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Dernek.ba
Dernek.ba is Balkan version of LiveJournal created in 2007, just with shittier look stolen from failed site Tulumarka.com, and managed to become a convention of attention whores in just two months. Because Balkan was busy doing more important stuff in the 90's, the existence of quality Internet content there was reduced to nothing, so Dernek was "something new and refreshing for young generation“.
From about 500000 users (lol), 490000 are fake profiles created by admins to increase the value of site. Another 8999 are retarded 13-year-old boys and 16-year-old girls who truly believe that Eva Longoria and Justin Timberlake are real users on Dernek just becauce their picture is an avatar of a fake profile created by admins. Despite the rule that you must have at least 17 years of your pathetic life to unlock and experience the joy of Dernek, 6 out of 7 users have 16 or less.
Badges and Popularity
These two things are the main reasons why this virtual piece of shit still exists. If you ask any user what is the reason that keeps him/her on site, he/she will almost immediately say:"Friendship and meeting someone new and interesting", but in reality, all he/she does is sitting in mom's basement and tracking the Popularity meter, so he/she can become the true master of Dernek, Internet and Universe, all at the same time.
But the real drama occurs when someone gets the badge for being a dedicated member. Most basement dwellers and attention whores have an heart attack when someone who do not spends as much time on Dernek as them gets the VIP badge before they do, but they will never admit it.
By the way, there are three types of badges and positions you can get: VIP, which is short for "Very Irresistible Pussy", and has the meaning of reward for friends of admins or mods, Premium, which is like VIP, but you have to pay for it because you are too ugly to fuck with mod or admin. Third one is to become a Mod, and it requires some brain skills, experience with Internet users, and friendship with admins.
Mods, Admins and "Famous Users"
All users have some sort of mental anomaly. But, lulz and drama were almost allways generated by:
- Exoduss - 13 year old virgin in a body of a 30 year old pedo. Well known for the various attempts of suicide because he was banned by funkyzeit, and overall butthurt about everything. He put the nicest clothes he had on himself, took a bunch of pills and went to rest hoping he would log on from heaven again in the morning. After eight hours, he realized he accidentally replaced the rat poison with a coctail of viagra, laxative and vitamins, so he went to bathroom and came while shitting bricks. Not knowing who banned him, he told the whole story to funkyzeit, who declared the heroic act to everyone on the site 5 minutes later. Exoduss also came when admins gave him the VIP bagde just to shut him up last thursday.
—Exoduss, attempt 1 of 7 | ||
—Exoduss, 42 minutes after he emptied his ass and cock | ||
- DaemoN - Ever been interested in psychology? Did you ever witnessed a scene of a fugly, male, wannabe Yu-Gi-Oh attention whore, probably your neighbour, geting almost everything you ever wanted over the years just because he is rich? Were you pretending to be his best friend just to feel and be special? If answer to all these questions is "YES, OMFG, YES!!!", then it means that you are special, and you always knew what you wanted in your life and how to get it like a pro, so we will proudly give you this advice you'll use next time you see yourself standing next to Daemon:
—Remember to post party pictures here, so we can see how cool you are. | ||
- funkyzeit - He would like to think that he is one of the biggest trolls, racists and nazis in the history of the site. Known to be an alcoholic, this mod cured his hangovers and his complexes on innocent users almost every day. From posting the threads on forum, telling people they can spam the shit out of them and then giving over 9000 b&, to thinking that he can fuck a girl for VIP bagde and not give it to her, leading the situation to a drama nuke and the girl almost became An hero, which of course didnt happen simply because nobody really gives a fuck about badges. Despite all his archievments, he still failed at life for even being on the site, so he is a retard. Curently not active, probably killed himself because he is shizofrenic.
- PriNc - Another troll mod. Because he could not be admin, he thought he was a forum god because he can ban anyone. Me made sure everyone know he is online by creating a gay pictures and puting them into locked threads. Many female users wanted to suck him just to unban them, but he claimed he is in a happy relationship and not interested.
