Prokofy Neva
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WARNING: This article contains SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS. You can help by minimizing the life-ruining effects. |
Prokofy Neva, also known as "Prok", in real life known as Catherine A. Fitzpatrick, informally as Cathy Fitzpatrick (born 1956), is an aging hippie, Internet troll, stalker, conspiracy theorist and unstable single mom from New York City. Prokofy is one of the most infamous trolls and serial harassers of Second Life. She usually appears in Second Life using a male, "pimp priest" avatar 30 years her junior, although she has at least half a dozen sockpuppets.
She claims to detest being griefed by W-Hatters, Nigras, Woodbury University students, Emerald users and others, yet it evades her that every time she opens her mouth she makes herself a target thanks to her non stop stream of inane statements. Prokofy doesn't just feed the (other) trolls, she serves them up a three course meal.
She also happens to be batshit insane. By her fans, she is passionately referred to as the "Old Bat", and sometimes as the Crazy Cat Lady, a reference to a character from The Simpsons resembling Prokofy's real life self according to some. When people are particularly pissed at Prokofy, they sometimes refer to her as the Batshit Bitch.
Prokofy Neva has been described as a troll by Linden Lab and hard-banned from the Linden Blog[2]. There have been repeated calls to ban her from Second Life, as she is widely despised by most other residents.
Prokofy Neva, Prokofy or Prok may also be used as a general term describing an insane, aging female Internet troll, who spends all her time battling windmills in Internet games[3].
Real Life Stuff
Prokofy has self-identified as Catherine A. Fitzpatrick (born 1956), an old lonely woman and a former translator of Russian from New York City[4]. Why she chose to learn this language is anyone's guess (why learn Russian if you hate communists?). She used to live in the Soviet Union (yes, seriously), where she was a student at the University of Leningrad, graduating in 1979. Apart from translating from Russian, she has also been a human rights activist in the past. The last ten years, after losing her job as a consequence of 9/11, she has spent most of her time on online games 24/7. Before she made her home in Second Life, she was addicted to The Sims Online (as "Dyerbrook", a citizen of Alphaville), and was widely despised there.
She currently works as a freelance editor for the CIA-run Radio Free Europe's Central Asia section where she bitches and trolls about how un-civil central asian thug dictators are, and then she logs onto SL and acts just like one of them.
As a shriveled old hag that has never, and now will never, know human affection she uses Second Life as a sort of online hugbox. This explains her batshit insanity and general tendencies towards shitting bricks whenever she is disagreed with. She is a basement dweller of the highest order and has nothing left in her life but the shitty excuse that is Second Life. Bawwwwww.
In a disturbing twist, twist Prokofy/Catherine refers to having a daughter[5]. Obviously this is a child Prokofy stole from Soviet Russia and is fattening up in preparation for eating. However, some argue that Prokofy is actually a retrosexual, she had sex once but it was so long ago she no longer has any recollection of it.
Contact info
- Catherine A. Fitzpatrick
- 1070 Park Ave
- New York, NY 10128-1000
- (212) 794-1929
- 40° 46′ 53.33″ N, 73° 57′ 24.59″ W
So many people have ordered pizza for her without her consent that all pizza parlors on the East Side of Manhattan now call her to confirm orders are valid before delivering (She apparently likes the meat lovers deluxe with extra cat, be sure to order that).
Second Life Stuff
—Prokofy Neva | ||
Prokofy's absolute insanity has not endeared her to anyone. Even the faggots that run Second Life, Linden Labs, banned her from their forums for massive drama creation. Excluding a handful of radical feminists, everyone agrees that she needs to become an hero as soon as possible. She can be seen ranting on any of the Second Life-related sites about how anyone that disagrees with her is a troll. She displays her overwhelming sense of unwarranted self importance and masterful displays of stroking her E-Peen to anyone who'll watch. It's so self righteous it's almost hypnotic.
It should be obvious, Prokofy believes Second Life to be SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS. According to Something Awful, Prokofy previously worked in the UN and as a sociologist but threw it all away to rent out imaginary land to retards. This goes some ways towards explaining her bitterness and easiness to grief. In fact, he/she is so easy to grief that even normal interaction will be treated as cyberrape or some shit.
Her avatar in Second Life is male, this leads us to the assumption that Prokofy, who apparently studied the oppression of women in Soviet Russia has realized the inherent inferiority of women and is disguising herself in an attempt to escape from the kitchen. Alternatively, she is just batshit insane.
