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AutoAdmit
AutoAdmit (a.k.a. xoxohth) is an upstanding legal discussion forum full of Ivy League hopefuls; it is run by a handsome Jew/Vitamin Soda entrepreneur known OTI as Rachmiel.
Poster Demographics
At its peak AutoAdmit had thousands of regular posters, but after the the LOLsuit many posters resorted to lurking, much like the vocal Muslim community after 9/11. Most of the current posters are current or future law students, lawyers, unrepentant racists, vicious misogynists, OCD Asians, 2 gays, and a busted black chick with fat tits.
Because AutoAdmit is totally anonymous, there are two competing theories about the demographics of the AutoAdmit regular poster population:
Megaposter Theory
Variations of the Megaposter Theory postulate that between 2-4 basement-dwelling OCD virgins have created 90% of the monikers and that the "discussions" posted on AutoAdmit are waged mostly by sockpuppets, 2 people fighting over their flawed understandings of complex issues backed by their respective legions of fake supporters, etc.
Software Spam Theory
Since most of the threads on AutoAdmit are mindless, incoherent banality, some argue instead that the board's content is randomly generated by a computer stringing together the terms "GF, objectively hot, 6'2", nigger, ITT, Why are blacks, match.com, anal, 5'4", killself, Summon," and other screed spidered verbatim from stormfront.org.
Brief History
Original PR Board
AutoAdmit started as dating site exclusively for Asian guys seeking white girls. The original URL and current mirror, xoxohth.com, stands for "hugs and kisses, hope this helps;" some argue that the "xoxo hth" phrase attests to the truly earnest and benevolent essence of the AutoAdmit community. This argument overlooks the fact that, like most ultimately life-ruining internet phenomena, "xoxohth" began among azn teenagers as a meme.
A TTT in decline
Since the board's inception, posters have whined about AutoAdmit's hastening decline. It's sort of like when a band is cool for a split second, but then lots of fanny-pack fats start liking it, and so the original fanbase--which already consisted of mediocre poseur suburban fucktards--compete to see who can disavow the band most emphatically.
BIG CHANGES
After Rach got sick of the mutant bastard he spawned, he implemented some BIG CHANGES which included purging the archives, disabling search, creating the garbage board, and giving Rowan Mod-powers. Historians will likely look back on this event as the final straw in XOXO's downfall.
Notable Board Personalities
whokebe
Whokebe was a fairly intelligent Korean poster from the old PR board. He was not particularly funny or special, yet he is inexplicably revered as a God on AutoAdmit despite not posting or lurking there for over 2 years.
Pensive
Pensive is an OCD virgin who invented the card game Ambition and spends endless hours trolling for HEROIC women. Because of his wealth of monikers, Pensivesque posts often receive the response "Hi Pensive".
Pensive is a megaposter responsible for 25% of the edits made to this hypertext-based distributed version control system.
Gay Posse
Gay Posse is known IRL as Gay Posse and will use his dad's FBI algorithms to hack your IP. Experts believe that most of the starvation in the third world is because of Gay Posse.
Sonic Youth
A violent, self hating Asian megaposter who composed a lengthy and detailed screed about torturing a little white girl. Lulz were had by all when he was outed by Rach and subsequently googlebombed.
Rowan
Rowan is an IRL busty redhead attention whore who threatens to retire on a bimonthly basis and gives uninformed relationship advice. Her hobbies include having impossibly high standards and leaving her cats at home for weeks on end.
NYUUG
NYUUG is an IRL characture of a self defeating Asian virgin. 75% of his posts are about getting laid, yet when a fat chick got ass naked in his bed and begged for his cock all he did was eskimo kiss her while talking on the phone to his mom.
Notable Shticks
- IAMREFRIGERATOR - A boastful refrigerator teaches life lessons [1]
- IAMADDERALL - A derivative schtick combining an XO poster's two sole areas of expertise -- azn overacheiver study drugs and neckbeard internet memes. [2]
Notable Lulz
The LOLSuit
In 2007, Reputation Defender egged on two Yale women to sue AutoAdmit and several of its posters, claiming to have suffered extreme emotional distress as a result of cyberbullying. (Srsly). In an effort to shield their identities, the Yale girls' lawyers dubbed them Doe I and Doe II. (The girls' names (Brittan Heller and Heide Iravani) are now in the public domain--see Epilogue, below.)
Probably the only negative consequence of the LOLsuit was the chilling effect it had on the board: many established posters, now twenty-something attorneys, were afraid to be discovered frequenting a forum characterized by the media as racist, misogynist, etc. While the exodus of this particular group of people would have improved the overall atmosphere and lowered the virgin quotient of almost any other online community, AutoAdmit proved the exception. Remaining posters black person, confuse its and it's, and spend time editing grammar on ED.
Benefits of the LOLsuit included:
- The LonelyVirgin Letter which was spammed to the entire fucking faculty of the Yale Law School. The letter warned professors that Brittan Heller was a lying bitch and that Heide Iravani owned ponies bought with money pilfered from the World Bank. (Srsly.)
