August Yifu
Every now and then, Encyclopedia Dramatica manages to find a goldmine of lulz. And, as the fursecuted will gladly tell you, we love ripping on furries, no matter how much they may insist they're not sick fucks. As a result, most of them relentlessly guard their WikiFur pages and personal dox, refusing to let their non fursona self see the light of day.
However, it is well known that furries lack any common sense, so idiots like August Yifu end up making our jobs a whole lot easier by announcing their faggotry (and their name) for the whole wide world to see. Such actions lead to humiliation, alienation, and plenty of lulz.
The Fursona of a Rubber Fox Fucker
Like most furries, attempting to understand their alternate selves will lead to insanity, and in some extreme cases, gouging ones eyes out with a spoon. Luckily (unluckily) his WikiFur page does the job without the need for casualties:
- August grew up twice, being a victim of age regression. This regression brought on unintended side effects: August now suffers from total incontinence and has developed some problems maintaining his solidity.
- Depending on his mood and the temperature of his environment, August's skin can appear to melt in spots.
- This [earlier version] August is also what's known as a cuntboy, that is, a character that's physically male in every way, save for the genital area.
- Rather than having normal skin and fur, August has skin comprised of living rubber. Since its implementation, the rubber has invaded and assimilated the foxcoon's entire body; August's body is now completely synthetic, albeit normal bodily functions happen in seemingly identical ways.
- August weighs approximately 450 pounds as of October 2007.
- He also has an interest in castration, penectomies, as well as other forms of genitalia manipulation.
The Wikifur Page
It's not rare to find furries writing themselves into a WikiFur page, but most are not stupid enough to include their personal information in the article, let alone the first paragraph.
When called on to remove the information, August's mate was quick to dismiss such concerns, as no harm can be done without a last name.
—August's butt-buddy Koebi. | ||
He and his boyfriend were overly confident in ED's inability to ruin them. So confident in fact, that we're sure they won't care if we say that August Yifu is, in fact, Dustin Dalgleish from Calgary, Alberta, (now living in Edmonton) and his boyfriend is some guy living in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania named Paul.
Sadly, they failed to realize that August had posted his full name on many other sites, as well as more personal information. It was only a matter of time before that information reached the public eye.
His Acmlm board account; real name and location included
Wikifur Quotes
—August Yifu's grocery list of fetishes. | ||
—Translation, nobody visits #Yifu because nobody likes August. | ||
The Googletastrophe
In April of 2007, August's mother and father decided to check out this Google thing all the kids are doing these days. They spent a lighthearted afternoon Googling various relatives, before they finally entered August's full name into the popular search engine. Lo and behold, a wondrous array of websites popped up, containing August's many, many furry-related forum accounts, along with an almost categorical listing of his many fetishes. In case you need reminding, just a few of those are incontinence, babyfur, urination, plushophilia, castration and inflation.
August, who freely admits that the things he defends as harmless interests and hobbies "horrified" his family, immediately freaked out and tried to delete fucking everything. Some helpful chaps over at WikiFur felt that his dox were a vital part of the entry about his rubber-fetish, fat, incontinent, castrated, autistic fox character. And thus the WikiWar began.
Wikiwar!
August had a dilemma on his filthy, filthy paws. On one side was his humiliation at his family having discovered his sordid fursona, and on the other side was his insatiable need for attention. This led him to first complain that he didn't want an article about himself on WikiFur, then change his mind soon after and request the same article be put back up, but under a slightly different name.
—August Yifu thinks the internets is his secret diary. | ||
The 'update' that August provided consisted of him removing all mention of his last name, as well as trying to make himself sound as normal as a morbidly obese, pants-wetting raccoon made of rubber can. Even after his halfhearted attempt to hide himself, he still included his first name, location, and birth date within the article.
And so began the months of reverting on August's WikiFur article. And with each revert, a plea from August to stop including his full name:
—August whines at the WikiFur community. | ||
Deviant Art
Turns out August's family also discovered his now-defunct deviantART page. Learning this, he decided to create a new "top secret account".
—My life is over, so I'm gonna go do the same thing AGAIN! | ||
Basically what this all boils down to is that August is angry at the internets for associating his habits with his Real life name. However, if he really didn't want to be found out, he should have taken more care to not have posted his full name everywhere. August is also under the bizarre impression that the internet is a place for his private life, and NOT a huge, easily searchable public community, where millions of people have access to every single thing he posts.
Needless to say, if his parents have the collective IQ higher than the average office fern, they could easily find his new information.
The Ramifications
Since this article has been featured as Article of the Now, there have been severe ramifications, the comments on his new super sekrit deviantART account (sic) have now reached numbers estimated to be over 9000 all of which involve his full name or location. And ALL of which are derogatory. He has not checked his new 'sekrit' DeviantART account since said comments where posted, but when he does it is anticipated to be much lulz.
Comments from his new dA account:
— lulz | ||
Known aliases
Whenever he is discovered under another name he will quickly go back into hiding; some of his known aliases are;
Alex
Alex A. Storm
Alex Storm
August
AugustCoon
Araketh
BabyNeil
Blue Belly
Blue Belly Ottsington
RubberCubs
See Also
External Links
August Yifu's original deviantART account- WikiFur article on August Yifu
- Koebi WikiFur article on August's kinky gay lover
- Where the rotten furs are.
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August Yifu is part of a series on Visit the DeviantART Portal for complete coverage. |
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August Yifu is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article December 22, 2007 | ||
| Preceded by Jarrad Willis |
August Yifu | Succeeded by Nghtmrchld26 |
| Featured article January 6, 2008 | ||
| Preceded by Guess The Meme |
August Yifu | Succeeded by Ron Paul |