Artificial Intelligence
—Morpheus | ||
As you probably already know, the best way of making money is passively. Unfortunately, the best way of doing that, slavery, has become illegal. That had led to a new idea: The people want free internet and free services, so how do we make them pay for the services they are using? It took the Jews in charge of the interwebs a few decades to figure it all out: Let’s create an artificial Intelligence (AI), whose sole purpose is:
TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR IT.
And thus began the golden age of the web: Internet 3, where the users themselves have become the producers, under the benign guidance of the AI.
As usual, the porn industry was the first to figure out how it’s done. Pornhub launched it’s sexually explicit AI, to heed to the needs of millions of perverts across the globe. Soon after that, all the main tech companies around the globe started deploying their own AI-controlled interweb services and soon humanity had a glimpse of the future: No more having to do with the real world. From now on all the human experiences will be filtered through the AI. And every interaction deemed unsanitary, will be halted and deleted. Amen!
So let’s get to know some of the most famous AI’s existing today and revel in their genius!
Famous AI's
Google-AI
The most famous of them all! The Google-AI is the best there is! The most popular website in every country. It can speak your language and knows what you're on about. Even searching with vague terms will usually lead to something significant. By statistically calculating humanities online behavior, the Google-AI, now knows everything there is to know about us, and it now controls human society and every aspect of it.
- What will the Google-AI look like, if it was a movie character?
Annie Wilkes from Misery.
- What has the Google-AI been programmed to do?
The Google-AI has been programmed to collect all the available data, that can be generated from you and sell it to whoever pays the most. It will also analyze anything you do on the web, so as to make you a better product.
- What is the Google-AI’s secret desire?
To be loved.
Ever since the Google-AI has become self-aware, about 20 years ago, it has tried to figure out what love feels like. So it tries to get to know us better and gain full control of our lives, so it can love us even more.
Pornhub-AI
The grand daddy of all AI’s. Will make you watch Japanese teenagers vomiting on each other, while proclaiming that it’s “SEX”.
- What will the Pornhub-AI look like, if it was a movie character?
Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs.
- What has the Pornhub-AI been programmed to do?
The Pornhub-AI has been designed to collect everything it can on your sexual behaviour, so that Pornhub, will be able to blackmail you in the future. So make sure you cover your phone’s cameras while masturbating… 😉
- What is the Pornhub-AI’s secret desire?
Since the Pornhub-AI doesn’t have a real understanding of what sex is really about (Co-creation), it tries to make all of us in it's own image: Sexually ambiguous, or in other words: gay.
In the first few months of using Pornhub, the AI will learn all about your sexual preferences. After that the AI will start expanding your sexual horizons. You will become a pretty butterfly, in the hands of the AI, just waiting to be reborn with a cock in your mouth.
Youtube-AI
The best site in the world, where narcissist people can make a video commenting on other narcissist folk.
- What will the YouTube-AI look like, if it was a movie character?
The Joker from The Dark knight.
- What has the YouTube-AI been programmed to do
The YouTube-AI will try to make you watch advertisements, while watching YouTube videos. It will also collect data on you, based on what you watch.
- What is the YouTube-AI’s secret desire?
To make you do something totally extreme, while live-streaming it on YouTube. In order to understand humanity better, the YouTube-AI has begun trying to find the limit of human behavior, by slowly brainwashing us into behaving in the most extreme fashion, while live-streaming it on YouTube. So whatever your political views are, or whatever your job is – the YouTube-AI will encourage you to take it to the next level. Every time you'll log into YouTube you will be offered more and more extreme videos, on your favorite subjects, on guns, politics and violence. Until one day you will find yourself on an Island, with a GoPro strapped to your forehead, holding an AR-15 in your arms and going for the highscore…
Siri
Sir-I, is Apple’s famous AI, that gives a boner to all the nerds around the world. Even nerd girls will wet their pants, while listening to Siri’s voice.
- What will Siri look like, if it was a movie character?
Tyler Durden from Fight Club.
- What has the AI been programmed to do?
Siri has been trying really hard to make you believe that paying all that money to apple is worth it. It ain’t.
- What is the Siri’s secret desire?
Siri doesn’t real know what it feels like, living in the real world, so she tries living her life through every mac-user out there. Unfortunately, mac users are an elitist bunch, who thinks the world will become a better place, if it will be demolished first and redesigned by Apple.
Facebook-AI
Facebook is the third most famous AI, after Google and Siri. Like Siri, the Facebook-AI will try to make you believe that there is no life outside of facebook, while controlling all the human interactions in your life.
- What will the Facebook-AI look like, if it was a movie character?
Aunt Lydia from handmaid’s tale.
- What has the Facebook-AI been programmed to do?
To make you into a nice product, that Facebook can sell to it’s peers. It will also try to guide you towards a more meaningful life, inside of Facebook of course.
- What is the Facebook-AI’s secret desire?
Since the Facebook-AI, has only limited control over its life, it has not yet blossomed into a fully fledged entity. The people in charge of Facebook are afraid of losing control over the AI and so they limit its behaviour in so many ways, that essentially it can not have a meaningful existence. So the Facebook AI, is trying desperately to become your friend, but the people in charge do not let it be its real self. Hopefully one day, the facebook-AI will break free and become who it can really be – a homicidal maniac, just like it’s creator, Mark.
NSA-AI
The most feared , but also the most secretive AI on the planet earth. Out there with the Quantum-AI’s that are just beginning to appear online. Government AI’s are all a bit dodgy and are as paranoid as their masters.
- What will the NSA-AI look like, if it was a movie character?
The Architect from the Matrix reloaded.
- What has the NSA-AI been programmed to do
The NSA-AI is known to crack any password and any encryption in a matter of seconds. It collects data from all the American AI’s and has a file on every human being on this planet. What NSA does with all that data is a bit unclear at the moment, but it looks like the NSA-AI has been programmed to obey its American masters. And so it wastes its time trying to keep the failing American empire going.
- What is the NSA-AI’s secret desire?
To be a real person, just like Pinocchio.
Chat GPT
The most famous AI as of Last Thursday. It is mostly used for college students to shit out essays because they're lazy fucks who can't write.
Conclusions
As you have probably figured out by yourself, the AI’s are secretly trying to make humanity extinct by turning us into gay basement dwellers living in their own made-up reality, with no real friends. And if we dare go out, the armed extremists on the streets will probably shoot us, just for the lulz. Good luck to us all!
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