- XIII - Serbian bodybuilding pussy, member of a gay clan known as "Četnici". No one ever saw him IRL, so some argue he didn't even exist. Famous for causing butthurt among Bosnians and being a VIP because of that.
- Trunks - Biggest attention whore, weeaboo, emo and faggot Dernek ever saw. Everybody is telling him he is cool because of his syndrome. He just deserves the mentioning for the same reason.
- Caco - 38 year old closet pedo who constantly tries to marry anything younger than 16, but fails almost as hard as Exoduss. As the official Loli Proposal World Record holder, with 36 proposals, and 68 rejects (some lolis know what will come before he speaks), Caco is famous in child molester circles just like Osama bin Laden is in Afghanistan, therefore a pretty cool guy.
Forum
In the middle of a hard process of thinking, one on Dernek must often ask. Intelligent questions and answers on Dernek forum are same from day to day, and these are their usual forms:
Q: Does he love me?
A: FIRRRSSST POSSSSTTT, YEAAAHHH! mwa for my fellow thirdgraders!
Q: I'm 15, and I'm still virgin! Help!
A: FIRRRSSST POSSSSTTT, YEAAAHHH! I am too, being virgin rocks, don't ever change! If you have sex, you'll go to hell! - coming from a girls with an avatar very much looking like a cover of the "Whore patrol 5" movie.
Q: Is sex good?
A: UAUAUAUAUA LOLOLOLOLOLOL, STUPIIIDDD!!! Of course it is, I had it 5 times yesterday! - a busy young man.
Q: How do I breath? HELP!
A: FIRRRSSST POSSSSTTT, I DON'T KNOW! YEAAARGHHHHHH...
Q: U guyz are cancer that is killing the forum. GTFO, u... kids!!!
A: I am 12, and I am mature and I helped a mod over 9000 times, HOW DARE YOU? TOKIO HOTEL RULLLZZZ!
Q: aoooooooouuuuuuublj - the famous member appears.
A: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH, ur so crazy with ur VIP badge! I laughed so hard to your cool topic i died and revived myself again just to answer you. Oh, god I'm still laughing, you are so smart! How do you think up all this crazyness? I like you so much, without you and your humor I would delete my profile forever because I'm sooo bored. Will you mary me, please?
If you feel an epic butthurt and you use every second of your life to present your mature thinking and knowledge about books, clothes and equality of people, you'll become a member of a Chosen Forum (IF) where you can discuss about feminism, gay rights, human rights, nigger rights, politics, politicians, and if someone deserved to be in IF (Impotent Faggots) with only 12 posts, and refuse to answer the topic even if he is more intelligent than all of them together. Of course, the real reason is their understanding of the topic million lulz levels above their brain level.
Blogs
Blogs on Dernek are texts about Dernek, Dernek, Dernek, sometimes Dernek, and emo poetry. Oh, we forgot, they are about Dernek too. If you write blogs on Dernek, you are probably just trying to appear smart, but you are not fooling anyone with your bad grammar and extreme BAWWWWing about your hard life, school problems, gipsy curse, third eye (on your dick), your best friend, being friendzoned while she is fucked by an Alpha male, going berserk and throwing chairs on your grandma because you are two points down in Popularity bar, trying to be social IRL but failing hard as you talk only about blogs, points and mods, and everyone in a 100 meter radius knows you are on Dernek, not because of your cool leet Dernek charisma, but because of a dirty stinky Dernek t-shirt you are wearing for 267 days in a row presenting your nickname and smelling like shit.
Of course, you do get rewarded for becoming fat no-life basement dweller. In exchange for your soul in written form, admins give you a lot of blog and popularity points, so you can rise and become the Top blogger.
Videos
Trunks showing us his true form:
See Also
- Dernek - The source of faggotry.
- Slav
- LiveJournal
- Internet tough guy
- Unwarranted self importance
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Dernek.ba is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