If anyone is in Second Life for whatever reason then look for Ravenglass rentals, Prokofy's own little rental company.
Usual Rants
Prokofy most commonly writes articles about griefing in Second Life, and is well known for her belief that W-Hat, Plastic Duck, /b/ and Patriotic Nigras are all Leninist Bolshevik cultist Maoist Terrorist Communist Nazis from the planet Zolton-5, and are secretly collaborating with Linden Labs, IntLib, Anshe Chung, Justice League Unlimited, Microsoft, The U.S. government, the FBI, the CIA, the KGB, MI5 and the Illuminati.
Prokofy's own political alignment can be speculated on to be somewhere between Rabid Ayn Rand Fangirl and Psychotic Schizophrenic Delusion, as not only has she given herself a Russian pseudonym, but also seems to somehow draw a parallel between any given event ever and Russian politics from anywhere between 100 years ago and last Thursday.
Prokofy's real name is Svetlana Stalin. She lives in an old folks' home in Wisconsin and is a member of the Trilateral Commission. She has a grandson called Mikhail Gorbachev. 100% fact.
She is also concerned by the Illuminati's evil plot to take over Second Life by establishing the "Feted Inner Core", a group that have regular orgies with the Second Life owners, Linden Labs and don't invite Prokofy. This shadowy group exists only in her mind and includes anyone that's been in Second Life for long enough that Prokofy can't call them a noob to avoid arguing.
She obsessively and regularly compiles a list of those in the so-called "FIC" and refers to them as such:
—Prokofy Neva, obviously a sufferer of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is characterized by unwarranted feelings of self-importance, grandiosity and a sense of entitlement. | ||
NOTE: BEWARE, PROKOFY LOEVS LAWSUITS. She's sued Something Awful for libel apparently.[6]
Sockpuppets controlled by Prokofy Neva
- Varian Neutra
- Dear Leader - temporarily suspended for harassment of LL staff, regularly butthurt when people kill her virtual chickens.
- Random Unsung - self-described as aging hippie, permanently banned by LL staff from SL for harassment, trolling, and filing false abuse reports.
- Meridian Maginot
- Dyerbrook Parvenu
Paranoia
As the internets are serious business, Prokofy feels that all those who have disagreed with her or insulted her, (usually after first being subjected to a batshit insane rant), do the following
—Prokofy Neva, summarizing things nicely, | ||
The following Second Life residents fall into this category.
- FlipperPA Peregrine + Jennyfur Peregrine
- Shaun Altman
- Ian Betteridge
- IntLibber - Got her fired from the SL Herald, got her banned from the Concierge Group Chat, notorious Woodbury University enabler, trolled Prok at SLCC 2007 in person.
- Csven Concord
- Benjamin Duranske
- Cristiano Midnight - Crime: Closeted Femboy running a forum whose members mocked Prokofy
- Joshua Nightshade - Faggot Extraordinaire
- Huns Valen - Crime: Pointing out billions and billions of logical fallacies in her batshit TLDRs.
- Dan Hunter
- Meif Ling - Crime: Killing her fucking gay retarded ass virtual chickens.
- Hamlet Au - Crime: Being a better Second Life journalist than Prokofy.
- Aimee Weber - Crime: Selling virtual clothes for virtual money.
- Plastic Duck - Crime: Publicly refusing to suck the shit from Prokofy's ass.
- Ralewyn Gray - Crime: Inferior bread for breaking.
- Tenshi Vielle - Crime: Being a loudmouth twat on Shopping Cart Disco[8] and successfully baiting Prok once or twice.
- Hazim Gazov - Crime: Being an anus.
- Tizzers Foxchase - Crime Being too damn sexy.
- Plastizzim Gazchase - Crime: Heading Second Life-wide conspiracy against the success of Prok
- Joanna Falmer - Crime: Once caught building in Ravenglass by Prok, alleged to be Tizzers by Prok
- Wut Moorlord - Crime: Teaming up with Joanna Falmer, joining AW Groupies too early, using the name "Wut"[9]
- Toxic Menges - Crime: Refusing to ban all people on the list Prokofy provided from an event. Prokofy opened a Twitter war against her saying "@toxicmenges um, fuck you. I've looked up what you've been writing on Twitter, & I am not required 2 chat with u. You're an obsessed stalker."