- A federal district court was forced to adjudicate claims against parties named :D, Dirty Nigger, and HitlerHiterHitler. (SRSLY.) It is widely speculated that current poster 8==D~~ created his moniker solely for the purpose of posting tortious content and, thus, increasing the odds that "8==D~~" will one day be named in a lawsuit.
- Brittan Heller is rumored to have learned NOT to blather in interviews about genocide, bloated bodies in open graves, feminazi shit, etc.
- Heide Iravani is rumored to have stopped dressing like such a slut. While this is a downside for those posters desperate enough to have fapped to her, it is probably a good thing for retailer Forever 21 and for the Beijing platinum powerseller "Totarry Authentic Seven Jeans For Idiots": both merchants had begun to run low on inventory.
Epilogue: The following year, AutoAdmit's Education Director spread lulz moar widely by COUNTERsuing Reputation Defender and the Yale bitches. (SRSLY.) It's rumored that this is why lying bitch Brittan Heller fled to Korea and then Afghanistan. Since Heller is sure to be Ding!fagged if she ever petitions the Character and Fitness boards for a law license, she's trying to begin a new career as a fuckup Foodie at thesuitcasechef.com with her faggoty husband, Nathaniel Gleicher.
Heide Iravani is rumored to be judgment-proofing the ponies procured by her father with stolen World Bank money (Srsly!)
On August 9, 2009, Autoadmit trolls cheered when their work was cited in the Weddings section of the New York Times. Srsly:
Use scrollbar to see the full image
Virginia Tech Sequel: XOXO Gets V&
Only two days after the recent prank in Virginia, an intelligent poster on AutoAdmit posted the following message:
The thread can still be seen here [3], but the poster edited the post to say "WGWAG", which is AutoAdmit slang for "white girls with asian guys." A valiant poster reported the post to the Dean of Hastings Law and the FBI. The school promptly went on lockdown, and the original poster is now completely, completely fucked. Rachmiel, the admin of AutoAdmit posted an announcement condemning the post, and announced his cooperation with the FBI.
Ernie Menard
Ernest C. Menard is essentially one cold son of a bitch. Unfortunately, the typical law school sluts didn't realize that Ernest C. Menard viewed most of them as likely being STD laden ex-street walkers. The e-drama started when an AutoAdmit poster found one of Ernie's blogs, entitled Judicial Malfeasance. (Dutiful comrades later reproduced the contents of the blog here). There were too many lulzy highlights to recount, but basically Judicial Malfeasance chronicled "sexually malevolent," harassing behavior by Ernie's female classmates and professors at LSU Law. For example, on July 31, legal writing professor Marlene Allgood flashed her tampon at Ernie, whispered "sex sex sex" and then "made a whoosh sound." You couldn't really blame her, though, because Ernie was asking for a good pile-driving.
Naturally, AutoAdmit trolls could not restrain their glee at discovering someone who maybe had a lower LSAT score and higher virginity score than they did -- Ernie attended LSU, what a TTT! -- and flooded his blog with lulzy comments. Because most of them were posting from work, Ernie discovered a flood of traffic from IPs associated with courts and large law firms, substantiating his paranoia that the entire judicial establishment was out to get him. Ernie freaked the fuck out {YEP, that's accurate} and baleeted Judicial Malfeasance [and, no, he baleeted it for other reasons], though he is still intent on getting his story out ("NOT EVEN A CORK WILL HELP"), and has created new blogs here and here. In addition, Ernie sued the Board of Trustees of Loyola University New Orleans and the megalulzy court opinion can be found here. Thx Google!
If you should encounter Ernie IRL, approach with caution since he has been arrested for assault at least once and claims to carry around a "gerbil and insertion device", proving that he is probably some kind of furfag. As far as this editor knows, Lawrence Moore, Associate Dean of Loyola Law School New Orleans, may have been walking around with the gerbil in his rectum for the past several years.
How to Troll AutoAdmit
- Claim prestige.
- Claim to be an attractive female. To garner maximum internets, while claiming to be an attractive female you should also remark upon one or more of the following:
- You are impervious to the Mystery Method
- You would never marry a lawyer, an azn, an azn lawyer, or anyone who sported hideous acne in high school.
- You attend HYS and/or work at a v10
- Your fiance is Old Money and works in Private Equity. You seduced him via your keen wit, sophisticated fashion sense and prestigious t14 resume
- Poast about casual sex. Pensive will descend upon you with his multiple monikers.
- Initiate threads arguing for/against "community accounts"
- Post as a Biglaw partner. Your posts can be otherwise nondescript; the mere brazen assertion that are you have reached level 80 IRL will suffice to generate large amounts of e-drama. To garner maximum internets, while posting as a biglaw partner you should also remark upon one or more of the following:
- Brooks Brothers makes for stellar interview attire
- Skadden has already conducted mass stealth layoffs
- LSAT scores are inconsequential
- ITE, Summer Associate lunches will be at Applebees
- Claim that American Psycho and Kitchen Confidential are pieces of shit that only striver n00bs would read.
- Support the Alternative Minimum Tax
See Also
External Links