Mechanophilia

Mechanophilia is a mental disorder of the type paraphilia described as a sexual attraction to inanimate objects (mainly machines, hence the name). It develops during the late anal period (5-7 years old) and is much more common among girls.

Diagnostic criteria

• Insertion of Barbie dolls/model railway/Tamagotchi or similar into oneself's vagina/anus/peepeehole during early childhood.
• Have ever watched a Chobits episode.
• Hugging pillows.
• Intense, recurring, sexually arousing fantasies or dreams of anything without a heartbeat for a period of at least 6 months.
• Using a zeta toy - furry mecha, extremely fucked up.
• Purchasing a dildo/artificial pussy.
• Growing up watching My Life As A Teenage Robot.
• Having an orgasm caused by a butt machine.
• Sexual arousal by the thought of getting a pacemaker.
• Obsession with Transformers porn.
• You are Realmrsoptimusprime

Prognosis

Everything has been tried - even real, live intercourse with a prostitute. It didn't help. Possible reasons of this revealed by a scientific study conducted at Kyodai include:

• Artificial pussies/anuses are tighter than real human genitalia.
• Dildos are more powerful/bigger than the genuine article.
• Hitachi Lick-o-matic with Duracell batteries never wear out while real carpet munchers' tongues get tired pretty fast.
• Most importantly, real sex requires the participants to experience some emotions, of which mecha are incapable.

The situation is not hopeless, however. Japanese and Koreans are already developing robots that have genitals mimicking that of humans, and mecha is lawful in most parts of the world.

Legality

Mechanophilia is treated very seriously in some jurisdictions. The United Kingdom is notable for having strict anti-mechanophilia laws in place, which means that anyone who... hang on...

... erm, actually it turns out that mechanophilia isn't a crime in the UK at all (as Wikipedia claims). But amazingly, it turns out that -- according to Wikipedia's own source -- behaving in a sexual way in public is a crime, the basic offense of "breaching the peace", whether you do it with a bicycle, a horse, an old sock, or just your hand. But since there was no way of spotting this incredibly subtle legal distinction, perhaps Wikipedia can be forgiven.

No, fuck that, if any of the pompous assholes who treat Wikipedia as their personal intellectual fiefdom had seen the above claim and thought about it for more than 10 fucking seconds they would have realised that their ludicrous idea would mean that vibrators would be outlawed and most British women would be in prison.

And it turns out that a few journalists didn't give it more than 10 seconds of thought either, and mindlessly cuntpasted this ridiculous factoid while performing journalistic research.

Read 'em and weep.

Hall of plagiarising shame

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Gallery

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  Mechanophiles fantasize about this all the time.
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  Oh noes!!!11!1!
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  Rail in Akihabara, Japan
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  An artist's impression of what mecha might look like.
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  The unconscious Chii.
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Famous mecha

• Robokins
• Arnold Schwarzenegger
• Bill Gates
• girlmecha

See Also

• Transhumanism
• OS-tan

Mechanophilia is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

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Mechanophilia is part of a series on Psychology