Bear in mind that these are just the ones that are actually stalking her through the internet. Little does Prokofy know but these people couldn't give a shit about her and her abortive attempts at creating conspiracy theories that make more sense than an employed Nigra.
Prokofy HOW-TO
- Prokofy will not respond to the anonymous trolls on her blog. She silently deletes.
- In Prokofy's brain, Second Life people are real. Make an account and she will talk to you. Name your account Prokofy Anything and you have a friend for life.
- Prokofy will respond to every statement about her on Second Life blogs. She Googles herself constantly. Mention her in fresh entries. She will find you and love you long time.
- Prokofy "wins" by having the last word. Save blog links and comment once a week. "But I guess you won't reply again since you are a coward."
- Prokofy's Google ranking is SACRED. Post comments to blogs as Prokofy or "Ravenglass Rentals" and list this page for your homepage. Make this the top hit for Prokofy.
- Prokofy hates communists, collectivists, wiki culture, transhumanists, open source, the singularity, Linux, "Mac Geeks", kittens and puppies. Put any of these in your profile before any Second Life encounter.
- Join Second Life. Name yourself Prokofy Anything and put the above things in your profile. Don't do anything wrong so the account lasts. You will get apeshit emails for years. Wear soviet-retro clothing on your avatar so you can "prove" you are in on the conspiracy.
- Prokofy owns land in a circle around a soviet flag in Second Life. The owner won't sell her that small piece of land. It's a great place to meet and talk.
- Go to one of Prok's "Public Meetings" at the Sutherland Dam in Second Life. Ask intelligent questions, she will ban you in under a minute.
- Prokofy earns money in Second Life. She doesn't report it because she's a libertarian. Ask Prokofy whether she's stopped cheating on her taxes yet.
Quotes
Being the lolcow that she is, one article or comment by her can spawn at least 100 quotes full of lol.
- I thought we were building a *better* world or something really new and different and spiritually challenging and intellectually challenging.
- When he arrived at the sim, it was being rebuilt, evidently after a griefer trashed it and caused what one source says was close to $1,000 US worth of damage.
- This *is* national news. - Referring to JLU's discovery of a griefer home base.
- This is the face of Leninist cyberterrorism. - Referring to the Patriotic Nigras, W-Hat, and other groups that are in it for the lulz.
- No, I don't give in to terrorists who demand ransoms or concessions. - Here you can begin to see the trend of giving "griefers" different silly names.
- Drama is what they indulge in, trying to hysterically impose an extremist conservative notion of "not seriousness" on the world. - She found out the Reagan Connection!
- I'm not even a girl, you know? - During a podcast about places to shop in SL, Prok says she isn't an authority on dresses as she isn't female (what?.)
- I don't buy the Leninist line that these griefers' groups have components that "aren't about griefing". - Conservative Leninists!
- They are all indicted as being part of a conspiracy to impose will on others by force.
- I didn't claim any conspiracy here
- They already have gotten you if you can't grasp the essence of the communist Big Lie that lies back of this Leninst group. - Referring to /b/.
Links
Since Prokofy Neva did little except write for the Second Life Herald (which she holds as a standard-bearer of journalistic integrity), she has many source of lulz for the world to see. Prokofy has since been pushed out of her post at the Herald by [awesomesauce|lulz]Pixeleen Minstral, Herald editor.
- Prokofy the Communist?
- Conversations had with Prokofy
- Neva's shitty blog
- Griefer U "article"
- http://www.prokofyneva.com
- http://www.prokofy.com
- Comments on other blogs - seriously tl;dr
- Posts on SecondLife JIRA bug tracker - lots of TL;DR Second Life policy discussions but with some assorted batshittery mixed in for good measure
is part of a series on Second Life  |
Anshe Chung • Boyd Doghouse • BritbongReturns • Christoph Naumova • Felinoid • Hardstylenno • Harrison Digfoot • IntLib • JaSonic • Kalel Venkman • Kopyboat • Krispup • Lemonade Coyote • Mircea Kitsune • MrDisambiguation • Prokofy Neva • Ralph Pootawn • Skuee • Tamias the Chipmunk • Urizenus Sklar • Voland • Yiffy Yaffle • Yoko Beaumont •
Justice League Unlimited • Lost Furest • Patriotic Nigras • FurNation • W-Hat • The Wrong Hands |
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Prokofy Neva is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article September 22, 2007 | ||
| Preceded by University of Florida Taser incident |
Prokofy Neva | Succeeded by C-note |