Manboobs
Manboobs, also known as man-tits, moobs, man-puffs or gynecomastia, but never man breasts, is a physical condition among males in which the mammary glands grow to an abnormal size, similar to that of a female. The clinical name for a person diagnosed with gynecomastia is a moob-haver. If you haven't noticed by now, you are the only man you know with manboobs. While having moobs is commonly associated with being a fucking fatshit, it is actually due to female hormones within the male at birth that may develop at any point in time. In adolescent boys the condition is often a source of extreme lulz, but for many boys, particularly adolescents, it is not due to obesity, but rather because God didn't know if He wanted you to be a chick or a dude. Everyone's gotta be on the fence at some point, even God.
How to find out if you have Gynecomastia
- Are you a man?
- Have you ever eaten bacon?
- Are you actually asking yourself these questions? (If you are, then you automatically have them.)
- Have you ever sat down at a computer long enough to write an entire forum, webpage, fanfiction or Encyclopedia Dramatica article?
- Have you ever gotten a nipple pinch that turned into an all-out grope on your pectoral muscles?
- Have you ever gotten a nipple pinch that lasted for more than the normal amount of time for a nipple pinch (1-3 seconds)?
- Do you live in a place you'd consider...down to earth?
- Yes, you do indeed have bitch-tits.
- Do you enjoy enjoyable food?
- Can you lick your own nipple? (Even Gene Simmons)
- Have you ever played an MMORPG such as World of Warcraft or Everquest?
- Can you do the truffle shuffle and/or Numa Numa dance exactly as it was made and intended?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then yes, you have mantits by default. If you answered yes to all of these questions then there is no moar hope for you to not have fat-tits; Just keep doing the truffle shuffle.
Enjoying moobs
There is no known reason as to why manboobs exist, other than to provide excruciating amounts of lol to anyone who sees them barely being covered up by a spandex athletic top, everyday t-shirt, or hoodie. For maximum potential, find a moob-haver without a shirt on, then ridicule him relentlessly for changing out of his smelly-ass clothes into fresh threads and thinking that he was safe in the comfort of his own room or basement. 50 points if you bring a camera and aim it at the moob-haver, even if you don't actually turn the camera on. This will scare the Snorlax into complete and utter butthurt, at which point you can either escape so you will not be eaten alive, or stick around just to make sure you get all the footage you can (which you will be required by law to place on youtube).
If you confront a man who has puffs and does not care, but still attempt to ridicule him, you will have caused complete anti-lulz and will promptly be rejected from all dating websites and 4chan for your fail, assuming that the man does not simply eat you before you can get away. It is important to know one's grounds when dealing with a moob-haver, as their docile nature is usually a guise for an intense amount of physical strength, which will invariably explode in an array of POWAH! if you steal their food. The only thing that would save you at this point is to say "I did it for the lulz".
Living With the Disease
It is possible but not recommended.
Moobs in Stealth Mode
Manboobs are most commonly covered up by multiple layers of clothing, similar to the way a neckbeard tries (but fails) to cover up his extra chins. Many moob-havers will wear up to 17 layers of clothing in the heat of summer, even when swimming or attempting to swim (see: black person). Contrary to popular belief, moobs will not act as a flotation device, as the moob-haver will generally be too heavy to float anyway. Disregard that last sentence, faggots reading this. In fact, fat has a low density and aids flotation. What stops flabby cunts floating is the mass of food and milkshakes they consume, which obstruct their fucking colon with congeries of shit, they weight of which nullifies the buoyancy of their bewbs. This effect is best cited by the fact that a penguin, despite having wings, cannot fly, as its everything is too goddamn fat. Also disregard those last two sentences, as the writer is clearly fat and in possession of moobs.
Despite it being 500 fucking degrees out, a juvenile with moobage will still try to cling to the ghost of insisting he has no moobs, or recognizing that he has moobs and not wanting to share them. A staple article of clothing for the moob-haver is the hooded sweatshirt. Any moob-haver will possess several of these, none of which will ever be given to a girl, as well as Hawaiian shirts, which have always been a great way to hide moobs as their silky style simply hangs down over the moobs, so it merely looks like you are either barrel-chested or simply fat, which many people believe is more desirable.
The sooner the moob-haver becomes comfortable with the fact that he has moobs, the sooner he can move onto more important things like upskirt pics and raep.
Noteworthy people with moobs
Many people in today's world have come to live with moobs and lead perfectly healthy, successful lives. However most of them only have feigned success, or they ate their Jew. Some of these people include...
- Numa Numa
- Wario
- Onideus Mad Hatter
- Oprah Winfrey
- Jack Black
- Asalieri
- Jared Milton
- He11sing920
- John Travolta
- Peter Griffin
- Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto
- NeuGristle87
- Christian Weston Chandler
- Matthew Davis
- VampiricSpektor
Gallery
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Even more disgusting when combined with chest-hair. -
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A typical moob. -
OMG MY EYES! -
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Courtesy of TheAmazingAsshole -
Moobs and huge guts go together like fagots and AIDS. -
Manboobs of the world
Below are some links to mantits in the wild. Why anybody would be willing to look for this is beyond our comprehension, but we'll assume you're doing it for the lulz, because, hopefully, you don't have manbreasts.
- A black man. With bad teeth. Don't know what's worse?
- This might help you decide. Or vomit. Or fap, we really don't give a shit.
- Oddly, you don't have to be fat to have manboobs. Read the comments on this video.
