly has made money off the Internet through various occupations, one of which is doing flash and ads for various sites. If you have been around long enough, you could probably remember those awesome banner ads he did for Fleshlight:
Cave Deli and Stile
A few years back, Cave Deli made an unholy business agreement with Jay Stile of Stile Project. Cave was supposed to receive 72 virgins in exchange for doing ads, banners, the Women of Stile art and the comic "Stile Sux" for Jay Stile. Unfortunately, Jay couldn't convince 72 of his readers to sell themselves to Shmorky, so he ran off with the money and had his transvestite midgets fuck Cave over the same way he did to Hard of Sexy Losers.... with a giant dildo of death.
Shmorky and Something Awful
In 2004, Shmorky joined up with SomethingAwful to do various flash cartoons for the "Flash tub". The only problem was that these once lulzy toons rapidly became as painfully unfunny as the rest of SomethingAwful. This is the side effect of being a goon.
Closet Furry
Dave is known to troll furries plenty with many of his works, particularly in "Cave Deli's SMUT!". However, it seems that he does this a little too much, and his parody of furry pr0n is suspiciously detailed and graphic. Recently, a /b/tard posted a large amount of furry porn claimed to be Dave's from 2003. To everyone's horror, the art was undeniably Dave's style in every aspect, including a picture of him in a diaper. Although Kelly claims that all of the porn he made was commission based, some of the porn is clearly of Dave himself ... as a bunny rabbit, in diapers, shitting himself, casting a doubtful light on this. Plus there's a photo of him wearing a diaper. All in all, a typical goon. Large amounts of people became an heros.
-
Uh oh indeed -
For some reason this creeps me out more than the sexually explicit pictures -
Plz no -
That's right, Shmorky's a pedobabyshittingpissingfur -
Oopsiedaisy! -
Pedofur -
Nice -
Obviously Photoshopped -
Camwhore
Shmorky is also a camwhore. The series.
-
Shmorky is a cutie -
omg -
omg! -
omgwtf -
omgwtf?! -
omgwtfbbq?!!? -
He went to the trouble to animate this one -
He has really weird underwear
Shmorky Quotes from the Comic Genesis forums
- DAMN YOU! Now I have impure thoughts of Rocket J. Squirrel!
- At times it is absurdly sexually graphic, but that's part of its charm. (Referring to a furry comic)
- (points) GLEEEEEEEEEEE!!! A certain bunny and a certain ferret!
- GLEE! All G-rated Dave Bunny goodness! (With a link to his LiveJournal, so obv. the porn he created was not just for commissions, as he's since claimed)
Tumblr
Shmorky, not satisfied being the socially awkward, diaperfur, depraved Goon he is, has taken to Tumblr His account, known as Butthug, is an obvious nod to even more of his depraved sexual interests. In addition to making horribly cutesy gifs and unfunny comics about Klurfs, Dave created a cringeworthy comic detailing "their" gender ambiguity and queerness. Needless to say, "they" appealed to "their" newfound audience of socially retarded, earthworm, feminazi snowflakes and has amassed a following beyond the Goons who begrudgingly accepted his faggotry at Something Awful. It's updated fairly regularly with content guaranteed to make you feel as awkward and uncomfortable in your own skin as he does. Shmorky has long since embraced the joys of Tumblr by disassociating anything to do with him once being a white, straight cis-privileged man, in favor of the oh-so-popular victim of society.
Let's Play
If it wasn't bad enough Goons had created this awful trend, Lowtax and his indentured, deviant buttslut felt the need to add to the plethora of mediocrity with the appropriately named channel, Gaming Garbage. Inserting their ever popular contrived sense of humor, their videos consist of a fag and his unfunny tranny besty with the worst voices for this media, playing poorly made Unity games created by people who are ironically more talented than them. They force themselves to play through them long past the point where they give up on even trying to be funny. In the videos you can sometimes hear the intolerance Lowtax has towards the only friend he has that isn't his children. On a few occasions where Shmorky lets loose with some Tumblresque faggotry, you can hear Lowtax telling Shmorky off or seething in awkward moments of silence. Incidentally, those are probably the only moments in which those two have ever been even remotely funny. The videos started coming to an end after people started referring to this article in the Youtube comments section of their videos when others asked about Shmorky, as well as some goofs when showing his hideous face during livestreams. The videos stopped for about a year, only to eventually be picked again by Lowtax and his daughter Lauren to keep the few pedos who aren't SJWs around to keep him relevant on the Internet. Oddly enough, they still seem to prefer the tranny pedo with the inhuman voice over the mush-mouthed Asian loli.
