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Ethan Crumbley
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STEP THE FUCK OFF! Ethan Crumbley looks like shit but it is NOT a {{crapstub}}. It is a work in progress! If you require assistance beefing up this article, then hit up the experts on our IRC.
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| Ethan Crumbley | |
| Born | April 28, 2006 (18 years old) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Highscore | Killed 4, injured 7 |
| Top 50? | FUCK NO! |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | No |
Ethan Robert Crumbley was the perpetrator behind the 2021 Oxford Highschool Shooting in Oxford Township, Michigan in Amerikkka land of da school shootas! After many disturbing warning signs shown towards teachers and his own parents the school didn't help and his own Mummy and Duddy got him a SIG Sauer SP 2022 semi-automatic handgun for Christmas but this bad boi opened his gift up early and showed the whole country how deadly a unstable teen with a gun could be... FOR FIVE MINUTES til nothing was done about gun control or mental health and the next personally better and more notable school shooting 6 months later happened in Uvalde, Texas with an AR-15!!! :O
Origin Story
Born: April 28, 2006 (Birthdate written incase you want to send him a birthday card for da lulz) in Florida the most perfectly normal place to raise a child! Just like any Gen Z kid he was active on YouTube and Instagram which we know isn't fucking good. From what the news said like 3 years ago, he played violent video games like Call of Duty WW2 Nazi Zombies. Da VIDEO GAMES!!! Are what making these kids violent if you ask Jack Thompson.
Parents
Holy shit! Both had minor criminal records from 1995 to 2005. I guess the bad fruit doesn't fall far from the tree!
- James Crumbley - "Father figure" nothing special about this bloke. Add stuff if you know more about him Encyclopedia Dramatics!
- Jennifer Crumbley - Alliterative first name seeing a pattern hmmmm Coincidence? Cheated on James and was kind of a whore to a Firefighter. Took Crumbley to the range!! #merica
Warning Sign #1: DON'T BUY YOUR TEENAGER A GUN!
Loadout
| Class Setup | |
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| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
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WARNING SIGNS
This kid had more warning signs popping out more than a half dead squirrel bleeding in pain like in Agony! Speaking of which he liked to kill innocent animals like every redneck from Florida. He would kill baby birds and put their heads in jars and somewhere I found out that he had a decapitated deer head and dropped it somewhere in public IDK so edit this article if you can pls O-O He idolized Adolf Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, and of course another school shooter NIKOLAS CRUZ. He didn't really idolize them but just wanted to be infamous which with how things are today is something we can all fucking relate too and also from the lack of real attention his parents gave him LOL. On the morning of the shooting in a stupid math ASSignment he drew fucking dead bodies and guns instead of 2+2=4 what a DUMBASSS. His mother also texted him "Don't do it" but it was 2 LATEE!!! With the combination of him being an Edgelord Teen and being in the possession of a handgun with multiple FULL METAL JACKET magazines he was able to begin his HIGHSCORE ATTEMPT...
Le Epic Fail
On November 30, 2021 in a bathroom at Oxford Highschool our boy Ethan took out his GUN from his backfack and after casting aside a diet gatorade and a notebook full of disturbing thoughts he went outside to the hallway to begin his lame ass spree! There were no cool details like Columbine where the shooters asked students if they believed in god or not, because with the way it is now schools are fucking woke and god isn't in them anymore. :P Overall, Crumbley's massacre was SHIT only getting a minimum of 4 Deaths and pussying out of AnHero but atleast it was better than William Atchison shittiest attempt of 2017 at a highschool too! Atleast for him he's a "Mass Shooter" but not one in MASS. #LameAss
Casualties of "War"
- Tate Myre, 16
- Dumbass jock who literally peaked in highschool.
- Madisyn Baldwin, 17 - White girl who dropped dead like her starbucks.
- Hana St. Juliana, 14 - Cho's possible cousin from another mother from another CHING CHONG China Town lover.
- Justin Shilling, 17 - DIED IN FUCKING AGONY AHHH THE PAIN!
YOUR GROUNDED ETHAN1!!
Because of this lulz a year and a half later, Ethan was sentenced to life without parole of course. Parents were sentenced to 15 years each because of their shitty parenting and of course the JEW school got off scot-free cause it wasn't their fault. (Lie)
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 4/20 Columbine! |
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| Accuracy: | 6/20 Stormtrooper |
| Style: | 9/20 Basic black hoodie but with a COVID mask |
| Butthurt: | 12/20 Midwestern school threats on TikTok |
| Bonus: | 0/20 No bonus, just a typical school shooter at work |
Wanted Level:
Police Force
ALL THE OTHER KIDS WITH THE PUMPED UP KICKS
External Links
TOW coverage- Instagram Deleted :(
- YouTube Deleted :(