Patreon
In the spirit of cashing on one of the biggest shills since Kickstarter, Shmorky has taken up a Patreon account in order to cash in for doing things he already does currently for free. But wait, there's moar! Depending on how much you give ol' Shmork, he'll make you some personalized doodles or you can have awkward conversations with him while he draws shit on camera. It is a deal noone could easily pass up, as made apparent by how many people have made pledges for these oh-so-tempting offers.
The Future Mr./Mrs. Dave Kelly
You know how people always say that there is someone out there for everyone? Well they're wrong, and you are going to die not ever having known the pleasures and tribulations of a domestic relationship. However, Shmorky on the other hand managed to lower his unrealistic expectations to find another mentally unstable person who embraces gender dysphoria like it's a lifestyle choice rather than a genuine mental condition. Known as Daisy or FitnessforFools on their Tumblr. Daisy is a "transmaculine" female to male tranny, effectively making Dave the bitch of the relationship by proxy. Daisy has dreams of getting swole, ditching her tits for some pecs, upper body strength, and likely the most coveted of all male perks, a functional, adequately sized penis. Comments from Lowtax suggest Shmorky had brainwashed her while they were dating with feminism and gender issues, often disagreeing with Shmorky until she became tired and worn and argued with him that all men are rapists. Shmorky, of course, escapes the irony of this grooming rape logic through association by putting on girls clothes, referring to himself in gender neutral pronouns, and embracing feminism. Early 2016, e-dramas occurred when Shmork and Daisy began a feud with Lowtax and family over reasons that really have never been made clear. Not surprising given the kind of mentality we're looking at here. In any case, Shmorky and his significant otherkin have enlisted the help of SJW trannies in the Tumblr community to attack Lowtax and kin on Tumblr with threats and accusations that Lowtax is a pedophile. As such, this has led to much amusement that Lowtax and Shmorky could never have had accomplished when they were legitimately trying to be funny. Daisy is now currently undergoing an Internet breakdown as evidenced by a recording by her oppressor, Shmorky. It can be heard here.
Daisy Gallery
-
Shmorky's lady -
Looks normal enough, yeah? Just wait... -
Well, at least she stays in shape... -
...On second thought
Dave Kelly Turns Out To Be Even More Of A Pedophile Than Anyone Knew
Shortly before the end of 2016 the Kiwi Farms thread on Shmorky open with some disgusting pedophile klurf art, proving beyond all doubt his Down's syndrome smurf knockoff really are for him to show the world his child fucking fantasies, and to make it worse, he shared this with minors.
To quote one of the former minors who admitted Shmorky's sick fuckery goes father than anyone thought possible:
According to "carefully", Shmorky lured him into this role as the receiving end of his child molestor fantasy like so:
—[2] | ||
More evidence Dave Kelly was sicker than all thought was revealed as carefully showed chat logs of Shmorky role playing as the fucker of a child.
(Links to full archives of Dave Kelly's sick fuckery.)
Export_A, another kiwi poster who helped confirm the leaks, also confirmed Kelly has drawn even more images of his retarded cartoon smurfs having underage sex, even animated for your viewing disgust.
Dave Kelly soon found out he had been accused of being a pedophile, and immediately went into guilty tranny pedophile deflection mode on Twitter:
Lowtax soon after disavowed Dave Kelly like he did Aaron Patrick Nadler, another longtime goon who had power over his forums for years on end:
Dave, realizing he needed to gain some sympathy yet too pussy to do the world an actual service, decided to fake trying to kill himself on Facebook for asspats:
External Links
- Shmorky's "Flash Tub" on SomethingAwful.
- Dave's new site shmorky.org, now featuring "Webcomic Stew"
- Dave's old site davekellycentral.com, has a directory of his old works, but his comics are available only to Keenspace subscribers
- His old LiveJournal
- His Comic Genesis forums account
- Yes. Infantilistic. Bunny. Diapers.
- His Dave Bunny stuff, catalogued on Ecchi Attack
- His old VCL account, now stripped bare
- One of Dave's 'hilarious' ICQ pranks!
- Some bizarre YouTube thing revealing Shmorky
- A "Funny" webcomic produced by Kelly
- A video featuring parts of Furious Famicom Faggot's reviews on YouTube
- Shmorky's article on TNE Wiki
- Shmorky Kay's House of Buttsmut Tumblr
- Shmorky's Patreon. Be sure to check out our Patreon article on how to troll him there.
*Shmorky's NSFW Patreon (no longer being updated)
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Dave Kelly is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
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Dave Kelly is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article January 11 & 12, 2017 | ||
| Preceded by Mevlüt Mert Altıntaş |
Dave Kelly | Succeeded by Dylann Storm Roof |